Chapter 14 #3
I can hear the plea in her voice. It’s not like I can stick around here at Cull’s much longer, anyway. He has to finish his list of chores before his mom gets home.
“Yeah, okay. Want me to swing by Melvin’s and grab some milkshakes?”
“Strawberry, please.”
“Okay, give me an hour. I’m at Cull’s.”
“Oh… okay.”
Then she hangs up.
I look down at my phone, confused at the lack of goodbye. I shrug it off and toss my phone on the bed.
Cull is stomping around his bedroom, throwing on clean clothes and shoving drawers shut. I wrap my arms around him from behind, pressing my cheek between his shoulder blades.
His heart hammers beneath my palm, my thumb tracing slow circles against his sternum. “I’m here when you’re ready.”
“I hate Ella.” He grits it out, almost like her name is a curse.
Well, that didn’t take much coaxing.
I exhale, my breath rippling his t-shirt. Cullen has never hidden his dislike for Ella, but I didn’t realize it ran that deep.
He pulls away from me to sit on his bed and shoves a clean pair of socks onto his feet. His cheeks are red, his irritation saturating the room.
“Cull, she’s my friend—”
He huffs, the sound dark. “Some fucking friend.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shakes his head but doesn’t explain. I kneel in front of him, the knot in my towel slipping loose. I grasp his hands and lock eyes with him. “Does me hanging out with her really bother you that much?”
Cull exhales, a slight tremor running through his hands. “She enables you.”
I tilt my head, confused.
“When you were at your lowest, she enabled you. Gave you drugs as a way to escape. I know you said you asked for them, but…” His eyes search mine, steady and unwavering. “Any decent friend who knew you were struggling would have encouraged you to get help, not push you further in the hole.”
I let his words sink in.
Maria calls it avoidance coping.
Every pill, every drink, every high had the same purpose: create enough distance between me and my own thoughts that I didn’t have to feel them.
The problem was that the thoughts were always waiting when the numbness wore off.
And Ella was always there to give me more.
My stomach drops.
For so long, I told myself she was helping. That she understood my need to get out of my mind, even for a little while. But understanding someone and helping them aren’t always the same thing.
Cullen’s jaw is tight, but he doesn’t push or tell me what to do. He just watches me, hurt and hopeful all at once, waiting for me to figure it out myself.
The realization lands hard.
Not because Cullen is saying anything new, but because for the first time, I can’t find a way to argue with him.
Ella enabled me.
And I let her.
The thought leaves me nauseous.
I tighten my grip on Cullen’s hands. “I think…” my voice catches. “I think I need some distance from her. At least until I’m healthier.”
Relief flashes across his face before he can hide it.
“I’m not asking you to do that, Hud.”
“I know.” I glance down at our joined hands before meeting his eyes again. “But what you said makes sense. This is the right thing to do.”
The words catch in my throat.
Because this isn’t some random friend we’re talking about.
It’s Ella.
He lets out a sigh, his forehead touching mine. “You’re not doing this for me because I said I hate her, are you?”
I chuckle. “Of course I am.”
He frowns, brows pinched.
My thumb brushes his cheek. “I’m doing it because it’s the right thing to do. For me.”
His expression softens. “Are you sure?”
I shrug one shoulder. “As sure as I can be.”
He lets out a breath, the tension leaving his shoulders.
“I’ll talk to her today,” I say quietly. “Tell her I need some space while I focus on my therapy and getting better.”
Cull kisses my forehead. “Am I a bastard for being happy about this?”
“Maybe a little”
He winces.
“But I love you anyway.”
That finally earns a smile.
I pull on one of his T-shirts and my shorts, then follow him downstairs. He waits while I slide on my shoes, then leads me toward the front door. He opens it with an exaggerated flourish and gestures outside.
“Your carriage awaits, Prince Charming.”
I snort and lean in, brushing my lips against his. He kisses me back before smacking my ass.
“Get moving. I have chores to finish, or Mom’s going to extend my sentence.”
Laughing, I head for my Bronco.
Cullen waits in the doorway while I climb inside. He blows me a kiss, and I catch it dramatically, tossing one back before he disappears back inside the house.
The engine rumbles to life, but I don’t pull out right away. Instead, I sit there in Cullen’s driveway, my hands resting on the steering wheel as I try to steady the knot forming in my stomach. The certainty I felt upstairs is still there, but now it’s tangled up with fear.
What if Ella doesn’t understand?
I don’t want to hurt her, but this is something I need to do.
I squeeze my eyes shut and let out a slow breath. Maria always says that recovery isn’t about choosing what’s comfortable—it’s about choosing what’s healthy.
The words settle over me, heavy but grounding, and I know she’d tell me this is one of those moments.
With a deep breath, I put the Bronco in reverse.
Time to rip off the bandage.