Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
LEO
I did it; I broke Joon’s rule.
A weight had been lifted, but betrayal settled in my chest. I hadn’t figured out how to control myself completely; my temperature still spiked, and the lingering effects of the burnout still weighed me down.
But I let Alex get close—and she stifled my flames.
Not like Reed, not by force, but just by being present.
Alex calmed me down, and it was proof that at least around her, I wasn’t as dangerous anymore. I wasn’t sure what Joon would have thought; if this was good enough, a step in the right direction. But I’d wanted to die, or had been okay with that outcome, at least. Now? There was no chance in hell.
She cried for me, and I didn’t think anyone had ever done that before.
I was selfish, but I didn’t care. I wanted her; I needed her.
It had been four days of sitting in a hospital bed, ruminating on it all.
She came to my hospital room often, either by herself or with Reed in tow.
On an especially stressful day, she’d even brought Gabriel and his family over.
I was overstimulated, and awkward, but that night, I’d slept better than I had in years.
Alex was opening up my world, making things possible, like being surrounded by people who actually cared. I didn’t know what that was like until now. It made me greedy, restless, and… desperate. She gave me air, put out my fire, and I was tired of running away.
Am I allowed to be happy? Would that be okay, Joon?
Every time I saw her, my lips burned, but I restrained myself. There was still more I had to prove, steps I had to take. Right now, all that mattered was that she was in my life, and that it didn’t look like she was going anywhere soon.
I’ve waited this long; I can wait some more.
Instead, I tried to focus on the facts. That Villain—Glitch—was still out there.
I tried to give as much detail to Alex and Reed as I could to pass on to Dahlia.
The VIA was overwhelmed; the TV in my room constantly buzzed with footage of Splinter’s attack, and press conferences from the VIA to calm the public. They lied through their teeth.
“This is a group that has recently come to our attention.” Dahlia was on the screen now, her image perfect on the screen as she addressed the reporters in the room.
“Rest assured, the VIA is working adamantly to put these Villains behind bars. They will not be allowed to terrorize our city, and our Heroes are doing everything in their power to bring them down.”
She didn’t mention how they were connected to the collapse three years ago that had killed Joon, didn’t mention how we’d been tracking them for years. No one admitted that we had completely dropped the ball.
I kept thinking about the way Glitch had focused on Alex; the words that he’d said. It was as if he were proud of her for stopping us. I hated how he’d fixated on her, and how thoroughly I got my ass beat. I was so wrapped up in it, I barely noticed when Alex walked through the door.
“Good news,” she chirped, startling me as she sat down with a bag in her arms. “Dahlia is giving you as much time as you need. She’s too busy dealing with the tabloids; she wants you as functional as possible before going after Splinter and Glitch.”
I scoffed. “They can’t handle another failure.”
“True,” Alex shifted, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “But that works in our favor. You don’t have to rush anything; focus on getting better. You should be released tomorrow, do you need any help at home?”
My body had been repaired, but everything was still heavy. When I stood up, my ears would ring, and colored lights would sprinkle my vision. Apparently, healing everything as quickly as they did took up every ounce of my energy.
“No,” the word blurted from my mouth, quick and panicked.
I didn’t want Alex to see how I lived, didn’t want her to see my shame.
I was terrified of scaring her away after so much progress had been made.
She didn’t need to know how bad it looked, when I was just starting to move forward.
But she narrowed those blue eyes at me, and I found myself staring at the ceiling.
“What if you faint?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll be fine. I’m durable.”
“What if you get confused, or fall, or need help?” she kept pushing.
I sighed. “Don’t give yourself a headache, Sweetheart. Don’t get all nervous with me just because I kissed you. I don’t need you to take care of me.”
It was a vain attempt to distract her, pulling her focus from her current mission of protecting me. Part of me loved it; I wanted to drown myself in her attention, and was tempted to push it, leaning into the woe-is-me card just to see how she’d react.
Alex watched me with those knowing eyes, and guilt pooled in my stomach. “What if I want to take care of you?”
That was it; the nail in the coffin, the words that broke me. I’d bow to her whims, no backbone in sight. I sighed, chewing my lip as I ached for a cigarette.
“… Fine. But you’re not allowed to make comments, got it? Don’t… don’t try to fix anything.”
Her face scrunched, and the freckles on her nose smashed together in a way that took up all my attention. “What is there to fix?”
This…was a mistake.
Alex stood in my apartment, settled in the basement of the VIA headquarters. Her eyes scanned the room as grocery bags sat tucked in her elbows. I could see the way she tried not to grimace, how her gaze hovered on the steel walls and large, industrial fans in the ceiling.
“This is…nice,” she squeaked.
I sighed, grabbing the bags from her arms, the ones that only minutes ago she’d refused to let me carry.
But now, she was distracted, picking apart every inch of the space.
My space. Everything was steel; the walls, the furniture, my kitchen and bathroom.
My bed had a single blanket, and I’d made sure that was fireproof, too.
It was the same material as my Hero suit.
I should probably get that replaced now that we know I can burn through it.
“You’re a bad liar, you know that?” I whispered in her ear before placing her haul on the countertop.
I flinched at the clanging sound it made, how it echoed. My mind worked, desperate to distract myself from her frozen form as I unpacked everything. A grin spread across my face as I pulled out five packs of cigarettes that were tucked in with vegetables—was she expecting me to go overseas?
Maybe the plan is to kill me slowly.
“Seriously?” I chuckled, waving them in the air. “I’m not that bad. I thought you were worried about my lungs?”
With the endless rotation of Variants that had been sent through my hospital room, I’d actually gotten good news.
The scans showed that my lungs were similar to how they’d been three years ago—they weren’t healed completely, but that was three more years tacked onto my lifespan.
Reed told me it was time to take the win and quit.
I’ll deal with the whole stop-catching-on–fire thing first. Then I’ll quit. Maybe.
Alex chewed her thumb, still fixated on the space around her. She shivered, and I’d forgotten how low they kept the temperature. Every precaution was needed for the hothead Hero.
“Hey…” I groaned. “I said No comments.”
She spun around, blue eyes wide. “I’m not saying anything.”
I gestured toward her expression. “Your face says it all, Sweetheart. You look like I just stuck you in a prison cell.”
Her palms turned up, her shoulders nearly shrugging to her ears. “I mean, that’s pretty fucking close. You can’t live here.”
She sounded like Joon—and it almost made me smile. Progress.
“I’ve lived here for ten years,” I sighed as I started putting everything away. “Before that, the room was smaller. It’s nothing I’m not used to, don’t worry about it.”
The rings around the horns on her head started to glow. “You need a bed, Leo. A real bed, with real pillows. Some decorations, or something. I mean, fuck, even a window. This is insane.”
I leaned against the countertop, my head starting to throb from the stress. Day one out of a hospital bed, and I was already prepared to go straight back. At least she didn’t complain about my living situation, there.
“It’s not that bad.”
She nodded. “It is. It is that bad. When’s the last time you lived somewhere normal?”
My stomach dropped, and I turned my gaze to the side before I lit a cigarette from a fresh pack. The nicotine made my head go light, but my muscles relaxed as I blew out the smoke. The place was ventilated to the extreme, and the scent of cigarettes didn’t stick to metal as badly as carpet.
“When did your ability manifest?” I asked.
She cocked her head, confused. “… I was seven, I put my class to sleep when I wasn’t paying attention and started daydreaming.”
I nodded, the words welling up inside me. It was hard not to talk to her. Before, it was difficult to get anything out, but now, it was impossible to stop myself. Alex was a safe space—she cared. I didn’t realize how badly I’d wanted someone to just give a fuck.
“I was four. Apparently I threw a tantrum, and that’s when it came out.
The house went up—” I blew the smoke out of my nose as my jaw clenched, “—my mom and I were still inside. When the fire finally went out, they found what was left of her, protecting me. She didn’t realize I wasn’t being burned. ”
Alex went pale, but the words kept coming. I wasn’t necessarily sad about it; not anymore. That was all in the past, things I used to let devour me in the middle of the night. I’d gone numb to it.
“I guess my dad couldn’t stand to look at me after that.
I don’t blame him; I killed her, even if I didn’t mean to.
The VIA took me in, put me in specialized schools and programs to find a way to control it.
I’ve always been their dog, a ward of the state.
I was always meant to be a weapon. It’s only fair that I’m treated like one. ”
“Leo—”
“I’m not saying this for your pity,” I said, quick to make sure she understood. “It’s life. It doesn’t bother me anymore. This is all just a necessary precaution.”
“Don’t do that,” she whispered.
“Don’t do what?”
I searched her face, desperate to make sure she understood, and that she didn’t get scared off. Her eyes were open, taking every piece of me in.
“Don’t act like this is normal, or that it doesn’t bother you,” she huffed. “Come here.”
“I’m sorry?”
Alex raised her arms. “Come over here now.”
I froze, my face dropping before the cigarette between my lips fizzled out, nothing but an ember at the filter as I stared at her.
Finally, I broke. I walked around the counter, almost cautious as she stood there, expectant.
This was an entirely new dynamic to navigate; what did she want from me, what did she expect?
I didn’t want to be a disappointment anymore. Not to her, anyway.
But the moment I got within range, she laced her arms around my waist, and buried her face in my chest. My lungs stalled, and it took me a moment before I melted into her. I pulled her in carefully, as if I would break her.
“Physical touch releases dopamine, and studies have shown a correlation between human touch and mental health,” she breathed into my chest. “Basically, you need a hug. Relax, would you?”
I let out a low laugh, her head still pressed against me as I lowered my lips to the top of her head, careful not to jostle her implants. “You’re really something, you know that?”
“When’s the last time you’ve actually hugged someone?” She asked, hiding her face as her voice muffled against the fabric of my shirt.
“I don’t know.” Aside from those small, heated moments between us, I wasn’t sure.
Holding someone out of comfort, rather than desire, was a foreign concept.
It was awkward, and I didn’t know what to do with my body, how long to stand there.
I should have been the one coddling her, rather than the other way around.
But Alex’s arms were firm, even though they could barely wrap around me.
She refused to loosen her hold, and with each second that passed, my heart hammered against my chest.
Damnit, Alex.
She brought vulnerability out of me. Alex really was my weakness.
“I like this,” I said, my voice low. “The whole… affection thing. I think it’s releasing dopamine, or whatever.”
She chuckled before she tilted her head back.
My stomach bottomed out as her eyes shone, lined with red.
Was she crying? Joon always said she was a crybaby, but I didn’t see it back then.
The more time we spent together, the more she let me see her tears.
As much as it made my heart sink, it also made it soar.
There weren’t walls between us, anymore.
There was no way this could be wrong. No way that this could be taboo, or something to feel guilty about.
If it were, I didn’t give a damn anymore.
I’d never been whole before, and I never considered that I could split myself open and let someone else in.
This was freedom, and I wanted to savor every part.
“Good. And by the way, you’re not staying here.” Alex grinned, even though her eyes were still wet.
“What?”
“You’re staying with me, at least until you’re back to normal. I’m not letting you sleep in this metal fucking cell, do you understand me?”
My throat swelled as I placed a kiss on the top of her head, and my heart bled from a wound I didn’t even realize existed. “Understood, Sweetheart.”