Chapter 22
Rosie
Enzo hovers around me, helping me into the passenger seat of his Mustang, then he leans in, and I have to press back to avoid our faces touching.
His knuckles brush my ribs as he pulls the seat belt across me, and my eyes latch onto his hands before I can stop myself.
I wish I could erase the pain he must’ve felt.
I want to touch his hand… and take it between mine… and press my lips to every inch… Stop.
That’s never happening.
I curl my fingers into the sleeves of my sweater instead of reaching for him.
“Rosie,” he says, pulling me out of my thoughts
Realizing I’ve been staring, I quickly mumble, “Sorry.
His jaw tightens. “Don’t apologize.”
Why does everything feel weird between us?
It’s like we’re no longer on the same page.
Whatever that page was.
The broodiness is gone, and he doesn’t boss me around at all but treats me like I’m made of glass.
Ugh. I forgot.
I declared my undying love to him before I blew up the fortress, and again in the farewell message I made.
Shit.
As the thought pops into my head, I cringe internally.
Wait, it’s not like I hid my feelings from him to begin with. He always knew about the crush.
So, if it’s not that, then what's different?
“You’re being weird,” I mutter as he pulls back.
Instead of saying anything, he leans in again and presses a kiss to my forehead before shutting the door.
As he walks around the front of the car, I narrow my eyes at him, trying to figure out what’s going on.
The drive to his place is too quiet, and it makes me remember the days I used to do my best to annoy him with the silliest songs I could find.
Enzo keeps one hand on the steering wheel and the other close to me, resting near the center console, as if even the small space between us bothers him.
Every time we stop at a light, his gaze flicks to me.
Every time I move a muscle, he notices.
He’s watching me like I might vanish if he looks away, and I tell myself it’s because he probably feels guilty for not making it to me in time.
“I pressed the button,” I say, thinking that if we address the elephant in the room, things will return to normal. “The Bratva took me. None of that is on you, Enzo, so if you’re beating yourself up, please stop.”
“We’ll talk about it once we’re home.” That’s all he says, and it makes my worry spiral.
Oh shit. Is he angry with me?
My teeth tug at my bottom lip, and by the time he parks the Mustang in his regular spot, my stomach is a ball of nerves.
Chill, Rosie. What’s the worst that can happen? Enzo will lay into you, you’ll apologize, and things will return to normal.
Damn, this is going to suck ass, and honestly, I’m too tired to go up against Enzo in a fight.
The ride up to his apartment is filled with tense silence, and I begin to regret agreeing to stay with him.
As soon as the elevator doors open and we step into the foyer, I begin to ramble, “I’m sorry for everything, Enzo. Don’t be angry with me. I did what was necessary to protect the family. I had no idea they were coming for me and thought they were after the servers. I –”
Enzo bends and slides an arm beneath my knees, and another behind my back, then I go airborne. I grab hold of his shoulders and blink in shock as he carries me to the living room.
He carefully sets me down on the couch, then braces his hands on the backrest on either side of me.
Looking me dead in the eye, he says, “I’m not angry with you.
Stop stressing right this second.” I nod quickly, my gaze wide on him.
“Nothing is wrong. I’m fucking happy to have you back, and it just keeps hitting me in waves.
” I nod again. “So relax and get more rest because you’re far from recovered. ”
“Okay,” I whisper while taking deep breaths of his addictive scent.
Enzo moves to sit down beside me, and just as he takes hold of my hand, Gianna comes down the stairs.
“Rosie!”
I practically fly to my feet, which makes my head spin, and as I teeter to the side, Enzo grabs hold of me and shoves me back down onto the couch. “For the love of God, just stay seated and stop trying to move so fast. My fucking heart!”
A grin spreads over my face as I look at him. “There he is. I was worried I broke you.”
Gianna sits down on my other side and yanks me into a hug, then she sobs her heart out, and it makes me feel very emotional.
As my own tears fall, I feel Enzo’s hand rubbing up and down my back.
Gianna begins to calm down, and pulling back, she smiles at me. “It was hell without you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“This is not on you,” Enzo mutters softly.
“He’s right, Rosie,” Gianna agrees. “I’m just so thankful you’re back.”
I can see the questions forming on her face, but then Enzo says, “Rosie needs to get more rest.”
“Okay.” She gives me another hug. “Once you’re better and Enzo isn’t in overprotective mode anymore, we’ll hang out.”
“I’d like that.” I grin at her. “And a haircut would be nice.”
“You’ve got it.” Gianna kisses my cheek before she gets up. “Oh, everything is ready for you. I went to thrift stores and tried to get you as many retro pieces as possible.”
“Aww.” I grab hold of her hand and squeeze it. “Thank you so much. Come over tomorrow.” I jab a thumb at Enzo. “His overprotective ass can deal with us catching up for an hour or so.”
She nods and quickly gives me another hug before leaving.
When I get up, Enzo asks, “Where are you going? Do you need something? I’ll get it.”
Again, I sit down and turn my body to face his. “What’s with all this weirdness?” I frown at him. “Just tell me so we can clear the air and get back to how things were.”
For a moment, he doesn’t move, then he takes hold of my hand, and I feel the roughness of his scars.
“I fucking lost my mind.” He shakes his head, moving his other hand to cup my cheek as he leans closer. “I can’t live without you, Rosie. Having you back…”
My heartbeat speeds up drastically as emotions tighten his features.
“I love you, Rosie.”
Holy shit.
I blink at him, unable to process the words he just said, the ones I’ve wanted to hear for over a decade. It becomes almost too intense to keep eye contact with him.
“You are…” He pauses for a moment. “Fuck, you’re my soul. Without you, I’m nothing but an empty husk.”
My lips part as surprise crashes through me, and still I can only stare at him.
Enzo loves me? Like friendship love, brother love, or romantic love?
He must see the question on my face because he says, “I want to be with you in every way. A couple. Dating. Marriage. Kids. All of it.”
Again, I’m hit with a wave of surprise, and utterly overwhelmed, I can’t form a single word.
When I keep quiet for too long, he asks, “Why do you look like I just told you I’m an alien from outer space?”
I blink rapidly as some brain activity returns. “Are you?”
Jesus, this is the last thing I ever expected to hear from Enzo.
Wait…
“I know you missed me, but damn, don’t say stuff like that to me if you don’t mean it.”
“Rosie.” He leans even closer, and there is no doubt he’s being very serious when he says, “I love you.”
For a second, I forget how to breathe.
There’s no warning. Just those three words, spoken like they’ve been sitting inside him for years and he’s finally done holding them back.
Enzo loves me.
The realization hits so hard it hurts, and a breath whooshes from me as happiness bursts through me like fireworks.
After all the years of wanting him, of telling myself to stop, of pretending it didn’t hurt every time he walked away, he’s sitting here, holding my hand and giving me the one thing I never thought I’d have.
For one stupid, perfect second, I almost smile, but then the secret I’ve kept pops into my head, killing the tiny seed of hope that was starting to sprout.
Enzo doesn’t know I was the virgin from the club, and if he ever finds out, it would be the end of our friendship.
It will also hurt him even more knowing that’s how I lost my virginity. On cold sheets, with dimmed lights, and not even a how-do-you-do.
Just like that, the happy fireworks fizzle out, leaving nothing but heartache in their place.
Shit, what do I do?
Lowering my eyes, I pull my hand free and scoot a few inches away, while whispering, “We can’t do this.”
“Why?”
Because the tattoo isn’t going away, and that means we can never be intimate.
I swallow hard, but it does nothing to ease the lump growing in my throat. “You were right all those years.”
I dare a quick glance and see his jaw tighten and his eyes narrow on me.
“Our friendship is too precious to mess with.” I force the words out. “We can’t risk it.”
“We won’t risk it.”
When he reaches for me, I move even further back but then get up, and in desperate need of shutting this down, I say, “I can’t deal with this right now. I think I should go to my parents.”
Enzo shoots to his feet, shaking his head, panic flashing over his face. “Forget I said anything. Let’s get you to bed so you can rest while I fix you something to eat.”
I nod jerkily, doing my best not to burst out in tears, then to make matters worse, Enzo suddenly pulls me into a hug, his arms forming bands of safety around me.
I have zero fight in me, and the instant I press my face to his chest, sobs burst from me.
“Christ, Rosie. I’m sorry,” He says, his tone urgent. “I thought it would make you happy to hear I feel the same way about you.”
Suck it up, Rosie. You’re finally home. Enzo loves you. Even if you can’t be together, at least you have that.
“It’s just been a lot,” I mumble into his shirt.
“I’m sorry, bella mia. I should’ve waited and given you more time to recover.”
“It’s okay.” I pull away and use my fingertips to wipe the tears from my cheeks. “We can talk about it once I’m back to full strength.”
“Okay.” Again, he picks me up, and when my lips part to argue, he says, “You’re exhausted, and I didn’t help. Let’s just get you to bed so you can take a nap.”
Needing to be close to him, I wrap my arms around his neck and press my face to his throat.
God, I want to take a blow torch to my back, or rip every inch of skin off.
Now more than ever, I regret getting the stupid tattoo.
I shouldn’t be surprised when Enzo carries me to his bedroom, but I am.
You can address this once you’ve gotten some rest, Rosie.
Also, it would be so nice being surrounded by his scent while sleeping.
Enzo sets me down on his bed, then removes the ballet flats on my feet. When I pull the dark gray covers back and crawl beneath them, I feel his eyes on me.
As soon as I lie down and hug a pillow that smells like him, he sits on the side of the bed and rubs his hand over my back.
“You okay?”
Gripping the pillow tighter, I nod.
He leans over me and presses a kiss to my temple, then murmurs, “Have a good nap, bella mia. I’ll make your favorite for lunch.”
“BBQ pulled pork sandwich with coleslaw and fries?”
“Just the way you like it.”
Enzo gets up and walks to the door, but stops when I say, “Thank you for taking care of me.”
He gives me a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Anything for you.”
Leaving the door slightly open, he disappears down the hallway.
I lie in his bed for several long minutes, but my mind won’t quiet down.
I mean, Enzo just told me he loves me!
My bottom lip juts out, and when the tears come, I cry into the pillow.
Sob your little heart out, then get your shit together, because life has to go on, whether you’re ready or not.