16. Leila
Leila
B oth legs bounce against the console of Drew’s truck as we pull into his parents’ gravel driveway, anxiety coursing through my body at an alarming rate.
It’s weird. For some reason, it is unsettling to realize that the ranch house still looks the same as it did the last time I saw it.
The white wraparound porch is pristine and accented with hanging plants, while a swing and rocking chairs occupy the larger corner.
I used to love sitting out here, watching the sun set over the fields as the horses grazed.
The sounds of town are distant, allowing nature’s smaller critters to be heard.
Peace. Something I used to know. Something I long to find again.
The last time I saw any of them was right after everything went down with the deadbeats.
Decade-old memories don’t soothe the tension in my gut.
Some of it is residual from the panic attack earlier.
While I was able to sleep off some of the weariness, I’m still a touch groggy.
Drew tried to get me to reschedule this little get-together, if only until tomorrow, but I’ve already kept their granddaughter away for two months.
Surely, there has to be some sort of animosity built up, even if his parents don’t want to admit it.
Hell, I hate myself for not doing more. For not calling Drew more often.
For not checking in on him after I found out about his accident.
For not making sure he and his family were a part of Kaia’s life from the beginning.
Sure, I reached out a few times, but I could have tried harder.
Could have called his mom or asked Kristen to tell him.
That’s on me, and I’ll have to live with the guilt that I deprived our daughter of the only grandparents she’ll ever know.
“Breathe, Leila Grace.” Drew’s voice startles me enough to bring my focus back to the passenger seat of his truck.
It’s then I realize I’m gripping my seatbelt tight enough for my knuckles to turn white.
His fingers gently pry mine loose before he wraps his much larger hand around mine and lifts it to press his lips along my knuckles.
I suck in a breath at the intimacy but refuse to let myself shy away.
I said I was done running, and I meant it.
At least, I think I did.
I groan, my eyes closing as I lean back against the headrest. I’m borrowing panic from future situations. Therapy has at least taught me to recognize that much.
If I’m being honest with myself, I love the way he still treats me like I’m his without a second thought.
It seems like it’s second nature for Drew still, which makes me feel not quite so far out of my element.
Because I still catch myself wanting to say and do things that aren’t appropriate for us.
Like staring at his ass as he walked away this morning, his Wranglers doing everything right in accenting his butt.
He wasn’t cursed with no-ass-at-all disease like most guys around here.
And the backward ballcap with all his little curlycues sticking out from underneath?
Geeze, you’d think I was still that little fourteen-year-old with a crush on her best friend.
Now, I’m just a twenty-six-year-old single mom with a crush on her baby daddy.
“Mom’s excited to see Kaia again, and Dad is excited to meet her,” Drew says, pulling me from my thought spiral. “But if at any point this starts to become too much, just say the word and we’ll bounce. They’ll understand.”
I glance at the precious baby girl blowing bubbles in the back seat in the new car seat Drew must have had overnighted.
She’s more than content after getting all the snuggles and sunshine she could handle from Uncle Gavin.
“This is a good thing. The right thing,” I whisper, trying to convince myself as much as Drew.
He squeezes my hand again. “Just because something is right for one person, doesn’t mean it’s right for you, Leila.”
Taking a deep breath to settle my nerves, I give his hand a small squeeze in return before opening my door and slipping out, the familiar feel of loose gravel crunching under my shoes.
Mrs. Flynn is on the porch before we make it to the steps.
I fully expect her to snatch the infant carrier from Drew’s hand, but she pulls me into her arms instead, squeezing me tight.
We are nearly the same height, and it’s instinctual to settle my head on her shoulder as I soak in the hug I desperately need.
“We’ve missed you so much, Leila Grace,” she says, her voice cracking with emotion. It’s almost too much, almost breaks my shields wide open.
“I’m so sorry,” I mumble into her shoulder, but she strokes my back gently, soothing me like a child. Like her child.
“None of that, sweet child.” She steps back, not-so-discreetly dabbing the corner of her eye.
“Now, let’s get that precious baby out of the heat so I can get some more snuggles while we wait on dinner to finish cooking,” she says before ushering us into the house.
The open floor plan allows Declan and Kristen to wave at us from their place by the screened back porch where the large red cedar picnic table still sits after all these years.
I offer a tentative smile and wave, Drew’s presence at my back the only thing keeping me from running for the door.
The next voice I hear nearly brings me to my knees, and I barely contain the sob that threatens to burst free at the sight of Drew’s father. “Leila Grace Barrett, as I live and breathe.”
He barely has the words out before I sling myself into his chest. While both of Drew’s parents played an integral part in my upbringing, Mr. Flynn took on the “dad” roll when Gavin and I lost ours.
He made sure to attend every school function, hauled the trailer to all of my brother’s roping competitions, and made an appearance at every softball practice and game for the short time I thought I could be athletically inclined with anything that included a spherical object.
There’s a reason I stick to running and boxing.
“Oh, how we’ve missed you, my girl.”
“Yeah?”
“This house hasn’t been the same since you left.”
The little girl in me can’t help but peek through my wet lashes. “You’re not mad at me?”
He holds me at arm’s length, a look of shock on his face. “Mad at you? Never, kiddo,” he whispers before pulling me back into his arms and swaying us side to side. “You needed to get out of here, and that’s exactly what your brother made happen.”
“But Kaia—”
“Now, where is that precious granddaughter of mine?” he interrupts, and I can’t help but feel giddy as his eyes light up at the prospect of meeting his first grandchild. “Is she ready for Yoo-Hoo in her bottle yet?”
Drew steps forward, at some point having removed Kaia from her carrier. She’s nestled against his chest, knuckles in her mouth. “Not quite old enough, Dad. Give her a month or two before you traumatize Leila Grace.”
I huff a laugh as Drew winks at me.
“I’ll take baby girl to the back porch to see her aunt and uncle, if you’re comfortable with that.
” He words it as a question, and I recognize it as the out he means it to be.
His smile is gentle, reassuring as he steps forward and cradles my cheek in his palm.
“I’ve got her. You two catch up. Holler if you need us. ”
As Drew and Mrs. Flynn slip into the living room, Mr. Flynn asks, “You hangin’ in there, kiddo?”
My voice croaks as I attempt to push out words. Instead, I huff a breath as tears once again threaten to spill over.
He wraps his arms around me again, holding me the way only a loving father can. “You know, I’ve never been able to handle when my girls are hurting. Especially when it isn’t something I can fix with baling twine or duct tape.”
A choked laugh slips through my lips as I try my best to stop the emotional attack.
He rests his chin on my head, his voice a soothing presence. “The missus and I are so proud of you, Leila.”
“Now you’re just trying to turn me into a sobbing mess.” I sniff, wiping under my eyes with the collar of my shirt.
“Nonsense. It’s just truth you should have been made aware of a long time ago.
We always hoped you would come back on your own volition.
After what you endured here in this town, no one in this family—Drew included—wanted to guilt you into coming back here.
You had every right to hightail it out of here and never look back.
Instead, you’re here, facing your demons head first.” He steps back, cupping my face between calloused hands that have seen a lifetime of ranch work.
“You are so brave, Leila Barrett. You brought a beautiful baby girl into this world with next to no support system and then put your own fears on the back burner to return to the town that caused them. But know this. No matter what happens, whether you and Drew find your way back to each other, whether you decide being in Havenwood is too much long-term, you will always be a daughter to us.”
And cue the waterworks again.
“Sunshine? Everything okay?”
I turn at the sound of Drew’s voice, intent on telling him that I’m fine. Instead, I take in the concern in his eyes and the reaching of his hand that he tries to stop. I should tell him nothing is wrong, assure him that I’m just emotional being back under the Flynns’ roof.
And that’s all true. I am fine, technically speaking. Our daughter is safe and very much loved.
I’m safe.
For the first time in years, I feel safe. Supported. Loved.
How do I put into words that I’m falling apart because the man who has been a father figure to me since the loss of my own just verbally claimed me as his daughter? That all my fears of being judged, of being shunned, ridiculed, hated for staying away were for naught.
That I have people in this world who love me.