Chapter 19
NINETEEN
LEO
Two extremely strange things happened to me today.
The first was that I’d cried, and not only that, but in front of someone—Alex. I wasn’t sure how to feel, couldn’t even wrap my mind around it or remember the last time I had cried. There was no time, because the second strange thing was that I was standing in Alex’s apartment.
This is definitely breaking the ‘stay away’ rule.
It was small, but in a cozy way, not in a steel-walls-surrounding-me-at-all-angles way.
I’d barely made it through the doorway; she had to invite me in twice, like I was some sort of vampire.
My intention was to be a gentleman, save some sort of face, and make sure she got home okay. That was my only goal, swear to God.
Good job walking her home, Leo. Bad job walking inside of said home.
I wasn’t supposed to be here; every cell in my body screamed to run.
But my scalp was still tingling from when she’d run her fingers through my hair, and I was on cloud nine.
Every day, I was getting closer and closer to identifying as a dog.
The whole petting thing? I understood. Fantastic experience, ten out of ten.
Alex rushed into the kitchen as if she hadn’t expended a serious amount of power, acting as if I belonged in her living room, and started cooking. Why was she cooking?
Maybe she’s hungry, idiot.
Of course; she worked hard, emotions ran high, she should eat and rest. And I should go.
“Do you know how to relax?” she quipped as she started chopping vegetables that appeared out of thin air, or maybe her fridge. “You’re a robot.”
“I know how to relax,” I swallowed hard.
I am the manifestation of relaxation right now.
She gave me a blank stare, one that said she didn’t believe me. “Okay, why don’t you help me, then?”
My face dropped. “Help you…?”
“Cook, Leo. Help me cook.” She took out two wine glasses, filling them to the top. “It’s been a long day. I’m exhausted, and you’re the size of a mammoth, so I think it’s safe to say that we should eat.”
I glanced down at myself. That’s a little extreme.
Alex put a glass filled with red wine in front of me, and I raised a brow. “I don’t drink. And what happened to bad coping mechanisms?”
“Well, I’m drinking tonight, so feel free to join in or opt out,” she deadpanned.
“There is a difference between guzzling down a bottle of wine because I’m riddled with despair, and having a glass of wine with dinner after a long day at work.
Call Minnie if you need to; I think she’d give her permission. ”
I chewed my cheek; she was being sarcastic.
There wasn’t any need to call Minnie… right?
Alex stared at me, waiting, and I finally relented.
It wasn’t that I had anything against drinking; my vice just happened to be smokeable.
I didn’t have friends to go out to bars with, and taking home a bottle of whiskey to sit in my echo chamber felt a little too bleak.
Fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen?
I threw back the glass, and Alex’s cheeks blew out as she tried to hold in her laugh.
“You sip wine, not shoot it,” she cackled, and it put me at ease again.
By the time dinner was in the oven, we’d drunk half the bottle, and I went to work on the dishes.
It was so… domesticated. Alex sat on a stool at the countertop, swirling what was left in her glass.
Her cheeks and nose were tinged pink, and I caught myself glancing over my shoulder to watch her.
She’d taken her hair down from her ponytail, and the waves framed her face.
Did Alex like having her hair played with, too?
It was an odd thing to wonder, but I couldn’t help myself.
My body was buzzing, my lips were numb, and everything was weightless.
Content, even. I didn’t know that was something I could feel.
Every quick joke she made, every smile and snarky remark, it all felt right.
I was nervous, but not uncomfortable, not itching to run out the door and retreat to the safety of the VIA.
I had only worried about burning down her apartment twice, which was progress, considering the concern only came from the fact that cooking was not my forte.
No flames to be seen, no smoke or sizzling skin.
Her apartment was a safe haven; everything was plush, soft, and filled to the brim with items that I never considered owning. It hadn’t been a possibility before.
Could I live somewhere like this one day? Without watching it all go up in flames?
Fluffy pillows stacked on the couch, random trinkets lined the windows, and signs that read things like ‘Whip It, Real Good’ with a picture of a whisk sat next to the stove.
My personal favorite was a small sign next to a butter dish that read, ‘Butter Me, Daddy’.
Her space had personality; it was a home, or what I imagined one was like, anyway.
Or Alex was secretly a thrift shop thief and was on her way to becoming a hoarder.
The timer started to beep, and I dried my hands before reaching for the oven. When I grabbed the baking sheet with my bare hand, Alex appeared next to me, her face flushed and filled with panic.
“Watch it!” she hissed, grabbing my wrist to pull me away.
I paused before raising a brow. “Seriously?”
“Are you an idiot?” She grumbled as she turned on the sink and pulled my hand beneath lukewarm water. “It’s still hot; you’re gonna get—”
Alex froze, as if the realization had finally dawned on her. I couldn’t help the smile that crawled across my lips, and I bit my cheek in an attempt to stifle it. She stared up at me with those blue eyes, and I waited patiently for the shoe to drop.
“You don’t burn,” she said.
I savored the way red crept up her neck, how her cheeks burned and how she still hadn’t released her grip on my wrist. Her fingers were small and cold, but it was soothing to someone who always ran hot.
Not a single piece of me wanted to pull away.
No, I wanted to drink it in. I wanted to linger in this moment.
“I don’t burn,” I repeated with a grin. “Would you like me to, though? I can play pretend for a bit, if it’ll make you feel better.”
Alcohol didn’t make me want to tease her; that had always been a bad habit of mine.
But did it fuel the fire? Absolutely. She dropped her hold and spun around, as if she was going to walk off her lapse of judgement.
I didn’t want her to go, didn’t want more unbearable distance.
I reached around her waist, pulling her back against me.
“Don’t run away, Sweetheart,” I chuckled and held up a hand. “I still need a bandage.”
Her face went from seething, to something entirely new. It threw me off, the way her eyes focused on only me. Alex never paid attention to me like that—it felt like the roles had reversed, and it made my stomach go hot.
“Don’t be an ass. I forgot, okay? Stop being dramatic.”
“You forget about me a lot.” My brow twitched, and my smile faltered. I was pouting, saying too much and too little at the same time. “Sometimes I think it’s on purpose.”
I thought about Alex a lot; at the academy, after Joon and I became Heroes, and even after he died.
I wasn’t even a blip on the radar. I was the jackass that made her want to pull her hair out.
But right here, right now, Alex wasn’t pulling away.
She was leaning in, her head turned to look back at me, a playful pull to her lips.
Too close, Leo. You’re crossing a line, Leo. Back off, Leo.
Alex gave me a sweet smile, one that made my heart pound and my breath freeze. “Trust me, I don’t forget about you. I see you in my nightmares every night.”
Brat.
The thought wasn’t mine; it was the wine. Definitely the wine.
I lowered my head, and I could swear the oxygen was gone from the air.
Goosebumps trailed along her bare arms, but she didn’t look cold.
It was giving me too much confidence; the way her eyes shone, how she was relaxed and tense at the same time.
With her head tilted back, her neck was exposed, the very spot that another man had dared to bite.
A primal part of me wanted to nip at her skin; get rid of whatever Lycean had dared to leave behind, and claim the spot for myself.
Greedy bastard.
“Just nightmares? That’s disappointing,” I murmured.
What am I doing?
“What would you prefer instead?” She sounded breathless, and her tone was more inviting than snappy.
My eyes flickered to her lips, and God, I was aching. What would Alex taste like? What would it feel like to kiss her? What did she like? I lowered my head, just a fraction, as I tried to keep my restraint. But then Alex rose up on her toes, and the world slowed.
Is she doing what I think she’s doing? Does she want this? Does Alex want m—
The tension snapped, but not in the way I expected. My new phone started buzzing on the counter, and we jumped away from each other like I’d burst into flames again. Alex tucked her hair behind beet red ears before fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. I wanted to fucking scream.
“What?” I snapped as I answered the call.
That was the shitty thing about being a dog of the VIA—we didn’t exactly work office hours.
“Where the fuck are you?!” Reed’s voice cut in and out; the sound of screaming was clear in the background. “Shit is hitting the fan, man!”
My face fell, and I glanced back at Alex, who watched me with pinched brows.
I held her gaze, my belly heating again, before I hissed through my teeth, “Where are you, and how bad?”
A BOOM shot through the speaker, right before the faint echo of what sounded like an explosion filtered through Alex’s open windows. We both straightened, staring out into the skyline of Nightmyre, waiting for smoke.
“Very, very bad!” Reed finally shouted. “Fifty-Third Street, get here now!”
“Yeah, I got it. We’re on our way.” For the first time tonight, my watch started to beep, signaling a rise in my temperature.
“What is it?” Alex tiptoed around the counter, cautious.
I rolled my neck and shoulders, already preparing myself. “No clue, but it doesn't sound good. Reed’s on Fifty-Third.”
Alex raced to what I assumed was her bedroom, tying up her hair before she disappeared through the doorway. “That’s six blocks from here!”
I stripped in her living room; I’d gotten used to changing anywhere, fast. My gear was inside of a backpack that I’d dropped on her couch, and I was ready within sixty seconds. Heroes never went anywhere without their gear—it was the comic book rule.
The explosions were coming in fast succession now.
They hadn’t gotten any closer, but the frequency made my neck tense, and my watch started to beep.
My temperature was rising. I took deep breaths, shifting in place as I waited for Alex.
The air around me started to warp with the heat, and my anxiety only grew.
I was starting to heat up, and was surrounded by all of the flammable things. Alex’s white couch, the soft blue rug beneath my boots. My body backed up on its own, inching toward the door. I thought I was doing well.
Don’t overheat.
Another explosion, and my temperature spiked again. I’d dropped my guard, started believing I could be something else. A different kind of person, a different kind of Hero, the kind that Joon would have wanted to be around Alex.
Don’t catch on fire.
One short burst of anxiety, and the lies I’d started to tell myself started crumbling down.
How could you think you’re safe?
Alex flung open her door and took long strides my way.
Her cheeks were pink, and although her windows started to light up with orange hues, she still held a smile.
I couldn’t help but scan her up and down, though.
From her eyes, to the new horns that were already glowing a bright blue, all the way down her black suit that clung to her small frame. My heart clenched, and fear washed in.
“Alright, let’s rock and roll,” she grinned, as if we weren’t heading into unknown chaos. “It’s been a while, but I won’t hold you back, I promise.”
There was a tilt in her voice, but it wasn’t shaky. She was testing me, prodding, making sure that I wouldn’t lock her inside to keep her from whatever was in store for us. Part of me wanted to, and I hated that part now.
“I know you won’t,” my voice was hoarse as I reached for the doorknob, almost unwilling to open it.
“Hey,” she put her hand over mine before jolting back with a hiss. “You’re hot. Are you okay?”
Her eyes were filled with concern, and my stomach swelled with dread.
Stay away.
The beeping picked up, and the metal of the doorknob started to glow red.
Keep your distance.
Alex kept her hand up, as if she wanted to touch me again, but couldn’t. Her suit didn’t have gloves—it didn’t cover the scar.
Don’t let her get burned.
We’d gotten too close, I dropped my guard. Just because I didn’t set the place on fire this time, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t happen. I wasn’t in control; I wasn’t getting better, or changing. I was in a cool-off period. Nothing more, nothing less.
Another explosion, and Alex snapped her head to the side, watching the windows.
I leaned down, taking the opportunity to get close without touching her.
Citrus filled my breath, and I hated how much I loved that scent.
I’d breathed it in at the hospital, let it calm my nerves, let it drop my guard.
That was a luxury that I couldn’t afford; not when it came to Alex, or the promise I made.
Stop kidding yourself, Leo. You don’t belong here, not with her, not after everything you’ve done.
“Alex,” I murmured in her ear, and I wanted to run my fingers along the bumps that appeared on her skin. “I…I’m sorry. What just happened, I won’t do that again.”
Alex looked as if I’d slapped her.