Chapter Twenty-Five Natalie
By noon, Natalie felt like she’d spent half her life in the bridal suite.
They’d already ordered room service three times: breakfast, lunch, and a second lunch for Liesl, who explained that her body couldn’t process too much food at once and therefore had to eat numerous smaller meals throughout the day.
She and Bri were also clearly pissed that Richie had gotten her makeup done first and then opted to go back to her room rather than hang out for the rest of the day.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s one of those woman who can’t have genuine relationships with other women.
You know, who sees everyone else as competition,” Liesl had said with a sniff.
At this, Natalie had shot an is she serious? look at Olivia, but Olivia didn’t seem to notice. She’d spent all morning lost in her own world, frowning at her phone or staring into the distance, looking troubled. Almost as if she were the one whose entire reality had been shattered last night.
Natalie still couldn’t quite believe that Jonathan had had a crush on her.
And that she’d been too dense and insecure to realize, let alone do anything about it.
The regret she felt would be almost too much to bear if she didn’t keep reminding herself that Jonathan had never actually made a move.
How strong could his feelings have been if he’d never acted on them?
This isn’t about you, Natalie reminded herself. That’s all in the past. Right now, you have to focus on being the best maid of honor you can be.
Except that while she was convinced Jonathan loved Marigold, was she as certain about Marigold’s feelings for Jonathan?
Not telling him that she’d been married before was a big deal.
And yes, she was probably just trying to protect him, but would that be her MO going forward?
Would they have a marriage built on deception?
“So we’re going to meet Marigold over at the venue?” the makeup artist, Crystal, asked as she cleaned her brushes.
“Yup! That’s the plan!” Natalie said, too cheerily.
Was this what it felt like to go insane?
She had that strange, disoriented feeling that casinos tried to create by removing all clocks and blocking all natural light so that gamblers would lose track of time, no longer knowing or caring whether it was day or night.
She’d had three mimosas but didn’t feel drunk, just kind of detached and dizzy.
She supposed she was in limbo, in a way.
Natalie truly had no idea whether Marigold would actually arrive in time for the wedding, if her ridiculous plan would actually work, or if it’d all come crashing down around them.
“Then you’re next, Miss Maid of Honor.” Crystal smiled at Natalie and gestured at the chair next to her workstation. “What are you thinking?”
“Oh, you know…” Natalie said vaguely. Whatever will give me the best shot of hooking up with the most attractive single guest in a fruitless attempt to distract myself from the fact that I blew my chance with the only man I’ve ever truly loved. “Polished but natural, I guess.”
Hannah pulled a chair up next to Natalie’s. “I’ll keep you company!”
“You don’t need to do that,” Natalie said. “I’m happy to just zone out.”
“It’s no problem!” Hannah turned to Crystal, who’d started to apply taupe shadow to one of her brushes. “Could you do some contouring on her so her face doesn’t look so round?”
“I’m not trying to change my face shape,” Natalie said through gritted teeth.
“No, of course not. You’re so pretty! It’s just that all the other bridesmaids have more oval faces, which will make yours look a bit rounder by contrast when we’re all up there. And then you have to think of the photos. They’ll be great for your dating profile, won’t they?”
“I’ve never been on the apps,” Liesl chimed in. “But I totally get the appeal, for a certain type.”
“Like who?” Hannah asked, walking straight into her trap.
Natalie always wondered what kind of person actually signed up for high-interest store credit cards at Banana Republic, accepted rides from random men posing as taxi drivers at baggage claim, or made eye contact with anyone talking about Jesus on street corners.
But now she knew it was people like Hannah.
“Like, anyone who’s just a little socially awkward.
” At that moment, Natalie would’ve chopped off her left arm in exchange for the power not to blush.
“Oh, Natalie, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing!
” Liesl said with exaggerated contrition.
“I just mean, not everyone was taught how to comport themselves in public. I always forget that it’s a form of privilege, really.
How people like me, Marigold, and Bri were raised in a world that values manners and social graces.
It’s a hard thing to learn as an adult.”
Olivia finally looked up from her phone. “What sort of manners and social graces were on display that time you threw up in a planter outside Per Se?”
“You know I had food poisoning,” Liesl said coolly.
“Food poisoning. Sure. From one of the best restaurants in the world.”
Natalie shot Olivia a grateful smile, but she’d already returned to her phone. A moment later, Natalie’s own phone buzzed with an incoming call. “Do you mind if I take this quickly?” she asked Crystal. “It’s Marigold.” The other bridesmaids watched curiously as Natalie scurried into the hall.
“Hey,” Natalie whispered once she’d made it far enough to be out of earshot. “Where are you?”
“I’m at the Halifax airport. My flight’s on time, so it looks like I’ll make it back just before the ceremony, thank god. How’s everything going there? Is anyone growing suspicious?”
“Yeah, people have been asking a lot of questions, but I think as long as you show up in time to walk down the aisle, it’ll be okay.”
“You’re the best. I feel awful putting all this on you. It was way too much to ask.”
“It’s fine,” Natalie said automatically. “I’m happy to—”
Marigold cut her off. “No, it’s not okay. It was ridiculously selfish to ask that you cover for me. This was my mistake, and I should’ve owned it instead of lying to everyone. You’ve always been such an amazing friend, and I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” Natalie said, softening.
“I know. And I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
“Honestly, I can’t think of anything that’ll make up for stranding me with Liesl for this long.”
Marigold laughed. “She’s really the worst, isn’t she? I probably shouldn’t have made her a bridesmaid, but she’s literally my oldest friend, and I didn’t want to deal with the drama of leaving her out. What’s she doing now?”
“Where do I begin? Before you called, she was explaining that dating apps were only for awkward normies who didn’t learn social graces as children.”
“Are you serious?” Marigold scoffed. “That girl’s been on dating apps for years.
I have screenshots of her profile. Jonathan’s friend Mark matched with her just last week.
Hold on, let me see if I saved the photo…
Yes, here it is… She describes herself as ‘omnivore, artist, wanderer, always in search of the perfect word and the perfect martini.’ ”
“Wowww… You know what perfect word I’m searching for? Something that blows pretentious out of the water.”
“You know she’s just jealous of you, right?”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I’m serious!”
“There’s no way in hell that Liesl is jealous of a tutor who lives in Sunset Park.”
“She is. You know how she fancies herself a writer. She lost her mind when you had that piece published in The Cut.”
“I wrote about rich clients who didn’t let me use their bathrooms. So glamorous.”
“It went totally viral! And I’m always talking about how you’re such a great writer, which drives her nuts.”
“You’re my biggest fan,” Natalie said with a smile.
She thought about how Marigold had posted the link on all her social media accounts and even had two copies of the essays framed—one a gift for Natalie, one for Marigold, which she displayed proudly on her living room wall.
Not even Natalie’s parents had done that.
That was the thing about Marigold—she could be flighty and a little self-absorbed, but no one loved more fiercely than she did.
She wouldn’t be marrying Jonathan if she didn’t love him deeply, and it was time for Natalie to stop pretending otherwise.
Marigold was her best friend—the most loyal person Natalie knew—and she couldn’t betray her like this, indulging in stupid fantasies and obsessing over what might’ve been.
“Because you’re mega talented! And if you keep standing in your own way, I’m going to have to take drastic measures.”
Standing in my own way, Natalie thought. You have no idea…
It was too late to figure out what might’ve been with Jonathan, but that didn’t mean Natalie had to give up on all of her dreams. “Noted,” she said.
“Oh, wait, hold on… I have to go. I’ll text you when I land, okay?”
“Okay. Love you.”
“Love you.”
“What’d she say?” Natalie looked up to see Olivia watching her. Natalie panicked briefly as she reviewed her conversation with Marigold before assuring herself that she hadn’t said anything incriminating. Olivia knew that Marigold was about to board a flight to Maine. She didn’t know from where.
“Flight’s on time, so all good!”
Olivia gave her the penetrating look that made her such a fearsome litigator, but Natalie didn’t balk. Then she sighed and said, “I guess I’m not surprised she called you instead of me. I probably would’ve said something that sounded ‘judgy.’ ”
“You? Judgy? Never,” Natalie said.
“Okay, I deserved that. And I’m sorry for giving you such a hard time the other day.”
“Thanks,” Natalie said. “I appreciate that.”
“I know I can be a bit of a control freak. But I’m working on it.” Natalie raised her eyebrows, and Olivia laughed. “Fine, I could try harder. But trust me, this weekend has only served as a reminder that the more I try to control things, the worse they become.”
“Yeah, I get it,” Natalie said. “I think I do the same thing. But you’re just a lot better at it.”
“Trust me, I’m not.” She paused. “I suppose I need to accept that you can’t make people do things. Or not do things. You can only manage your own reactions.”
“If that’s the best insight you’re getting from your four-hundred-dollar-an-hour therapist, you’re getting ripped off,” Natalie said with a smile.
“Who said my therapist was four hundred dollars an hour?”
“Most people would’ve responded to that with ‘who says I have a therapist?’ ”
“Not in New York.” Olivia smiled back. “We should head back to your antique-filled prison. The inmates are getting restless. We need to distract them from the fact that Marigold’s MIA.”
“I’ll be there in a sec. There’s something I need to do first.”
Natalie found Susan Denver on the patio, surrounded by a stack of manuscripts. “Oh, hello there,” she said as Natalie approached. “You probably think I’m nuts, schlepping up here with all this paper. But I can’t edit on a computer. I’ve accepted that about myself.”
“No judgments here. I have six books in my suitcase. And a Kindle.”
Susan smiled. “I told my husband the story about you flying down to Florida with the horse, and we both cracked up. It’s such a great visual.”
Do it, Natalie told herself. Tell her about your book! She imagined Marigold giving her a big thumbs-up and mouthing, You’ve got this!
So what if she came across as pushy? She’d spent far too much of her life worrying about what other people might think about her.
It’d already cost her Jonathan, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to let it cost her a potential book deal.
“You know, I should’ve mentioned this the other day, but I’m actually querying a novel about an Upper East Side tutor.
I’ve been pitching it as The Nanny Diaries for tutoring. ”
“Really?” Susan’s eyes lit up. She opened her purse and rummaged for a bit before producing a business card. “Will you send it to me? I’d love to read it.”