Chapter 34
Chapter
Thirty-Four
My world was tilting, and I didn’t know what to do.
It felt like it took too long until I reached the Dark Night pack.
Ebony and I had our own house that we stayed in when we visited her family.
Circling over it, I didn’t see her car. Landing hard, I didn’t even get dressed before I pulled out my phone.
Dialing her number, I walked up the steps of the cabin, using the keypad to open the door. The phone rang and rang before it went to voicemail. I tried again as I threw my bag in the room’s corner. After going to voicemail again, I put it on speaker as I braced myself against the counter.
The ringing filled the living room, but still she didn’t answer. I was going to go crazy. Sending a text, I begged her to call me. I watched as the text delivered, but after a couple of minutes it was still unread.
Growling, I stormed into the bathroom, throwing the phone on the counter before turning on the water. Normally, I didn’t put it on very hot, but as I reached out to feel it, it felt cold. Taking a breath, I could feel the small fire in my core. It was heating me, ever so slightly.
As I stepped under the stream, I cranked up the heat to near boiling. My core heated along with it. I closed my eyes, doing nothing but feeling the water against my skin. It helped empty my mind, the panicked and broken thoughts disappearing for a moment.
Reaching out, I rubbed the soap over my skin. The moment I brushed my neck, I felt the scar of my mark. Closing my eyes, I pressed my fingers hard into the skin. It cut my skin, but I felt a jolt. Then, a whisper of a feeling. Sadness. A sadness so deep, it felt like I was drowning.
I leaned over, one hand pressed against the tile while my other pressed against my chest. Why couldn’t I breathe? Was something wrong with Ebony? My knees shook and my strength was quickly evaporating. It needed to stop. It hurt to breathe. My lungs ached.
Stop. Please. It hurts. My eyes shut and I leaned my head against the tile.
I’m sorry.
My eye shot open, and I stared at the pearlescent rectangular tile. You heard me?
Marcus? Are you linking me? How? Why? Is everything okay?
The voice was so much purer, but it was unmistakably Colton. It was the same way he spoke to me in the clearing. A little more tentative and more than a little shocked.
I…I don’t know. I don’t understand. I don’t understand how I’m mind-linking you. Unless…unless you’re actually my mate. My forehead pressed against the tile. Am I feeling your sadness? Is that you making me feel like I’m drowning?
There was a soft sigh. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you had opened the connection. Normally, it’s sealed off on your end.
You were drowning.
He chuckled, but it was such a hollow laugh. I’m always drowning, Marcus. That never changes. Just some moments are worse than others.
I hummed, lifting my head back into the stream of water. Mom showed me last year’s album. I don’t understand. I don’t know what’s real anymore.
I’m sure it can’t be easy.
A snort left me. That does not make me feel better.
You’re back with her, right?
With her. How he said it, I could feel the disgust behind the pain. That, at least, I could anchor myself to. Taking a deep breath, I reached over and turned off the shower.
I am.
You shouldn’t talk to me then. You have a tell when you’re mind-linking. Your eyes brighten slightly.
Looking in the mirror, I saw exactly what he was talking about.
I hadn’t noticed it, since I hadn’t had a pack connection for over twenty years.
Yet, he knew that insignificant detail. Placing my hand on the mark, I pressed into it.
At first, it was painful, but then a shock of pleasure rippled through me.
Don’t. I can feel that too. There was amusement in his tone.
I don’t understand any of this. I thought…I thought I had the perfect life. Everything was going well. We were happy. I’d accepted who I was. Now I’m supposed to be someone completely different?
He didn’t reply immediately. You shouldn’t have gone back, Marcus. She will destroy you. Destroy everything that makes you…you.
She’s my mate.
And yet, here you are, mind-linking me.
My hands braced against the counter as I leaned down. He wasn’t wrong. This whole situation was all wrong. I shouldn’t be having this conversation with him. I should be speaking to my mate. Ebony was my mate. She was supposed to be my forever. My fated.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
There was another long pause. Can I be selfish for a moment?
Simply because I know you won’t remember this.
She’ll probably figure out something is wrong and try to take you away again.
You made your choice, going back to her even with everything you saw.
She’ll destroy you, especially when she’s so close to breaking the bond.
The pain in his voice made me swallow hard. I didn’t reply immediately. Instead, I walked into the bedroom, donning a shirt and some sweats before falling into bed. It was early, but I was exhausted. I wanted to sleep.
Go ahead.
He chuckled, this time far more mischievously. You sure?
I don’t know. Should I be?
There was no reply. Sneaking under the covers, I flopped over on my side, looking out the window at the now dark sky. It was probably only around seven, but I closed my eyes.
I love you, Marcus. His soft voice jolted me out of the limbo I’d slipped into. I love you with all my heart, but right now, I can’t help but hate you.
Colton…
No. He was crying; I could feel it. I hate you.
The pain you’ve put me through. I want to give up so badly.
I want to let it all go. She won. I lost. Ebony played the long game.
Getting Dylan to play along as well, because two of their obsessions coincided.
Every single time you guys fuck, it tears me to pieces.
My eyes widened. If he were my mate, then he would feel…all this time. I’d been breaking the mate bond. I’d been destroying him. His condition would be because of me. The fraying bond I felt, it falling to pieces, was my doing. Sitting up in bed, I stared at the door, trying to slow my breathing.
I hate you so much. I don’t know how I’m going to forgive you after all of this. I know I will. I just can’t see it now. He laughed, but there was so much pain woven into it. When I die, and your family makes you take responsibility, I want you on your knees apologizing to all of them.
I’d held it back all day, but now, feeling his sorrow, tears fell down my face. I’m sorry.
I know. And you will always be. He sniffled. Just know, I do still love you. Even if I’m gone. Just know…I lasted as long as I could. I tried. For you. For us. For her. I tried. I just…I can’t.
My eyes shut, and I shook my head. I couldn’t do this. Throwing off the blankets, I pushed open the bedroom door. Ebony squeaked, surprised to see me open the door with the strength I did. She reached up, holding my head in her hands.
“I’m sorry, my mate. You called me, and I didn’t have my phone on me. Are you okay? Was your family bad?”
Shaking my head, I squeezed my eyes shut. Her arms wrapped around me as her fingers came up and combed through my hair. She hushed me, holding me close.
“It’s okay, Marcus. I’m here. I’m right here. They can’t do anything to you. I promise. I won’t let them. You’re my mate, and even if it’s us against the world, we will take them all on.”
I wanted to believe her. My heart wanted to push everything away.
Except that I had just been mind-linking someone else.
There were photos. Physical proof of our bond.
His touch, I realized, hadn’t actually been painful.
It was the bond coming back to life. Trying to tell me that this shifter meant something to me. I just wasn’t able to feel it.
Because my bond was breaking. It was breaking because it was being poisoned. Not just the mate bond, but the bond to my dragon as well. For the first time, Ebony’s touch didn’t calm me. It didn’t soothe the pain. I didn’t feel at peace.
“Marcus? Did they…say anything?”
Ebony’s amber eyes stared at me, worried. I could tell her. I should tell her what happened. She was my mate. I needed her to understand. Not only was my dragon wasn’t dead, but I supposedly had another mate. The words caught in my throat, though, choked back by the pain I heard in Colton’s voice.
I shook my head. “There was…a lot of anger and disappointment. I don’t…understand it.”
She frowned, brushing my cheek. “It’s okay. I don’t care about them. I care only about you. You’re my mate, not them.”
“I need to get some water. That’s why I got up.”
Her eyes searched my face, and I have her a sad smile. “Did you want me to stay up with you?”
Shaking my head, I forced myself to kiss her forehead. “I’m alright. It just hurt a lot. I don’t understand. I just need a few minutes to ground myself.”
“Take the time you need. Try not to stay up too late. We still need to drive to the clinic tomorrow. You don’t want to be tired for that.”
“Yeah. I will.”
Ebony reached out one more time, pulling me down into a kiss. I kissed her back, trying to search for the feelings I had before I left for my parents. Instead, revulsion slammed into me so hard it almost took my breath away. I realized after a moment that it wasn’t mine. It was my dragon’s.
“Come to bed soon, my mate.”
I nodded, leaving Ebony to go into the bedroom as I walked down the steps. Stopping halfway down, I stood there for a moment. Turning back up to her, I called out.
“I love you.”
She appeared in the doorway. “And you are mine, my mate.”
The door shut after her, and I felt my smile fall.
She never said she loved me. It was always that I was hers.
Looking down at the floor, I tried to remember anytime she told me she loved me.
Except it was never ‘my love’ or ‘I love you’.
It was always ‘you are mine’ and ‘my mate’.
Taking a labored breath, I continued down the steps and grabbed a glass of water.
Staring into space made my eyes hurt, and I closed them. It was easy now to feel not just the bond to my dragon, but my bond to Colton. The link to him, despite it feeling frayed and barely there, I could brush against it.
For a moment, I felt the wave of sadness and the feeling of drowning.
That was until the walls came up. With the bond shut, I felt the emptiness that I had gotten so used to feeling.
After having a taste of it, I didn’t realize how much it hurt for the connection to vanish.
My dragon was still there, but he was simmering, still angry.
He brushed up against the wall as well, sad that the connection was gone.
Finishing my water, I checked the door to make sure it was locked.
I went upstairs to the bedroom and found Ebony already out of her shower and in bed.
Walking to my side, I slipped in next to her.
Her body automatically rolled and curled to my side.
Putting my arm around her, my hand shook as I touched her skin.
Another long, deep breath, I closed my eyes.
Maybe all this was just a nightmare. Another terror from which I would wake up.
All I could do was pray that was the case.
Instead of the alternative. Instead of me sleeping next to someone who wasn’t my mate, who had somehow altered my memories and taken me from everything I knew.