Chapter 29
Cara
When I get back to the city, safe and breathing, I realize the fantasy that kept me alive isn’t waiting for me.
Dmitri and I aren’t riding off into the sunset. There’s no clean reset. No easy “after.”
We’re not going to forget the past and move forward like nothing is holding us back.
I honestly don’t know what’s going to come next.
Steam lingers in the bathroom at Dmitri’s penthouse as I step out of the shower, my body still aching from all that I endured even a week later. I fear that a part of me will remain broken from all the damage they did.
Dmitri had a doctor here waiting for us the day he rescued me.
I was so dehydrated that she gave me fluids by IV for several hours.
Other than needing to eat and drink more, she reassured Dmitri that all my physical injuries were superficial.
Cuts and bruises that would heal with time.
I wish that was also true for the emotional trauma.
It’s still hard to sleep at night. If I’m not startling awake to nightmares of fists and knives, it’s the smallest things, like Dmitri tossing his keys on the kitchen island too loudly that cause my heart rate to spike. I can’t even sleep in a dark room, needing the bathroom light on to feel safe.
The way Dmitri’s been acting doesn’t help ease my anxiety either. It’s like he’s afraid that if he touches me the wrong way, I’ll shatter.
I chew on my bottom lip as I strain my ears, hearing his muffled voice coming from the living room as he speaks to someone on the phone. I can’t make out the exact words, but he sounds aggravated.
He’s been so on edge. And even though he told me that he loves me, I can’t help but wonder if he truly means those words or not. Since the night that he rescued me, he’s only touched me to help me get around or tend to my wounds.
He’s barely kissed me. We haven’t been intimate. I almost feel like his captive again.
Dmitri won’t let me leave the penthouse by myself, and he’s adamant on escorting me everywhere I go. Even when he has meetings with his men or his allies, he brings me along like he wants to keep an eye on me. He doesn’t trust me alone with anyone else.
As much as I’d like to think that he’s just being protective, I can’t help but overthink and worry that deep down, he’s still angry with me.
I stop trying to eavesdrop and focus on the foggy mirror in front of me, my reflection hazy. I swipe my palm across the glass, revealing myself and all the healing bruises and cuts that litter my body. My stomach drops at how wrong it all looks.
Maybe that’s why Dmitri won’t touch me.
I breathe in through my nose, fighting the tears stinging my eyes. I’m so happy that I’m free, but being back here hasn’t been easy. I haven’t been able to fully piece myself together yet. What if I never do?
My gaze moves to my stomach, my palm automatically gravitating to where a bump might eventually be. I need a pregnancy test to confirm my suspicions, but I don’t want to ask Dmitri to get me one. I don’t want him to know yet. Not until I’m certain.
And not until I’m sure that he’s not angry with me.
The last thing that I want is for this news to send him over the edge.
What if he thinks that I got pregnant on purpose?
Not that it was my fault. I missed pills while I was under his roof.
But with how wound up he’s been lately, can I expect him to listen to reason?
My shoulders slump. My body feels heavier than before. Getting out of bed in the morning is agonizing. But what’s killing me the most is that I love Dmitri so much, but I don’t know if he truly feels the same way.
A knock suddenly sounds on the bathroom door. “Cara, can I come in?”
I quickly grab a towel and wrap it around my body, hiding as much of myself as I can. “Okay, you can come in!”
Dmitri slowly opens the door and steps inside, his eyes lingering on the bruises on my neck for a second before darting away. Is he really that disgusted by them? He shuts the door behind him to keep the steam from escaping. “Your father would like to see you.”
I stiffen. “What? Why?”
Dmitri leans his back against the door. “He wants to talk to you and make sure you’re okay.”
I huff out a laugh. “My father said that? Seriously?”
Dmitri’s face doesn’t even twitch. It remains straight and serious. “I know it may seem odd, but he did want to find you. He helped connect the dots to the names, whispers, Luca’s family.”
“And you don’t think it’s for any other motive? You really think he cares about me? After all I’ve told you about him?” I ask him, my throat growing tight.
Dmitri sighs, giving me a small nod. Now that we’re standing somewhat close, I can see the purple hue under his eyes. We haven’t even slept in the same bed since I got back, so I haven’t been able to see if he’s sleeping or not. It doesn’t look like it.
“Sean insists on talking to you, though,” he tells me. “He’s been patient over the past week. He wanted you to get some rest and recover first.”
I stare at him as I process his words, trying to read the almost blank expression on his face. I can’t tell if he’s tired, sad, pissed off, or all of the above.
“How considerate of him,” I say in a bitter voice.
“Maybe you should hear him out,” Dmitri suggests as he takes a step toward me.
I blink in shock. It’s jarring to me that my father and Dmitri are…allies? They were ready to cut each other’s throats not too long ago.
Even if my father truly wants to check on me and feels even a smidge of care for me, I don’t know what to expect from that. Does he even realize all the pain that has caused me?
Does he fucking care?
“If you think it matters, I’ll hear him out,” I reply as I look away from Dmitri, feeling cornered and alone.
I thought Dmitri would be on my side about this.
He frowns and shakes his head, then he closes the distance between us and gently cups my face, trying to avoid the bruising on my jaw. “It’s your decision, milaya. I stand by whatever you choose. And if he says one wrong thing, we leave.”
He has no idea how much I needed to hear those words. He doesn’t even know how much him touching me like this means to me.
My eyes start to burn as I gaze up at him. I yearn for his touch so much these days that it takes my breath away.
“I’m scared that I’ll hear him out and be disappointed,” I admit, my voice unsteady. “I’m scared to find out that he hasn’t really changed at all, that it’s all an act for you.”
Dmitri leans down and presses a gentle kiss against my forehead. “I’ll say this…Sean threatened to kick down my door and storm my penthouse if I didn’t let him see you.”
Where is all this care coming from? Was it buried so deep that I couldn’t even see a semblance of it?
My curiosity becomes stronger than my fear. If Dmitri is willing to ally himself with my father, something must’ve changed.
“Okay. I’ll see him,” I tell Dmitri. “But I’d like to be alone with him. I don’t want him holding anything back because you’re there listening.”
Dmitri’s brow creases at first, but he nods. “Okay. I’d like to choose the meeting spot, though. I want you to be safe.”
“Fine,” I agree.
Dmitri’s eyes drop to my mouth, then to the bruises on my throat. His jaw flexes.
“I’ll let you get dressed,” he says, like touching me is a line he’s terrified to cross.
I deflate as he walks out of the bathroom and shuts the door behind him. He must still be angry about something. Why else wouldn’t he kiss me?
Was the kiss we shared the night that he rescued me just in the heat of the moment? The adrenaline and relief running through his veins?
With an aching heart, I dry off and get ready to see my father, still moving slower than usual as pain lances through me. Pulling my shirt over my head hurts. Bending over to put on pants hurts.
Everything fucking hurts.
But I keep moving forward, regardless.
Dmitri drives me to a popular breakfast and brunch spot. I can only assume that it’s owned by his family or someone he knows because he walks right in without even interacting with the hostess. His hand gently presses to my lower back, guiding me to a private dining room behind wooden double doors.
My body tenses at the sight of my father seated at one of the tables in the center of the room, sunlight falling onto him as he sips on his mug of coffee. Two sugars. I remember making his cup of coffee almost every morning in my teenage years.
He sets his coffee down and stands when he sees me. “Cara.”
I glance at Dmitri, still unsure if I should even be here or not. What if I leave feeling even more disappointed?
Dmitri gives me a small nod. Not to tell me to suck it up but to let me know that he’ll support me no matter what I choose to do.
I already made it this far. I might as well stay and see what my father has to say.
“Thank you for bringing me,” I tell Dmitri.
“A waitress will come by and offer you something to drink and whatever you want from the menu. Eat well,” Dmitri says with a hint of firmness. “Please.” He’s been adamant on making sure that I eat and drink.
I lost a lot of weight while I was captured.
I give him a nod before turning back around and taking a seat across from my father, who sits back down.
“Here’s the menu,” Sean says as he hands me a laminated page.
I take it from him and glance over my shoulder as Dmitri leaves and shuts the door behind him. It’s just us alone now. An invisible band wraps around my chest as I meet my father’s eyes, unable to think of a single word to say.
“It looks like you’re doing better. How are you feeling?” Sean asks me as he joins his hands on the table.
“Fine,” I reply, not wanting to reveal too much. I can’t trust him yet. “Why did you want to meet?”
Sean sighs and sits up straighter. “I wanted to apologize to you.”
I blink at him. “Apologize?”
“For the brothel threat. For calling you what I called you. For making you believe you were only useful when you were obedient. I haven’t treated you well,” he states with a frown on his face. “It wasn’t right of me. You’re my daughter. My only child. I should’ve protected you better.”
I hear the words coming out of his mouth, but it just sounds like white noise. “Seems like convenient timing for you to start caring about me.”
His brow furrows. “What do you mean by that?”
I shrug as I lean back in my chair and cross my arms over my chest. “It looks like you’ve been cozying up to Dmitri lately. I’m sure an alliance with him and possibly the Bratva would be beneficial to you. Winning points with me would make Dmitri more willing to ally with you.”
My father’s jaw tenses as he breathes in deeply. I prepare for a typical angry outburst, but his voice comes out calm instead. “Dmitri and I came together over a common goal. Finding you and getting you back home safe. It wasn’t an easy alliance, but we did it for you.”
“Well, I’m back. What do you want from me now?”
“I want a better relationship with my daughter. I want to make up for how I treated you, yeah? And I’m not asking you to trust me overnight,” Sean replies. “I understand if you’re not ready for that yet, but I’m not going to give up. I’m here for you, Cara.”
I can’t bring myself to believe that he’s doing all of this for me yet. There has to be another motive.
“So, you’re fine with me being with Dmitri? The same man you wanted me to kill not that long ago?” I question him.
My father nods after a short pause. “Things are different now. He’s shown me how much he cares about you, and I think you’re a good match for each other. Dmitri will keep you safe.”
I feel like I’m in some sort of alternate reality where the Irish and the Bratva are best friends for some reason instead of enemies.
While the waitress comes in and takes my order, my mind continues to race. I could tell him to leave me alone and focus on my confusing relationship with Dmitri, or I could use my father’s newfound devotion to our relationship to my advantage. Test him.
I need to see if my father is more loyal to me than Dmitri, and I can think of one way to do that.
“So, you really want to protect me? To have a relationship with me?” I ask him once the waitress steps out of the room.
Sean nods, his shoulders lifting a little. “I do.”
If he betrays me, things could get worse between Dmitri and me, but if my father proves to be loyal, maybe he has changed.
“I need you to get me a pregnancy test without Dmitri finding out.”
Sean’s jaw drops. “You’re pregnant?”
His shocked whisper makes my stomach flip-flop. I can’t tell if he’s happy or disappointed. “I don’t know for sure. That’s why I need a test. Can you get me one without Dmitri finding out or not?”
“You don’t want him to know? He’s the father, though, yeah?” he asks me.
“Will you do it or not?” I reply firmly, not trusting him with any other details yet.
He finally nods. “I’ll get one to you without him knowing. I won’t say a word.”
A faint flutter erupts in my chest. I can’t tell if it’s hope or concern or something else. I’m just relieved that he might help me with this.
But if he stabs me in the back after spouting all this talk about rekindling our father-daughter relationship, he’s dead to me.
No more second chances.