4. Bailey
4
Bailey
“ L ach said you're from his town?” Nolan asked as we walked together for history class.
“Yep, Cloverton. They barely have enough kids for an elementary school, so no high school. Did you guys just move around here?”
“No, out-of-district transfer for now, but we are in the process of moving. My dad is a bit of a football buff and is sure playing for this school will be a one-way ticket to university-level football. We were looking at places in Cloverton.” Nolan paused for a moment before asking, “So, what’d you do to piss Ethan off? He’s always reserved in practice, but he seemed kind of—”
“Mad? I guess I have that effect on people.” Between him and Chase, I didn’t have much hope of patching anything up. Nolan raised his eyebrow at me. “Lachlan, Ethan, Chase, and I used to be friends. The summer before grade nine, Lachlan, well, left. Chase and Ethan stopped talking to one another, and before I knew it, the rift had been created before we even stepped a foot inside this school.” I left out the part where Ed helped fill their silence for me. I didn’t know why we had turned away from one another, but I did know Ed had been there and helped me through it.
“Chase Jacobs?”
I sighed. “The one and only.”
Nolan shook his head. “He’s an asshole to everyone, don’t take it personally.”
Maybe I shouldn’t, but…when it was your childhood friend, it was hard not to.
Even with the gym on the other side of the school, Nolan and I were able to get a table together in history class. Ethan came in just before the teacher, Mr. Levie, and sat down next to me, across the aisle. I peeked over at Nolan, who waggled his eyebrows at me. When I narrowed my eyes at him, he grinned.
Nolan leaned over and whispered, “Maybe he’s not as mad as you thought.”
“Maybe you didn’t see him avoiding me like the plague all through gym class,” I whispered mockingly back.
I turned my head forward and tried to listen to Mr. Levie’s lecture. The tension between Ethan and I was thick, and through class, it grew. His presence next to me was strong enough that I found it difficult to breathe. It was no surprise; I’d had this reaction any time Ethan and I were next to one another in the last few years. If I was being honest with myself, Ethan kind of scared me.
While Ethan had always been rough, kind of a mean kid, if you were in his circle, he was a loyal friend. If I had showed up at his house, saying I had a body to bury, I doubt he would have even asked questions. That’s how loyal he’d been. He would have just pick up a shovel and started discussing ways to make it disappear.
It wasn’t that I was afraid Ethan would hurt me, though. I think, deep down, I was afraid he would know . Over the last few years, I’d been afraid of them all knowing, and I wasn’t sure why…other than Ed not being happy about me talking to them. It was easier to avoid them than it was to include them. Would they think I was weak if they knew? It would break me if they thought so.
I used to be their savior. Lachlan, Chase, and Ethan. I was the strong one, the one who held them together. Who made sure they were good. It was my job to keep everything going.
Of course, my relationship with Ethan hadn’t started out like that, since I’d made him eat sand for picking on my friends. But something else happened when we were younger that made me realize he needed just as much protection as the others did.
I stood outside Mr. Lim’s corner store, waiting for my parents with a slushie in hand, when I heard it. The loud, echoing slap. I peeked around the corner in the alley and saw a man holding an eight-year-old Ethan off the ground by the collar of his shirt.
“You little punk,” the man said before raising his hand again and striking it across Ethan’s cheek.
“Stop!” I screamed, my high-pitch voice echoing off the walls of the alley. “You can’t do that!”
The man dropped Ethan onto the ground and squared off with me. I dropped my slushie and put both hands on my hips, ready to give him a piece of my mind when…a heavy hand fell on my shoulder. My dad.
“Is there a problem?” Dad asked. I stood taller, narrowing my eyes at the man as my dad’s confidence transferred to me. Dad wouldn’t let anything happen.
The man chuckled. “No, sir, just taking my son to get a treat. Ain’t that right, Ethan?” Ethan stood up and nodded.
“He’s lying, Daddy. He hit him,” I nearly yelled. My parents always taught me to stand up to any wrongdoing, and at eight years old, I knew this was wrong.
“You okay, son?” Dad asked Ethan, but the man grabbed Ethan’s arm and pulled him away.
“He ain’t your son,” he called over his shoulder.
It was the first and last time I had seen Ethan get hit by his dad. I still remembered what my dad had told me. Sometimes that happens, and sometimes it can’t be fixed. But sometimes it can…all you have to do is be a good friend . Dad told me if it ever happened again to always tell him.
I followed Ethan around after that, which made him target me even more. He pushed me down, poured sand in my hair, almost paying me back for making him eat it, and even tried to use his size to intimidate me. But little Bailey, she wasn’t like me now; she could hold her own. One day, he yelled at me to leave him alone, and I spun around on him and yelled at him that I was going to be his friend whether he liked it or not. It wasn’t exactly what my father had told me to do, but it was what I had interpreted as needing to be done, to keep him safe. I had an overwhelming need to keep them all safe. Chase and Lachlan followed my lead, and every time we did things together, we always told Ethan he was joining. He had no choice.
Damn…weren’t those the days. I sighed. If only little Bailey could see me now, shaking like a coward just for sitting next to big, bad Ethan.
“Everything you need will be in your textbook, chapters twenty-six to thirty-four. This is an individual report, so I expect no talking.” Mr. Levie’s voice brought me back to the present. He was handing out papers to everyone. “I will be right back. You are to work quietly and remain seated, please.” He left the room, and immediately, everyone began talking. I rolled my eyes and opened my book.
“You’re not going to do it,” Ethan said from across the aisle.
I turned my head, surprised he was leaning toward me. “What?”
“Football. It’s not for you.”
I sighed. Little Bailey—this one's for you.
I shifted my body to face Ethan’s. “Why?”
He frowned, seeming confused by my confrontation, but he didn’t lower his gaze or look away, and for the first time in years, I locked eyes with him. I knew he wouldn’t respond unless he needed to, so I drew in as much confidence as I could muster.
“All right. There are four years of high school. I just spent three of those four becoming someone I never intended nor wanted to become.” I did a quick look around, happy to see no one was paying attention to us. “I have one year left. One year before”—I caught myself, my head pounding as I pushed the thought away—“before I have to learn to take over the family farm. So, listen to me closely, Ethan Greyson Henry.” He winced at that. “I do want to play football. Not only do I want to play football, but I want to make friends, and I want to sit in the cafeteria, and I want to go to parties. Parties, Ethan. You got a problem with that? One year. I have one year before I’m living the rest of my life on a farm, so don’t you tell me what is or isn’t for me.”
I turned around and stared at my history book. I couldn’t focus, though. I was too wound up. Nolan reached over and took my hand in his, giving it a little squeeze. “You’re shaking.”
“I haven’t done that in so long,” I said.
“Told Ethan off?”
I shook my head, my chest heaving, my lips pressed tight, my stomach flip-flopping with butterflies. “Stood up for myself.”
Something passed over Nolan’s eyes, something that looked a lot like recognition. He gave me a little smirk. “Bailey, I think we are going to be good friends.”
I smiled, my shaking slowing. I did it… I made a friend.
“How was your first day?” Dad asked as we sat down to dinner. Mom made my favorite casserole and fresh buns.
I smiled at him. “Good.”
“Did you see your friends?” Mom asked. Over the years, I had felt bad whenever she asked about friends, so I had told her I made city friends, and they didn’t come to town much. I think she saw through it, though.
“Yeah. Also, I was thinking of joining the football team.”
“What?” The forkful of food that almost made it to my dad’s mouth hovered in the air as he froze.
“Is that tackle football?” Mom asked, seeming unphased.
I nodded, taking another bite of food to hide how nervous I was to ask them. “I need parental permission.”
Dad dropped his fork, and my heart sank. My father had never been one to limit me because of my gender, and when going into tykes football, he hadn’t seemed to mind, but seeing as high school football was male dominated, I wondered if I was pushing him too far this time.
Dad reached over and grabbed my hand. I looked up at him, and his eyes shone so bright. “You make me proud,” he said. “Bailey, I want to tell you something. Your mother and I”—he hesitated—“we have been so worried about you. I’m glad you had a good first day. And football! Have I ever told you—” Dad’s cell phone rang from where it sat on the table. “Hold on, it’s Earl.” He grabbed the phone and answered it. “Hey, Earl.”
Completely taken aback by dad’s enthusiasm, I glanced at Mom. The moment our eyes met, we burst out laughing.
Earl was in the middle of a rant when dad cut him off. “You'll never believe what happened today. Bailey is joining the high school football team. Yes, my daughter. Yes. Well, you know the game schedule, Friday nights. Yeah, yeah, like old times.” Dad laughed, and I shook my head.
I started eating again until he said something that made my stomach drop.
“Eddy? No, he’s still in critical condition. We released the bull back out into the field. He’ll be sent out to get processed soon. I don’t know what came over Eddy, he knows better than to get in a pen with… Yeah. He has some family…the hospital is taking care of all that. He hasn’t woken yet, but they will notify me if he does. No, Earl, and you know I will say this bluntly—we aren’t expecting him to wake up. The damage is extensive.”
“Mom?” I whispered. “I’m not feeling too well.”
A look of concern crossed her face. “Can I get you something? You look pale. What doesn’t feel well?”
“I’m just a bit dizzy. I think I’m going to go to bed early,” I told her. “All the chores are done.”
“That’s okay, don’t worry about it. Just leave your plate, Boo.”
I nodded and stood up. When Mom reached out and squeezed my hand as I walked past, I gave her a gentle squeeze back, hoping she wouldn’t feel my sweaty palms, before heading upstairs to my room.
Closing and locking my bedroom door behind me, I pressed my back against it. My legs became wobbly as I slid down until my butt hit the ground, and then a strangled noise escaped my throat.
I shook my head back and forth as tears fell. That day. That day, I’d seen Chase at the pitts in town. I saw him standing on the bridge, looking into the water, and I wanted to reach out to him. Something about the look on his face told me I needed to call out to him, but if Ed found out…
I slumped down until my cheek touched the floor. If Ed found out I was talking to a boy … But that's why I went home and asked. I thought I could make him see my point, that Chase was like family to me. I missed him. I just wanted to talk. I would still belong to Ed.
I had only wanted to talk. Tears streamed down my face. It got out of hand so quickly. I had only wanted to talk.
Outside, in the distance, I could hear the dog barking. Ed crouched across the room in front of my mirror, watching me. “It’s all right, princess. I’ll take care of you. It’s time someone taught you some manners.”