Chapter 2
Cara
By Thursday, whatever hope I had left is gone.
Who am I kidding? There is no escape for me.
No way out that doesn’t end in death or being sold off to be used.
My father is powerful and cruel, and that combination is hell to deal with, especially as someone who barely has anything to her name but a bag full of money.
The only good thing I had was Dmitri. And that’s gone.
My boss, the man I’m in love with, no longer trusts me. He doesn’t want anything to do with me.
If I had known what this would cost Dmitri, I never would’ve taken the job.
I thought we had something real, but how could we ever be together when I’m the one who caused him so much pain? I’ve been lying to him since the moment we met.
Dmitri pulled his guards off me.
That hurt more than it should have.
I didn’t ask why; I was just relieved to have my privacy again, even if it means he’s no longer worried about keeping me safe. He’s pulling away from me, as if he knows I’m responsible for getting Gabe killed.
I carry the guilt of his death. Poor Karly. She never even got to have one date with Gabe before he died.
The thought of never seeing Dmitri again is agony. But it’s better this way. For him. For me.
A numbness fills me as I wait in the dark parking lot behind my apartment building, my eyes scanning the nearby sidewalk and street for any movement.
I’ve decided that there’s a third option for me to choose for myself.
I can’t bring myself to come clean with Dmitri, and I refuse to let my father sell me off to strangers. Fleeing is pointless without my passport and with only what little money and resources I have.
So, I’ll remove myself from the equation.
No more having to deal with the guilt of hurting a man that I love. No having to suffer through the indignities of being treated as nothing but an object.
I refuse to be used by my father. I won’t give them the satisfaction. And dying by Dmitri’s hand when he learns the truth is unbearable to imagine.
I’ll leave this world on my own terms.
Finally, I spot a shadow moving underneath the circular glow of a nearby streetlight, prompting me to step out of the darkness enough for the man to see me. “Kyle?”
“The one and only,” the lanky, jittery man says as he strides toward me with his hands tucked in the pockets of his black jacket and a crooked grin on his face.
I take a deep breath, nervousness buzzing in my chest. It took some digging and sneaking, but I managed to find the contact information for one of my father’s go-to dealers.
“Do you have it?” I ask him as I glance around, making sure no one else is around.
“Of course,” Kyle replies as he takes out a tiny baggie with a white capsule inside. Just one. “You know, you’re the first buyer in a while that’s wanted some of this. You’re lucky I keep some in stock.”
People aren’t afraid of violent, messy murders around here.
“Here’s the cash,” I tell him as I hand him the rolled-up wad. This wasn’t a cheap purchase, but it’s not like the money matters to me anymore. What Dmitri gave me all feels…tainted.
Kyle takes the money and pockets it before lifting an eyebrow at me. “Are you down in the dumps or did someone piss you off?”
“Don’t worry about it. And don’t say a word of this to anyone,” I warn him as I stuff the baggie in the back pocket of my jeans.
“I shouldn’t be curious about why Sean O’Malley’s daughter just bought a single dose of highly lethal cyanide?” Kyle questions me.
My heart races as I stare at him. Is he really going to run to my father about this? He should know how stupid that decision would be.
“If my father finds out that you sold me cyanide, he’ll kill you on the spot,” I tell him. A fib. Probably.
Kyle’s eyes widen a little in realization. “I should get going.”
I watch him hurry off into the darkness, leaving me alone with the little capsule of death in my pocket. As I head into my building and up to my apartment, my stomach twists and turns at the thought of what comes next.
I’ve brainstormed hundreds of scenarios to save myself from an awful fate, but I either end up dead, used against my will, or sick with guilt.
Dmitri will never forgive me for betraying him.
My father will never allow me to be happy. He acts as if I waged war on him just by being born. I’m a failure no matter what I do.
If I hadn’t met Sean, if my mother had never reached out to him, maybe I could’ve had a normal life. A real future. One of my own choosing.
I shut my apartment door behind me and walk over to the kitchen counter, pushing a shaky hand into my pocket to pull out the baggie. I place it on the counter and stare down at it, cold panic spreading throughout me. I don’t want to do this, but I want what comes next even less.
Running would only delay the inevitable.
“Damn it,” I mutter as my eyes start to sting.
I turn away from the capsule and grab a bottle of cheap red wine to pour a glass. The cyanide will work so quickly I probably won’t taste a thing, but I might as well drink something decent before going.
The bottle shakes as I pour half a glass. I set the bottle to the side and stare down into the glass. A small part of me, deep down inside, begs me to stop.
But I’m scared that the future may be worse than death. Or that I’ll suffer so badly I’ll wish I were dead.
Holding my breath, I pull the capsule out of the bag and pierce it to break it open, carefully pouring the salt-like substance into my wine.
I toss the baggie away and pick up the glass, not able to see the cyanide at all. It just looks like a regular wine. Like it won’t harm me in the slightest. Just make me a little sleepy.
I’ll fall asleep. And it will all be over.
A shaky breath escapes me as I lift the glass toward my lips, fighting my panic. If I can’t live life on my own terms, within my own control, without Dmitri hating me, then I refuse to live.
My lips touch the glass, and the sweet smell of wine fills my nose. I squeeze my eyes shut and a tear slips from the corner and streaming down my cheek.
I can’t go back.
A knock on my apartment door nearly makes me jump out of my skin. I jerk my mouth back from the glass, sucking in a deep breath as my heart slams against my ribs. Who the hell is at my apartment right now, of all times?
I set the glass down on the counter and quickly wipe the dampness from my eyes, my head spinning and aching as I try to gather myself.
Another urgent knock on the door prompts me to hurry over. I unlock the door and pull it open, losing my breath at the sight of him standing before me.
“Dmitri?” I choke out. “Wh-what are you doing here?” I ask him, my voice wavering.
He frowns. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying.”
Damn it.
“Allergies,” I blurt out with a fake sniffle. “Who knew they existed in the desert? Do you…do you need something? I didn’t get any texts from you.”
Dmitri eyes me for a second before lowering his gaze. “I don’t really know what I’m doing. I was driving around to clear my head, and I ended up here.”
Oh wow. He’s drawn to me just like I’m drawn to him. That’s either something great or a recipe for disaster.
“It’s been strange not going to work, not seeing you,” I say. He told me not to bother coming in yesterday and today, and that hasn’t made me feel any better about things. Finding out that I had lied about my real name ruined his trust in me.
I didn’t expect that to hurt me so much.
“You’ll still be paid for those days,” Dmitri replies.
I shake my head. “I don’t care about the money.”
Silence trails my words for a few moments before Dmitri sighs. “Things are just rocky right now. Honestly, it might be safer for you to stay away from me.”
A sharp ache pierces my chest. It’s just as I suspected. “You don’t want me around you?”
“For your safety. I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore,” Dmitri mutters as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”
I understand that feeling.
“Just come in,” I tell him as I reach and grab his arm, pulling him inside. I head to the kitchen, my blood running cold at the sight of the wine glass. I actually forgot about it for a second.
“I shouldn’t have come over uninvited,” Dmitri says as he leans against the kitchen counter.
“You can always come by,” I reply as I turn to face him. “I just wish I knew how to make things better for you. I feel…powerless.”
“You’re not,” Dmitri assures me. “You have more power than you think.”
I’m not exactly sure what he means by that, but it’s nice that he believes that. All my life, I’ve felt so weak. Just how my father sees me.
“What can I do?” I ask him.
Dmitri shrugs. “I don’t know. Just…stay with me. Don’t let anyone scare you away.”
I want to ask about his men and how cold they’ve acted toward me lately, how he pulled the guards from watching over me, but maybe that’s something that I don’t need to bring any attention to. If they’re suspicious of me, but he’s not, then I don’t want to make Dmitri feel the same way.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him as my hand brushes his arm. The weight starts to lift from my body just being around him.
The corner of his mouth turns up. He then glances at my glass of wine and reaches out for it. “Drinking all by yourself?”
My heart jolts to a stop as I watch him pick it up and lift it toward his mouth.
“No!” I shout as I grab the glass from him, being careful not to slosh any cyanide-laced wine anywhere. My heart slams around so hard in my chest I can barely breathe. “Don’t…you don’t want to drink that. It’s disgusting.”
Letting him drink it would have been the easiest way to prove myself to my father. But I don’t want to make that monster happy. I love Dmitri more than I need my father’s approval now.
Dmitri side-eyes me in confusion as I hurry past him to the sink.
I dump the wine down the drain and rinse out the glass, my stomach twisting as the last traces of my plan disappear.
I couldn’t even do that right.
“You know what? How about I order a pizza or something and we can just…talk?” I suggest as I turn to him.
Dmitri tilts his head a little, amusement glinting in his eyes. “Really?”
“We’re obviously both having a tough time. Let’s try to relax for the rest of the night and eat pizza,” I tell him, too exhausted to do much of anything else.
Just for tonight, we can pretend none of this exists. Tomorrow, I’ll figure out a new plan for my future. A better one. Hopefully.
Dmitri nods after a moment. “Okay.”
“I’ll call for delivery,” I say as I walk past him to grab my phone off the counter.
Dmitri grabs my arm to pull me to a stop next to him. He coaxes me a little closer to him, making my heart race as the thought of his lips crosses my mind. It feels like an eternity since we last kissed.
“Have them deliver it to my place,” he tells me.
I blink up at him in surprise. “Your place?”
“I don’t want to be alone tonight. Do you?” Dmitri asks me.
I breathe in deeply as I reflect on the past few nights. How I’ve been tossing and turning. How cold the bed feels when I’m alone. Even the thought of sleeping beside him makes warmth fill my chest.
“No, I don’t,” I whisper.
“I want you in my bed again.” Dmitri’s eyes roam over my face, tension building in the space between us. Just when I think that he’s about to kiss me, he pulls away from me. “How much?”
“What?” I ask, even though I know exactly what he means. Before he can ask again, I shake my head and tell him, “You can pay for dinner.”
“Are you sure?” he asks, his lips nearly curved into a grin as if he’s happy and relieved by my response.
“Yes. I’m sure.” I can’t take another dime from him, especially not for intimacy that I want more than anything. Tonight, I want us to be together without any strings, equally, genuinely.
“Then get your things. We’ll call in pizza on the way.”
With excitement fluttering in my stomach, I head to my bedroom to pack an overnight bag, happy I’ll be spending the night at his place.
Tomorrow will come with consequences.
But tonight, he’s mine.