Chapter 7
Cara
The light dims beyond the window, and the room feels smaller with it.
I really fucked up.
But how could I have predicted this?
At the beginning, all I cared about was trying to prove myself so that I would be treated as more than nothing by my own father, and so I wouldn’t be handed to the highest bidder.
Now, I know that he’ll always see me as a disappointment. There’s no point in trying to please him any longer.
Even after everything he’s said, my stupid heart still reaches for him.
The dried tracks on my cheeks itch. My skin feels tight. I don’t know how long I’m going to be stuck in here for, but I’m not going to ask Dmitri. The last thing I need to do is piss him off more.
I just need him to hear me out so I can make him understand why I did what I did. How I felt forced and scared for my life. He has no idea what kind of relationship I have with my father.
He barely knows anything, and I guess that’s part of the problem. I didn’t let him get to know me, even if I couldn’t, and that hurt him.
The front door opens. Closes.
My pulse jumps like it’s trying to climb out of my throat.
The bedroom door swings open, and Dmitri steps inside and flicks on the light, illuminating the previously dark room. He tosses a bottle of water and a fast-food burger onto the bed like he’s feeding a stray.
“Tell me when you need to use the bathroom.”
My eyes remain glued to him as he walks over to the curtains to pull them shut. “Where were you?”
“It doesn’t matter. You don’t get information anymore,” Dmitri mutters, his voice sounding quieter than before.
Honestly, he sounds exhausted and defeated. It’s hard to hear him like this, and it hurts even more knowing that I’m the cause.
“Just let me explain everything,” I plead with him as he walks to the other side of the room to the dresser.
“Stop talking, Cara,” Dmitri replies through gritted teeth. He grabs a t-shirt and sweatpants that are too large for me and tosses them on the bed.
My eyes start to burn again. He’s never treated me so coldly before.
“I can’t change,” I say quietly.
“What?” Dmitri snaps as he turns to me, annoyance written all over his face.
“I can’t change clothes like this,” I tell him as I gesture to the zip tie. I’m surprised that he’s even doing all of this for me. I thought that he would leave me in here to rot, but maybe there is a sliver of him that still somewhat cares for me.
Dmitri stares at the zip tie for a beat, jaw ticking before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a pocketknife.
I freeze as he approaches me, my heels sinking into the mattress.
Dmitri kneels on the bed next to me and snaps the zip tie off my wrist. His hand immediately clamps down on me, though, and tugs me toward the edge of the bed. “Sit. Don’t move.”
I do as he says, not wanting to cross any lines. My legs hang off the bed as I place my hands in my lap, watching him grab the large t-shirt off the bed.
“Shirt now,” Dmitri says as he stands in front of me, his expression cold and emotionless.
My hands shake as I peel my shirt off. Humiliation burns hotter than fear. I lift my eyes to his as they start to water, feeling so small and insignificant in front of him. I hate feeling this way.
I’ve spent too much of my life already feeling like nothing.
Dmitri grabs my old shirt and hands me the new one. “Put it on. I don’t have all night.”
Because I’m not worth his time anymore.
I tug the shirt on, being swallowed by the excess fabric. “There was a point when I wanted to stop helping my father. I wanted to choose you instead.”
Dmitri doesn’t say anything. He merely jerks his chin toward my pants.
With a defeated sigh, I slide off my pants and hand them to him. Before I put on the oversized sweatpants, I try to get to him again. “But I was trapped. You don’t understand how stuck I was.”
“Everyone has a choice,” Dmitri replies as he gathers my old clothes in his hands. “You could’ve told me the truth.”
“And if I did, would you have locked me up like this? Treated me like you don’t know me?” I question him, my frustration breaking through my sorrow.
Dmitri’s eyes darken. “I don’t know you. Not really. I know the story you sold me.”
“Well, the shitty family part is still true,” I reply as my eyes meet his. “No, I didn’t have a criminal ex-boyfriend. My father wouldn’t let me date, and even when I was in college, I was too scared to get serious with anyone in case he found out.”
Dmitri looks away from me and steps back, his eyes clouded. “He obviously tolerates you enough to take on big missions. I’m not an easy target.”
“I had no choice but to do what he wanted.”
“Well, you accomplished your goal and made him proud, huh?” Dmitri says with spite in his voice.
“The opposite,” I reply. “I’m never good enough for my father. I never will be, so I’m done trying to please him.”
“You’re not loyal to your own family,” Dmitri scoffs as he shakes his head at me. “And you want me to believe you’d be loyal to me? Really, sweetheart?”
Sweetheart not milaya. He makes the simple term of endearment in English sound like an insult.
“Do you believe that or are you just upset that you can’t stand up for yourself against your own family?” I question him, the words bursting out of me before I can stop them.
Dmitri’s face grows stony. “We’re done here. Eat your dinner or don’t. I couldn’t care less anymore.”
“You do care. I know you do!” I tell him as I grab his arm, trying to pull him closer to me.
Dmitri tenses up as our bodies come closer, but he quickly yanks his arm away and grabs another zip tie out of his pocket. “Back. Now.”
A disappointed frown crosses my face. “I know I hurt you, but I’m not your enemy, Dmitri.”
He leans closer, making me forget how to breathe. “Right now, you’re my biggest threat. Go to the headboard. I won’t ask again.”
He’s done with me. That’s it. There’s no care for me in his heart, and I’m a fool for thinking that there was any left after he found out the truth.
So, where does that leave me? His prisoner until he kills me or one of his men does it for him? I’m not stupid enough to believe that my father will do something drastic to save me, unless that can somehow work in his favor.
I’m all alone.
Lowering my eyes, I crawl back toward the headboard, letting him zip tie my other wrist to one of the bars without putting up a fight. I guess there may be one other option, but the odds aren’t great.
I could try to escape. I could try to run away from everyone and disappear forever. That has to be better than death or rotting away somewhere, right?
Dmitri cuts the light. Then the door shuts.
I drop my head as I feel more tears come, but I’m so exhausted and drained that I can’t even sob. I just let the tears tumble from my eyes and hit the pillows, my energy steadily leaving my body until the darkness consumes me.