Saving the Halfback

62. Bailey

62

Bailey

Sunday

I was in my bedroom, staring out my window and watching as my four boyfriends walked out of the barn and started talking to my dad. “I’m going to tell them,” I whispered. The need to whisper was odd. I was the only person in the house—no one could hear me—but I was talking to myself out loud.

We won the game, perhaps by the skin of our teeth, but we won it. The ride back to the school was a silent one. It may have seemed like I zoned out the whole way, but really, I was thinking. It was time to tell the hardest truth I held—the events of that day. I was done with the what-ifs being held over my head. Really, this could go one of two ways if Ed was now being released.

One: Ed reported me as being his attacker. Yes. It was me. There was no way around it—I beat him within an inch of his life.

I shut my eyes as tightly as I could as the images flashed before my mind, a big neon sign screaming what I had done. The atrocities I had committed. Could I plead my case? Self-defense was likely out the window. I wasn’t defending myself when he was already out cold on the ground. Plus, Lachlan had gone the self-defense route, and even though he’d been younger, he’d ended up in juvie. I’d been sixteen and legally allowed to make the choice to be with Ed. I wasn’t ready, though. I shouldn’t have been allowed to be ready.

Two: Ed was coming for me. Whether for revenge or to force me into wifehood, I wasn’t sure. I was so uncertain, and that’s the way life with him would always be. Living with uncertainty. Uncertain if I was about to be beat to my death for my disobedience or, god forbid, forced to live the rest of my life with him as my husband. I wasn’t ready. I never had been.

“But you were.” It had been so long since I heard his voice that I’d assumed, since waking from his coma, his ghost had gone back to his body. But here Ed was now, standing in my room. I did my best to ignore him, staring out the window at the garden shed before me. “You wanted me.”

“I didn’t,” I insisted. Not in the way I wanted Lachlan’s touch.

“You begged for me.”

I shook my head. The only person I begged for was Chase, his lips, his touch.

“When I forced you before me your body was ready.”

“Ethan didn’t have to force me!” I whipped around, staring at the man who had caused so much pain. “I wasn’t ready for you, you stole a part of my soul.”

“I owned all of your soul!” He gnashed his teeth, eyes flaring with pent-up anger.

“You enslaved my soul. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I knew nothing of myself.” Nolan showed me. He showed me how to be Bailey.

“You chose me. You had every opportunity to tell your parents. You had every opportunity to tell me no and leave. You kept coming back to me. You kept coming back for more, time and time again. You wanted it so badly, you did everything to keep it secret, so we could continue.”

I took a step forward, toward him, pain and anger swirling in my chest, the rage within growing. “I was afraid! I lost everyone I loved, and I was afraid. You didn't have to hurt me. You could have loved me and protected me, but you chose to tear me apart for your own amusement.” His smile enraged me. “YOU LIED TO ME!” I screamed.

Only… Ed had disappeared, and suddenly, I was staring at myself in the floor-length mirror. My amber eyes filled with hot liquid as I gazed at the child before me now. “You lied to me.” My voice was barely audible as I spoke to myself. “You lied to me and told me I needed him. You lied to me and told me it was okay to endure the pain because feeling his acceptance was worth it. It wasn’t. Every day, I wanted to tell my parents, but you talked me out of it.

“You lied to me.”

Tears ran down my face.

“No,” I choked out on a sob. “I lied to myself.”

“Bailey?” Dad’s voice called from the stairs.

I jumped, clearing my throat. “Yeah?”

“Come downstairs a moment. The boys have something they want to show you.”

I quickly took a few deep breaths and wiped at my eyes and cheeks to compose myself before leaving the room.

“What is it?” I asked, confused by my dad’s enthusiasm while we walked outside together.

“Just go out to the barn, they’re there. They have a surprise for you.”

“Okay?” I walked out to the barn and poked my head in to see Ethan, Lachlan, Chase, and Nolan standing together outside a stall. “Apparently, you guys have something for me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Chase spoke first. “We know you have a lot going on right now, and we think we’ve found the cause of one of the issues.”

“Oh?”

“You know how you hear the barking all the time?” Chase asked.

My smile immediately dropped. “What do you mean?”

“Ethan and I were working in the back field before we left for the tournament. The field runs along the new property, near the creek.”

“Yes…” I took a small step into the barn.

The guys were all grinning and excited, but I was wary. “Your mom said that property went through foreclosure. The old owner died, and they moved all the animals off the property to different sanctuaries.”

“Well, all but one. They couldn’t catch him. His collar says ‘Pops’,” Ethan said. He was leaning against a beam, arms folded loosely across his chest as he nodded to the open stall. “Go see.”

I walked over, hesitating because everyone’s attention was on me. Inside the stall was a large white dog. His body seemed frail for his large size, his eyes aged with wisdom, and even though his fur was white, I could see the grey around his eyes and his muzzle. He was absolutely filthy; he’d obviously been living outside for a while.

I slowly started shaking my head. Even though the dog before me was a stranger, when his gaze met mine, all I could see was Marley. Sweat broke out across my back, causing me to shiver. My stomach churned painfully as my fear spiked.

“We figured Pops really suits him. He looks old. I think he was a farm dog, so that’s why it was hard for him to leave when he got loose,” Nolan said.

His voice was muffled, as if I was hearing him from underwater.

“Baby, you okay? You look pale.” Lachlan reached for me, but I pulled away slowly, my eyes barely moving as my brain tried to comprehend what was happening before me.

“Take him back,” I whispered.

Ethan appeared confused. “B, we just thought, with Marley gone—”

At the mention of Marley, something inside me snapped, and finally, my brain kicked in. I cut Ethan off, screaming frantically. “Take him back now! He has to go back!”

“There is nowhere to go, he was starving out there,” Chase argued.

“You don’t understand!” I began pacing back and forth. “He will kill him! He will die here!” Another body I’d have to bury. I couldn’t stop screaming, panic filling every cell in my body.

My dad came running around the corner. “What’s going on?” he bellowed.

“Daddy,” I begged, fat tears streaming down my face, “tell them. Tell them he can’t stay! He isn’t safe here! He will kill him. He will find him!” Dad would know what to do, Dad always knew what to do. “You have to save him!”

“Who? Who are you talking about?” Dad asked.

I ran into the stall to get the dog out, but the animal was frightened, backing up, and watching me warily. It was for his own good. I reached out to grab the dog, to save him, but arms wrapped around me, constricting me. I fought against them as hard as I could—they didn’t understand.

“He’s going to kill him, like he killed Marley,” I cried. “Please.”

“Who, tell me who,” Lachlan whispered in my ear.

“Ed!” I screamed, my body going limp, seeing how useless it was to fight. I couldn’t save her then, and I couldn’t save him now. “Ed killed Marley. She was protecting me. She ran at him, and he killed her. He will kill Pops too.” That’s all it took to break me. I collapsed onto the ground, and Lachlan went down with me, rocking me back and forth as I cried and cried. “He did it.”

“Ed?” Dad walked into the stall and kneeled before me, pushing the hair out of my face.

“He did it, Daddy. I told him I wanted to see Chase. I told Ed I wanted to be a senior in high school, and he got mad at me. He dragged me into the shed. He—” I looked up at Lachlan, and he nodded for me to continue. “Ed raped me.”

The words came out in a hiccup, because even though it was legal, even though I had first agreed to it, it had hurt, and I hadn’t wanted it then. I’d fought. It was rape, no different than what Lachlan had gone through.

“And when Marley wouldn’t stop barking, when Marley started attacking the door, he ran out and grabbed her.” My eyes focused back on my father as my body slumped into Lachlan. “He choked her, Daddy. I couldn’t let him choke her. I grabbed the shovel, and I hit him. I hit him over and over again until he stopped moving. And then I dragged his body into the pen with the bull.”

“When I came home…you were at the road with Marley,” he whispered. His face had gone pale, his eyes glazing over.

“I dragged her to the road, to say she was hit by a car, but I couldn’t leave her. He would’ve killed me. I know it. She saved me, I couldn’t leave her.” Lachlan didn’t let go of me, holding me tightly against his chest.

My dad stood up. “Do not let her out of your sight. Do you understand?” he ordered, though I wasn’t sure who to.

“Sir,” Chase said, “he’s been doing this to her for a while. We learned not long ago that it’s been going on for years.”

“That goddamn son of a bitch.” Dad stormed out of the barn.

Lachlan kept rocking me until I was able to calm my crying. Pops, the old white dog, got brave and walked over to us, licking my face. “He’s not safe here—”

“John!” I heard my mom’s voice. “What are you… You can’t! Stop!”

“He’s got the gun!” I quickly said. “Stop him!”

There was a scramble as we all got to our feet and ran outside. Nolan made it to Dad’s truck first, even with the limp, and cut him off. Sure enough, Dad was holding the rifle in his hand.

Nolan held up his hands. “John, you don’t want to do that. Let’s just stop and think.”

“I assure you, boy, I very much want to do this, and if you don’t feel the same, you have no right being with my daughter. Get out of my way.” Dad was enraged. I had never seen him at this level in my life.

“Mr. McCormick,” Chase said, “you don’t even know where he is.”

“I do. That goddamn piece of shit is at the hospital. I’ve been paying for his fucking rehabilitation,” he bellowed.

Ethan slipped in next to Nolan, standing in front of my father. “If you went into the hospital with that gun, then security would shoot you before you even made it to his room. And then Bailey would be without you. I get you’re angry, but we have to go about this the right way.”

“John.” Lachlan’s voice was level, calm. “He’s not saying you can’t. He’s saying not yet.”

Men cry. Even growing up on a farm filled with dominant male farm hands, I knew men cried, and I was okay with that. I knew the whole boys don’t cry stereotype was ridiculous. But I had never seen my dad cry.

Dad turned to me, eyes overflowing with tears that didn’t look right on his face. Dad never cried. I broke down all over again. He reached out and grabbed for me at the same time Ethan grabbed the gun and took it from him. Dad crushed me to him in a hug, and I buried my face in his shirt. “I’m sorry, Boo. My little girl. I’m so sorry. I’ll kill him. I promise, I will. That bastard.”

“Let me call my cousin,” Ethan said. “He may be able to help.”

“Bailey.” Mom walked down and took me from Dad’s arms. “Let’s go inside.” She wrapped a protective arm around my waist. On the way, she took the gun from Ethan, and we left the five guys outside while Mom brought me inside.

She sat me down at the table and went to put the rifle away. Once it was secured, she busied herself making hot chocolate. I sat there, wiping the tears away, not even sure what to say. An ache was starting in my head, through my temples.

Mom set two cups of hot chocolate on the table and looked at me for the longest time. “Your dad told me a bit. I don’t know what to say, Boo,” she finally whispered. “Do you want to talk to me about what happened?”

“Yes.” Because I so badly did.

And then it all came out. Right from the beginning. How much I thought he loved me, how we would play games, and I thought it was okay. I told her how we waited until I was sixteen, and I did consent, but then I was scared, and I said no. I told her how he tore me, causing me to bleed, and I wanted to ask if that was normal. The internet said it was, but there had been so much of it. I told her how I hadn’t thought it was rape, because he convinced me I wanted it, that I was leading him on. Ed told me how seductive my body was, how I could tell or show no one but him, because he was my boyfriend.

I told her it wasn’t until being with the guys that I learned what had happened was wrong. Even when I felt bad doing it, and when it made me feel sick, when it was happening, I still thought it was my fault, that I had initiated it.

I held nothing back from my mother and she listened. She listened to it all, and not once did she get mad at me for not telling her sooner. She didn’t get mad at me for letting it go on for so long. Instead, she apologized. She told me it wasn’t my fault. That he was a predator, and he did exactly what Lachlan had said—he had groomed me. He used my young mind against me. Still, it was difficult to believe that I wasn’t the one to cause it all. How messed up was that?

The guys came in not long after. Dad stepped into the room, his eyes red. “An officer is coming out to take a statement.”

“They’re going to take me away.” I looked at my mom. “They did it to Lachlan, and he did a lot less than I did. Ed was in a coma, and I tried to cover it up. They are going to put me in jail.” My lip trembled.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Lachlan promised, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“Bails, do you have any proof of what he did over the years? Anything?” Nolan asked.

I shook my head. I looked up at Dad. “Whenever the security camera cut out, it was because I had deleted the footage with my computer. I’m sorry.”

“Where’s your computer?” Lachlan asked.

“In my room.”

“Get it, I can recover the footage from the hard drive.”

I nodded and took a steadying breath. “I’ll go get it.” I stood up, and everyone parted to the side for me, all except Chase.

“I’ll come with you,” he said, taking my hand. I gave him a thankful smile. I didn’t want to be alone without one of them right now.

Chase didn’t let my hand go as I went to my room and retrieved the laptop. We walked back down, and he gave my hand a bit of a squeeze. “You got this,” he whispered.

I started up the computer and searched for the videos but was having trouble. Lachlan got on and was easily able to bring them up. There were a lot, over the span of years. Some only small clips I had deleted, a few entire days.

The police showed up, and Dad invited them in. They started off by taking a statement from me, which they tried to clear the room for, but found that everyone planted themselves. Not just my four statues, but also, my parents refused to leave me. Then they looked at the computer. They clicked on a short video, and it came up. Ed was cursing me out. The stereo on my computer was on full volume, and Lachlan jumped and turned it down. His voice. My mind had conjured Ed so many times, but hearing his actual voice again made bile rise in my throat.

I turned away and found Ethan right behind me. I buried my face into his chest. He held me, his body tensing up. I knew what was on that video; it was the first time Ed had pulled me around by my hair.

“Is there one the day of the incident?” the female officer asked.

“I think it’s this one,” Lachlan said, clicking on another video. I was still hiding my face, so I couldn’t see, and at first, I didn’t think it was playing. But once Marley started barking, it was like I was back there.

I felt his hands on me. I felt his anger as he yelled at me, belittled me. I screamed when he dragged me into the shed, his words branded in my mind: it’s time someone taught you some manners.

The sounds of Marley’s barks were short, and one of the officers cursed as he watched the laptop. The first smack of the shovel to Ed’s skull cracked and filled the room. I flinched, and my fists held tight to Ethan’s shirt. That seemed to be all he could take, as he pulled me away and out into the living room.

“Hey, look at me,” he said softly. “B, look at me.” I tilted my head up, meeting his eyes. “You are fucking brave. You are strong. You did what you had to do, and it was not wrong. Understand? I’m proud of you.” He bent down, pressing his lips to mine. I needed it, I needed him. I took his kiss greedily and allowed his words to sink in and calm my hurting heart.

“Guys,” Nolan said quickly. We pulled apart just as the officers walked through.

“Bailey, this is what’s going to happen, okay?” The female officer spoke, and right away, I thought she was going to tell me I was being taken in. “We are going to take your computer as evidence. We are going to serve Edward with papers, okay? The county police will be pressing charges, and he will be arrested by what we physically see on the footage. There is more than enough evidence here to do that, okay? He will be fingerprinted, we will book him, and he will not be allowed to have any contact with you, do you understand?”

I nodded. “And me? What will I have to do?”

Ethan took my hand and Nolan stepped closer, so our shoulders were touching. I could see Chase and Lachlan tense, ready for a fight.

“Nothing,” the officer said. “Not yet.” I nearly collapsed, but Ethan and Nolan grabbed me.

“She thought you were going to take her,” Chase clarified.

The officer stepped forward. “You thought we would arrest you?” she asked. I nodded. “No, you did nothing wrong, honey. You know, what happened was terrible, but it wasn’t your fault. We are going to make sure he pays for this, okay?” All I could do was nod again. “At some point, you will be called in for questioning, and you may have to testify, but we will get to that when we get there. I have some information, pamphlets. We do recommend you seek some medical help, all right?” She looked to his partner. “Hey! Can you go into my cruiser and take out that purple folder? I have it in the back in the file box.”

“Purple folder?” her partner asked.

“Yeah. Just bring the entire folder here.” The officer looked back to me. “Are you okay?” she asked. “We can get an ambulance for you.”

I leaned into Ethan. “No, I’m okay. Just trying to take it all in.”

“I understand. You’ve dealt with this for so long.” The partner came back in and handed the officer the purple folder. The officer pulled out a few pamphlets and a card. “Here, this is the number to a sexual trauma response team, okay? There are counselors, workers, and volunteers you can reach out to. Here is another place, and online help is available if you don’t want to go in and talk to anyone, and they are really good. This card is for a local place. They offer PTSD care for those who have been abused.”

“That’s who I go to,” Lachlan said. “They are nice people.”

The officer looked at him, saddened. “It’s difficult. So many people feel alone in this, but this care is available because so many have gone through it.” She looked over at my parents. “Mom, Dad, you okay?” the officer asked.

Dad didn’t say anything. “We just want to see that he gets arrested. We will be pressing charges as well.”

“Of course. I’ll head out now and put together the warrant. Just hang tight, and I will call when he is in custody, okay?”

“Thank you,” Mom said, shaking her hand.

My parents followed the officers out, and Ethan scooped me up into his arms. He brought me to the couch and sat down with me on his lap. I leaned against his chest. Lachlan sat next to him, scooping my legs onto his lap and holding them.

Nolan and Chase sat on the floor. Chase took the pamphlets from me and set them aside. “How are you really doing?” Nolan asked.

I ran my fingers through his hair. “I’m not going to jail.” Through the sadness in my soul, I smiled. “You have no idea what a relief that is.” I sniffled, wiping my face with my sleeve. “He’s going to be locked up, and I’m not going to jail.”

“Your dad isn’t happy.” Chase’s voice was quiet. “If he had it his way, he would be digging a grave.”

“I would be there, helping him,” Lachlan said. “He deserves the death penalty… after some suffering.” I shivered from the darkness in Lachlan’s voice; he meant every word of what he said.

“I don’t want anything to happen to you guys. I don’t want my dad to get in trouble. It’s done, it’s behind us now.” I shook my head. “Holy shit…it’s done.” I leaned over, capturing Chase’s lips with mine, and then leaning over to Nolan, who didn’t hesitate to accept his kiss. When it was Lachlan’s turn, he pulled me up and onto his lap, so I was straddling him. “I’m free.” I smiled at him.

“Proud of you.” His lips were soft and sweet. I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want to let him go, but Ethan tapped my back, and I slipped off Lach’s lap just as my parents walked into the house.

Mom came into the room and Dad strode past, going right upstairs. “Are you guys staying the night?” she asked Nolan and Lachlan. For once, it was obvious she was hoping they wouldn’t, but she would never tell them they couldn’t.

“I have to get back home,” Nolan said.

“Yeah, same.” Lach stood up. “If you need anything, call us, all right?” I nodded. He held his knuckles out to Ethan, who bumped them and nodded. He would keep him updated.

Ethan and Chase got up and said goodnight to me before leaving the room.

“Bailey, given everything that’s happening, could you…will you please stay home from school tomorrow? I just want you home until they have him in custody,” Mom said.

“Yes.” I didn’t have to think about it.

Mom smiled, but it was sad, not quite reaching her eyes. I could see the tears she was holding back. “Okay, why don’t you get showered and ready for bed?”

I nodded and made my way to the stairs, stopping when I noticed her wipe a stray tear off her cheek. I paused for a moment, then turned to her. “Mom?” She looked at up at me. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Everyone keeps telling me it wasn’t my fault, I didn’t do anything wrong. But, Mom, neither did you.”

Her lips trembled, and she rushed over, wrapping me in a hug.