Chapter Sixty-Four
Tori
I jolt awake, sweat trickling down my neck, my t-shirt clinging to my damp skin and baby bump.
Something is wrong.
I clutch my belly, rubbing it and then using my fingers to patter over my belly button, desperate to feel her move.
When I feel the familiar pressure of her rolling around inside and the gentle kicks against my ribs, I sag in relief, and yet I still can’t get rid of the niggling feeling that something is wrong.
I tell myself it’s my anxiety; that with my pending due date and radio silence from Noah in the past week, no wonder my nervous system is out of whack.
I get out of bed and pad across the room to the bathroom, splashing my face with cold water, and with a shaky hand, I take a sip of water from the bottle I left by the sink earlier, desperately trying to wash away this dread.
Fear squeezes my chest as dread pools in my stomach, and it feels too hard to take in a full breath as old feelings of panic flood my veins. What if something has happened to Noah? What if that knock on the door is just moments away, and I’ll have to accept a life without him?
I think about running to my brother, to get him to save me, but when the baby kicks, it gives me the willpower to lower myself to the ground and press my back flat against the wall. I take deep, centering breaths in and out as I cradle my belly.
As my system slows and taking a breath begins to feel a little easier, I let my heavy eyelids flutter shut and soak up the silence.
I did it. With the silent encouragement from my baby, I did it.
I wasn’t sure how I was going to cope during this stage of pregnancy, especially without Noah, but it’s true what they say, the moment you see those two lines, you become a mother, and with that comes this primal need and urge to protect.
Even in my weakest moments, I feel strong because of her.
Because she is relying on me, and that knowledge gives me a quiet strength I’m not sure I would have gained had it not been for her or Noah.
I brush the palm of my hand in soothing strokes over my bump, realizing that she was sent to save me.
To heal the final broken parts I wasn’t able to mend.
She’s given me a reason to carry on, to have faith that even in the darkness there was a moment of light, and Noah was the light that gave me her and a reason to try even harder to heal.
Having her tucked safely inside of me makes me feel closer to Noah. It brings me an inner peace that I have only known in Noah’s arms until now.
I could become a victim of my circumstances or choose to get up, dust myself off, and fight, so that’s what I do.