Chapter Five
Five
SINCE THEIR REUNION A WEEK AGO, EMMA AND TONY had started texting each other every day. Nothing too serious, just a lot of memes and old inside jokes they had managed to dust off. She kept waiting for him to initiate another meetup, but he seemed content to never share physical space again. So, after seven excruciating days, Emma had suggested trying a new pizza place near his apartment. He’d instantly agreed, and they’d met up that very night.
Emma’s nerves got the best of her during her first slice, but by the time she’d torn into her second it felt like old times. One thing she loved about Tony was he could always take a joke. Since she was a teenager Emma’s favorite form of flirting was a lighthearted tease. But Ryan had often been too sensitive to handle it. She’d had to learn how to tame that part of herself in exchange for Ryan’s gentle kindness. Across from Tony though, she was back to firing on all cylinders and roasting him for having so many parking tickets.
“They can throw you in jail if you’re over a certain number,” Emma warned as she tried not to fixate on his hands. For whatever reason, male hands excited Emma in a way that was usually reserved for bulging biceps and six-pack abs.
“What number?”
“I don’t know.”
“Exactly. No one knows. And that’s why I will never reach it.”
“And if you somehow do, you’ll just sweet-talk your way out of any hard time?”
“Absolutely. I’ve sweet-talked my way out of much worse.”
“Like the night I found those texts on your phone?”
Tony was mortal enough to look embarrassed. “I plead the Fifth.”
“Oh, so you are no longer sticking to your story that your mom’s friend has dementia and thinks you’re her dead husband, so it would’ve been cruel of you to not respond?”
Tony grinned. “Come on. That was pretty good for thinking on my feet.”
“Except I’m not totally convinced it was the first time you used it.”
“I forgot you were such a detective.” Tony reached across the table and snagged a fallen olive off Emma’s plate. “I know you have no reason to believe me, but nothing happened with that girl. I was just worried you were going to get the wrong idea so I panicked.”
“And made up an elaborate lie that made you look even more guilty?”
“Hey, you’re the expert. How often does panic lead to good decisions?”
“Fair enough.” Emma took a sip of her Diet Coke and wondered how she would have reacted if he had told her the truth back then—that it was just some friendly flirtation and nothing to be worried about. Emma of today would have understood that flirting isn’t the same as cheating. Sure, sometimes it can lead to infidelity, but more often than not it simply scratches an itch. An itch that is perfectly normal to have when you are a three-dimensional adult who doesn’t completely disconnect from the outside world just because you’re in a monogamous relationship.
Emma of yesteryear though? She would have thrown a fit.
“I’m sorry you felt like you had to lie. I wasn’t exactly…confident in our connection back then. I saw everything as a threat.”
Tony shrugged. “I’m sure I wasn’t helping things by being so shady all the time.”
Emma smiled. It seemed like they’d both changed. Which meant this time around would be different—and Imani would be wrong for the first time in her insightful life.
“I think we both made a lot of mistakes when we were together.”
“Really? I mostly remember getting stoned and watching Nathan for You .”
“I hope that’s not all you remember,” Emma said flirtatiously.
He raised his dark eyebrows at the implication. “I guess there were a couple other things that stand out. Like your animal pajamas.”
Emma laughed at the memory. She’d gone through a phase where she’d been obsessed with this comfy, cozy nightgown covered in different safari animals. Tony had started to name each one and often acted out little scenes between them; he was surprisingly good at voices.
“I still have it, you know. If you wanted to say hi.”
Before Tony could respond, his phone buzzed. She wondered if it was a sign from the universe to not go through with pitching him her master plan. Good thing she wasn’t the type to take signs from the universe.
“Oh fuck.” Tony looked up from his phone with a guilty expression. “I totally forgot my buddy needed to grab something from my apartment tonight.” He started cleaning up their paper plates and discarded napkins. “I’ve got to run.”
“No worries,” Emma lied. Maybe she had read their new connection all wrong. Maybe he was only interested in finally trying New York–style pizza with a Middle Eastern spin—whatever that meant; it had just tasted like regular pizza to her. Another disappointment.
“Hey.” Tony grabbed her shoulder on the way to the garbage. “What are you doing Monday?”
Emma’s heart skipped a beat as she blurted out “Nothing. The Bachelor is on hiatus.”
“Great. We’re doing after-work drinks at Sassafras. You should come. See the old gang, hang out.”
“That sounds fun,” Emma said while wondering if a group hang was a good sign or a platonic one. Either way, he had remembered her animal pajamas and that felt like a win.
***
Emma peered into the bar through its big glass window, hoping to spot Tony so she would know where to go. For all her work to combat her social anxiety over the years, nothing made her feel more on display—in a bad way—than the act of looking for someone in a crowd. What if that person wasn’t there? What if there was never a person at all and her entire reality was a figment of her imagination as her body hung stagnant in a bunch of goop somewhere else in the universe? What if—
She felt her neck relax and her anxiety spiral stop as she spotted Tony’s signature posture near one of the high tops in the back. He was half leaning on the table with one hand out, wildly gesticulating—both calm and vibrant at the same time. He wasn’t the kind of guy who would necessarily catch your attention from far away. Average height. Small to medium bald spot. Simple wardrobe. But the moment he started talking, it felt like a movie star had entered the room. Tony exuded the kind of effortless confidence that Emma had been searching for her whole life. And failed, so far in her personal growth journey, to find.
Emma flung open the surprisingly light door and headed toward the man who she hoped would be her salvation. Even if it took him hours to return a simple text.
“Emma!” Tony embraced her in a bear hug. She tried to feel if his heart was pounding as fast as hers was, but it was impossible to tell through his well-made flannel. “You remember everyone.”
Emma looked at the surrounding faces. A few formerly mutual friends stood out from their time as a couple, but at least two of the five were complete strangers. “Sure! Hi, I’m the ex-girlfriend. Approximately one of six hundred.”
Everyone laughed the right amount at her gentle jab. Tony’s storied dating history was the perfect low-hanging fruit for almost every awkward occasion.
“Let me get you a drink.” Tony headed for the bar and after a moment of hesitation, Emma followed him.
“It’s so nice you all still do this.” She gestured to the group, who seemed to be letting pretty loose for a weeknight. But then again, her barometer might’ve been off considering her 10:00 p.m. bedtime.
“After-work drinks are a lot more fun when you don’t actually work together. Plus, as a freelancer, it’s important for me to put in the time to make my own community.”
“ I told you that.”
“And I listened.” Tony grinned.
Emma let the spark sizzle through her before reaching for his arm. “I want to get back together,” she blurted without thinking.
Tony’s head snapped back from looking for a bartender, his expression one of shock. Not ideal but workable. At least it was out in the world now, before some sort of natural disaster could thwart her.
“And I don’t just want us to date and break up and date and break up. I want us to give it a real go.”
Tony stayed quiet but Emma figured that was better than active protest. She plowed forward, boldly ignoring everything she had been taught about social cues. No one ever became president without making at least a few people uncomfortable after all. “This is going to sound a bit bananas so bear with me, but I actually still have my wedding venue booked for this summer and—”
“I have a girlfriend.”
“What?”
“I have a, you know, a girlfriend.” Tony looked over at the group, where one of the unfamiliar faces, a tall blonde, was glaring at them. He waved. She raised her eyebrows as if she knew exactly what they were talking about.
Tony’s confession, paired with his girlfriend’s incredible body and frizz-free hair, felt like a punch in the face. Pretty soon Emma was going to get used to men ripping the rug out from under her and shattering her world. It had already happened twice in one month, which seemed excessive.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It didn’t come up. And it’s not that serious.”
“How long have you been together?”
Tony’s face looked strained as he tried to recall a number that was most certainly on the top of the tall blonde’s mind. “I dunno. Eight, maybe ten months.”
“You’re unbelievable.” Emma knew she should leave but she was too riled up to stew in her car alone. Her latent fear that Tony brought out the worst in her was being confirmed in real time, but she would have to unpack that later. Right now, she wanted a fight and hoped he would at least do her the honor of having one.
“What was I supposed to do? You texted me out of the blue to catch up and then tell me your engagement fell apart and I’m supposed to start talking about how great Naomi is? That’s not nice.”
“So she didn’t mind we hung out alone in your apartment the other day?”
“I didn’t mention it. I’m allowed to have friends. You’re my friend.”
Suddenly everything clicked. The whole time Emma had been with Tony he put other people’s needs above her own. Emma’s love for him had been a given so he didn’t need to tend to it. Instead, he spent his energy on pleasing every other female in sight. Now Emma was the random woman he was prioritizing over his girlfriend, and her presence was causing his new partner pain. It made her feel unbearably icky.
“I think I should go.” Emma waited for him to protest. Part of her still thought the connection they had was stronger than all his bullshit, that in the end he would see she was worth taking a leap for. She wasn’t just another ex-girlfriend in a sea of ex-girlfriends; she was his and he was hers and all the bullshit she’d been through would be worth it when they ended up together. Her broken engagement would be a blessing, not a curse, because it led her back to Tony. The one she never got over. The one who never got over her.
“Okay. Get home safe,” Tony said simply. His world seemed only mildly shaken while hers had collapsed.
Emma turned and walked out as Naomi watched her with relief. Not for the first time, Emma wondered why she was so easy to let go.