10. Scarlet
SCARLET
The tile floor is hard, unforgiving. My body jolts when I land, the impact slamming through me and making my joints scream in protest.
What did I do this time?
I watched the change come over his face. Watched his eyes go hard and empty. Saw his expression turn stony before his mouth twisted in an ugly, hate-filled snarl before he shoved me hard enough to send me sliding across the foyer floor.
“Who the fuck do you think you are, looking through my mail?”
The mail. I only stopped at the box to pick it up.
I didn’t even sort it or throw away anything that looked like obvious junk.
I left it in a neat pile on the table to the right of the front door after coming home from shopping.
“I didn’t touch anything!” I whimper, throwing an arm over my face when he stomps my way.
“What did I tell you about my privacy?” He takes hold of my hair and pulls my head back so he can scream in my face. “Didn’t you learn last time?”
My body goes numb.
He’s going to hurt me.
He’s going to like it.
“No! No, no, stop!”
“Scarlet!”
“No! Get off of me!” My fist made contact with something warm and hard, unyielding, like silk-covered granite. I pounded against it again and again, but it was no use. I had to get away. I was an animal, panicked, screaming, and clawing. I had to hurt him before he could hurt me. Again.
“Scarlet! Goddammit, stop!”
It wasn’t Dominic’s voice shouting at me now. This voice was different—deeper, stronger, resonating through my ice-cold body. Slowly, so slowly, reality began to seep in once again. Like smoke sneaking in from underneath a door. A dream. A vivid dream, a memory, but it was the past.
Not now. Not this moment, a moment in which I sat up in bed in a dark room with a pair of strong, powerful hands holding my arms to my sides. Hands that shook me briskly, hard, but not violent, but enough to wake me fully from the thick, foggy sleep had wrapped me in.
It wasn’t Dominic holding me. It wasn’t Dominic now leaning in, searching my face, demanding I shake off those wretched words still ringing in my ears…
“You stupid bitch. Who do you think you are? Do you know who I am? Do you know what I could do to you?”
“Grayson?” My voice was an ugly croak after all that screaming. My protector, my savior, and I had blindly attacked him like a feral animal. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?”
He slowly released me, hesitating like he was afraid I would take a swing at him again.
Instead of doing that, I combed my twitching fingers through my hair to push it away from my sweaty forehead.
“I’ve had worse,” he replied with something like a rueful chuckle running under his words.
If he could laugh, he wasn’t too annoyed—for the first time in days.
Thank God for small miracles and all that.
There was a scrunchy on the nightstand and a bottle of water, too, both of which I used. The water helped soothe my throat a little, but it did nothing to ease my guilt and embarrassment after freaking out like that. Geez, what would he think of me? Did I even want to know?
“That sounded pretty nasty,” he observed, lingering near the side of the bed.
There was nothing but a thin strap of moonlight flowing in from between the curtains, but it was enough for me to make out his chiseled form.
So he liked to sleep in nothing but a pair of soft cotton pants.
His broad chest and thick arms were on display, along with rippling abs that made my mouth go dry.
He was enough to push away the lingering residue of my nightmare and leave my heart fluttering instead of racing.
I realized he was waiting for me to say something while I was busy staring at him, wishing my eyes would adjust to the darkness a little faster. “It was. I’m sorry if I woke you up.”
“I don’t sleep very deeply on a good night.” It wasn’t so much what he said as what he didn’t say. Obviously, he was not having good nights because of me.
No, because of Dominic. I needed to stop blaming myself. I didn’t ask for any of this. I couldn’t blame myself for it.
Easier said than done. “I’m embarrassed you saw me that way.”
“Don’t be,” he offered. My breath caught when he perched on the edge of the bed. “Everybody has nightmares. Not everybody has as much reason for them as you do.”
He was being kind, and God knew my life was short on kindness lately, but my pride reared up at the worst possible moment. “Don’t treat me like a victim,” I whispered. No matter how much I felt like one sometimes.
“I didn’t think I was.” He scrubbed a hand over his brown hair, making it stick up in random spots. Blowing out a sigh, he added, “I’m only saying you’ve had enough to be afraid of in real life. Nightmares are natural.”
He thought he knew everything I had to be afraid of.
He didn’t understand the half of it. “What I’m really afraid of is turning into my mother.
” There. I’d set it out loud, and the world hadn’t come to an end.
That had to count for something. Some of my greatest shame was out in the open, and it didn’t kill me.
The darkness helped. Secrets were easier to share in the dark.
“What do you mean?”
This part wouldn’t be so easy. I cringed inwardly, closing in on myself, wishing I had never said a word. Wouldn’t it have been nice if I could have asked him to forget it?
I could have lied, told only part of the truth, and left it there. I had carried this around inside for so long, though. The weight was heavy, dragging me down. As tempting as it was, the idea of covering up my lingering doubts and fears, the idea of freeing myself was better.
“I’m not exactly sure how she died,” I whispered. “I mean, I know how. Just not how it all happened. There was never an explanation. All I know is she went out one night, supposedly with a boyfriend, and she never came home.”
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. In the darkness, I couldn’t make out his face, but I heard sincerity in his voice. “You are not going to end up dead over this. I want you to know that.”
“That’s not exactly what I meant, but thank you,” I was quick to add. I was so grateful he was listening to me, giving me space to feel what I felt, that I wanted to make sure I didn’t offend him. I had already hit and scratched him tonight. There was no need to make it worse.
Settling in with my back against the headboard, I explained, “She always picked the wrong men every single time. I swear, she couldn’t have done much worse if she had deliberately set out to choose men who would hurt her.
And always, she swore never again. She was never going to let another man use her or walk all over her.
” It was amazing how intense the disappointment was all these years later.
“You made one mistake,” he reminded me. “People make them all the time.”
“Yeah, but this was a pretty big one.”
“I’m not going to argue with you on that.” Was that humor in his voice? I wished I could see him smile. He had a nice smile, but he didn’t wear nearly enough. “You know, you are not the only one who worries they inherited all the wrong things from a parent.”
“Really?” I knew so little about him. This would be the chance to learn something, to maybe feel like I was at less of a disadvantage.
Not to mention how much I wanted to know him better. We spent so much time together, locked away in this cute but cramped cabin, but he was still a mystery. Maybe I was hungry for a connection. Maybe I was hungry for him.
Twisted, probably.
Yet another mistake,I couldn’t help it.
He blew out a long breath before releasing a soft grunt.
“I told you before that I knew Dominic. We were friends when we were kids. Our fathers… they were not good men.” There was a well of emotion just under the surface of his words, straining, wanting to come out.
How long had he practiced keeping himself together, hiding his thoughts and feelings?
His head tipped back, and he looked at the ceiling.
Every silent moment that passed made the air in the room a little thicker and harder to breathe.
With another sigh, he explained, “I left that life when I was eighteen. I knew I couldn’t be part of it.
Hypocrisy, backstabbing, hiding deadly thoughts behind an empty smile.
I had watched it all my life, but one night it all came together, and I realized I would end up like them if I didn’t get out while I could. ”
Dominic hadn’t gotten out. He had turned into the man Grayson had decided he didn’t want to be.
“A good friend of mine took me under his wing when he didn’t have to.” He continued, “He did what he could to mentor me. For some reason, he got the idea I have decency in me.”
“You must…” I blurted out. “Because you didn’t give me up to Dominic.”
“There’s a difference between knowing what’s right and wrong and being capable of acting on it.
” Moonlight traced his profile when he angled himself toward me.
My heart couldn’t take much more, but the sudden rush of heat in my core was a real problem.
There I was telling myself to stop making Mom’s mistakes while I was basically drooling over the man in front of me.
“I knew it was right to keep you away from him, obviously. That’s not the problem. ”
The pause he took almost killed me—he had me hanging on his every word, every move.
“It’s what I’m wrestling with day to day, sometimes minute to minute,” he confessed in a voice dangerously close to a growl. “I have to wonder how much of me is what I’ve learned and how much was born in me.”
For the hundredth time, I remembered the beating he handed out in the employee parking lot. It felt like so long ago, like another girl had laid there on the ground and watched him land blow after blow. There was definitely something unhinged about him that night.