30. Jamie #2
Not because I want to.
Because she'd expect me to.
The next day my trainer, Mark, watches me finish another light-contact practice.
"How's the shoulder?"
"Good."
"The ribs?"
"Good."
He scribbles another note on his clipboard.
"Looks like you're almost ready."
Almost.
It's strange.
For months...
Getting back on the ice was all I wanted.
Now...
It doesn't feel like enough.
Because the person who fought harder than anyone to get me here...
Won't be standing in the arena to see it.
***
Life keeps moving whether I'm ready or not.
Media requests start showing up again.
Coach eases me back into team meetings.
The guys stop treating me like I'm made of glass.
Liam starts chirping me again.
Toby quietly hands me a coffee before every morning skate.
Nobody says Annette's name anymore.
I think they're trying to protect me.
It almost works.
Until...
Mrs. Alvarez smiles one afternoon as I finish another set of shoulder exercises in the gym.
"She'd be proud of that range of motion."
The words slip out before she can stop them.
Neither of us says anything for a moment.
Finally, she clears her throat. "You've worked hard."
I nod once. "So did she."
Her smile softens. "Yes." She did.
That evening I stop by the grocery store on my way home.
An elderly woman reaches for a case of bottled water sitting on the bottom shelf of her cart.
Without thinking, I step forward.
"I've got…"
I stop. My shoulder isn't ready for that much weight. For one heartbeat, frustration flashes through me.
Then another memory follows. Annette's fingers resting lightly against my sleeve, not stopping me.
Simply reminding me that healing isn't weakness.
I look toward a teenage employee stocking shelves nearby.
"Hey, could you give her a hand?"
He smiles immediately. "Of course."
Together they lift the water into her trunk.
The woman thanks all three of us. As I walk back to my truck I catch myself smiling.
Not because I helped.
Because this time I helped the way Annette would've wanted me to.
Without risking everything to do it.
Somewhere over the last six weeks...
She'd changed more than my shoulder.
She'd changed me.
***
Eight weeks later...
Mark lowers his clipboard and smiles. "Congratulations, Captain."
I frown.
"That's it?"
"That's it."
He extends his hand. "You're officially cleared for full contact."
For months, I'd imagined what this moment would feel like.
Victory.
Relief.
Freedom.
Instead, I find myself looking toward the hallway.
For one impossible second, I expect to see Annette standing there with that quiet smile she always tried to hide whenever I reached another milestone.
The hallway is empty. Coach claps me on the shoulder. The guys cheer.
Liam pretends to wipe away a tear.
Even Caleb grins.
I smile because they're happy.
Not because I am.
Most of the celebration drifts toward the parking lot.
I linger behind. For some reason I want to talk with Mrs. Alvarez and let her hear about my progress. I head to the Walker Center where I began this healing journey and find her
watering the plants near the therapy gym.
"I hear that you should be celebrating."
" I guess. Small town, eh?"
She sets the watering can aside. "You don't sound very convincing."
I manage half a smile. "I always thought getting cleared would feel... bigger."
"It usually does."
I lean against the wall, folding my arms carefully across my ribs.
"Can I ask you something?"
She nods.
"Did I do something wrong?"
Her forehead creases.
"With Annette."
The words scrape against my throat. "Did I miss something?"
Mrs. Alvarez doesn't answer immediately. She looks down at her hands. Then back at me.
"No."
The answer comes so quickly I almost don't believe it.
"No?"
She shakes her head. "You treated that young woman with more kindness and respect than most people ever experience."
"Then why did she leave?"
A long silence stretches between us. Finally...she sighs.
"Jamie..."
She chooses her words carefully. "Sometimes people walk away because they believe they're protecting someone they love."
I stare at her. "What?"
The color drains from her face. For just a heartbeat she looks as though she'd like to take the words back.
"I..."
She stops. "I'm sorry."
"No." I straighten. "What did you mean?"
She hesitates. "I shouldn't have said anything."
"Mrs. Alvarez..."
Her eyes fill with regret. "Annette never stopped caring about you."
My heart pounds.
"She told you that?"
"No."
"Then how do you know?"
Another long silence. Finally, she smiles sadly. "Because I watched the way she looked at you."
I can't breathe.
"People don't look at someone like that unless they love them."
The hallway suddenly feels too small.
Too quiet.
Every conversation.
Every smile.
Every argument.
Every goodbye.
My mind races through them all.
Have I been wrong?
Have I misunderstood everything?
Mrs. Alvarez gently touches my arm.
"Go home, Jamie."
I look at her.
"And think about why a woman who loved helping everyone..."
She pauses.
"...might believe leaving was the only way she could help you."
I drive home with one question echoing through my head.
Not once.
Not twice.
A hundred times.
What if Annette never stopped loving me?
What if...
She left because she believed I deserved a future without her?
One thought refused to leave me.
I've spent eight weeks believing Annette had walked away from me.
What if she'd been trying to save me instead?
Annette spent months teaching me that healing meant asking for help.
Then she carried this alone.