Chapter 31
CHAPTER 31
Lauren
I am… speechless. D’Var shakily pulls me into his arms, but there is no real strength behind it. This sick male looks nothing like my D’Var. I lean back, not wanting to crush him or make him uncomfortable in any other way.
His hand touches my cheek, shaking from the effort and his other hand joins in.
“L’Ren,” he whispers, his fingers skim my face, as if he needs to feel for himself that I am here. He bows towards me, and his cheek grazes mine.
“I am so, so sorry,” he whispers when he pulls back from me, looking at me intently. My own heartbreak reflected in his eyes.
“Did I do this to you, L’Ren?” Worry etched on his handsome face. My lip quivers as a lonely tear making its way down my cheek.
“Yes.” I croak, my quiet confession hitting him like a sledgehammer. He almost falls back in recoil, so I reach out to grab him, hugging him to me.
He holds me tight, and I feel his pain through our bond, his remorse. I start crying again in earnest. D’Var holds me tight, telling me how sorry he is. Whispering in my ear, holding me. Making promises.
After I am all cried out, I sniff, untangling myself from him. He tells me exactly the words I want him to tell me, but somehow, it’s not enough. It is not nearly enough. So I create some physical distance between us and scoot back a bit.
“You left me!” I cry out. “You promised me you would always be there for me, and you left me.”
“L’Ren,” he begins, but I interrupt him.
“No, don’t L’Ren me. I am so angry with you for leaving me. You broke my heart!”
He nods solemnly, his expression one of utter despair. “I know!” he exclaims. “I know I broke your heart by leaving, I know I hurt you.”
I huff. “You have NO idea how I have been hurting. NO idea.”
He grabs my hand, gently caresses it, giving me a crooked smile. “If I can compare it to the pain I was in since arriving, I think I have a feeling.”
I snatch my hand back and cross my arms across my chest. He cannot make this right with a smile and a joke.
We are at a standstill. The bond is pulling at me to touch him, to let him hold me, to let him make it right. But the pain is also still there; he does look really sick.
Luckily for me, O’Rec chooses this moment to walk in. I quickly stand to take a step back. The look on D’Var’s face is killing me, but I need to have some distance between us.
“I did some tests,” O’Rec begins and all my focus turns on him.
“It seems that your calm was able to push the pain of your separation into a corner of your being. But now that the mission is over, the calm is no longer needed; it is returning in all its intensity.”
I blink and look from O’Rec to D’Var.
“So, you are saying that all the pain I have experienced over the past ten days just hit him at once?” O’Rec nods solemnly.
“Yes, that is exactly what happened.”
Well, that explains why my mate looks like total shit. The pain and agony coursing through the bond when he left, left me incapacitated for days. For all of that to hit him at once, that is just brutal.
Right now, the bond is urging me to go to him, to comfort him. To heal our bond by taking care of him. I want to do that, I really want to do that, because I hate seeing him in so much pain. But on the other hand, it is his own fault! He is the one who left.
I sigh, I am angry, but I am also worried for him. Despite all my big feelings, there is also a deeper understanding about why he left. And well, I guess him being in so much pain is punishment enough for now.
“Can you take him home? To the ship?” I ask O’Rec and T’Rak and they exchange a look and then T’Rak nods.
“Yes.”
“Good, I think it would be best if he recovers in his own bed.”
“Our bed,” D’Var croaks from his bunk. I can’t resist rolling my eyes a bit and it takes all of my strength, but I walk out.
O’Rec is by my side in a heartbeat, silently walking alongside me. I guess T’Rak is carrying D’Var then. Figures since he is the biggest of them. He catches up with me easily, D’Var has been slung across his shoulders unceremoniously, making me snicker a bit when I look back, because they both look ridiculous.
When we get to the ship, I quickly hide in the mess hall, so that T’Rak can install D’Var in his bed. I get out a cup and before I know what I’m doing I am making him tea. The bond humming approvingly. It really is a sneaky bitch. I shake my head, add another cup for myself and then it’s time to face the music and have a real talk with D’Var.
He is lying back on the cushions on our bed, eyes closed. I think O’Rec gave him some nano’s because he definitely looks better than when they first arrived.
“I made you some tea,” I say as I walk up to him. He quickly snaps his eyes open.
“You made tea. For me?”
I smile despite myself. “Yes, D’Var. I made tea for you. It was more the bond, than me if that makes you feel better.” He gives me a bitter smile keeping silent for a bit.
“No, that does not make me feel better,” he sighs before taking a sip of his tea. “Having you in my arms would make me feel better.”
“D’Var…” I sigh. “You can understand it is not that easy?”
He nods begrudgingly. “I never meant to hurt you, L’Ren.” He says. I settle down in the chair next to the bed and take my cup of tea in both hands.
“But you did, D’Var. You did hurt me. It hurt so much, and it was so bad. I was so cold again, nothing could warm me up this time. The worst part was, that I didn’t understand. I still don’t understand why you couldn’t have talked to me about it, why you couldn’t have trusted me with your fears, why you did not let me help you.”
“You thought it all out, without even a single word to me. I am your mate. Your partner for life, am I not?” He nods. I can tell this is hard for him, but I push through.
“You made a momentous decision. By yourself. It was a terrible decision, even though I understand why you did it, you should not have made it without consulting me.”
D’Var is silent as he is looking at his cup of tea.
“I know…” he says grimacing and he looks up at me, eyes swirling. I just sit there, taking another sip of my tea. It feels like we are in a bad break-up scene and I feel the pit in my stomach hardening again.
“You must believe how sorry I am, L’Ren. I left you, I hurt you. You are right in all that. I did not talk to you about it, while I should have. That is absolutely right. I did not listen to the bond, to you. I only listened to the voice inside me that was taunting me. Telling me that you are not safe, that you can never be safe. That I am not able to protect you enough. I knew that as long as Yalix was alive, I could never trust that nothing was going to happen to you. You are everything to me, L’Ren. I cannot live without you. I was wrong, so very wrong. Please, can you forgive me?”
I sniff, tears coming down my face, again. This man, for all his gruffness, can say exactly the right words. I feel so conflicted.
“I want to believe you, want to believe in you, but it’s just... I am scared. Scared that you will leave me again.”
“NEVER!!!” he vows. “I will never leave you again, L’Ren. I could never survive.”
“So if you are going on a dangerous mission? What will happen then?”
He swallows, I can see that the thought pains him. “We will talk about it, and we will decide what to do together.”
I can’t see from all the tears in my eyes.
“Promise?” I sob.
“I promise,” he vows, putting his cup away as he holds out his arms. “Please let me hold you, L’Ren.”
I quickly put down my cup as well. I lunge myself into his arms. Crying and crying .
“You can never do something like that to me again, D’Var.”
“Never, L’Ren. I will never.” He holds me even tighter and I cry even harder.
“I promised you I would never leave you, and I did. I was so wrong, to break that promise. Please forgive me, I will never leave you again, my L’Ren. You are my life, my stars, I love you so much.”
I hiccup. Did he just say he loves me?
“Say that again?” I whisper as I pull back. He gently takes my face in his hands and looks into my eyes.
“I love you L’Ren, with all my heart. My mate, my Zarra, my stars.”
I sob. “I love you, D’Var.” A sharp pang hits me in my chest, it looks like D’Var felt it too.
‘The bond. It healed,’ he says in my mind, and I give him a wobbly smile.
“Let’s make sure we heal as well,” I say, then he kisses me.
His kiss starts out all sweet and nice, but then it burns very hot very fast. His tongue is slipping through my lips, caressing mine, stabbing, twirling and when he bites my lip I moan loudly.
“Are you ok, my love?” he says and I melt at this new nickname.
“More, please,” I demand. I feel his grin against my lips as he starts ravaging me. He pulls me onto his lap in a heartbeat and I feel his erection pulsing at my core. I grind over it, I feel this incredible need washing over me.
“D’Var,” I pant. “D’Var, I need you!” He must truly understand the urgency in my voice, because he starts tearing at my clothes at topspeed.
He buries his face against my breasts, licking, sucking, biting my nipples. But I don’t care. I am so turned on, my need for him is so great I might combust before he even touches me. When I feel the first flutters of my orgasm in my core, I know I will come from grinding on his cock and him playing with my breasts alone.
“I am close to cumming D’Var,” I send his way, rewarding me with an even fiercer tug on my nipple and I arch my breasts into his face even more.
“Make yourself cum, my love. Make yourself cum on my cock, take your pleasure. I am here to serve.” With those empowering words, and a couple of thrusts from my hips I ignite.
D’Var
My mate is flying, flying on the stars taking me right there with her. Seeing her like this, her head held backwards, mouth open in ecstasy makes me fall for her even more. I pull her close and whisper in her ear.
“I love you, L’Ren. It is me and you, forever.” She chokes out a moan or sob and I quickly turn us around and pin her under me, my tail anchoring her upper leg to the bed. Nipping at her chin, her ear, kissing her lips with all the tenderness I can muster. My cock is aching and dripping for her, but this is about her. About her pleasure and her forgiveness.
“Want. You. Naked,” she pants between kisses, and I smirk.
“You missed my cock, little one?”
She arches one eyebrow. “Every glorious inch.”
I groan, my cock hardening even more at her words. She brazenly pushes her hand inside my trousers, cupping it, squeezing the head and getting her hand soaked with precum .
“I also need you inside me, D’Var. Now.”
I quickly stand up, get out of my trousers, while she shimmies hers down her legs and flings them aside. I stand there for a heartbeat, admiring the view of my mate in our bed. Naked and wet, aching for my cock.
I take myself in my hand and look at her. She slides her hand down her body towards her cunt and spreads her folds for me.
“In here, please.”
I growl, flinging myself on top of her. “Are you tempting me with your sweet, wet cunt, my love.”
She grins. “If it works, then yes. Too much looking, not enough action. You can look at my body when your cum leaks out of me, but now I just want to feel you.”
I cannot refuse my mate anything and the moment she is done talking I slide into her in one fluent motion. She gasps and I tremble. Her cunt is wet and warm. It is so tight, I am close to cumming already. L’Ren wriggles underneath me, all need, urgency and I can feel it through the bond as well. The bond needs this, needs us to reconnect and is practically forcing this.
I brush away a lock of her hair and look into her beautiful eyes. “Are you certain, L’Ren. The bond is pushing us, I do not want to do something you might regret later.”
She groans and grabs the base of my tail, which almost has me spilling prematurely.
“The only one who will regret anything is you if you do not MOVE!” And she rocks her hips to reinforce her words. “I am fully aware of our pushing bond, but I also need you. And I need the real you, not the controlled one. So. Let. Go.”
I let go, I start moving slowly, not because I think she might need it, but to taunt her. To tease her, to see how much she can take. It does not take very long before she is a whimpering mess. A slave to her pleasure. I really, really like her this way.
Just when she is about to come, I pull out to settle myself between her legs, needing to taste her first. She whimpers in protest, but when my tongue enters her sweet cunt, lapping up all her delicious juices she starts moaning again.
I fuck her with my tongue while the tip of my tail makes its way towards her clit.. Her hips buck off the bed and I hold her down with one arm, continuing licking until she is sobbing with pleasure. Only then, when I have swallowed every drop of her cum, I let her go.
She breathes heavily, but I am not done with her yet. I turn her around, pulling her up on her knees, looming over her, I bite her earlobe.
“Are you alright?” I cannot help but ask her.
“Oh yes. But please continue.”
I smile, the sass in her tone making me want to punish her a little bit. So, I push inside her swiftly; without giving her any reprieve I pound. I am lost, lost in her body, lost in the pleasure. When I move my hand towards her folds and pinch her clit, I feel her cunt rippling on my cock and I cum with a scream.
When it is over L’Ren is on her belly. I am on top of her, my dick softening and slipping out of her.
“I am sorry, did I hurt you?”
She giggles. “Only in the best way.”
I relax sliding off of her to the side, she turns so we are facing each other on our sides.
“I love you,” she says again, making me light up.
“And I love you.” I take her hand and intertwine our fingers.