12. Scarlet
SCARLET
It was the silence that woke me up, strangely enough. The lack of another person’s breath in the room. Grayson must have floated out of bed if he was able to make his escape without me noticing. I wasn’t sleeping deeply, always dreading the next nightmare about Dominic or Mom.
Rolling over to face his side of the bed, I touched a hand to his pillow.
It was cool. He had been up for a while.
Should I leave him be? Part of me knew it would be better to stay where I was after the fit he threw earlier in the morning.
He never did tell me what it was all about.
He only left the bedroom looking like he was ready to kill someone, then spent a lot of time sitting outside on the porch.
The few times I had dared peek out at him, I found him on the steps, staring out at the mountains, so still I wasn’t sure he was breathing.
He didn’t have to say a word for me to know it would be a bad idea to bother him.
Instead, I spent the day worrying, wishing there was something I could do, knowing it was probably about me.
He didn’t even say much when he got into bed after spending most of the night on his laptop, scowling at the screen.
He was a mystery. A very angry, very appealing mystery.
Maybe I really was doomed to be attracted to all the wrong men.
It was that attraction that got me out of bed and made me tiptoe to the door. Opening it slowly, I listened for any signs of movement in the cabin. He wouldn't walk out and leave me here alone, would he? He didn’t even do that in the daytime—he was always within my line of sight.
I inched out of the room and into the darkness, shivering a little in my tank top and shorts.
There was something beautiful and eerie about being out here without the city lights that had always been part of my life.
The only light filtering into the cabin came from a three-quarter moon that was barely bright enough to illuminate Grayson’s form.
He sat in a high-backed armchair, facing the window, looking out to the porch. What was he watching for?
My foot hit a squeaky floorboard, and I cringed, holding my breath before he briefly looked my way. He said nothing, turning his gaze back toward the window while I asked myself what the hell I was supposed to say.
Naturally, I settled on the dumbest possible choice. “What happened? Was I snoring?”
I was kind of hoping he would chuckle, at least. Instead, his complete lack of a reaction made goose bumps cover my arms. The most he did was clench his jaw, making that thin scar twitch. Where had it come from? I wanted to ask so many times but didn’t have the nerve.
I also wanted to back out of the room without another word. Instead, I asked, “Can I get you anything? Do you want something to drink?”
Without looking my way, he muttered, “Go back to bed. Everything is fine.”
Yeah, it looks that way. How was I supposed to believe him while he sat alone, staring out the window? That was what hurt the most, even if I didn’t understand why. The fact that he was alone. How long had he been that way? Not just tonight, but so many nights?
My heart pulled me closer to him instead of letting me back away. “Why are you sitting here if everything is fine?” I whispered. The night air was so chilly, making me rub my arms as the cold floor seemed to leach the warmth from my body.
“I have a lot on my mind.”
“Do you feel like talking about it?”
“What do you think?“ His jaw tightened, his gaze still fixed. Staring out the window into the darkness beyond. What did he see there?
“Am I in more trouble? I wish you would tell me,” I pleaded softly. “I know something has changed. I’m going crazy trying to figure out what it is.”
“For the last time.” He spoke slowly, deliberately. “Everything is fine. Go back to bed.”
I should have. It would’ve been the smart thing to do. Something wouldn’t let me. It didn’t feel right. “To do what? Lie there all night to wonder and worry?”
“There is no point in telling you because it won’t change anything.”
“You don’t know that. It could help you get through whatever this is.
That’s all I want to do.” Couldn’t he see that?
He was so damn frustrating. I would have screamed if I thought it would make a difference.
“I owe you more than I could ever repay. All I want to do now is help you in any way I can. I’m here to listen to whatever it is.
Give me a chance.” Let me in. Let me help you like you’ve helped me.
He kept me waiting, hanging on his every breath until finally his shoulders sank like he was defeated. “I told you about someone in my life who helped me through the dark times. He helped me learn how to be better.”
“I remember.” How could I forget? The entire course of our awkward, charged relationship had pivoted the night he woke me up from that vivid nightmare.
I watched, afraid to breathe in case I ruined the moment. His shoulders rose and fell before he hung his head. “He’s dead. I found out yesterday morning.”
No wonder he freaked out like he did, sounding like a bull had broken into the bedroom.
It would have been a lot easier if he had just told me so I wasn’t walking on eggshells all day afterward, but I could understand why he didn’t.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, knowing it wasn’t enough but also knowing nothing ever would be.
After a moment of silence, he added, “He was murdered. It’s been all over the news out there. I read the articles and gained access to the preliminary police reports.”
It had to be the late hour. My brain wasn’t moving fast enough. When I finally caught up to the horror of what he was trying to tell me, I covered my mouth with my hand. “Oh my God.”
“Aren’t you glad you know?” There was something almost twisted in the way he asked and then snickered like he was laughing at me. “Will it help you sleep better now that you know?”
“But you don’t think—”
“I don’t have to think. I know.” Releasing a shaky breath, he explained, “I was on the phone with your ex before you heard me losing my shit. He didn’t bother denying it.”
“Oh, Grayson.” A wave of real, physical pain ran through me and brought tears to my eyes. “I am so sorry.” It all sounded so empty because it was. Words couldn’t change anything. Dominic had found Grayson’s pain point, and he had pressed hard the way he used to do to me.
“I underestimated him. This is on me.”
“How can you say that? You didn’t do anything.
” It was obvious my presence was the last thing he wanted, but that didn’t change anything.
I had to comfort him. Why? I had no idea.
Maybe because I felt his pain, his loss.
Whoever this person was had meant the world to him and had changed Grayson’s life for the better.
It broke my heart to think of him sitting here, suffering silently, trying to be stoic while he was crumbling inside, whether he would admit it or not.
I took a tentative step toward him. His sharp intake of breath froze me in place. “Stay away,” he muttered through his teeth.
“But—”
His hands rested on the arms of the chair. I watched them tighten until his knuckles stood out and his arms trembled. “What part of this is so difficult for you to understand? I don’t want you anywhere near me.”
I couldn’t believe he meant it.
Maybe I just didn’t want to believe it.
By the time I reached his side and lowered myself to one knee next to the chair, I was more determined than ever.
“I know this is going to sound stupid, and maybe it is, but I felt so much better when I finally opened up and told you about Dominic and my mom. I really did feel lighter. You don’t have to carry everything around inside you. ”
The only thing that moved was his eyes, finding mine. In the faint moonlight, they practically bore holes through me. There was something in them I had seen before in the parking lot after destroying that man’s face. Darkness swirled in them—something dangerous, maybe deadly.
I should have fled from that look, but I couldn’t move. “You can talk to me. About your friend, about anything you want.” Please. Open up to me. Trust me.
He snickered, lifting a shoulder. “I was sitting here, wondering if Jack was wrong about me all these years. Telling me I could be better than the people I grew up around.” He was breathing heavier, harder.
There was a storm building in him. It chilled my blood, but I couldn’t move.
I couldn’t leave him. He already felt so alone. I knew what it meant to be alone.
“I believe you are good.”
“You don’t know me at all,” he fired back. “You don’t know how I’ve fought all day to stay here instead of going back there to murder that son of a bitch for what he did. The idea is the only thing keeping me from losing my shit.”
Staring at me, he muttered, “That’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to kill him. That bastard is going to die for this.”
The thing was, I believed him. At least, I believed he was serious. Whether he would go through with it, I couldn’t say.
He was right about one thing… I didn’t know him.
“Either way, he wins,” he concluded. “Either he gets away with killing the only thing keeping me from falling over the edge into the darkness, or I blow his brains out and go over the edge anyway. I’ve been sitting here, trying to come up with reasons not to do that.
The best thing I can come up with is knowing how disappointed Jack would be. But then Jack’s dead, right?”
“It’s up to you who you want to be,” I insisted. For once, the sight of his bare torso didn’t distract me, not when he was so clearly suffering. The torment in his voice made my chest ache. There was a wall between us, and I would have given anything to break it down.
“After today, I have to wonder if I’ve been fighting a losing battle,” he admitted.