CHAPTER FIFTEEN
LIZ
For once, Jovi follows my instructions to a T and doesn't come back to the house until eight sharp. Even more unsettling, he doesn't walk in like he's done every other time since Lena and Trent moved in here. He knocks. And waits at the door for me to come and invite him in.
"What are you doing?" I ask when I find him standing on the other side, rubbing his hands together. Given we're nearly into June, it's not to warm them. Which means...is Jovi nervous?
"Coming over like you asked me to."
"Why are you standing at the door like a stranger?" I ask, vaguely aware that I'm blocking the doorway and denying him the very entry I'm implying he's entitled to.
He sighs, unfolding his hands to stuff them in his pockets.
"Look, I know I kind of overstepped today," he pauses before he adds, "several times.
And I can't guarantee that it won't continue to happen.
Those kids have been my family since before they were born.
Just as much as they're yours. And like it or not, that makes you my family too.
And I don't know how to mind my own business when it comes to family.
But, I get that you're not used to that.
You're all independent and private and shit, and I want to respect that.
So, I'm making an attempt at establishing boundaries.
This isn't Trent and Lena's home anymore.
It's yours. I wouldn't take it upon myself to wander into your apartment in Seattle, so I shouldn't just walk into your house here. "
Caught off guard by his speech, it takes me a second to nod. "Thank you. That's probably a good idea." I step aside and gesture for him to enter. "I made coffee," I say, pointing ahead to the kitchen.
"At this time of night?" He chuckles. "I mean, I'm used to sucking down caffeine until dawn, but I'm usually working 'til last call. You're not worried about not sleeping?"
I follow him into the kitchen and busy myself getting two cups from the cupboards for us.
"I haven't had a chance to sit at my computer once since I packed it up and brought it here.
I have to at least power it up tonight and make sure everything is still operational.
" I've scanned my emails on my phone to make sure I haven't missed any major disaster.
Like my site going down or subscriptions glitching or issues downloading images.
All things that have occurred—some more often than others—and all of them detrimental to my business and thus my income.
Income I can't afford to take any chances on.
"You'll find a balance," he assures me. "Now that the kids are getting back to their regular routines, you'll get some sort of schedule back too."
I swallow down my desire to argue with him. It's a kneejerk reaction. He's not saying anything I disagree with. If anything, his new habit of soothing me is freaking me out, putting me on edge. "What about you? Any idea how you're going to manage the horses and the bar business yet?"
He takes the cup of coffee I offer him, frowning for a second before he takes a sip, nods as though satisfied with the results, and says, "I have things and people in place to keep the family business running without me for the most part.
I'll have to make routine check-ins a few times a month, but nothing that will take away from my work here.
I promise, Liz, the ranch is my top priority for the next year.
I'm going to do everything I can to see it succeed the way it needs to for the kids. "
I believe him. "What about your relationship?
" I don't know why I ask. Maybe seeing Brennan triggered some deeply buried longing inside me.
Maybe I'm selfishly jealous of the fact Jovi has someone in his life who will be there for him through all of this.
Even if that someone is a touch insecure and on the manipulative side, I don't doubt she cares for him.
Misguided though those feelings are. In my opinion.
"I ended things," he says, surprising me.
"Why?"
He shrugs. "It was the right thing to do. She wanted more than I can offer her."
"Because of the will?"
He shakes his head. "Because of me."
He doesn't elaborate and I don't ask.
"You think you'll see Brennan again?" he flips the tables on me, pointing the topic my way.
"He's single, you know. Was engaged a couple years back but they broke it off before sealing the deal.
No one really knows why, but he's been working out on Kitterman's ranch ever since.
Last I heard, he was their head trainer and barn manager.
" He peers past me toward the kitchen door as if looking out to the backyard and the barn and pastures beyond it.
"A man like that would make a good husband for you out here. "
I scowl. "A good husband? I wasn’t aware I needed one of those. Are they required now in Cedar Hill and no one told me?"
"That's not what I'm saying," he groans, running his free hand over his face. "Fuck. Forget I said any of it. You brought up relationships, and it made me wonder...whatever, it doesn't matter."
"Made you wonder what? If there'll be room for you to have a love life in this arrangement?" I fall back against the counter, suddenly wanting as much distance between us as possible.
Wrapping both arms across my chest, I say, "You're the one who decided to dump your girlfriend.
I never told you to do that. If you want to go on hooking up and going out, be my guest. But don't bring your conquests around here.
The kids have had enough upheaval in their lives. They need security. Consistency."
"Fine by me," he snaps. "I assume you'll be applying that same rule to yourself?"
I scoff. "Contrary to you, dating isn't even on my radar at the present."
"Oh, please. I saw the way Brennan was looking at you today. If you think that's the last you've seen of him now that he knows you're back in town, you're out of your mind."
I inhale sharply, about to go another round when I catch myself. "Is this what you wanted to talk about tonight? Why you called our first meeting? Because you want to know if I plan to see Brennan again?"
He blinks, as if startled by the question.
His head drops, shaking softly. "Fuck. No.
" When he lifts his gaze to meet mine again, the earnest care in his eyes pierces something inside my chest. "Unless that's what had you coming undone in the parking lot, then sure, let's talk it out.
But otherwise, let's get to the root of what set your anxiety off while we were out today.
And don't say it was nothing. Like it or not, I've known you too long to buy into that bullshit. "
Swallowing, I unhook my arms, resting my palms on the counter behind me instead. It feels an awful lot like laying down my guard, stripping off my armor, but maybe that's the only way this will work. Maybe Jovi even deserves it.
"It was the money," I admit quietly. "It suddenly hit me that despite everything I'm willing to do for the kids, I may fail in the end if I can't figure out a way to provide for them financially."
"That's why I'm here, Liz," he reminds me. "The horse business is supposed to do that."
"Yeah, but not right away. My photography business does well, but supporting one person is nothing like supporting three.
The expenses of a cozy two-bedroom apartment versus what it will cost to keep up this house?
Then there's the cost of the kids’ private school.
Trent and Lena could afford to pay to ensure they get the best education, but can I?
And can I add to it when it's time for Gavin to switch from half-day PreK to a full day of kindergarten?
And then there's my fucking car. I'm not an idiot, I know you're right.
I know it's not safe for the kids, but it's paid for.
And I can't afford to add a car payment on top of everything else. "
Jovi sets his cup of coffee down on the kitchen island and walks toward me, closing the distance between us.
Then, in an uncharacteristic move, he places his palms on my shoulders, running them down the sides of my arms. More uncharacteristic than that, I let him.
And it actually comforts me when I thought for sure having him touch me would give me the ick.
"One thing at a time, Liz," he says slowly. "We already settled the car issue. You'll drive the truck for now."
I frown. "I can't take over your truck. What will you drive?"
"My family keeps an old Ford around. Everyone learns to drive in it. It's solid. Paid for. And runs fine."
"So, let me drive that." I don't know why, but I feel like I should be the one making do with the old truck.
He shakes his head. "There's no back seat.
Besides, if I'm going to be hauling hay and feed and such, I'd rather be doing it in that bed than the shiny new one on my truck.
" He offers me a small grin, but I call bullshit on that excuse.
At the core of who he is, is this life. Horses.
He wouldn't drive a truck he wasn't willing to put to use.
"Fine," I concede, seeing no way around the no back seat argument. "I'll drive your truck. For now. And I'll work toward trading in my car for something more stable." After I bump my income up enough to account for a car payment and higher car insurance.
"You're worried about their education?" he moves his way back through my list of concerns. "Don't. Trent and Lena weren't paying for it. I was, and I plan to continue."
If he keeps saying shit like this, I'm going to have a permanent crinkle in my forehead. "Why would you pay for their school?"