Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
Tori
The last time I rode a horse was at the grief retreat in Texas.
I grew attached to a white horse named Daisy, who I loved because she made me think of Noah.
That horse and the bond we created enabled me to really get in touch with my feelings and open myself up again.
It’s why I let Noah in, and then I ruined it by pushing him away.
I think I’ll always live with that regret.
So many years we lost due to fear, but sometimes things must fall apart to be able to rebuild into something stronger, into something that was always meant to be.
As much as I hated those years without Noah, I think it’s led us to this point, and the people we are now.
My grief over the years has been a constant reminder of my love for Trent, and if it disappeared completely, it would mean that he would too.
That’s something I would never want. Trent was a part of my story, the baby I lost was a part that shaped me into the person I am today and although I never imagined I’d become this version without them, I am thankful for the time I had with Trent and the mark he left, and for those reasons, I will always honor his memory and what he meant to me and I’m so grateful that Noah allows me to do that.
Maybe it’s okay to love them both, in different ways of course, but maybe there’s space in my heart for them both.
My love for one doesn’t diminish the other.
Trent and I didn’t end in the traditional sense.
There was no breakup, no natural ending to accept.
He just went away, and I’ll never see him again, and that is a painful type of breakup to accept, but I know he would want me to be happy.
Trent was my first, my past, and Noah is now my now, and hopefully my future, and if I’m lucky enough, my forever.
We just need to have some open and honest conversations while I’m here and figure out exactly where we stand and what we want.
Noah guides his horse with ease. I swear, there is nothing this man can’t do. He borrowed some horses from a local farm that is now owned by one of Trent’s cousins, Chase, who is an ex NBA player and lives on the farm with his family.
Noah dips his dark Stetson hat. I think I have been frothing at the mouth, gawking at him the entire ride. He glances over his shoulder at me with a smile that nearly has me sliding off this horse. “You doing okay back there, darlin’?”
I flick the reins on my horse, encouraging her to speed up, and when we reach Noah, I slow her down.
“Where did you learn to ride?” I ask as we begin a slow trot side by side through a large clearing in the trees. It’s so beautiful and tranquil.
“Work. You never know when you might have to steal a horse to get out of somewhere,” he says, eyes focused on me.
I chuckle, “You’re joking, right?”
“I wish.”
I sit with his answer for a second and try to comprehend all the things he must have seen and done throughout his military career and how it’s shaped him into the man he is today.
“You are a man of many talents, Mr. Jones,” I say, my tone flirtatious.
“You have no idea.” He says with a wink, and I feel my cheeks heat.
“Do you think you will ever leave? Find something new to do?” I ask, tone hesitant.
He adjusts his hat and clears his throat. “I used to think I’d stay in until my time was up. I never had a reason to leave.”
I anxiously fiddle with the worn leather reins between my fingertips, processing his answer, but then he continues, “But I’m starting to think I have a pretty good reason to think about leaving.” If I could lean over and kiss him right now, I would. Hope blooms in my chest.
Am I the reason?