Chapter Twenty-Three Olivia
Olivia snuck out of Zack’s room at dawn.
Waking up next to him had felt warm and comforting, a sensation that had lasted about thirty seconds before cold dread set in.
Her thudding pulse sounded an alarm: Danger, get out.
Danger, get out. A frantic metronome that kept time as she scurried silently around the room, throwing her stuff into her suitcase.
As she opened the door, Olivia glanced over her shoulder at the bed.
In the dim light, it almost looked like Zack was smiling in his sleep.
She hesitated in the threshold, wondering if he’d feel hurt or relieved to wake up and find her gone.
It took her a split second to land on relieved.
The sex had been great, no question. Had this been a normal one-night stand, she’d have had fewer compunctions about facing him the next day.
But it’s what happened before that made Olivia flush with shame.
Weeping in front of a man she barely knew.
Climbing into bed with him after confessing her feelings for someone else.
She flinched as she remembered the look in his eyes when she told him about her mom, the kindness but also the pity.
And then when he’d offered what he’d probably envisioned as platonic comfort (near-nakedness aside; after all, it wasn’t his fault that she’d burst into his room when he was already dressed for bed), she’d been the one to escalate things.
She was sure he hadn’t minded sleeping with her—actually, she was pretty certain he’d enjoyed it—but the idea that it’d started as an act of emotional charity, a fear of offending an already-crying woman, made Olivia want to sink into the ground with embarrassment.
She needed to go into damage-control mode, immediately.
Stepping into the hallway, she pulled out her phone, opened an email to Zack, and typed:
Hey, I’m really sorry if I made things weird last night, or put you in an uncomfortable position. I promise—I won’t mention it again and we can pretend it never happened.
She reread it. It seemed a little harsh, so she pushed through her resistance and added a smiley face at the end.
Olivia sighed with relief as she hit “send.” Everything was fine.
She just needed to find a place to compose herself and get dressed properly.
Aunt Harriet would be up soon, and then Olivia could camp out in her room until it was time to get ready with the other bridesmaids. For now, she just needed to disappear.
Olivia went downstairs and dragged her suitcase out to the porch.
She slumped into an Adirondack chair and stared out at the water sparkling in the early morning sun.
This was normally her favorite time of day in Maine, when everything was clean and quiet and damp, like the world had just emerged from the shower, refreshed and renewed.
The pine trees were wet with dew that made their crisp, sharp scent even stronger.
She loved hearing the seals hunt in the harbor while birds skimmed just over the surface of the water, preparing to dive for fish.
This is a safe place, the animals seemed to announce as they emerged from wherever they sheltered at night.
The worries that kept Olivia awake late never felt quite as insurmountable at dawn in Maine. At least, they hadn’t until now.
Fragments from last night flashed through her head, a destabilizing mix of some memories that made her skin tingle, and others that made her feel itchy with shame.
The tenderness with which Zack had kissed her, the way his touch had made her whole body shudder.
The gasp he’d let out at the end. But then she remembered how she’d randomly appeared at his door and asked to crash in his room, how he’d said yes without asking any questions despite her fake-sounding explanation.
The way she’d started to cry without warning, then asked him to lie in bed with her before essentially grinding against him.
Oh god, oh god, she thought. What the hell had she been thinking?
“Everything okay?” Olivia opened her eyes to see Andrew staring at her with concern. His hair was wet, and he had a beach towel slung over one shoulder.
“Did you go swimming?” she asked incredulously. Swimming this far north was never for the faint of heart, let alone at six a.m.
“I’m training for a triathlon. Didn’t I mention that?”
“You didn’t, actually, which is deeply odd,” Olivia said, grateful to focus on something other than her behavior last night.
“You must be the first human in history to train for a triathlon without bringing it up in every single conversation. Like people who can’t go five minutes without mentioning their gluten allergy. Or the fact that they’re polyamorous.”
Her attempt at banter felt forced, her slightly flat tone belying her exhaustion.
But Andrew smiled at it anyway. “I’d be curious to see that Venn diagram,” he said with a smile.
A server who’d been folding napkins nearby came over and asked if they wanted anything.
Olivia ordered coffee. Andrew asked if they had green juice and, after being told they only had orange and grapefruit, ordered an iced coffee.
“Green juice?” Olivia shook her head. “You’re a long way from Tribeca, my friend.”
“Don’t try to shame me. You’re the one staying at the inn instead of with your parents because it has better Wi-Fi.” His expression turned serious. “So, what’s going on? Why are you out here so early? With your suitcase.”
The absurdity of the situation combined with her lack of sleep made her feel suddenly loopy, and she had to suppress a hysterical giggle.
What on earth was she supposed to tell Andrew?
Everything’s fine! I’m just thinking how I made a complete fool of myself last night, seduced the best man, and now I’m spiraling!
“Um…” Olivia stalled. “Zack and I had a big fight last night, so I left before he woke up. I guess it wasn’t the most mature thing to do, but I needed some space.”
“Oh,” Andrew said, sounding strangely animated. Then he seemed to catch himself and modulated his tone. “I get it. It’s smart to clear your head before you do anything rash.”
Wait, Olivia thought as her brain raced to take stock of the situation.
Was he… excited that she and Zack were on the rocks?
Was this her chance to make something happen, finally?
The prospect had extra appeal at the moment, given that Andrew only knew the cool, composed Olivia, a far cry from the hot mess who’d jumped into Zack’s bed.
And Zack would probably be relieved to see her with Andrew.
That way, he’d know he didn’t owe her anything, that he could forget about sleeping with her and move on.
“I think I need to accept that we’re just really different people who want different things. ”
“I’m with you. At our age, it’s just not enough to have fun, you know? You want to date someone with similar values, someone you could imagine being with long term.”
“It seems like you hit the jackpot with Emerson, though. It’s like you asked AI to create the perfect girlfriend.”
“Oh, she’s not my girlfriend.” Andrew sounded slightly sheepish. “I probably shouldn’t have brought her, but she already had plans to visit friends on Sandpiper Island this weekend, and since she’d heard so much about Marigold’s weekend, she sort of asked if she could be my plus-one.”
“Bold move,” Olivia said, trying to contain the grin threatening to spread across her face. Zack had been right. Andrew and Emerson weren’t a couple.
“Yeah, she’s not afraid to ask for what she wants.”
“I could learn a lot from her.”
“You could,” Andrew said with a smile. “I’m sure there a lot of people who’d be happy to oblige.”
It’s on, Olivia thought. She felt the same surge of satisfaction she experienced just before she closed a deal, when she could feel her opponent giving in. That moment was often sweeter than the actual victory, the anticipation of victory about to come.
She’d spent so much time convincing herself that Andrew and Emerson were perfect together that she’d failed to consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe, she’d been wrong. Maybe Zack had been right. Maybe Andrew wasn’t as serious about Emerson as she’d thought.
Maybe she still had a chance.
“That’s nice of you to say,” she said, returning his smile.
He ran his hand through his wet hair, looking endearingly bashful. “I should head inside and change. I’ll see you later?”
“Definitely.”
But as he walked off, Olivia’s smile faded slightly.
Emerson wasn’t his girlfriend—great. She’d sort of invited herself to the wedding—even better.
But that didn’t mean they weren’t sleeping together.
She recalled how physically affectionate Andrew had been toward Emerson at the welcome drinks.
Was she in the same situation as Olivia?
Confused by the cues he was giving? Hoping for more?
As Olivia tried to chase the thought from her head, lest it ruin her burgeoning good mood, she heard another voice. “Hey.”
Startled, Olivia turned to see Zack. He’d put on a T-shirt, but was still wearing his pajama pants, and his hair stuck out in all directions.
Something about his appearance reminded Olivia of a little boy who’d woken up on Christmas morning and run straight downstairs, too excited to bother with teeth-brushing or hair-combing.
However, his face contained no hint of festive glee.
“I got your email. You don’t need to apologize for anything. ”
“Oh,” she said with an awkward laugh. Great. In trying to smooth things over, she’d just made things even weirder. “Okay. I just wanted you to know that we don’t need to make a big deal out of last night. It was just… one of those random wedding hookups, you know?”
“Relax, Olivia,” Zack said with a smile. “Everything’s fine. Last night was really fun, and I know it was just a onetime thing. I promise, I’m not going to start stalking you.”
She felt herself blush. “I thought you’d worry I’d become obsessed with you.”
“Most women do.”
Olivia laughed. “Alright, you’re not that good.”
“Oh, really?” Zack raised his eyebrows. “I feel like I have some evidence to the contrary.”
“Okay, okay,” she said, raising her hands in surrender. “Let’s change the subject.”
“Sure… I saw you talking to Andrew.”
“Yeah, he was on his way back from a swim and wanted to know what I was doing up so early, with my suitcase.”
“I think taking a predawn swim in the North Atlantic is weirder than walking around a hotel with a suitcase.”
“He’s training for a triathlon!”
“Of course he is. My man is definitely the ‘work hard, play hard’ type. Go on.”
Olivia ignored the jab and continued, “Well, I panicked and told him that we’d had a fight. And he kind of seemed… happy?”
Something flickered across Zack’s face. “Oh yeah?”
“You don’t sound surprised.”
“I told you. You were underestimating the simplicity of the male brain.”
Olivia considered her options for a lighthearted retort—like how maybe that explained why Zack hadn’t minded sleeping with a woman who’d just been hysterically crying—but something about his carefully blank expression made her pause.
“So,” Zack said, “I guess that means we should initiate phase two? Operation fake breakup?”
Olivia hesitated. That was the plan, right? Now that she knew Andrew was interested, this was what she wanted. “Sure, that makes sense.”
“I’ll start spreading the word,” Zack said. “Zack and Olivia are history.”
Olivia nodded. “RIP,” she said, surprised to find that her throat felt a little tight. “Thank you again. It was a lot—showing up in the middle of the night, taking your bed, breaking down in tears. I know you said not to apologize, but—”
“Olivia,” Zack cut her off, and something in his voice made her breath catch. “You don’t have to apologize for being human.”
She forced a smile. “Well, don’t worry. My human emotions will be someone else’s problem soon.”
“I’m glad to hear it. I guess I’ll see you later, then.”
“See ya.”
He headed toward the door, then paused and turned around as if about to say something else. Then he shook his head and continued out of sight.
Olivia watched him go, her heart suddenly pounding for an entirely different reason. This is what you wanted, she reminded herself.
So why did it feel wrong?