Chapter 3
Chapter three
Hudson
If this is death, it’s not what I expected. There’s only dark nothingness around me. I’m weightless, floating like I’m still trapped in the depths of the river. It’s cold and heavy. I don’t like it. My head feels like it’s caving in on itself, and my arm throbs unnaturally.
Something tugs at me, gentle but insistent, like it wants me to follow, but I can’t move on my own. I drift through the void, heat and chills taking their turn wrapping my body.
Am I dying?
Voices mumble somewhere above me, urgent and familiar.
Warmth blankets me, and I feel as if this could be peace.
There’s pressure, hard and rhythmic, like the world is punching me from the inside out. It keeps me clinging to just this side of darkness.
I wish it would stop, so I can finally let go.
To find the quiet.
A white-hot bolt rips through me, cracking the dark wide open. My back arches. Light flares across my vision, blinding.
Then nothing.
A devastated scream that I can feel in my soul rings in my head.
The thread in my chest is fraying—fading.
The mumbling grows louder, almost clear, but the darkness pulls me back again.
Flashes of colorful light cut through the void.
My body quakes, uncontrolled—violent.
Even in death, I can’t find peace.
I see a brilliant luminescence, but it’s snatched away by another sharp punch to my chest.
Urgent mumbling, beeping.
The overwhelming smell of copper assaults my nose.
Maybe this isn’t the end. Maybe I’m stuck somewhere in between. Not punished. Not forgiven. Just… existing.
A loud buzz fogs my brain, the dark still persistent as I float in this blank space.
There is finally a sense of calm.
More voices.
“We need you here, love… please come back.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry, son.”
“You can’t leave me, okay? Please. Wake up. I love you.”
The voices come one after another. Raw. Broken. Pleading.
Purgatory. That must be where I am.
Is this my penance? To linger in this barren place while the people I love fall apart?
I don’t want to hear it. I need them to let me go. I know they are in my head, but they feel real.
The weight in my chest starts to ease, and a bright light pulls me forward. Maybe hearing the voices of those I love one more time was a gift, and now that I’ve heard them, I’m allowed to move on.
The glow is bright and warm, and I find myself eager to go to it. I feel as if I’m being pulled toward Heaven, the tranquility I’ve been craving finally settling into my fractured soul.
I reach for the peak of the light, but pressure in my throat jolts me. I’m choking, and the harsh smell of bleach hits my nostrils.
The light begins to fade, and with it, my hopes of peace.
My body shakes violently again, a chaos of noise clogging my brain.
More quiet.
Awareness creeps back in, that familiar pressure in my throat uncomfortable.
Voices come into focus, no longer distant, but right beside me.
“He’s starting to come to.”
Come to what? Where am I going?
My body feels strange, not like the force of water, but constricted.
I can feel pain.
“Hudson? Can you hear me? If you can, try to open your eyes.”
No. I don’t want to. I want to go back towards the calming light.
I just want this to end.
The bright glow is back, and for a fraction of a second, I feel relief. Then another voice filters in, shattering my hopes all over again.
“It’s Dr. Anderson, Hudson. We have a lot of people eager to see you.”
I’m suddenly aware of the hard tube down my throat and something compressing my left arm. My eyes flutter, but they feel so heavy.
With effort, I finally blink into a dim room…
A hospital room.
My eyes flit around as I take in the people in white coats standing around me, a small flashlight moving above my face.
Realization stabs me in the chest.
I hoped I was going to Heaven…
Instead, I woke up back in Hell.