Chapter 14
Enzo
It’s been a month since the fortress fell.
Thirty excruciatingly long days.
Looking down at my hands, I take in the rough and uneven skin over my knuckles. Some places have healed into thin pink lines, while others are still scabbed from where I keep splitting them open.
The backs of my hands are covered with faded bruises, more yellow than purple now, and the skin around my fingers is cracked.
Across the backs of my hands and up toward my wrists, the burns have healed into tight patches of pink and light brown skin, some smooth and shiny, others raised enough to feel when I drag my thumb over them.
I flex my fingers, and the healing cuts pull tight, the burned skin stretching with a dull sting.
The suit jacket covers my forearms, which don’t look any better. Scratches run through my tattoos, some shallow and silvering, others still angry and red. Burn scars mark the skin near my wrists and along the underside of my arms, rough patches left behind by heat, smoke, and falling debris.
A few deeper cuts from glass and concrete are still taking their time closing.
I would’ve walked through fire to get to Rosie. I would’ve burned myself to ash to make sure she lived.
Rosie.
Rosie.
Rosie.
Sitting in the pew at the cathedral where we were all baptized, I struggle not to lose my temper as I suck in a shuddering breath. “This is a waste of time,” I growl.
Beside me, Dad shoots me a dark scowl. “This is for everyone else. You’re not the only one who loved Rosie.”
She’s not dead. I refuse to believe it.
Gianna is seated on Dad’s other side, squashed in between him and Riccardo. My sister is fucking pale, her face devoid of any emotion.
I glance to the other row of pews where Rosie’s parents and grandparents take their seats.
Uncle Dario has practically moved into my apartment, and we’ve been relentlessly searching for any kind of trace, but we haven’t been able to find anything.
Rosie gave everyone trackers except herself, once a-fucking-gain putting herself last.
The instant I get her back, I’m putting a tracker in her myself.
Looking over my shoulder, I see business associates who flew in the past week. Constantin, the head of the Romanian mafia, Atanas, who’s in charge of the Bulgarian mafia, Devran, representing the Turkish, and Ryo from the Yakuza.
They’re all here to show their respect. It’s not just about the business ties. Most of them have worked with Rosie in some way.
As I turn my head back, my eyes land on the photo of Rosie, which Adriano puts down beside a table covered with white roses. There’s a big white screen set up for Rosie’s final message.
I look at the photo again, and the moment I lock eyes with Rosie’s, the emptiness staring back at me crushes the shards that are left of my heart.
It’s been so quiet without you.
So much fucking silence, it’s deafening.
Mom sits down on my other side, and caged in between my parents, it feels like a noose is tightening around my neck.
Once everyone has taken their seats, Adriano glances over the family. “Is everyone ready?”
The murmur of voices sounds like a forlorn wind rustling through the air.
Adriano presses play, and the next instant, a recording of Rosie jumps onto the white screen.
A painful whimper escapes Gianna, and I reach across Dad’s lap to grab her hand. Her fingers grip mine tightly, the dull pain reminding me of the day I dug through burning rubble to find the woman I love.
Rosie’s sitting in front of the wall of monitors in her fortress, and each monitor displays footage of her.
One shows where she’s sitting at the island in her parents’ kitchen, having dinner with them.
Another is of everyone at a barbecue, and Rosie is grinning that playful smile that was on her face every single fucking day.
Then I see one of us during a shopping trip a while back, where she holds my arm, leaning into me.
Seeing Alessio and Raffaele on the screen, my heart squeezes. Their bodies were found scattered around the site, along with the other men who died protecting Rosie. Because they weren’t inside when the fortress blew, they weren’t incinerated.
The Cosa Nostra held their funerals first, but they waited for the inspectors to change Rosie’s status from missing to presumed dead before making arrangements for today.
Even in death, she came last.
Anger burns hot through my chest, and I clench my jaw as I shake my head.
This is bullshit. We should be out there tearing the fucking world apart looking for her.
I glance over the rest of the monitors, realizing Rosie has put together a collage of the time she spent with us, and in the background, I can hear How Long Will I Love You by Ellie Goulding playing.
At first, I drink in the sight of Rosie, starved for any kind of interaction with her.
“Hi, everyone.” Rosie clears her throat and lifts her chin.
“First and foremost, I’m so incredibly sorry for the pain and inconvenience my death is causing you, but please know, I don’t regret what I did.
Not for a single second. Dying while protecting all of you is my greatest honor.
” Her voice cracks, and she glances down, taking deep breaths.
Hearing her voice, my body shudders so fucking hard that Mom grips my arm while Dad wraps his arm around my shoulders.
Gianna’s grip on my hand becomes more painful, and it helps me focus on Rosie’s message.
“I know what’s going to happen next,” Rosie says.
“You’re going to want revenge. Most of you are already planning how many bodies you’re going to stack on top of mine.
” She shakes her head, giving us a pleading look.
“Please don’t. I made my choice. Don’t waste your future trying to punish someone for it. I’m not worth losing any of you.”
Christ.
I suck in a shaky breath, and the incessant sting in my eyes increases.
“I died protecting the people I love, which means I won.” She leans forward, her beautiful face devoid of any makeup, and I devour every inch of her. “You hear me? I won. Don’t turn my victory into your tragedy.”
Fuck, I miss your voice, bella mia.
It’s been so fucking quiet without you popping up in my apartment and car. It’s like the very essence of life has been ripped out of the sky. Everything is dead without you.
“Go home,” Rosie orders. “Hold each other. Love each other. Mourn and cry all the tears, but then get up and live an epic life.” Her chin quivers, and it makes Aunt Eden sob heartbreakingly.
“My life was extraordinary because of all of you. So when you think of me, don’t stand at my grave.
Build a life so incredible that if there’s a way for me to see you, it will make me smile. ”
What fucking grave, Rosie?
Until I see your dead body, I refuse to believe you’re dead.
“My baby,” Aunt Eden weeps, and Uncle Dario lets out an agonizing groan.
Unable to stop the tears, they escape, and I’m too fucking broken to care about wiping them away, but Mom catches them with a tissue.
“That’s how I want to be honored, not with blood and more death.” Rosie gives us a loving smile. “You have all played such a huge role in my life, but can I please have a moment alone with my parents, Gianna and Enzo?” When movement fills the pews, Rosie says, “Goodbye, my beautiful family.”
“Wait for me to come get you,” Dad whispers as he climbs to his feet. Mom presses a kiss to my cheek before also giving Gianna one on the forehead. My sister scoots closer and grips my hand again while leaning her temple against my bicep.
Rosie tilts her head. “Hi, Mom and Dad.” Her voice grows hoarse.
“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me for the unbearable pain I’ve caused you.
That’s the last thing I wanted.” She looks up and takes a moment, then says, “You have given me such a beautiful life. Please remember all the good times we had together. I know I’m asking the impossible, but don’t let my death destroy you.
Open another soup kitchen in my honor.” She tries to smile.
“Adopt puppies and pour your love into them, but please continue living.”
Uncle Dario shakes his head while holding Aunt Eden tightly.
“Gianna.” My sister jerks once, then the sobs pour from her.
“God, I loved watching you find your happily ever after with Riccardo, and I’m so glad he’ll be there to help you through this.
I want you to know you were like a sister to me.
Grow old with Riccardo. Have babies and build a beautiful life with him. Live your life to the fullest for me.”
Rosie looks at the screen for a while, then says, “I want to be alone with Enzo.”
Gianna gives my hand a squeeze before she lets go, and I listen as they leave.
“Pause if we’re not alone,” Rosie whispers.
She looks down at something I can’t see, and when she lifts her head again, tears roll down her cheeks. A chuckle bursts from her. “Damn, no matter how many times I’ve tried, I just can’t get past this part without crying my eyes out.”
Slowly, my own tears fall as I stare at the woman I love. I kept my distance to keep her safe, and lost her anyway.
It was all for nothing.
After sucking in a shaky breath, she says, “There was nothing you could do to stop me from dying, Enzo. Don’t blame yourself. Whatever happened to make me push that button, it’s not on you. Shit just went epically wrong.”
Rosie brushes the tears from her cheeks, then sucks in a deep breath. As I stare into her eyes, she lets all her love for me show.
“You are such an incredible man. I know there were times my crush for you was annoying, but thank you for never letting me feel bad about it.”
“You never annoyed me, bella mia,” I whisper.
Smiling, she shakes her head. “Thank you for letting me stare at you as much as I wanted and never getting upset with me.” A chuckle bubbles over her lips.
“I mean, look at you. Hot, badass, in touch with your emotions. You’re so ridiculously beautiful, every other man pales in comparison to you.
” Lifting her eyebrows, she grins. “Oooh boy, I better be dead, or I’m going to struggle looking you in the eye after spilling my guts to you. ”
Somehow, she makes a smile tug at the corner of my mouth.
“I know you care about me, Enzo, and that was enough for me. You showed me in so many ways that I was important to you, and I’m thankful for every second you chose to spend with me.”
“But I didn’t tell you I love you,” I groan.
Regret soaks like a thick sludge into the destruction already sown in my chest.
“I want you to know there has never been anyone else.” She widens her eyes.
“I even tried the one time, and…” She shakes her head.
“Nah, I think I’ll keep that a secret, and when we meet in the afterlife I’ll tell you.
” Her chuckle fills the air again. “I lived my life loving only you, and I don’t regret it one bit.
If I got a chance to do it all over, I’d pick you again.
I love the way you make my heart skip a beat.
A single look from you makes my stomach flutter.
” Her expression turns soft. “I kept another secret from you, and now is as good a time as any to tell you.” She shrugs while giving me a playful grin.
“I’m not a slob. I made a mess so you would come and clean everything.
I soaked it up whenever you made a fuss about me. ”
“I knew, Rosie.” The words are nothing more than a whisper. “It wasn’t a secret.”
“I want you to find someone who you can love the way I’ve loved you.”
I shake my head, my jaw clenching as I groan, “Never, Rosie. It will always be you.”
“Stop being stubborn, and for the love of all that’s holy, stop beating yourself up for things that are out of your control.” She leans a little forward and narrows her eyes. “Or I swear to God, I will find a way to haunt you.”
“Please do.” I grip my shirt right over my heart and can’t keep a painful whimper from escaping. “Christ, Rosie. How do I live without you if you’re really gone?”
What if she’s dead?
What if…
“Close your eyes,” she says, her tone gentle.
When they drift shut, I swear I can feel her.
“I’m here, Enzo. You’re going to be okay.
None of this is on you. I pressed the button.
Don’t let my sacrifice be for nothing.” Her voice grows even softer.
“Take a deep breath and let it out slowly.” I do as I’m told.
“Know that I love you, that my heart will always be with you.”
I begin to shake my head again.
“Don’t fight it, Enzo. Let the pain move through you. Make peace with the fact that I’m gone, then get up and live the life I’ve always wanted for you. Let people in, the way you let me in.”
“You’re asking the impossible of me.” The agony destroying me makes my voice crack over the words.
“There is nothing I want more than for you to be happy.” She lets out a chuckle, and when I open my eyes, it’s in time to see her face crumble as she begins to cry.
“I wish it could’ve been with me, but we both know that was never going to happen.
” Rosie clears her throat and gives me a trembling smile. “I will always love you, Enzo.”
When the recording stops, I shoot to my feet. “No.”
I need more. So much fucking more.
More words. More smiles. More fucking time!
It feels like my heart is being obliterated all over again, then an arm falls around my shoulders. I realize it’s Dad as he pulls me into a hug, and I fucking break in ways I’ll never recover from.