Chapter 38
Chapter
Thirty-Eight
Ijerked awake, regretting it as my ribs screamed in pain. I groaned, trying to shift to the side so they didn’t hurt as bad. Looking at the clock, it shone three in the morning at me. Rubbing my eyes, I took a slow, deep breath.
Swinging my legs off the edge of the bed, I pushed myself up.
Walking about the room, I relieved myself before heading back and taking another two pills.
I was about to flop back onto the bed and go back to sleep when I heard soft cries coming through the walls.
My eyes narrowed, and I realized that was what I had heard in my dream.
Opening the door, it didn’t sound any louder until I walked down the hall. My parents’ room was in the opposite direction and everyone else should have gone home. Going to the far room, I put my hand on the door before opening it slowly.
There were no lights on, but the doors to the balcony were open. I took two steps in before I stopped. Silhouetted in the moon’s glow, Colton was standing just inside the open window. His blonde hair tumbled down his back, loose and moving gently with the wind from outside.
Seeing him partially shifted surprised me. Dark wolf ears poked out and looked even darker with how light his hair was. A dark, fluffy tail swished back and forth with his movement, almost as if he were using it to balance himself.
In this light, how the shadows hit his body, it stressed how thin he was. The shirt he was wearing fell off his shoulder, the bones in his shoulder jutting out. Still, somehow he looked otherworldly beautiful.
My heart clenched, and I felt my dragon want to reach out. Supposedly, this wolf, this Omega, was ours. Our mate. Yet, all we’d done was destroy him. I wanted to reach out to say something, but I didn’t want to break the spell.
He was humming softly, moving back and forth. I realized he was holding a baby. The little thing was just barely visible over his left shoulder. The sight was mesmerizing. My heart beat in my chest, and I wanted to reach out.
My breath caught in my chest. I must have made a sound because he turned. His eyes widened, and he froze. Panic and shock registered on his face. Every so slightly, he pulled the baby closer to him.
“Marcus…what are you…?”
My face flushed, and I stammered, “I-I’m sorry. I heard crying…I didn’t mean…”
Turning on my heel, I quickly closed the door behind me. My hand pressed against my chest as I tried to breathe. Closing my eyes, I shook my head. I’d spoken to Colton maybe twice, four times if you counted the mind-link conversation. What right did I have to stand there?
I didn’t know him. There were no memories of him. I didn’t know how we met. What happened between us? Who I was when I was around him. The thought hit me like a sledgehammer.
If my memory isn’t right, who was I really?
Pushing off the door, I made my way back into my room. Closing the door quietly, I leaned my forehead against the back of it. Who was Marcus Alford? How much had my personality altered with my memories? How far back were my memories altered?
Nothing felt real anymore. Slipping down to my knees, I breathed through the panic attack rippling through me. If I couldn’t trust myself, what could I trust?
When I woke up, I felt better and worse at the same time.
My body felt better. I felt stronger, and I could brave the stairs without any help.
My mood had sunk far into the deep end. There was no need to check the dark circles under my eyes.
I knew they were there, and that they were digging into my skin even deeper than the bruises.
At some point, I had dragged myself into bed, but sleep was a struggle. Between the pain from my ribs and the existential crisis, it took me a couple of hours to sleep. It wasn’t for very long either.
Opening the fridge, I frowned. I could make coffee, but I didn’t think anything was going to help.
Pouring myself some milk and grabbing one of Mom’s loaves, I sniffed it before cutting two slices.
Throwing the slices into the toaster, I took a couple of sips of milk before grabbing some butter and apple jam for the cinnamon toast.
After I made my toast, I sat down at the island and ate quietly. Halfway through, I refilled my glass of milk before finishing the rest of my toast. The light turned on in the kitchen, and I hissed. Mom chuckled, coming over and kissing the top of my head.
“Good morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling?”
“Body is fine. I feel like shit, though. I feel a little better after eating.”
She smiled and nodded. “Too full for breakfast? Or did you want some coffee?”
“I just had some toast and milk. I’m not really that hungry.”
“Milk? I thought we were out.”
Mom walked over to the fridge, opening up.
I walked up behind her and snatched the container of milk from in front of her.
Her eyes followed me as I poured some into the glass.
Teeth sinking into her bottom lip, I lifted an eyebrow at her.
She shook her head and took the container from me, setting it back in the fridge.
“Is it…still good?” She cleared her throat.
I shrugged. “It tastes fine. A little on the sweeter side, but not bad. Why? Is it one of those weird oak or nut milks?”
“You…could say that.”
“Good morning.” Dad walked in, going straight for the coffee maker. “Everyone is up way too early.”
Sitting back down, I sipped the milk, trying to place which nut Mom had made it from. “It’s already eight. I can’t remember the last time I was up this late.”
“Eight is not late. Eight is early. Too early for people who were up at three in the morning.”
“Were you up at three in the morning as well?”
They both looked at me, then at each other. “We were up, but what were you doing up?”
My lips pursed. “I heard crying. So I followed it and…” I looked down at the glass. “I might have intruded into Colton’s room.”
Dad tried to hide his smirk, turning around, reaching for a mug. “I’m sure it’s fine.”
“I had a bit of an existential crisis after that, and I didn’t get much sleep after that.”
Mom turned, putting a bowl of fruit in front of me. “Everything okay?”
“I just… how much of my memory did they alter? I don’t…remember anything from that album from last year. How much have I changed because of that?” I voiced my fears and then chuckled. “It sounds stupid when I say it out loud.”
“Oh sweetheart. It’s not stupid at all. What they did…it’s horrible.” Mom reached out and pulled me into a soft hug, minding my injuries.
Dad poured his coffee and turned around to face me. “We don’t even know how they pulled it off. If you don’t mind, I’d like to take some of your blood. We can see if it was something in the mix, or what happened. We’ll do our best to see if we can’t restore your memories.”
“And if you can’t?” I looked between the two of them.
Mom sighed. “Then we move forward.”
“What about Colton? Isn’t he my mate? I mean…I don’t…I remember nothing about him. I’m sure this has to be even worse for him than it is for me.”
Dad rubbed his chin. “I…can’t really speak for him. However, the fact that you’re here and not with her is already an improvement. The bond isn’t breaking. At the very least, they can’t use whatever they were using to break the bond right now.”
“It is going to be hard, I’m sure. I would say, don’t push him.
He’s going to need to take this at his own pace.
” Mom smirked down at me. “If I know my son, and I think I do, I don’t think there will be too much of an issue.
He’s a new acquaintance. Treat him like that.
If you want to reach out, try to get to know him, do it. ”
I nodded, taking another bite of melon and chewing slowly. “I think I can do that. I just don’t want to hurt him.”
“Son, you saying that would be enough.” Dad put his empty mug down. “I think I’ll go out and get some baked goods for breakfast since I’m up this early.”
“Get some fresh bread, too. I can use it over the next couple of days.”
Dad kissed Mom and headed out of the kitchen. The house shook as he shifted and lifted off too close to the house. Mom rolled her eyes and grumbled, refilling her cup of coffee. I smiled. At least some things hadn’t changed.
“What did you want to do today? I don’t know if you have any books here that you haven’t read.”
I shook my head. “I don’t, but there are a few I don’t mind reading again. I might do some exercises for shifting out on the lawn. I still feel really weak. After I take a shower, though.”
“Alright. Did you want me to call any of your siblings over?”
“No, thank you.” I punctuated every word. “I’ve had enough of looking terrible in front of them.”
Rinsing out my glass, I kissed Mom on the forehead before walking back up the stairs. I sorely needed a shower, and then maybe I would walk out and do some meditation in the grass. I hadn’t done that since I was in high school, but right now, it felt like a good idea.
Flicking on the light in the bathroom, I looked in the mirror, seeing the dark circles carved deep under my eyes. Turning on the water for the shower, I stepped in before it got warm. I put my face directly into the stream.
Mom made it sound so easy. As though we were just kids in the schoolyard and were meeting each other for the first time.
I didn’t know where to begin with Colton.
He knew me, but apparently a completely different version of me.
Someone who took care of him and loved him if the photos told even half the story.
Getting out of the shower, I wrapped myself in a towel and stepped into the room. Opening the closet, I wrinkled my nose. There probably wouldn’t be anything in here that would fit me. I tried two pairs of sweats before one finally felt passable. The shirts were a lost cause altogether.
There was a knock on my door as I tossed a fifth shirt onto the floor. Opening my door, my eyes widened as Colton stood in front of me. I swallowed, my mouth suddenly drying up. He gave me a soft smile.
“I thought I would lend you this.” He held out a book to me.
I took it. “This is…?”
“Nocturne. It’s the most recent poetry book by Jodie Hollander.”
“Right! Thank you. I’ll read this now.” I watched as he turned and panicked. “D-Do you like poetry?”
His eyes landed on me, and he shook his head. “I don’t. I just know a dragon who does.”
My mouth opened a little, watching him walk down the hall. He opened the farthest door and disappeared into it. I shut my door quietly and looked down at the book in my hand. Closing my eyes, I let out a scoff.
What the actual hell was I doing?