Chapter 31
Cara
I try not to pace a groove into Dmitri’s wooden floors while I wait for my father to show up.
Today is the day he brings the pregnancy test, hopefully without Dmitri finding out.
Why else would he insist on coming by for a quick check-in? Luckily, whatever he said to Dmitri over the phone was convincing enough for Dmitri to let him stop by.
“Are you okay?”
My eyes snap to Dmitri as I pull myself out of my head, my heart rate spiking. Am I that obvious? “Yeah, why?”
Dmitri stops near the kitchen island as I stand in front of the fridge, always a buffer between us lately. “You’ve opened and closed the refrigerator door three times now without getting anything out of it.”
I force myself to breathe and smile. “I’m hungry, but I can’t decide what to eat.”
“Your father said he was bringing you something homemade,” Dmitri replies.
That’s new.
“I’ll wait for him then. When is he supposed to arrive?” I ask, trying to sound as casual as possible. I don’t know if it’s actually working or not.
I’m nervous about taking the pregnancy test, but now I also have to worry about making sure Dmitri doesn’t find out about it. Plus, it’s just weird being around my father again, especially under these circumstances.
Everything has changed, and I just can’t seem to find my footing yet.
“In a couple of minutes,” Dmitri says as he checks the time on his watch. He then walks around the island, moving closer to me, his eyes scanning my face. When he lifts his hand to press the back of it against my forehead, I tense up. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? You look pale.”
“I might be a little under the weather,” I admit. I haven’t really been feeling well lately.
The nausea comes in waves. My bones ache. I’m exhausted but can’t sleep.
Dmitri frowns and brushes a few strands of hair out of my face that had slipped out of my loose braid. “I can tell your father to come another time. Maybe you should lay down and rest.”
I shake my head a little quickly. “No, it’s fine.”
Dmitri’s brow furrows.
I’ve made him suspicious. I’m going to get myself caught before Sean even makes it here!
“I need to see him. I need to know who he is now,” I tell him as I take his hands, willing mine to not shake, praying he doesn’t pull away. Thankfully, he doesn’t. “I think that things are different with him. He’s not as harsh as he used to be.”
Dmitri’s face softens. “Almost losing you reminded him what’s left when you strip the power away,” he says.
“My mom died when I was twenty,” I tell him as I look down at our joined hands.
“Even though it wasn’t that long ago, I can’t seem to remember much about her besides her laughter and her perfume.
She always smelled like flowers. What I remember was that she was always working.
I spent a lot of time with retired neighbors or on my own. ”
“Your father never remarried?” Dmitri asks.
I shake my head. “He never married her. And I’ve never really talked to him about it. He didn’t want anything to do with her when she first told him about me. After she died, things went downhill between us.”
“He should’ve pulled you closer when you lost her,” Dmitri replies as he shifts the position of our hands, sifting his fingers through mine.
“I wonder if I remind him of her,” I say as I lift my eyes to his, a dull ache invading the depths of my chest.
“If you do, then that’s not your fault,” Dmitri tells me, his voice becoming softer. Like a caress. “You deserved better from your father. So much better.”
I frown as I hear a tinge of pain in his voice. Is he still thinking about my childhood or is his mind somewhere else? “I’m okay now.”
Dmitri leans closer, his forehead resting against mine as his eyes slide shut.
I freeze up, afraid that I’ll scare him off with even the slightest movement. Honestly, I’m scared to even breathe too heavily. This is the most intimate we’ve gotten since the night he found me.
“You wouldn’t lie to me about that, right? That you’re okay?” Dmitri asks.
My breath gets trapped in my lungs. Why would he say that?
I part my lips, but all words are lost to me. I don’t want to hide things from him, but I can’t help that I’m still stuck in the mindset that I have to do whatever I can to survive. A piece of me is still alone down in that basement.
It doesn’t help that I’m possibly pregnant, unsure how Dmitri will react to the news that he’s going to be a father.
Dmitri opens his eyes to gaze down at me, but before he can speak, a heavy knock sounds on the front door, making me jump. He draws away from me and releases my hands. “That’s probably him.”
I nod as my heart hammers faster. I feel sick to my stomach.
Dmitri walks to the front door and pulls it open as I poke my head out of the kitchen, allowing my father to step inside with a bag in his hand. “That’s a lot of food. I do make sure that she’s fed,” Dmitri replies, his voice tinged with annoyance.
I guess things aren’t totally amicable between them, but at least they don’t have guns pointed at each other. I’d rather this odd dynamic than being on the verge of war.
My father looks past Dmitri at me, his sharp features immediately smoothing out. “Hello, Cara.”
The pregnancy test has to be somewhere in that bag. Did he hide it well enough?
“Hi,” I say as I coax myself out of the kitchen. I walk over to him but stop next to Dmitri’s side, my eyes lowering to the bag. “This was…nice of you.”
He holds up the bag. “It’s coddle. Your grandmother’s recipe. Your aunt, Ava, made it.”
“Thank you,” I say as I take the bag from him, feeling the heat of the stew through the brown paper.
“How are you feeling?” Sean asks, his gaze sweeping over me. When it lingers on my abdomen, I tense up.
“Fine,” I tell him as I hold the bag in front of my stomach, making his eyes dart away. I assume the pregnancy test is tucked away with my food. Can I even safely open this bag around Dmitri?
“She’s getting her strength back, and her wounds are healing well,” Dmitri tells him as he remains close to my side. “I’m taking good care of her.”
“I’m sure you are,” Sean replies.
Was there a hint of sarcasm in his voice or am I making things up in my head? Maybe I still can’t accept the fact that they’re somewhat amicable toward each other.
“Do you have any updates about the rest of the Italians?” I ask my father. Dmitri hasn’t told me a thing lately, and I can only assume that he’s trying not to stress me out.
Or he still doesn’t trust me.
Regardless, I want to know what’s going on.
“Not yet, but I have men with their ears to the ground. If they hear anything worthwhile, they’ll let me know,” Sean replies before stepping closer and placing his hand on my upper arm. “Don’t worry, between Dmitri and me, we’ll find them all.”
I glance at his hand, feeling a faint stir deep in my chest. He hasn’t laid a gentle hand on me in a long time. I almost forgot what it feels like.
“I hope so,” I say as his hand slips away from my arm. “I can help now. I’ve healed enough.”
“No,” Dmitri says right after the words leave my mouth. His hand finds my lower back as he shakes his head firmly. “Not yet. You’re still recovering. You’re still in pain. There’s no reason to throw you back into the fray when you just got out of it.”
I frown at him, wishing that he would loosen the reins at least a little.
“There’s nothing for you to help with right now,” Sean tells me. “Maybe once we find someone to question, but that hasn’t happened yet.”
I suppose he has a point. I don’t know what anyone looks like. I only know the sound of their voices, which doesn’t help them at all right now.
“We’ll handle that too,” Dmitri says with finality to his voice. “All you need to do is focus on getting better.”
He means staying in the penthouse or within sight of him. There’s barely any healing left to do. My wounds have already closed, and all that I’ll be left with are scars and memories.
“I understand. I’m just getting a little restless,” I admit, hoping that Dmitri at least lets me get out of the penthouse a little more often. I’m starting to get stir crazy.
I was trapped in one room for weeks. This is starting to feel chillingly familiar.
Dmitri lightly curls his hand around my hip, letting my side press against his. “I know. I just don’t want to take any unnecessary risks right now. The Italians could be looking for you.”
“And I doubt they would take you captive again,” Sean adds with a serious expression on his face.
“They’d kill me this time,” I say quietly. It’s not like I gave them any information, and Dmitri didn’t trade Luca for me. They didn’t get anything that they wanted.
All that they got was their men killed.
“And that’s why I want you to stay put here where I know that you’re safe,” Dmitri tells me. “I just got you back.”
The slight hitch in his voice makes my throat tighten. I don’t wish him pain, but I hope the pain that I hear in his voice is genuine.
I want him to love me as he claimed the night that he rescued me, and I hate how desperately I yearn for that. I hate that I have to hope for it.
Why aren’t things clearer between us? Why do I have to walk on eggshells around the man I love?
“Okay,” I reply quietly, not wanting to fight. Honestly, I’m too tired right now. “I guess I’ll eat.”
Sean gestures at Dmitri. “Let’s let her enjoy her meal in peace. Is there somewhere private where you and I can talk business?”
At first, I feel a flare of annoyance at being left out once again, but when my father flashes me a brief look, I understand what he’s doing. He’s trying to give me some time alone. Away from Dmitri.
Dmitri looks uncertain at first as he peers at me, but when I smile and hold the bag closer to my chest, he releases his breath and nods. “My office is over here. I can’t talk for long.”
“I only need fifteen minutes,” Sean replies.
Dmitri gently rubs my back before leading my father through a nearby door that leads into his office. The door swings shut soon after, and I’m all alone with the bag in my hand.
My pulse quickens as I hurry to the kitchen island and open the bag, the smell of cooked sausage, potatoes, and herbs filling my nose. I pull out the glass container of stew and peer down into the bag, only seeing a steel utensil case at the bottom.
Did he really?
I grab the case and flip open the top, my eyes widening at the sight of a pregnancy test inside instead of a spoon. Clever.
I throw a quick look over my shoulder at the office door, faintly hearing the muffle of their voices from inside.
I don’t know how long it’ll take for the test to give me my results, but I’ll need time to dispose of the test too so that Dmitri doesn’t find it.
I’ll wrap it in toilet paper, bury it under the trash, and take the bag out myself later.
Tucking the test in the side pocket of my lounge pants, I quietly cross through the living room to reach the hallway leading to all of the bedrooms and bathrooms. I steal one more look over my shoulder before darting into the nearest bathroom, my heart ready to beat out of my chest.
This is it. What I’ve been waiting for since I first realized that I’d missed my period.
My hands shake as I use the test, my ears straining for any sound of Dmitri and my dad leaving the office. So far so good.
I set the test on the edge of the bathroom counter and wash my hands, my skin feeling warm and clammy.
What if it’s positive?
What if it’s not?
I don’t know what I’m going to do about either result because I don’t know where Dmitri and I stand. He acts like he cares, but it also feels like he’s been distant.
Whatever happens with this test could either pull us closer together or rip us apart for good.
“Come on,” I whisper as I stare at the tiny screen on the test as little loading bars fill it.
“Remember our deal,” Dmitri says. “Your blessing. No games.”
My blood runs cold as I move closer to the bathroom door, listening closer. How are they already done talking? And what deal is Dmitri talking about?
“I’ve already told you that you have my agreement,” Sean replies. “You won’t get any pushback from me. Unless you’re unreasonable.”
“Where is she?” Dmitri asks.
I tear myself away from the door and look down at the test, my heartbeat pounding in my ears. One second after another goes by, and the world around me becomes smaller and smaller. It’s just me in this room alone with a test that could decide my entire future.
Alone.
Tears sting my eyes, blurring my vision. I shouldn’t be doing this alone. I should be in Dmitri’s arms, smiling nervously and happily as we wait and hope for happy news together.
But nothing is as it should be. Nothing has gone according to plan between us.
A knock sounds on the bathroom door, startling me.
“Cara?” Dmitri calls out.
“Just a second!” I reply, my eyes flashing to the doorknob. I forgot to lock it, but doing it now would just make him suspicious.
“Your father is about to leave, but he’ll wait for you,” Dmitri tells me through the door.
“Okay!” I call back, my voice on the edge of shaking.
Finally, Dmitri’s shadow moves away from where I can see it under the door, the sound of his footsteps fading away.
After taking a deep breath, I pick the test up off the bathroom counter as the loading bars finally blink away and my answer appears.