6. Nolan
6
Nolan
B ailey McCormick was a nobody. Not only did people not appear to know she existed, but she barely seemed to be aware of her existence herself. In the halls, she made herself as small as possible, always dancing around everyone. Outside of me and Lachlan, she never spoke to anyone, choosing to remain quiet and watching. When she did speak, no one seemed to hear her soft voice…except me, that was.
Her voice had my head turning, no matter how small or quiet she made it. It was embarrassing how attuned I was to her, a practical stranger. How often my eyes sought her out, how drawn to her I seemed to be, always checking in.
Shirt in hand as I processed my thoughts, I froze when Lachlan sat down on the bench next to me. He had showered and was fully dressed. “Need another rescue?” he asked me.
I pulled the shirt over my head. The football program supplied breakfast every early morning practice. It was the standard eggs, bacon or sausage, and toast sort of breakfast. Yesterday after practice, I’d barely made it. I’d had to make myself scarce while trying to dodge Hadley and her welcoming committee. Luckily for me, Lachlan had diverted their attention to outside as I snuck some eggs last minute.
“I’ll be okay. Maybe they’ve backed off,” I said, resisting the urge to ask Lachlan if Bailey would be at breakfast.
He began looking around the room, his leg bouncing as he did so. We had been hanging out since the summer, when practices had started. It was an easy friendship, especially since he was a wide receiver. He’d changed once school started, though. His eyes were sharp, and he was always assessing his surroundings. Not as though he was trying to understand them, but like he was getting ready to run at any moment. I didn’t know he hated school so much, especially since he was in AP courses. Maybe it was the football season that got him worked up.
The team at this school was small, smaller than my Dad had probably expected, compared to my old team, which had more players than they knew what to do with. My old team was top tier, which made getting a solid position highly competitive. After going over the stats of other schools’ teams, my dad landed on this school. The Panthers were somewhere in the middle, neither top tier nor bottom. However, their senior players had a lot of potential, and there was a need for a quarterback. He’d said that, while it was good to be on the winning team, it did no good if scouts couldn’t see me play. He’d seen what I had… My old team had a quarterback that was better than me, which meant there wasn’t a chance I would get field time.
I placed my gear meticulously into my locker before closing the door and giving the dial a spin. As Lachlan stood, I grabbed my backpack, slinging it over my shoulder as we walked out.
What I enjoyed about Lachlan was I never had to really keep a conversation with him. We hung out, but sometimes we were lost in our own thoughts, and we were okay with that. I liked being in my mind; it was a relief for me to shut down and be a part of everything without the obligation of contributing. But I had a role to play. As I left the locker room, I raised my chin, donning an easy grin as I slapped the hands of a few players I passed by, fist bumping Sam and giving him a nod. My only hope was that it looked natural, that my false confidence was believable.
As we walked out of the locker room, I scanned the empty halls, my grin slipping for a moment.
“Looking for someone?” Lachlan asked, a smirk of his own directed at me.
“Yeah, scanning for Hadley to make sure the coast is clear. How many days is the welcoming committee supposed to show me around for?” I asked, covering up my disappointment at not seeing a certain brown-eyed girl waiting for me.
“Three.” We began walking to the cafeteria. “Just tell her you don’t want her around, that you know where you’re going.”
Me? Confronting an annoying person and telling them to back off? Nope, not going to happen. Some parts of my introverted self were ingrained, and I couldn’t change, no matter how hard I tried.
When my phone buzzed in my pocket, I knew who it was before I even looked at the screen.
Dad: Your snap was sloppy and pitch uncoordinated.
*video attachment*
I didn’t play the video, knowing it was of me during practice, and I didn’t need to dissect it at this moment. I followed Lachlan as we went to the buffet table the kitchen staff set out for the team and grabbed a plate of eggs while Lachlan settled on a piece of toast and two strips of bacon. We made our way to the table.
“Nolan!” The voice was an excited shriek that sent shivers up my back. “Thought I’d catch you here.” Hadley stopped across from me. “What’s your first class? I don’t want to get into trouble with the welcoming committee if you’re late again.” She pouted. I had found the more fake I was, the more extroverted I tried to make myself seem, the easier it was to pick out others being fake. I guess likes really do attract.
I took a drink from my water bottle, trying to clear my mouth while also biding my time as I contemplated what to say. I was saved from a response, though.
“He doesn’t need you, Hadley,” Lachlan snapped, his voice cold.
Hadley glared at him. “It’s part of student council. I don’t have a choice.”
“Yeah, but he does. He’s just too nice to say he doesn’t want a leech—”
“Fuck off, Lach.” Chase walked by, sliding his arm around Hadley’s shoulders. “She’s just doing her job.”
I flinched, wishing to be anywhere but here. My eyes swung around to a pretty brunette, pulling her ball cap down to cover her face and standing just outside the cafeteria doors. Bailey looked cute, still wearing my jacket. She was holding a container in her hands and seemed indecisive about whether to come into the cafeteria at all.
“Bails!” I called out. I felt more than one pair of eyes on me, and the argument with Lachlan and Chase halted, but I didn’t care. I should’ve, and I probably would’ve, if I wasn’t more concerned about not letting this girl slip away. Her eyes shot up to me, and I waved her over. I saw the ghost of a smile playing at her lips before she nodded to herself and made her way to the table.
It was only then I notice Chase and Hadley had moved away from us, Chase now glaring at me. Ignoring it, I slid over a bit so Bailey could sit between me and Lachlan. “So, breakfast is provided by the school?” she asked.
“It’s actually provided by Corbin Farms,” Lachlan said.
Bailey smiled.
“What?”
“We actually own Corbin Farms now.”
“Wait… what?” Lachlan raised an eyebrow. “When did that happen? Why did no one say anything? Something must be off with the small-town grapevine.”
She waved him off. “NDA. Technically, I shouldn’t say anything. The Corbins still work the farm, it’s just owned by McCormick.”
“Wow, I won’t say anything, then.”
“What’s this?” I asked, tapping the container she now held on the table.
Bailey opened it up, and right away, the scents of apple and cinnamon hit me. “My mom made these, in case no one ate breakfast this morning,” she said sheepishly. “I didn’t know they fed you here.”
Lachlan snatched one up right away. “Dear God, save me, I’m about to die and go to heaven. It’s been so long since I had your mom’s baking.” All earlier tension from Hadley’s presence was gone as he took a bite and moaned, his pupils now blown wide, making his eyes go soft.
I tried to hide a smile at his antics. Bailey slid the container to me. “Want one?”
I looked at them. They had a crumble on top and everything, causing my mouth to water. Damn, the amount of sugar in those things, though. It wasn’t that I was hungry—I could fill up on the eggs—but when was the last time I’d had something sugary? When was the last time I’d had a treat?
“I will warn you, they are addicting,” Bailey said, picking one up and taking a bite out of it. Her tongue darted out at some crumbs on her lip.
Screw it, my dad wasn’t here. “Sure.” I reached in and grabbed the biggest one. If I was going to cheat, why not go big or go home? The minute I took a bite, I was working hard to suppress a moan of my own, completely understanding Lachlan’s reaction now. The brown sugar, caramelized apples, and cinnamon hit my taste buds all at once, and I was a goner.
Lachlan and I were silent as we ate our muffins. A few other players reached out for some, and when there was only one left, Lachlan snatched it away, tucking it close to him so no one would take it. I finished the last bite of mine, having savored it instead of devouring it like he had, and turned to Bailey. “So, like, is your mom married?”
“Happily.” She stuck her tongue out at me, and I laughed. So, the quiet girl wasn’t so quiet after all—go figure. I guess she’d just needed to warm up to me.
“Damn.” The first bell rang, and we collected our things, tossing our garbage. I wanted to walk Bailey to class but had no idea where she was going. She paused, almost like she didn’t know what to say to me. “See you in art?” I asked. She looked relieved that I had said something.
“See you then.” Bailey smiled and my heart sputtered. I was holding my breath as I waved to her, only letting it out when she turned away. Something about her awkwardness called out to mine.
“ See you in art. ” Lachlan mocked me. I lightly punched him on the shoulder, and he laughed. “Was it the muffin that sealed the deal, because I will tell you that Bailey bakes nothing like her mother. Unless she’s gotten better over the years, she makes pie taste like sweaty feet.” Lachlan wrinkled his nose.
I narrowed my eyes on him. “You’re just trying to turn me away from her.”
“Why? Are you interested?”
I shrugged. “She doesn’t have a boyfriend or anything?” I knew the answer—guys barely knew she existed in this school. I played naive with Lachlan, though.
He stepped a bit closer to me as the halls became busy with everyone heading to class. His face fell as he became serious for a moment, and I leaned forward, wanting to hear whatever he was about to say. But before he could say it, a girl I recognized from my biology class walked up and embraced him in a hug. All at once, Lachlan became stiff, holding his breath, his face going ghost white, and then he grabbed my arm. He was holding on so tight, I was sure he would leave bruises.
“Lachlan,” the girl whimpered to him, looking up into his face. “You didn’t call me all summer.” Did she not see that he looked physically pained? There was an obvious boundary she was crossing.
“Maybe there’s a reason for that.” He released my arm, grabbing hers and effectively shoving her aside. “Don’t. Touch. Me.” His words were curt, his eyes vacant, and I could feel the icy animosity rolling off him. Even though it wasn’t directed at me, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.
She frowned at him. “Seriously? After last year, you still treat me like this? You really are such a dick.” She shoved at him and walked away down the crowded hall.
“Lach? You okay?” As much time as we had spent in football together, I had never seen this side of Lachlan before. He was clearly fighting something. His body shuddered as he blew out a slow breath, then his lips were moving, as if he were counting, but no sound came out.
Was he…having a panic attack?
My brother used to get panic attacks, usually right before a game. He was a huge overachiever, and sometimes, it had gotten the best of him. What had worked with my brother was compression therapy, but I wasn’t sure if Lachlan would like it, judging by how he’d reacted when that chick had hugged him.
He looked on the verge of freaking out. The hallway was loud, and I knew the sensation overload wasn’t helping the situation. I tugged at the sleeve of his shirt, careful not to touch him while I pulled him behind me, searching for an empty room. Any room would do, I just needed the chaos to cease.
I briefly looked back at him and saw in his expression that he was not there at all; his eyes were empty, and he moved wherever I pulled him like a vacant doll. His breathing told me he was about to lose it. He was no longer counting as his chest moved rapidly.
Watching as the janitor pulled a cart from a closet and headed off into the sea of students, I quickly grabbed the door before it could shut and stuffed Lachlan inside. I hoped no one had seen me do it. Darkness descended upon us as soon as the heavy door shut, and I let go of his arm and felt along the wall until I found the switch and turned the light on.
“Lachlan, can I help?” I asked him. “I used to help my brother through panic attacks. Do you want my help?”
Lachlan appeared unsure at first, but once his eyes met mine, taking me in, he nodded his head in sharp, fast movements.
The way I helped my brother was by touching him, hugging him, but I was nervous because it seemed this panic attack was brought on by that girl touching him. Before trying my brother's method, I asked Lachlan if there was something he did for this. I got no response. Instead, his lips moved again. One hundred twelve. One hundred thirteen… He said nothing out loud, but I could read the numbers he must’ve been saying in his head. His fingers twitched, his body began to shake… I was losing him.
I clasped his hands in mine and tugged him down until we were both sitting on the floor. I never took my eyes off him. My hands slipped up his arms until I held his elbows, his hands falling to my lap. “Lach.” I got his attention, keeping my voice calm, even, and low. “You are safe. You are here.” That’s what helped my brother, but maybe Lachlan needed something different. He had been counting. I nodded. “Five…” I squeezed his elbows. “Four…” I gave another squeeze. “Three…” Another, and this time, his shaking slowed. “Two…” Squeeze. “One…” Squeeze. “Say it with me, Lach. Five…” This time, his hands came up, holding on to my elbows.
“Five.” His lips moved, but no sounds came out.
I nodded, encouraging.
“Four.” His body relaxed as his lips mimicked mine. By the fourth round, I could feel the tension leaving his arms as his voice finally whispered the numbers, and he squeezed my elbows at the same time I applied pressure to his.
Lachlan stopped counting and dropped his hands as he sat back. I pulled away, giving him space. “You okay?” I asked, since he was refusing to look at me.
“I, uh, have to go.” His voice was broken and raw. He jumped up off the floor and left the room.
Shit. I sat back, leaning against the shelf behind me, dropping my head in my hands.
My hands moved from his elbows up to the back on his neck, pulling Nick in close so our heads touched. “Look at me, Nick,” I demanded of him. His eyes, identical to mine, flashed open.
“I can’t anymore, Nole. I can’t do this anymore.” His arms shot out, wrapping tightly around me. Holding me desperately, as if he thought that, if he let go…he might disappear.
My phone vibrated, and I closed my eyes tightly. This was not the time. Out of obedience, though, I pulled the phone out.
Dad: Invite Ethan over, you two can continue practicing.
I was late for biology class, but the teacher didn’t seem to mind. Some video was playing, and I snuck in just as it looked like she was taking attendance. That girl that had hugged Lachlan was there, sitting in front of me and talking to a girl beside her. “He acted like I was nothing,” she was saying.
“He’s messed up. I heard he was in jail because he assaulted someone.”
“Oh my god, are you serious? Psycho.”
I glared at them from where I sat. One thing I hated more than gossiping was judgmental, unfounded gossiping. Lachlan could barely stand to have someone touch him; I doubted he had assaulted anyone.
Taking out my phone, I pulled up the text messages. My finger hovered over Ethan’s number, since I had all the players’ contacts in my phone, but I swiped through my contact list and clicked on Lachlan’s name.
Me: You ok?
I wasn’t expecting an immediate response, but I got one.
Lachlan: I’m good.
Lachlan: Thx. Won’t happen again… between us.
I sent him a lips-zipping emoji and lay my head on my desk, pretending to watch the video. I thought it was about whales…or octopi. Either way, I wasn’t exactly interested. AP biology was much more intriguing. There was so much more discussion and labs done in advanced placement; watching videos was almost mind numbing.