Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
LARKE
I didn’t know how long I’d been drifting in and out of sleep, but each time my eyes opened, I gained more clarity about my surroundings.
Also, every single time, Dez was there.
Not once did I wake up alone, whether it was as sunlight entered the room through the large windows to my left, or candlelight cast dancing shadows against the walls.
Tonight, three flickering flames lit the dark bedroom. My mouth felt like I fell asleep with cotton balls tucked into each cheek. I was sure my eyes had lost all their moisture to my pillowcase, and my muscles were sore and tight.
Dez was asleep beside me on the bed, wearing a pair of uniform pants and a black tank with one arm out, as if he’d fallen asleep while taking it off.
I called his name.
A weak, pitiful moan came out instead.
Still, he startled awake, his head snapping back and forth as he gathered his bearings before turning in my direction.
I tried again.
The second time was no better.
“Water,” he said, rising to his feet. “Dr. Lin said you might wake up with a dry mouth. I’ll be right back, okay? I swear. Two minutes.”
He left.
Had I been counting, I probably wouldn’t have gotten to thirty seconds by the time he returned, glass in hand.
I tried to sit up.
“Wait, Tapley.” He set the glass on the bedside table. “Let me help you.”
He coaxed me upward with one hand cupping the back of my head and neck. Then, he sat and leaned me against his chest. The moment our bodies touched, I wanted to go back to sleep. Had I the energy, I would have turned, wrapped my arms around him, and slept for days.
“Ready for the water?” he asked.
I nodded.
He retrieved the glass and brought it to my lips. “Sip. I know you. Take your time. If it takes you hours to finish this glass, it’ll just have to take you hours to finish this glass.”
I smiled as best as I could.
And I sipped.
Water dribbled down my chin, but he wiped it away with his fingers. Something didn’t feel quite right down below, so I tried to move the sheets to check, but my arms were too heavy.
“Dez?”
He wiped water from the corner of my mouth with his thumb. “Yeah, babe?”
I tipped my head toward my legs.
“Is it pain?” he asked.
“No, weird sensation.”
“I think you’re feeling the catheter. You’ve been in and out for days. I’ve been changing out the bag. We were worried about your kidneys, which took a slight hit in the beginning, but we started treating the infection right on time. Your urine’s been fine for the last twenty-four hours.”
I needed more information. I needed to know what he meant by him “changing out the bag” and that my “urine” was fine. There was no way this man had handled my pee. If he had, the infection might not have killed me, but mortification would.
“Don’t forget I can read your mind.” He kissed the side of my head. “I know what you’re worried about, and yes, I handled your pee.”
Had it not been for his body supporting mine, I would have keeled over.
I barely wanted a trained hospital nurse to handle my bodily fluids, never mind the man who didn’t know I was in love with him.
I didn’t even let my family enter the bathroom if I was using it.
On the outside, I was an open book, but that open book came with a few hang-ups.
“Some even spilled all over me,” he added.
I sucked in a breath, which led to a noise that sounded like a cross between a moose and a cow.
“I’m joking, baby.” He gave the side of my head another kiss, then my shoulder. “Still, changing the bag was no big deal.”
I mumbled my dissent and looked up at him from over my shoulder, eyes narrowed. He angled his head to meet my gaze, and although we only had the candlelight, I could see the amusement glittering in his irises.
God, I’d missed this.
Missed him.
“Keep squinting those pretty eyes at me if you want to,” he warned. “I can call you baby. Matter of fact, I can call you whatever I want because you’re too tired to hit me.”
He had me there.
But I had a fantastic memory.
I would remember this moment to strike him later.
However, that fantastic memory kicked in, picking up on the first part of his response. My brows felt like they shot up, but I was too exhausted to be sure.
“Yes, pretty eyes,” he said. “Your eyes are so fucking beautiful to me, Tapley.”
A stir awakened in my stomach, one that reminded me of Louisiana summers when I was a kid, skipping rocks with my sister and cousins and the ripples each stone would leave behind.
“Now, I’m going to lay you back down, and then I’ll have to leave,” he went on. “I won’t be gone for long. I’m going downstairs to get Dr. Lin. Since you’re up, he’ll want to remove the Foley. It’s not a comfortable experience. Wouldn’t hurt if you went back to sleep.”
He moved, eased me back onto the mattress, and kissed my forehead, his lips lingering on my skin.
My mind began to rove.
He was calling me babe and baby, kissing my forehead, and changing my urine. I never forgot the look on his face at the laundry, and a slew of questions sprung up like an underground oil reservoir.
Was it because I was sick? Once I was better, would he return to being distant, giving his weapons very telling names as if they were a reminder that my feelings needed to cease and desist? Or were we finally in a place to get everything out in the open?
“Sleep, okay?” He smoothed my brow with his thumb and followed the gentle path with a light brush of his lips. “Don’t worry about anything right now. Just sleep. Promise I won’t be gone long.”
I closed my eyes.
Real Dez dissolved, and Dream Dez took his place. Then Dream Dez kissed my brow and whispered, “God, I love you,” which carried me the rest of the way into a peaceful slumber.
The next time I opened my eyes, there was light out.
Dez entered the room carrying a glass of water, round balls of ice floating in the crystal-clear liquid.
Rather than his uniform, he had on a pair of pants and a T-shirt, which I took to mean that it was either the weekend or he had the day off.
Based on the information about Totten that I’d gleaned thus far, Class One Elites were only truly required to be on duty three days per week.
Yet, what they did with the rest of their time, not even LaSalle had been able to figure out.
Smiling, he set the glass on the bedside table. “Hey, you’re up. Good morning, sunshine.”
I returned the smile. “Good…morning.”
Like he did the other night, he helped me up, but I shook my head when he went to sit to brace me back against him. My bladder felt like an overfilled water balloon.
“Bathroom,” I said.
“Here, let me—”
“I want…to try.”
I steadied my palms on either side of my body, breathing hard from all the movement and to prepare myself to exert energy. The look on his face and the fingers tapping his leg said he wanted to pick me up and carry me to the bathroom, but he restrained himself.
“I don’t like watching you struggle,” he said, responding to my thoughts. “If it were up to me, you would never feel pain, even if the only option I had was to take the pain for you.”
Once again, I was picking up on the echoes and shadows of meaning hidden between his words. Before, I’d assumed his poker face had failed him, but I was now starting to wonder whether he merely couldn’t guard himself as closely as before.
I got halfway to my feet.
Dez helped me the rest of the way.
“The bathroom’s just right there.” He used his chin to point to a door that looked miles away.
“I’ll walk with you. If you get to a point where you need me to carry you, squeeze my hand.
If you need me to help you,” he gave me a pointed look, “I’ll do that too. Front to back. I know what I’m doing.”
I rolled my eyes.
Later, I would smack him twice.
We made it a few feet across the room before I had to squeeze his hand. Without hesitation, he scooped me up and carried me into the bathroom. When he set me down, I realized I was wearing puffy gray socks several sizes too large for my feet.
“I’ve…got it from here,” I told him.
He steadied me with a hand at the small of my back. “Are you sure? I wasn’t joking. Dr. Lin and his staff weren’t the ones giving you baths, cleaning your teeth, and making sure your lips didn’t dry out.”
“Which lips?”
He laughed. “The ones on your face, Tapley.”
“And you did all of that?”
“Of course. I took care of you. But I didn’t do anything indecent or inappropriate, just so you know. It was all practical.”
At the moment, he was giving every good spouse I’d ever known a run for their money in the “in sickness and health” department.
“I wasn’t worried about that,” I said. “I know what kind of man you are. And thank you for taking care of me.”
“You’re welcome, but you don’t have to thank me.
” He searched my face, his shoulders lifting with a deep breath.
“FYI, even on the pain meds, you might feel some discomfort because of the catheter. Dr. Lin didn’t want to leave it in a second longer than he had to since your body’s not primed to fight off a second infection so soon.
If there’s a lot of discomfort or any bleeding, let me know. ”
I wrapped my arms around him.
He returned the hug, smoothing my hair scarf and what I imagined was probably a bird’s nest underneath.
“I would have missed you if I died,” I whispered.
“Oh, you would have seen me soon enough,” he said. “Now, you’re sure you’ve got this? Are you sure you can do this alone, or are you embarrassed to have me help you?”
“If push comes to shove, I’ll call.”
“Okay. I’ll be right outside.”
“What’d you mean about me seeing you soon enough?”
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
He left but didn’t shut the door all the way.
It took some maneuvering and silent swearing, but I managed to handle my business and even got as far as washing my hands. Then, I called out, and he swept inside, picked me up again, and carried me back to the bed. Instead of leaving, he climbed in beside me.