CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
LIZ
"What are you going to tell him?" Jovi demands as he comes storming in through the back door. It's the first time he's let himself into this house in months, let alone came in through the kitchen instead of the front door.
"Good morning to you too," I mutter, turning back toward the counter to finish fixing my cup of coffee. "Pot finished brewing a second ago if you want some," I offer, carrying on while ignoring his question.
"I want to know what you decided to do about Brennan," he insists, stopping at the island, crossing both arms over his chest and refusing the coffee I know he's desperate for.
I know, because I saw him drinking gas station coffee yesterday.
And then found his coffee maker in the big bin when I took out the kitchen trash later that afternoon. So, I help him out and fix him a cup.
"Here." I have to hold the cup in front of him for several long seconds before he finally takes it.
"Plying me with coffee won't work," he grumbles. "Just tell me so I can move on with whatever happens next."
"You're so fucking dramatic," I sigh. Given his current antics, I’m surprised he managed to wait as long as he did to confront me. Brennan sought me out Friday night. It’s Sunday morning. He sat on this for almost two days.
"Brennan offered you a job," he snarls. "One that would offer you and the kids security. A steady income and a reliable place to live."
"One that would take us away from their home," I counter. "And would force me to abandon the business I built from nothing, gave seven years of my life to and happen to fucking love."
Would I do it, walk away from the thing that fills me with joy and makes me feel most like myself? If it was best for the kids? Fuck, yeah. Without thought or hesitation.
But I don't believe moving them out of this house is best. And maybe that's some sort of selfish denial blended with wishful thinking, but I still believe we can make this work.
"Could I take on being the social media person representing all of Kitterman ranch's rodeoing crew when they hit the circuit, taking their pictures and highlighting their sponsors on the road while focusing on the ranch during the off season?
Sure. But I don't want to. Nor do I want the kids to have to travel every weekend.
It's too much to ask them to be on the road for two and a half days and jump back into school on Monday mornings.
They need time to rest. To just be. To have playdates and park days.
To see their grandparents. And spend time with you. "
The last part comes out without thought, but I don't scramble to try and take it back or change the way the words sound.
They're the truth. Remmi and Gavin love Jovi.
And after losing both their parents, the last thing I would ever do is take them away from another person who loves them.
A person who's the closest thing to a father they'll likely ever have again.
Still, he looks taken aback. Either by that last part or the entire admission. I don't know and I don't ask. Instead, I wait for him to digest it all.
"You're sure." He takes a step closer, rounding the corner of the island to stand in front of me. "Because I wouldn't hold you to our deal if this was the right thing for you. For the kids."
"I just told you—"
But he cuts me off. "And you and Brennan."
Stumped, I blink, shaking my head. "Me and Brennan?"
His eyes dart to the side. "Come on, Liz. I know you two have history. And it doesn’t take a genius to figure out this offer was part of him wanting a future with you too.
He was your big love in high school. Lena always said she thought you two would have gotten married if you had stayed put.
Well, now you're back. And we both know Kitterman's trainer doesn't need to bring his horses all the way out here every Friday to work them when they have a perfectly fine facility themselves.
Brennan comes to see you. Maybe this is a second chance for you both. "
I frown. "But I didn't stay put. I left." I let out a laugh, confused by the turn this conversation has taken. "If Brennan was really my big love, don't you think I would have stayed to be with him?"
He shrugs, eyes still avoiding mine. "You want the truth? I'm not sure you'd have known how to back then."
I suck in a breath. I'm not sure he meant the jab to hit me like a fist to the gut, but it did.
"What is this really about, Jovi? Because I've been back in town for months, and I've expressed zero interest in picking up where I left off with Brennan.
Unlike you, who's made repeated mentions of the two of us getting back together.
" And it clicks into place. "Is that what you're hoping?
That I get back together with him? And, what, we get married?
I have him adopt the kids and go live happily ever after at his place to set you free of your responsibilities here? "
I scoff. "I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. Your commitment phobia has helped you burn through every other relationship so far. Why would we be any different?"
Jovi's gaze snaps back to mine in an instant. "Are you fucking serious right now? You think I want out? That I'd walk away from you and the kids the first chance I got?"
"Why not? You had the perfect life before Trent roped you into this mess.
A successful career. A beautiful paid-for house.
A doting girlfriend. The freedom to come and go and do as you please.
It only makes sense you'd want it back. Especially now that the only anchors to this part of your past are gone. "
He lunges toward me, closing the last of the distance between us, until we're only inches apart.
I expect him to shout. To roar at me in anger.
But his words are damn near silent, carried on little more than strained breath.
"I hated my life. It was empty, built from the bones of someone else's dreams and kept in motion by inherited responsibility. Trent didn't rope me into a mess by honoring me with this task. He gave me back a piece of myself. And you and I both know, he and Lena weren't my only anchors."
His eyes squeeze shut for a moment. When they open again, a thick sheen covers his dark irises.
"I don't want out, Liz. And when it comes to walking way, the only fucking thing you should be wondering is if I could sit by and watch you do it."
The intensity between us mounts as the silence drags on and I'm too stunned, too confused, to respond.
Before I can wrap my head around what he's said, he steps back, breaking eye contact as he drops his chin to his chest with a sigh.
"Watching you take the kids would be painful," he says, tone tighter than before.
As if he's working hard to strip all emotion from it.
"But I'd like to think I wouldn't be so selfish as to ask you to hold to our bargain if leaving was what was best for the kids. "
The kids. Of course that's what he meant. Who he wouldn't want to see leave.
I clear my throat. "Well, like I said," I turn toward the counter, fussing with the spoon and sugar left there from fixing my coffee.
"You don't have to worry about that. I have no plans to leave.
Fate could deal us another shit twist and give me no choice but to move with the kids, and I'd still never take them from you nor want you to stay away from them. "
"Good," he says, and I can hear him shuffle back to his spot behind the island. Only when I hear the clink of his mug being lifted from the marble counter, do I dare turn around to face him again. "I meant what I said too. You can count on me, Liz. For as long as it takes."
JOVI
For as long as she'll let me.
Fuck me. I don't know what came over me.
My brain must have short-circuited somehow for me to let all of that unravel and spill out at her feet.
My brain's been tied in fucking knots since Brennan showed up the other night all but announcing he was staking his claim on her, stealing her away from Serendipity. From me.
Every long-winded thought I had after trying to rationalize the situation, to logically approach the offer he was making her, what it would mean, how it could be good for her, for the kids, fuck, maybe even for me, kept getting stuck on the same damn thing.
One simple truth I couldn't cover in lies.
Lies I'm starting to think I've been telling for longer than I ever realized.
I don't want her to leave. And it has shit to do with saving Serendipity or the kids or what I owe Trent and Lena.
I don't want her to leave. Me. I don't want her to leave me.
For years I've explained away my attachment to her in my connection to Lena. That it was impossible to love her and not care for her sister, the person who meant most to her in the whole world.
Sometimes, when that wasn't enough to settle the panic that quietly simmered in moments when irrational possessiveness struck paired with insane jealousy—the way it did the entire seven months Liz dated Brennan—I assured myself it was normal to feel protective of someone who'd been by my side in some of my worst moments.
Someone who'd cleaned and wrapped my hand when I was stupid enough to burn the shit out of it on a fucking dare at a bonfire.
The one who laid into me the night I showed up at her doorstep with Trent at three in the morning, drunk and bruised and bleeding from a night in the fighting cages and then took care of me.
Bandaging me up and rubbing my back every fucking time I puked.
Sitting with me on the bathroom floor until she was sure I wasn't going to choke to death on my own vomit or die of alcohol poisoning.
Liz.
She's been that person. How could I not be attached to her?
Only the more I think about it, the more I start to wonder if the reckless behavior that started as an unhealthy rebellion to the mounting responsibility I had no choice but to carry, became something else entirely.
A way to be with her. A means of proving to myself that no matter how much she claimed she hated me, if she kept showing up for me, maybe she didn't. Maybe she cared. Just a little.
And maybe I needed that. Wanted it. Fucking craved it so hard the lengths to which I went to get it spiraled out of control.
The night Lena got hurt on my watch was a turning point. For everything.
The look Liz had in her eyes that night is one I never wanted to see there again. And it had little to do with the fury she pelted at me.
That part I was used to. Got fucking high on. No, it was the fear.
Fear of losing Lena.
And maybe it was because I had felt it too. Or because I understood that fear on such an intimate level, but that look, that memory, was the first thing I thought of the night I heard Lena was gone.
And I knew in that moment, whatever I'd find in Liz’s eyes the next time we met would be so much worse. Would pull me under.
My own grief I knew how to navigate, but hers? I had to fortify myself for that afternoon we met with Ryan in a way I've never prepared my heart and mind before. And I knew going in, I would do whatever I could to ease her burden.
And I did.
But here, now, confronted with the aspect of losing her, even if the payout is a chance at her happiness, I'm disappointed to say I'm a selfish bastard of epic proportions. Because I don't know if I could have done it. Don't know if I could have let her go. To Brennan.
And that one truth makes something else abundantly clear.
There will be someone for her someday.
And starting now, I'm going to make damn sure it turns out to be me.
"Let's go for a ride today," I blurt out when she turns away from me, busying herself at the pantry, likely getting ready to make breakfast for the kids.
She freezes, turning back to look over her shoulder. "Excuse me?"
"It's Sunday," I say, like that answers everything. "I usually get the kids up on horses today. Why don't you join us?"
She laughs. "Because I don't ride."
"Scared?" I ask, letting a hint of taunting lace my tone.
"No." She turns all the way, stubborn streak visible in the immediate way she crosses both arms. "I just don't know how."
I shrug. "So I'll teach you."
Her eyes narrow. "Why?"
"Do I need to have some big reason?" I laugh.
"It'll be fun. The weather is perfect right now.
We'll pack a picnic, take the trails out to the creek where we can rest the horses while we have lunch, and then we'll ride back taking the long way through Three Corners.
Lots of deer in the park this time of year. The kids will love it."
Her nose twitches. And I don't need to hear her answer to know what it is.