Chapter 5
Enzo
The past week has been fucking exhausting.
Since the night at Paradiso, where I was paired with a fucking virgin, my anger has been growing. The attack on Gianna and Riccardo added jet fuel to the fire, and my rage is now a living, breathing inferno.
I got to take some of it out on Ryo Tanaka, the leader of the Yakuza’s son, but the relief didn’t last long.
The moment we landed in New York, I escorted Riccardo and Gianna to the Cosa Nostra’s hospital, where all the parents were already waiting.
Knowing they’ll be okay, I point my Mustang’s nose in the direction of my apartment.
The noise in my head is fucking loud, and I grip my steering wheel tighter, the engine roaring as I floor the gas.
It’s like a constant pressure, a chaotic energy I can’t separate into individual emotions. Not anger, fear, or anxiety, but all of it twisted into something relentless.
Most of the time, I can function through it. Other times, it’s so loud I can’t focus on a single thing.
Flashes of when I walked into the room and saw the red dragon tattoo bombard my mind. There was something about the woman I couldn’t place, and I wonder if I instinctively knew she was pure.
I ignored it, though, but feeling how fucking tight she was should’ve been a red flag. Instead, I trusted the process, that I was paired with a woman who wanted the same thing as me. No names. No talking. No fucking cuddling and getting to know each other.
I didn’t bother trying to make her come because I’ve dealt with that kind of request before, where the woman didn’t want to get off, so it wasn’t weird at all. I know some of them are into withholding orgasms, and when they finally ask for it, they come their fucking brains out.
Everything went by the book until I stepped into the adjacent bathroom and saw all the blood coating the condom and my pelvis.
I rushed back into the room, but the woman was already gone. The pillowcase was smeared with makeup, and there were wet blotches, telling me she had been crying.
She didn’t make any distressed sounds and not once said her safe word.
Taking a turn too sharp, the back of the Mustang skids, and I’m ripped out of my thoughts. I fight for control, and after regaining it, I pull over on the side of the road.
My place is just around the corner, but I switch off the engine and suck in deep breaths of air.
Just like my father, I struggle with emotions. It takes us a while to decompress.
Annoyance tends to overwhelm me, and regret cripples me, while anger can send me into a fit of rage.
I’ve spent my entire life terrified that I might hurt someone I love.
It happened a year ago when I almost drowned Rosie.
At first, I rejected Rosie because I value our friendship above all else, but after I hurt her, it fractured the meager chance of us being anything more.
If I ever hurt Rosie again, I’ll blow my fucking brains out.
That’s how much she means to me.
My phone rings, pulling me out of the mess that’s my mind. I let out an exhausted sigh while digging the device out of my pocket, and seeing Augusto’s name, I quickly answer, “Hey. Riccardo is safely at the hospital. He handled the flight okay. Your parents are with him.”
“Good. Thanks for watching over him.”
“Of course.”
“Listen…” Augusto’s voice sounds weird, and it makes a frown form on my forehead. “I have to tell you something.”
I glance at the other cars driving down the road, taking stock of my surroundings. “Okay.”
“We didn’t have Ryo Tanaka.”
My frown darkens. “So who did we beat up?”
“A body double.”
“He should’ve talked,” I mutter.
“She.”
The pressure in my head increases drastically, and a headache begins to pulse behind my eyes. “What?”
“We tortured a woman in that hangar, Enzo.”
Memories hit one of the after. The sound of her shoulder dislocating when I tackled her to the ground. Her skin ripping. Her blood seeping from the wounds and covering my fists.
A crack forms right through my fucking soul, and it feels like it rips me in half.
“Enzo?”
Spiraling hard and fast, I end the call. The device slips from my hand, and then I completely lose it.
I think I hit the steering wheel while shouting.
I hear the engine roar and the road rushing beneath the Mustang’s tires.
I can’t form a coherent thought and only feel the fury tearing through me as I drive.
Rosie
Seeing Augusto’s name, I answer, “You get three wishes. What can the genie do for you today?”
“Find Enzo right now.”
My fingers fly over the keyboard before the command even settles in my mind. The air bursts from my lungs as I gasp, “What happened?”
“I gave him bad news.”
The red dot appears on a map, and from how fast it’s moving, I can tell Enzo is speeding.
“He’s driving in my direction.”
“Oh, good. When he gets to you, try to calm him down,” Augusto says. “The body double for Ryo turned out to be a woman.”
“Jesus.” My eyes go wide as saucers, then I realize what it means. Augusto and Enzo tortured a woman. “God, that’s bad. How are you holding up?”
“I feel like shit,” Augusto admits. “Just fucking…”
My eyes stay glued to the red dot as I say, “I’m so sorry. You didn’t know.”
“Doesn’t make it any better.”
When it shows Enzo is here, I say, “He’s safe. Gotta go.”
We end the call while I pull up the exterior camera feed, and it’s in time to see Enzo climb out of his Mustang that’s parked haphazardly.
Not waiting for him to go through the scanning process, I open the heavy steel door, and once he’s in the underground parking area, I make sure it shuts behind him before I authorize all the elevators to open.
As soon as he steps into the first one, I get a close-up of his pale face and the sweat beading on his forehead.
My heart shrivels, and feeling his pain, I press the button for the intercom and keep my tone gentle as I say, “I’m here.”
He nods before looking down, hiding his face from my view, and I watch as he moves from one security point to the next.
Shoving my chair back, I shoot up and jog to the doors, and the moment they open and Enzo steps out, I grab hold of him.
His arms clamp incredibly tight around me, and hearing his ragged breaths, I instinctively press a kiss to his jaw while cradling the back of his head with one of my hands.
“You didn’t know.”
Instantly, Enzo pulls away from me, and stalking to my workstation, he begins to clean up.
Knowing it’s his way of coping, I rein in the urge to hold him and leave him be.
I return to my chair, but I can’t focus on work, conscious of every movement Enzo makes and how his breaths don’t calm down.
The energy coming from him is violent, and scared he might leave in this state, I activate the lockdown protocol.
Even if someone has a code, they won’t be able to get in, and there’s no way for Enzo to leave the building.
When the shutters lower over the windows, Enzo’s head snaps up. He watches as the sunlight disappears, and as the lights flicker on, he turns to look at me.
“I’m just keeping you with me until you’ve calmed down,” I explain.
He doesn’t reply and walks to the small kitchen, only to return minutes later with a mop.
I watch as he cleans every nook and cranny, and when there’s nothing else to do, he stops to stare at me.
Seeing he’s far from calm, I get up, but as I walk toward him, he shakes his head and steps backward.
Enzo’s eyes collide with mine again, and disgust ripples over his features. His lips part, and as he groans, my heart breaks into a million pieces from the wounded sound.
“Last week I hurt a woman,” he admits, his tone hoarse and broken. “A virgin. She didn’t divulge the information, and I hurt a fucking woman against my will.”
Overwhelming regret and guilt pour hot and fast through me. “I’m so sorry.”
He shakes his head. “And today I learned that I fucking beat another woman. I almost killed her and once a-fucking-gain it was because a woman hid the truth from me!” He shouts while his hands fly up, his fingers locking behind his neck as his chest rises and falls fast with harsh breaths.
“None of what happened is your fault,” I say, my tone pleading.
“I almost fucking drowned you last year!” There’s so much rage on his face, fear trickles into my chest. “I always fucking knew I’m too volatile.
When I hurt you, it just confirmed it. Then there’s the fucking virgin, and now this body double…
” His breaths come even faster, an expression I’ve never seen carving hard lines around his eyes and mouth.
“Three times. Three fucking times.” Shaking his head hard, he whispers, “I’m done, Rosie. ”
I shake my head. “Don’t, Enzo. You didn’t do any of it intentionally.”
“Three times,” he roars, unable to hear me because he’s too far gone.
His gaze drops to the floor, his teeth bared as he sucks in desperate breaths. “Three fucking times I’ve hurt a woman.”
Tears escape, rolling down my cheeks, as I whisper, “That’s not what happened.”
“It is!” His voice turns hollow. “I threw you into a pool, and you almost drowned. I was way too fucking rough with a virgin because she hid the truth from me. I tortured a woman because I was made to believe she was a man.”
I take a step toward him, but once again, he moves backward.
“Enzo...”
“I don’t care whose fault it was.” He drags a hand over his face. “The end result is the same.” His eyes meet mine again, and the disgust he feels for himself makes a sob burst from me. “Three women got hurt.” I’ve never seen him this upset before. “And I’m the common denominator.”
“You’re not.” My tone is pleading as I shake my head.
For a moment, I think about coming clean with Enzo so he won’t carry this crippling guilt, but something tells me to shut up. It will only make things a hell of a lot worse if he ever finds out I was the virgin, and it will be the end of our friendship.
“I’m so fucking done with everything.” The words come out quiet and broken.
Fear rushes through me, and forgetting about his boundaries, I move closer. “What does that mean?”
“No more women.” Enzo swallows hard before sucking in a rough breath. “No dating. No sex. No putting myself in situations where this can happen again.” His jaw clenches as he looks at me. “The only women I’ll allow close to me are my mother and sisters.”
My fear turns into panic at the thought of losing him. “And me?”
Enzo stares at me long and hard, and with every passing second, I become certain he’s going to push me away and end our friendship.
“You,” he whispers. “You’re the heart of the Cosa Nostra. You handle everything, so we have to work together, but…”
I slowly shake my head, giving him a pleading look. “Please don’t push me away.”
Enzo rubs his palm over his face again. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”
The instant he steps in my direction, I dart forward. When I finally get to hold him, sobs burst from me, and I grip him as if my very life depends on it.
“You have to promise me…” he groans, his breaths exploding in my hair. “Promise me that you will never let me hurt you, and if I do, cut all ties with me.”
Never.
“Promise me, Rosie,” he begs.
“I promise I’ll never turn my back on you.”
He shakes his head and pushes me away from him.
Wanting to get through to him, I say, “There is nothing you can do that will make me walk away from you. Our friendship is one of the most important things in my life, and it means sticking together through thick and thin.” There is so much regret in my chest, it feels suffocating because twice I’ve been responsible for hurting Enzo.
“You were put in situations against your will. That’s on the women. ” On me. “Not on you.”
“And what about you.” His eyes lift to mine again.
God. I never meant for any of this to happen and wish I could turn back time.
My mind races, and I finally latch onto something. “How many times has one of the guys thrown one of the women in the pool at a barbecue or party?” I wave an arm through the air. “Every single one of you has dunked me at some point. I’m the one who inhaled the damn water. That’s not on you.”
I’m the one who didn’t check who the man was and didn’t divulge my virginity. I thought it wouldn’t matter.
God, I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.
Closing the distance between us, I frame his clenched jaw with my hands and stare into his troubled eyes.
“You are the most amazing man on the face of this planet, Enzo. You are so caring and protective of everyone you love. You’re loyal to a fault, and you show up every single time someone needs you.
” I shake my head, giving him another pleading look.
“You make people feel safe. You’d give up your own happiness if it meant protecting someone you care about.
” Some of the darkness retreats in his eyes, and it spurs me on to keep going.
“You’re brave, even when you’re terrified.
You take responsibility for things that aren’t even your fault. ”
I brush my thumb over the rough stubble on his jaw. “You have the biggest heart of anyone I know, even if you believe otherwise.” Please hear me. “You care so deeply that it hurts you when someone else is suffering. You put everyone before yourself, and you never ask for anything in return.”
Lifting onto my toes, I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him tight. “I trust you, and there is nowhere I feel safer than when I’m with you.”
Enzo returns the embrace, and just as I think I got through to him, he whispers, “I wish I was the man you see.”
“You are.”
He pulls away again and walks toward the door. “Unlock the elevator so I can go clean your apartment.”
Glad that he’s not leaving the building, I enter the code and grab my phone and the central remote before joining him in the elevator. I scan my biometrics so we can go to the seventh floor.
When my lips part, Enzo shakes his head at me, his voice hollow as he says, “I’m done talking, Rosie.”
The doors open and he stalks into my home. For the next two hours, I sit on the couch and watch as he cleans every surface.
When he finally drops down on the other couch, letting out an exhausted sigh, I get up and crouch in front of him. I can feel his eyes on me while I remove his boots.
He still says nothing when I pull his gun from where it’s tucked into his waistband. I set it down on my coffee table, then taking hold of his shoulders, I give him a soft nudge.
“Lie down.”
I feel some relief when he listens. After he’s stretched out on the couch with one of the throw cushions tucked under his head, I sit down on the floor beside him and place my hand on his chest, over his heart.
He moves his right arm and rests his palm against the side of my neck while his left hand covers mine on his chest.
A heavy breath shudders from him as he closes his eyes, and I sit dead still, watching as he finally gives in to his exhaustion and falls asleep.
Silently, my tears begin to fall. I won’t forgive myself for the pain I’ve caused Enzo.
If there was any chance for us, it’s gone now.