35. Jamie #4
"I've been thinking about that day ever since the day you left.
" My voice is quieter now, stripped of every defense I've ever built around myself.
"I kept replaying everything I'd left unsaid.
Not because I didn't love you enough to tell you...
but because I convinced myself there would always be more time. "
I shake my head. "There almost wasn't."
Annette's eyes shimmer, but she doesn't look away.
"I realized something." I smile sadly.
"I've spent years carefully deciding which pieces of my life people were allowed to see. The hockey player. The captain. The guy who volunteers at the rehab center. The man who shows up at charity events."
I pause, searching for words that have lived inside me for far too long.
"But there was always one room I kept locked."
My gaze drifts around the penthouse.
"This wasn't the room."
I tap my chest lightly. "This was."
The silence that follows doesn't feel empty. It feels honest.
"I told myself I was protecting my privacy. Sometimes I was. Sometimes I was protecting my family. But if I'm completely honest..."
I meet her eyes again. "...most of the time I was protecting myself."
She gives my hand a gentle squeeze.
"From what?"
"From wondering."
I swallow. "Wondering whether people would still see Jamie. Or whether all they'd see was the money."
The confession leaves me feeling strangely lighter.
"I've watched it happen before. People's expectations change. Conversations change. Suddenly they're careful around me. Or impressed by something I didn't earn. Or suspicious of motives that were never there."
I shrug helplessly. "I hated it."
"So, I learned to separate my worlds."
I smile without humor. "It worked so well that sometimes I think I separated parts of myself too."
Annette's expression breaks my heart. Not because she pities me. Because she understands me.
"So, when I fell in love with you..."
A quiet laugh escapes me.
"...I did the one thing I promised myself I'd never do."
"I decided to let you into almost every part of my life."
I glance around the room.
"My parents."
"The foundation."
"My teammates."
"My fears."
"My dreams."
"Our future."
I look down at our joined hands before raising my eyes to hers once more.
"But not all of me."
My words barely rise above a whisper. "Because I didn't know how."
Neither of us speaks for several seconds. The room is so quiet I can hear the soft hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen and the distant murmur of traffic twenty floors below.
Then I finally say the words that have been waiting in my heart for months.
"Because I don't want you to know only half of me."
Annette closes her eyes. A single tear slips free.
"If we're going to build a future..." I continue, my voice unsteady now, "...you deserve all of me."
"The good parts."
"The broken parts."
"The parts everyone sees."
"And the parts I've spent my whole life hiding."
***
She lifts our joined hands and presses them gently against her heart.
When she speaks, her voice is soft enough that I have to lean closer to hear it.
"Oh, Jamie..."
She smiles through tears. "I fell in love with all of you long before you knew how to show me all of you."
The words settle into every place fear has lived inside me. She reaches up and cups my face with both hands, her thumbs brushing away tears I hadn't realized were there.
"Do you know what I saw when I walked into this penthouse tonight?"
I shake my head.
"I saw books with dog-eared pages because someone actually reads them."
"I saw a blanket folded over your favorite chair."
"I saw photographs of children whose names you've never forgotten."
"I saw a picture of Toby asleep with popcorn all over his shirt."
A watery laugh escapes both of us.
"I saw your parents."
"Your family."
"Your friends."
"Your life."
She smiles. "I didn't see a billionaire. I saw the same man I've loved since the day you stubbornly argued with me about following doctor's orders."
I laugh quietly.
"I was right."
"You absolutely were not."
We both smile. Then her expression grows serious again.
"The money is simply one fact about your life."
"It isn't your character."
"It isn't your kindness."
"It isn't your faith."
"It isn't your heart."
She gently rests her forehead against mine. "And that's the man I’ve fallen in love with."
***
The last knot I've carried for years loosens so completely it almost takes my breath away.
I hadn't realized how tightly I'd been holding it. How deeply I'd believed that one hidden part of my life made me somehow harder to know. Harder to love.
Annette kisses me before I can find words.
There is nothing hurried about it. Nothing uncertain. It's the kind of kiss that says I'm still here. The kind that quiets fears no amount of reassurance ever could.
When we finally part, neither of us moves very far.
She smiles.
"So..."
I brush a strand of hair behind her ear.
"So?"
"No more secrets."
A smile slowly spreads across my face. "No."
I lean forward and kiss her forehead. "No more secrets."
Outside, the lights of Frostholm continue shining beneath the winter sky. For years I'd believed this penthouse protected my biggest secret.
Tonight, it witnessed something far better.
Not the end of a secret.
The beginning of complete trust.