Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Tori
I did it. I got up in front of hundreds of people and told my story.
I’ve lost sleep over it this week, but I did it.
I just hope I made Trent proud. After my speech, I was introduced to more people from the charity, and they thanked me for my powerful words and for my support, but really, they have helped me.
They were what I needed and helped me connect with people in the same situation as me. It was a healthy way to heal.
Needing a second to just catch my breath and have a moment alone, I excuse myself and head outside to the terrace that overlooks the Thames, and I’m thankful when I find myself alone. It’s a warm summer evening here in London, but the river brings a welcome breeze.
I plant my hands on the rails of the balcony and close my eyes, taking in a deep breath as a hundred different emotions run through my brain, and of course, my thoughts lead to Noah.
I wish he could have been here tonight. Maybe I should have asked him.
It’s been five years. He’s probably moved on, maybe even met someone.
I think clearing the air with him is the last piece to my healing puzzle.
I decide I’m going to get in touch with him and have the conversation I have avoided for so long.
I push back off the railings and turn to head back inside, but my body freezes, and I have to take a beat to make sure what I’m seeing is real and not a figment of my imagination.
“Noah?”
Is all I manage to say. I blink, expecting him to disappear but he doesn't. He stands in front of me dressed in his formal military uniform and the attraction to him is still there, maybe even stronger now if the way my heart flutters and my body heats at the sight of him is anything to go by.
“Hey, Tor.”
Those two words make my feet move without thinking.
Like a magnet, I’m drawn to him. I fling my arms around him and bury my face into his neck, inhaling his familiar cedar wood scent that reminds me of home, and let my body melt into his.
He hugs me back just as tightly, and I pray he never lets me go.
“I’ve missed you too,” he whispers.
I cling on tighter in fear that this could be a dream, and he will disappear.
“Are you really here?” I ask.
“Yes, darlin’, I’m really here.”
I lean back and cup his face, inspecting every inch of him. There’s a new small scar above his right eyebrow, a few extra creases around his eyes, but it’s him. It's my Noah.
“It’s really you,” I confirm more to myself than anything.
“You look good, Tor. I’m so fucking proud of you. I saw your speech. Scot… Trent, would be so proud.”
I chew the inside of my cheek and fight back tears. He saw.
I let go of his face, and my hands fall to his chest, my fingertips stroking over the row of medals on his jacket. More have been added since I last saw him in a uniform.
“You’ve been busy,” I state.
“So have you.”
“I can’t believe you came here. For me?” I say it more like a question than a statement.
“I’d do anything and go anywhere for you. You should know that.”
I let his words sink in, my heart thumping wildly as I try to process it all. He’s here. In London. He came here for me.
These are for you. He hands me the bouquet of wild daisies that I hadn’t noticed he had been holding. I bring them to my face, inhaling the honey scent, and smile. My favorites.
“Thank you. They’re beautiful.”
“You’re welcome.”
“How long are you here for?”
“I have to fly back tomorrow afternoon. I deploy in the evening.”
My eyes widen. “You flew all the way here for less than 24 hours?” Emotion clogs my throat. Even after all this time, and after everything that happened between us, he came all this way for me.
He strokes his gloved hand across my cheek, and I can’t help but melt into his touch all over again.
“Like I said, Tor, I’d do anything if it meant I got to see you. I’m just sorry it took me so long to pluck up the courage to do it.”
“Then we’d better make the most of it.”
It’s like no time has passed. The conversation is easy; I’ve laughed more in the past twelve hours than I have in the past five years.
I don’t know why I feared seeing him again; it just feels so easy, so natural being around him.
He’s shared what he can about his new role in the special forces and the deployments he’s been on.
It’s obvious he’s been through a lot. We walked around London all night, stopping at random pubs that were open, food carts, and sat by the Thames as I shared things about my new life in London.
When the 2am chill in the air hit, like the gentleman he is, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around me.
“I find it so weird they call these chips,” Noah says, holding up a fry from the portion we’re sharing.
I laugh as I take a bite of one. “I know, when I first got here, I ordered some chips thinking I was getting a bag of Lays, and they brought out a big bowl of fries. I was so confused, but I’m used to it now.”
“London looks good on you.” He gives my thigh a squeeze.
“Thanks. I love it here. It’s been nice having Harry here, but he belongs in New York, especially now he has Ali. I’m sorry you missed them. They left early. Ali flies home tomorrow, well, today now.”
“That’s okay. I saw them last week at the wedding. I thought something was going on with them. They are usually at each other’s throats, but they were too nice to each other.”
I laugh, “Harry is trying to play it off like they are just friends, but I think it’s love.”
“Good for him,” Noah says with sincerity in his voice.
“He deserves to be happy. He’s been through a lot.”
“So do you,” Noah says, covering his hand with mine. “Have you met anyone?” he asks with hesitation in his tone.
I shake my head. “No, you?”
“No, single as a Pringle.” I burst out laughing.
“Single as a Pringle?” I repeat.
He chuckles. “Yep, can you tell I spent the week hanging out with my nieces? Lexi asked if I had a girlfriend, and I said no, and she told me I was a single Pringle. Got to love seven-year-olds.”
“I still can’t believe Jack and Ria got married. How do you feel about it? Is it weird—your sister and your best friend?”
“No, not really. I think I always knew there was something there. I’m just happy they found their way to each other. They were always meant to be.”
I take another bite of my chip, needing to change the subject before my mind drifts to a place where the idea of Noah and I lives.
“You have two nieces now, right?” I ask, remembering Harry mentioned Ria had a second daughter before her marriage ended.
“Yeah, Elle, she’s a cutie. I’m sure it won’t be long before Jack and Ria have more.”
I nod in agreement, and I can’t help the pang of jealousy for the life I’ll never have. I made the decision when I moved here that marriage and kids weren’t on the cards for me. Sure, I’d like to meet someone, but the whole settling down thing, I just don’t think it’s for me anymore.
“I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about this if it’s too hard,” Noah says.
“No, it’s fine. I’m in a good place now. I’ve healed, and I’m happy.”
His eyes crease as he smiles back at me.
“Happy looks good on you, Tor.”
“And what about you?” I ask. “Any plans to leave the special forces and settle down?”
“Not yet.”
A silence falls between us. I look out at the sun rising over the Thames and realize I only have a few hours left with him. Who knows when I’ll see him again? And the thought forms a pit of dread in my stomach, because sitting here with him like this, I can’t imagine not seeing him again.
“Thank you for coming. It’s meant the world to me,” I confess.
“Of course, I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I wasn’t sure if you were ready to see me, but I got your letter, and I came as soon as I could.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I should have come and seen you. I was the one who walked away and—”
He interrupts me by taking my hand in his, and my skin tingles at the contact.
“You were right to walk away. I thought I was helping you, but I think I was keeping you from truly healing.”
“No, you saved me in ways I can’t explain, Noah, but I know I was leaning on you in ways that weren’t healthy or fair to you, and then, that night happened and…” I stop, unable to finish my words. I’ve replayed that night over and over again in my mind, wondering how it could have gone differently.
“And for the record, I don’t regret that night. I have done many things in my life that I regret, but I could never regret you, Noah.”
I watch the relief leave his body when his shoulders soften, and his head falls back.
“You’ve no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”
“I’m sorry it took so long. I think we were two people who were trying to heal and grieve, and the lines got a little blurry. I never wanted to lose you, but I think I needed to, to find myself again.”
He turns his body to face mine, our eyes lock, and all those feelings that I have tried so hard to bury resurface.
“You don’t need to be sorry. Like I said, you were right to walk away. Truthfully, I was leaning on you just as much. When you left, I was forced to deal with my emotions and make sense of it all. I had to face some ugly truths. It hurt to lose you, and I want you back in my life, Tor. As friends.”
“I’d like that.” I agree, trying to ignore that pang of disappointment at the word friends.
He holds out his hand for me to shake in the same way he did the very first time we met, and the memory has me smiling. I think I knew then this man would be different.
“Friends.”
I toss my head back and laugh. “So formal Mr. Jones.”
He shrugs with a knowing look in his eyes, “Yeah, well, a handshake felt like the safer option.”
His words hang in the air around us, and I choose to ignore the meaning behind them, because I don’t want anything to ruin this moment. So, I slide my hand into his, and we shake slowly.
“Friends.”
He keeps a hold of my hand and pulls me up to stand “Come on, let me walk you home.”