Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
Lauren
T his is by far the best shower I have ever taken in my entire life. I am engulfed in warmth, after I have been cold for so long.
D’Var has a great collection of soaps in here. I smell them all, trying to decide which one I should use. I chose one that smells a bit like herbs that remind me of home. This warrior does not have rose or jasmine scented soaps in his collection.
I rinse myself from head to toe and it feels cathartic to be this clean. I use the same soap to clean my hair, because why not. I have not seen a hairdresser in forever and I have not been able to wash my hair with actual water since I was taken, but I will worry about that later. For now I am blissfully clean and warm, in this steamy safe space.
When my fingers are all pruny, and I tire, I turn off the shower. Mentally high fiving myself because I get it on my first try. Alien technology is not always easy to understand.
When I exit the shower I see the world’s fluffiest towel lying on a stool, it is a dream to dry myself with it. I moan out of happiness; my moan turns into a yawn. Time for bed, it is.
I walk into D’Var’s room, finding it as empty as he promised. I feel flutters because of his thoughtfulness. A little voice inside me whispers I might be able to trust him after all. I want to, but it’s hard. I ponder my trust issues as I get dressed, then walk towards the bridge, bare feet because, well, I don’t have shoes or socks.
“Hi,” I say sheepishly when I enter the room, feeling all kinds of intimidated by the big aliens. T’Rak is still sitting in the same spot, but O’Rec is seated next to D’Var. They seem to be deep in conversation.
D’Var immediately notices my entry, he jumps up and walks towards me.
“Are you okay? Do you feel better?” he asks. The hope in his voice and eyes is almost painful.
I nod. “Yes, but I would like to go to sleep now. I’m kind of tired.”
“Of course!” D’Var exclaims. “I will walk you to your room and give you the nano-tech.” Then he adds in a soft voice: “If you want.”
The insecurity in his tone is making me melt a little bit on the inside, so I put on my metaphorical big girl panties and take a step forward.
“You can give it to me now, if you have it with you,” I say, feeling braver than I have been in quite some time. When he stands, I see there is another injection in his hands. He slowly walks towards me. I pull up the sleeve of my shirt to present him with my arm. It’s over before I know it.
We walk towards the guest quarters in silence and when we stand in front of the room I am to use, my anxiety rises. I look up at D’Var, who looks back at me. I bite my lip and he frowns .
“What is the matter? Is something wrong with this room?” he asks, furrowing his brow.
I feel myself tearing up again, I am a mess. I know I shouldn’t want him near me, but there is something about him. And the thought of being in this room, by myself where anything could happen… my thoughts trail off as I start to panic.
“I… I…” I strike my gaze down, grabbing at the hem of my shirt. Then I feel his touch, light, but firm. He is pushing my chin up with the tip of his big finger, so I’m looking at him again.
“Talk to me, L’Ren,” he says. “You can tell me anything.”
“I’m so scared,” I whisper. “I’m scared something will happen to me when I’m asleep.”
He frowns. “I will not let anything happen to you L’Ren, I promise.”
I nod, “I know, but um… maybe…” I breathe in and then I say quickly. “Maybe I can sleep with you?”
“I will do anything for you, L’Ren,” D’Var says solemnly. “Do you wish to sleep in this room or in my room?”
“Your room,” I blurt out, thinking about how good I felt in his room. D’Var just nods and walks towards his room. I hurry after him and get in the bed once we enter the room, while he goes to the large windows to close the blinds.
He looks at me for a moment then he walks to a chair in the corner and sits down.
“Do you want me to turn off the lights?” he asks
“Yes please, but not all of them,” I respond.
He nods and turns off all the lights, except for a small one near the bathroom. Then he goes back to the chair, and I can only see the outlines of his massive shape. I close my eyes, accepting the weird fact that just his presence makes me feel better.
“Sleep, my Zarra” is the last thing I hear before I drift off.
D’Var
I am sitting in the near-dark, on a chair in my room. Listening to her breathing. She is fast asleep, and I am left with my broody thoughts.
“I am staying here,” I tell my crew through our bond. “She asked me to watch over her.”
“I am happy for you, my friend,” O’Rec tells me. “Be patient and you will see she will come around.”
“Your Zarra is the most important now, taking care of her is your primary task now.” Even in thought T’Rak is gruff. But that’s just who he is. Our captain, our leader.
I sigh, then look at her. She looks so small in my bed, but also, so, so good; like this is where she belongs. Her scent is not tainted by fear right now and I breathe it in. She smells like sunshine and happiness. I feel my need to protect her rise. I will not let her down, I promised her that.
The fact that she seems so terrified of me, is making me feel all kinds of hopelessness. Even though I am here, watching over her as she sleeps, I find it hard to believe in a happy ending. O’Rec told me to give it time. Patience is not an ability that comes to me naturally, but I have to find it in me to take a step back and let the way of the stars play out.
O’Rec is plotting a course towards a small asteroid belt close to Centauri IV. It will give us a good place to hide, and the means to quickly stock up on supplies before we hide there.
Hiding is good. I can bond with L’Ren when we hide, and after we have bonded. I can go after all the ones that hurt her and bring her their heads.
I must have drifted off to sleep, because I wake to sounds of distress. My mate is in trouble, my mate is suffering! I am already on my feet, ready to battle the intruder hurting my mate, but she is still in bed. It looks like she is not safe from being hurt even in her sleep.
L’Ren is twisting and turning, her pain and discomfort clearer every heartbeat. I freeze, I do not know what to do. It is not an enemy I can slay for her. Without being able to slay those demons, I am unsure what to do. I ball my hands into fists and my tail flicks in agitation. I am about to burst, when I hear O’Rec through our link.
“Comfort her,” he tells me. I blink. Comfort her? It sounds so simple, but I do not know how. My frustration is probably making me broadcast through our bond, because O’Rec has the answer.
“Go to her, see if your nearness calms her. She wanted you to watch over her, remember?”
I am still contemplating O’Rec’s words when L’Ren shouts out a loud “NO" I jump into action and get onto the bed beside her. I gently touch her shoulder, but she backs away. Sitting upright, eyes open, but she is looking right through me.
“NO!” she shouts again, and she backs up towards the wall at the top of the bed. She protectively throws her arms around her head.
“Don’t hurt me,” she sobs. “Don’t put me in there.” She is silent for a beat then she lets out a terrifying scream. I act without thinking and pull her into my arms.
“You are safe, L’Ren. It is just a dream. They cannot hurt you.” She is trembling but her fingers grab my harness, as if to anchor herself to me .
“Please, don’t put me into the box,” she sobs. “It’s too dark in the box, and I am so cold.”
“You are safe L’Ren,” I tell her. “You are safe, nobody is going to put you into a box. I will protect you, I promise.”
“Promise!” she sobs. “It’s so dark, and so cold.”
I wrap my arms around her tightly. “Is this better?”
“Yes.” I feel the tension slipping from her shoulders.
“It’s so warm,” she sighs.
I gently caress her hair. I am scared she will wake up and immediately hate my touch, but she just crawls deeper into my embrace. She closes her eyes and her breathing evens out again.
I am frozen in place. I have my mate in my arms. I have calmed her. She was scared, and I gave her peace.
Although every instinct inside me is screaming to find out more about who hurt her, who made her so scared, then kill him, I must remain here. She wants me here, with her. Holding her. So that’s what I will do.
The killing will come later.