Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Noah
Watching Tori lie by Scotty’s graveside broke something inside me that I don’t think will ever fully heal.
I have replayed the day we lost him over in my mind daily and carry the weight of his death on my shoulders.
It was my fault. I should have made a different choice, a better choice.
I should have noticed the sniper. I should have taken him out before he got to Scotty.
The military counselor has assured me it was a freak accident, part of being a soldier, a risk we take, an unfortunate event that likely couldn’t have been prevented.
But I know, I feel it in my bones, and now hearing that Scotty is…
was going to be a dad, and he won’t be here to meet and raise his child is something I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to fix.
I gave Scotty my word that I would tell Tori he loved her and look out for her, and that now extends to his unborn baby.
This should be easy for a friend to do, but I’ll always see Tori as more than just my friend, and until now, I’ve managed to cope with my feelings by keeping her at arm's length as much as I could, but Scotty needs me to be there for her, and she needs a friend, so whatever fucked up feelings I have for her need to be gone and buried for good. This isn’t about me; it’s about them now and helping them through this.
Maybe this is my redemption. If I can show up and be there for them, I can try to forgive myself for what I’ve done.
I have failed a lot of people in my life.
I couldn’t fix my mom and her addictions, I couldn’t protect my sister from foster care, and I couldn’t save Scotty from that bullet, but maybe I could save Tori and the baby.
She fell asleep in my arms beside his grave sometime in the early hours, when the morning dew was forming on the grass, and when the birds began chirping as the sun was just beginning to peek through the mountains.
It really is the most beautiful and serene place to be. Maybe this is what heaven is like.
I angle my head to look down at her. Her long lashes fan over her pale cheeks, and she looks peaceful.
I’d imagine it’s the first decent sleep she’s had in weeks, and it brings me a tiny piece of relief that I could do that for her, and if it meant she could sleep peacefully every night, I’d hold her in my arms forever.
She stirs beside me, and I loosen my hold, and watch as her eyes flutter open.
A brief smile graces her face and there’s a faint glimmer in her sleepy eyes.
I watch as the reality dawns on her and that glimmer turns to dimness and the smile leaves her face as she remembers she has woken up in a world where Scotty is no longer breathing, and instead, she’s here with me.
“Thank you for staying with me,” she says with a morning rasp to her voice.
“It’s no trouble. I wanted to stay. I wasn’t leaving you alone,” I reassure.
She sits up, rubbing her face with the palms of her hands. I stand and stretch, feeling my spine crack.
“I’ll take you back to your hotel,” I say as I pick up my jacket and hold out a hand to help her up.
She takes my outstretched hand, and I pull her up with more ease than I should be able to. She needs to eat and take better care of herself. Getting her to eat will be my number one job today. She brushes her hands down her black dress and tucks her long, dark hair behind her ear.
“Can I, um, have a minute alone please?” she stammers, and I nod in understanding before I walk over to Scotty’s grave and press my hand to the cold headstone.
“See ya later, buddy. I’ll be back soon.
” I tap the stone and give Tori a small smile.
She gives me one back, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.
As I walk away, a sinking feeling in my stomach lets me know this painful journey of helping her heal from this tragedy, helping and watching her raise Scotty’s baby, all while burying my feelings for her, has only just begun, and I know it will be the hardest war I’ll ever have to fight in.