Chapter 57
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
Someone contact one of those planes that write things in the sky–Maddox is letting me help him! While you have the pilot on the phone, can you let him also know to write HELP ME, I’M DROWNING, please and thank you. No biggie if they can’t do it all. HELP ME works great too.
I pace in the hotel room. Maddox has started with a psychiatrist and has now left to go to his first therapy appointment. I think I’m actually drowning, which isn’t possible given I’m breathing air. Stale air. The air that Maddox hates.
I pace faster.
But I’m helping this time. This time, my money feels like real help instead of just throwing things at someone so they’ll love me. I mean, he said he’d pay me back, but neither of us acknowledges that it’s just his attempt to save face.
And yet, he’s still miserable.
Fix it, fix it! You’re not good enough for him.
No. I whirl on my heel. I can’t fix it. Only Maddox can fix it, and this isn’t about being good enough.
This is his battle, and I’ve done everything I can to support him.
Helping him love himself in the small ways.
Ordering out chicken (yuck), watching one of his childhood movies, and last night he let me give him a back rub.
It’s these quiet moments that I ponder. I want to text him back-to-back. Send him funny memes to make him laugh.
But I shouldn’t. He’s literally in a session.
I stand at the window, hands on my hips, staring outside. Same old back parking lot. Same old, same old.
From the bed, Princess yawns. It makes me want to yawn and jump out of my skin at the same time. I need something to do.
Every idea I come up with sounds lame without Maddox. I don’t want to do these things alone.
I pace again, my stomach unsettled. Can I plan something for him to come back to? Maybe draw a bath and light some candles.
I can’t get my gut to calm down. Fudge, maybe I’m the one who needs a bath. Sitting by Princess, I ignore his annoyed ear flick and pet him. Hmmm, some of the blue in his tail is coming out. Maybe I should re-dye it.
As I sit, I realize how tight my shoulders are. I try to relax them and pull in a deep breath. As I do, I notice how heavy my eyes feel and how there seems to be a fog around my mind.
When was the last time I ate? Last night?
As I think about that, my gut twists. I forgot to eat, and now I feel like crap.
How can I take care of Maddox if I feel like crap?
Internally, I beat myself up and go to get some leftovers. After eating them, I realize that I’ve been asking Maddox to do a bunch of things to love himself, but I’m literally not doing them for myself either.
Blast. What a hypocrite.
Finishing my meal, I draw myself a bath. It feels wrong to be doing this for myself and not for Maddox, but fudge, I’ll do it when he gets back, too. My bruises have started to heal, and the warm water helps my muscles relax.
During the bath, I’m able to unclench my jaw. Then, I get a text from Maddox.
MyblueM he just uses the key. I check through the peephole as Princess and Minky try to push past my feet to investigate.
Outside is a tall, silent man.
I crack the door open.
Vox. With a bag of…something.
“How did…”
Vox just shoves past me, herding the animals with his feet.
My mouth is open. How did he know where we were?
Vox crouches down to pet Princess, and Minky tries to jump up and kiss him on the lips. He pets both of them.
“How did you find us?” I ask.
Vox doesn’t respond.
Right. He doesn’t talk.
“Are we in danger?” If he knows where we are, then surely it’s too easy to find us. He can give me a nod or write a note or something.
Vox shoves the bag of whatever it is he brought back at me. I stare at it. Is that…hair dye?
Holy fudge, he brought hair dye! I dig through the bag, finding bleach, gloves, and other supplies.
Gloves? Are those the same kind of gloves he used to clean up Arthur with?
For a second, my thoughts stutter, then I focus on the hair dye.
Blue. How did he know? My chest warms. Who cares how the silent body snatcher gets his information?
He’s nice. He seems to have his life together, which is not something I’d usually say about a body snatcher.
Vox went through that night too, and he seems unbothered.
“Hey, maybe you can give me some advice.”
Vox ignores me.
I grab the bottle of bleach. “You don’t have to say anything, I’m just…
I’m doing everything I can to take care of my…
” Oops, I told his friend we were married.
“Husband.” Saying that feels so nice. “But he doesn’t feel better.
What we did…I don’t know how to help him.
” I start applying the bleach, staring in the long mirror on the wall.
I don’t know what I’m doing; I’ve never done my own hair just Princess’.
Speaking of, Princess is currently flirting with Vox, fluffing his tail up and curling it around Vox’s hand.
“I don’t even feel great, and that dude wasn’t even my ex.”
Silence. I know Vox doesn’t talk, but surely he likes being treated like everyone else. I won’t treat him differently just because he doesn’t speak. Plus, saying these things to someone else is making me feel better.
“I don’t know how you deal with it. Like, there has to be some sort of trick.”
Minky starts chewing on the box that the bleach came in. I shoo him away. When I come back to the mirror, Vox has turned, and he’s holding his hand out for the bleach. I blink, then give it to him.
He applies it to a dry spot on the back of my head, making my entire head feel wet, then goes back to Princess.
“Thanks.”
Vox gives no advice, just helps me where I need it with my hair. Once the blue is in, he silently gives the animals more pets before stalking out of the room, shutting the door silently.
I stare after him.
That was…weird. And yet, somehow I feel better. He didn’t answer any of my questions. At least, not verbally. He was just…there.
Kinda like I need to be for Maddox.
I suck in a breath. I’m doing the right thing. I can’t fix things; I just need to be there for what Maddox needs, which is currently a house.
So I hop on my phone, where I’ve listed my townhouse for sale, and I already have a couple who are interested. Yes, I did bleach the crap out of the floors and walls, but no, I’m not giving them the someone-died-here-it’s-totally-haunted discount.
Every place I’ve shown Mads, he seems blah about.
He seems super fidgety about the animal stuff.
I’ve been looking at animal sanctuaries online, but he doesn’t seem to trust them.
So I’ll have to find a way to ease his mind.
Because there’s this perfect farmhouse in our budget and I’ve already booked a tour–not that he knows that–but I have to make it right.
So, I pick up my phone.
Me: Anyone know a good lawyer?
Ronan: Cool! What did you do now?
Dakota: Nothing, you did nothing. Don’t admit that over text.
Me: Nothing this time! I want to know the legalities of an animal sanctuary.
Ronan: Fuck yeah, that’s cool!
Dakota: Factory reset, all of us. Thanks, Micah!
Me: What did I say??
Logan: If I give you her number, will you delete our numbers?
Me: If I say no, will that make you feel better?
Logan: Her name is Cass. Don’t piss her off.
Ronan: He's joking; she’s soft and cuddly. Loves to be asked how a woman got her role.
Me: Noted!
Immediately, I dial the number Logan provides. This is perfect!