Chapter 14 #3
He groaned, his face pulled so tight that it looked like he had lockjaw. “I was looking for you. I knew you’d be here. I knocked and no one answered.”
“So you decided to just come on in?”
“I know how it looks, but I was looking for you. I was on my way back from Neal’s place, and there’s some information that I thought you would like to know, but,” he gestured to his arm, “I don’t know if I feel forthcoming anymore.”
I didn’t respond.
This wasn’t a negotiation, and he wouldn’t leave without dying, telling me, or both.
“It’s about LaSalle,” he went on. “Apparently, he has a connection to one of the rebellion dissenters Neal discovered. The girl from Sanitation. I don’t remember her name.”
“Leigh,” I offered.
The least the man could do was remember her name.
“Yes, Leigh. Well, when LaSalle found out she’d been detained, he tried to get information on her whereabouts. Neal found out and took him in for questioning. LaSalle mentioned your lawyer’s name.”
“First of all,” I began, inwardly marking LaSalle for death, “LaSalle has no evidence that Tapley’s tied to anything. I’ve been keeping tabs on her. I’ve got eyes on her at all times in the event she tries to escape before her debt is repaid.”
Larke’s “debt” would be repaid in full once I was dust, and I wanted her with me right up until the end.
That was where I was; she was mine and would be mine, even if the world changed course from mindless walking beings to a fiery end by meteor.
I knew what I had, and I knew I’d found something I would never find again.
I was her Gimli.
She was my Galadriel.
And I was hopelessly fucked.
“What do you need my help with exactly?” I asked.
As if acclimating to the wound, Cerner’s breathing returned to a semi-relaxed tempo. “It requires us to go somewhere.”
“Can’t.” I motioned to my half-naked frame. “Not dressed.”
“Then get dressed.”
“If I were a different man, I would assume you were trying to separate me from Tapley, but I can’t imagine why that would be.”
He attempted to shrug. “Neither would I, but I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want to be separated from her.”
“Cerner, as much as you fucking disgust me, I’ll give you credit for one thing—you’re not an idiot.
You know that I spent my first several weeks here looking for her.
You know that I went to Sanitation for her and kept her with me at Woodhaven until she was better.
You know that if you plucked out that knife right now and went after her with it, I would let you stab me a dozen times before I let any part of that blade so much as graze her skin. ”
“You love her—”
“—is an understatement.”
“Which is what I was afraid of.” He sighed. “Look, Dez, we intentionally give you free rein. I let you do what you want in exchange for your expertise and skill.”
I snorted. “You don’t let me do shit.”
“Why do you think Ms. Tapley was allowed to stay with you in Woodhaven?”
“Because I went and got her and brought her there. If you didn’t like it, you could have tried taking her from me.”
“I can take her away from you.”
Laughing quietly, I tilted my head and massaged my brow. “Please try it. Please…give me a reason.”
Perhaps I was getting soft. Possibly, I’d used too many words and not enough action.
My life, from birth, had been mired in trauma.
Before I fully understood what it meant, I’d had to rapidly develop street sense, speed, and strength to avoid becoming someone’s property.
Less than three days after escaping foster care, I was approached by a trafficker.
My first one.
I’d been searching for honest and safe attachment all my life, assuming I would never find it, but knowing if I ever did, I would do whatever I had to in order to keep it.
I plucked the knife from Cerner’s shoulder, grabbed his head with one hand on his chin, and brought the knife across his throat with the other.
Life sent me Mae.
Then it sent me brothers.
Now, I had the pure treasure that was Larke Tapley, who’d erased the remainder of the bone-deep sense of abandonment I’d lived for as long as I could remember.
That same woman tried to save my life by risking hers.
So, when it came to Mae and my brothers, I was crazy.
When it came to my girl, I was a fucking savage.
Cerner gasped.
I covered the wound with one hand—to keep Larke’s floors as clean as possible—opened the door, and shoved him out into the hallway.
I watched, heart beating a steady rhythm as he twitched and squirmed on the ground.
There wasn’t enough light to make out the expression on his face, but I hoped he died knowing that he would spend eternity looking up at the soles of my shoes.
“Just so you know,” I said, crouching, “you never would have made it home. I told you earlier that I wouldn’t be with Larke tonight, so you showed up here expecting her to be alone. Had I not been here and you put your hands on her, trust me, this is the death you would have preferred.”
Men like Neal and Cerner had created these systems, hoping the people they surrounded themselves with would abide by them.
People like me.
People prone to unhinged behavior.
Yet, the real challenge was attempting to blend in enough to exist within a civilized society.
Cerner stopped moving, stopped breathing.
I wiped the blade on his pants and faced the dark corridor just as Ronan emerged. While I didn’t know how long he’d stood waiting, I knew Cerner wouldn’t have shown up alone. However, I’d hoped for Neal. That way, I could have made tonight a two-for-one.
I picked up on the shrill cry of a squeaky wheel, Ronan pulling one of the oversized laundry bins used by the Sanitation staff behind him.
I didn’t ask him whether he’d brought the bin, expecting me to kill Cerner, or if Cerner had planned to dump me in it.
He glanced at the door before shifting his focus back to me, and I understood everything he didn’t say.
The bin wasn’t for me.
It had been intended for Larke.
“Neal?” I asked.
He tipped his head in a half-nod.
“Dead or alive?”
He leaned forward, spitting a stream of saliva onto Cerner’s lifeless body, and again, I understood; Neal had not only wanted Ronan to transport Larke in the bin, but the plan had more than likely been for her to be dead at the time.
Cerner, not expecting me to be in her studio, had tried to get me to leave to avoid a potential explosive confrontation.
However, Cerner and Neal were fucking idiots if they honestly believed I would have walked away, in the middle of the night, to do anything that didn’t involve keeping Larke safe or losing myself inside her.
Cerner and Neal were boys playing around in their daddy’s uniforms, practicing their salutes in the mirror. They’d then leaned too far into that fake experience and attempted to go toe to toe with a real soldier.
Ronan and I silently communicated to move the body, wrapping Cerner up in a sheet of plastic that Ronan brought with the bin. Once we were done, Ronan gripped the bin’s rounded edge to signify that he would take it from there. I tipped my chin to indicate that I would clean up.
There was no reason for us to trust one another.
Still, I could tell that he knew I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if he walked Cerner’s body to Neal’s unit and told him I was responsible for Cerner’s death.
That I’d avoided killing anyone this long, especially after learning where they’d sent Larke, was an early Christmas miracle.
I grabbed a bottle of bleach from the supply closet and cleaned the hallway and studio entryway. If Larke somehow figured out what had happened tonight and asked, I wouldn’t lie to her. But that didn’t mean I would let her wake up to the scent of blood and murder.
Once I was done, I showered, dried off, and returned to Larke’s side, naked. The weight of my body dipping onto the mattress woke her up, and the moment our eyes met, she smiled.
“Hey, you,” she greeted.
I grinned. “Hey, yourself. I didn’t mean to wake you. Go on back to sleep.”
Yawning, she slid across the bed and set her cheek on my shoulder. “No, it’s okay. I was dreaming about you, actually. I dreamed that we left Totten and made it all the way to South Carolina, but there was a storm, so we got holed up in an abandoned colonial.”
“Oh, yeah?” I kissed her forehead and let my lips linger on her skin. “How bad was the storm?”
“Hurricane strength.”
“Hmm. Yeah, that’s bad.”
“The wind was howling, and part of the roof got torn off, so rain started getting in. Even the walls shook. But—and this is the cringe part, so forgive me—I felt fine.”
“Wouldn’t a storm like that leave us vulnerable to the Infected?”
“They weren’t far off. Still…all of that was happening, and we were huddled in a closet, but I felt fine.
Your arms were around me, and you were kissing my forehead just like you’re doing now.
You kept apologizing for taking me away from Totten, taking me away from safety, but that’s the thing, Dez.
” She raised her head and cradled the side of my face, staring into my eyes.
“When you’re with me, it doesn’t matter what else is going on in the world.
Life as we knew it came to an end, and I would still follow you to the ends of the earth if that’s where you said we needed to go.
I think I got accustomed to danger being part of my daily life.
I didn’t realize how many eggshells I was walking on until you came along, or how much I longed for someone to carry me, just so I didn’t have to think about them, even if only for a little while. You’re…you’re like my Gimli.”
I burst out laughing. “Oh, so you were listening while I was reading to you.”
“Of course. It’s the least I could do. I mean, I read stuff like, ‘his pulsating cock’ to you out loud.”
“Still feel like you did that on purpose. Of all of the books you had on your bookshelves—Animal Farm, The Bluest Eye, Crime and Punishment, Call of the Wild—you picked all the ones with ‘pulsating cocks.’”
“There were some ‘dicks’ in there.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“I was trying to seduce you,” she said, laughing until the mattress shook.
I paused, taking a moment to soak up the sound. Without a doubt, I wanted to make her laugh for the rest of our lives, regardless of how long or short that might be.
“By the way, I was thinking about us heading north instead,” I suggested, running the tip of my nose along the bridge of hers. “If we do that, you’ll have to put up with fewer nights like these.”
“You think your brothers will still find you?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe. We’ve always found a way. But I want to make sure you’re comfortable. You called me your Gimli. That means you’re stuck with me. Can you imagine another woman telling me that? That I’m her Gimli?”
“No, I can’t, and it better never be the case.”
“Oh? Why not?”
“I’ll shank her.”
I burst out laughing again. “So violent, my girlfriend is.”
“You like it.”
“I do.”
I kissed her, rolling onto my back and coaxing her on top of me. She rose onto her knees, and I gripped her hips to settle her right where I needed her to be.
Because I needed her.
I needed her like nothing I’d ever known.
“I need you to take this dick, sweetheart,” I forced out as her pussy hesitantly enveloped my shaft. “You can do it. I believe in you.”
She laughed, but the laugh was cut short when I pulled out halfway and surged inside her. Tonight, I didn’t need her to ride. I wouldn’t need her to exert any energy. I would be in control and command of her body until she went from slick to dripping wet down my balls.
“Dez…” She flexed the muscles in her legs to meet me thrust for thrust. “I trust you, okay? Baby, I’ll follow you anywhere.”
I groaned and slid my thumb between her legs to play with her clit. She bounced faster, her breaths and moans cascading in rapid bursts.
“You still love me?” I asked.
“Yes.” She nodded. “Yes, I still love you.”
“How long do you think you might be able to do that? Think you can love me for a while?”
She stared into my eyes, and I saw no walls, no caution—no fear. She’d told me she trusted me, but there it was, plain as day, all the guardrails removed. Before, it was safety. Now, it looked as if she was getting ready to offer me her heart.
“Yes,” she whispered.
I gritted my teeth as the rush of orgasm built in my sac. “What about forever? Would you be interested?”
She cried out, her pussy squeezing my dick until I swore I would pass out from pleasure alone.
Then, once she started trembling, I flipped her onto her back, drove into her with a few more deep strokes, and came so hard, we remained joined and comatose for a long moment, our stilted breaths interrupting the quiet stillness of the night.
I didn’t want to fall asleep on top of her, though I wanted to fall asleep inside her. However, I eventually, reluctantly, pulled out and flopped onto my back.
“Was that a shit move?” I asked. “Asking you that while I’m inside you? I mean, was it clear what I was asking?”
When she didn’t answer, I looked over, expecting to find her asleep. Instead, she was looking directly at me, beautiful and sated in the light from that lantern she couldn’t sleep without. The guardrails hadn’t returned, but there was something else. Something unreadable and just as cautious.
“Larke, we can still have that,” I said. “We can still have forever.”
She reached for my hand, brought it to her lips, and kissed my knuckles. Then she said nothing else as she slid her hand from mine, left the bed, grabbed the lantern, and disappeared into the bathroom.
“What just happened?” I asked the ceiling. “Was that…a no?”