Chapter 33 #2
My heart shatters in my chest, shredding into a million pieces before it feels like it’s being completely yanked out.
I want to hold him; I want to do anything to take this pain away.
I don’t know how he’s even the man he is today after going through all that.
I knew his past was sad, but I didn’t know it was this shattering.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, my hands holding his tightly.
Tears blur my vision, but I fight to keep them at bay.
“I—I’m just so sorry that it was my fault that you had to relive that day in your dream.
” I’m ashamed of myself, wishing I could just take it all back.
I know he could qualify for accommodations, but the last thing I’d want is for his education to bring him this amount of stress.
He’s quiet, not looking at me but looking down as if he’s trying to process something. Finally, his eyes lift to mine.
“I’m not sorry, because now I know what I never did before,” he croaks.
“My mom wasn’t as selfish as I’ve always thought she was.
Because even though she took her own life and left me here, she made sure that monster would never be able to hurt me again before she did.
” He lifts both our hands, wiping his cheeks with the back of his own.
“Her decision led me to the family I have now. My real, true family—even without having the same blood.” His lashes are tear soaked.
“My mother wasn’t the best mom, but in the end, she made the decision to keep me safe. ”
One hand drops mine, and he moves it to cup my cheek.
“Without you bringing up what you did and wanting more for me, I never would have realized that.” He leans closer.
“I would have continued to carry the guilt around that it was my fault for leaving her instead of seeing the other side of it.” His nose touches mine, his eyes burrowing into my eyes.
“I was afraid to show you my past because I didn’t want you to see how unlovable I was as a kid.
I wanted to hide the ugly parts, and I think the idea of testing scared me because I didn’t want you to know how much I really struggle.
” He sighs. “But I want to be better than I am. I want to let go of the past. So yeah, Short. I’ll do the testing because maybe … maybe I’m not stupid after all.”
“You’re the furthest thing from stupid, D,” I practically sob, unable to help myself.
“You’re also the strongest, bravest person I know.
And I promise you, with my whole heart, I love you right now, in this raw, real moment more than I ever have before.
” I press my mouth to his. “Because I see all of you.” I kiss him again, tears running down both our faces.
“Thank you for showing me. I know how hard it must have been for you.”
“You make it easier to show you all of me,” he murmurs against my mouth, “because you don’t run away from the darkness, Haven. You stand up to it.”
When his hand slides into my hair, he kisses me deeply, and I swear I feel this kiss throughout my entire body, from my head to my toes. Dallas touches every cell because, for the first time since I’ve known him, he’s not wearing a mask or hiding.
And with me, he’ll never have to.
DALLAS
If someone asked me to explain the feeling that’s going on inside me right now, I wouldn’t be able to tell them without sounding crazy.
It feels like, brick by brick, a heaviness is being lifted off my shoulders, slowly evaporating into the air.
I didn’t realize how much weight I’d been carrying until I was forced to unveil the past and face it head on.
I felt lighter when I talked to my parents about this earlier, but after unleashing what I did to Haven, finally telling her everything that I’d been carrying around because I didn’t want her to look at me differently, she didn’t run.
Instead, she embraced me and reminded me that she loves me—more right now than even before knowing how dark my past is.
For the first time since my mom died, I don’t think about her and feel hatred.
Instead, I feel bad. Bad that she wasn’t able to get the help she needed.
And sad because I can’t imagine how depressed she was to live the way that she had been living and feeling like she had to make the decision to take her own life.
My hand is tangled in Haven’s hair and I kiss her roughly, not even giving a shit to come up for air because right now, I just want to be close to her.
Gripping her hip, I push her up against the brick building and slide my hand over her leggings. Heat pumps from between her legs, and I groan into her mouth because even though I know we should be getting back to the birthday party, I need to feel her wrapped around me.
Sliding her leggings down, I’m not surprised that she isn’t wearing panties, and my quickly hardening dick twitches.
I slide my hand between her bare thighs before dragging my finger across her slit and slipping a finger inside.
She’s soaked, and I don’t tease her because I’d lose my mind doing that.
I need her right now, so with my free hand, I undo my belt before yanking my jeans down just enough for my cock to spring free.
The air may not be the warmest, but I don’t think the Arctic Ocean could soften the way I need her right now.
“I need you,” I rasp into her mouth. “I need you so bad.”
“I’m right here, D,” she whispers, pushing her leggings down further with one hand and kissing me once more.
I lift her up, keeping her back to the building. I’m not gentle when my cock presses into her heat, instead bringing her quickly down onto my length. She cries out against my lips, making me slow my motions before I start fucking her.
“I can take it,” she assures me, her eyes burning into mine. “Whatever you need from me in this moment, I can take it. Give me your pain. I want to be strong for you.”
Her words are so gentle, yet she says them with so much strength and determination.
My hands slide under her ass, and I begin to bounce her up and down on my dick quickly and roughly.
Doing what she told me to do, giving her my pain, needing to fill her full of myself, reminding both of us that she is my saving grace.
“That’s it—” she chokes out. “Right … here for you, baby. Always.”
It’s so silent outside, all I can hear is the sound of our ragged panting and my soaked cock slipping in and out of her pussy. I bring my mouth to hers, breathing each other in as we both get closer to falling over the edge.
She whimpers into my mouth as she begins to quiver. I know she’s close, and so am I because my spine is starting to tingle, and my mind is going fuzzy.
Pulling her mouth back slightly, she stares at me. “Breathe with me,” she whispers sweetly. “Breathe with me while we come.”
My thrusts become slower but deeper, and I wait for her cue as she inhales and I do the same. Her eyes stay on mine as we then both exhale together, and as my balls draw up, my orgasm is fast and quick, but more intense than any I’ve ever had before.
Cum shoots from my dick, deep inside her pussy, filling her as she comes intensely right along with me. Still, even when white spots dance around in my vision and my body convulses, I continue breathing with her, feeling like we are one, sharing one soul.
“I … love … you,” she mouths as we near the end of our release.
“I love you,” I mimic, almost silently, knowing I don’t have to say it loudly for her to hear the truth in those words.
Moving my arms up, I hold her closely and bury my face into her hair. And we both fall apart as we hold onto each other. Because whatever we just went through … it was life changing. And I’m glad that I got to go through it with her and no one else.