36. Ari
THIRTY-SIX
ARI
It was a dream.
A beautiful, feverish dream. Nothing more. Nothing less. It couldn’t be real.
He couldn’t have possibly staked his claim on me in front of the whole island like that after weeks of being tortured by his secret.
But apparently, it was still real when we pulled away from one another and I opened my eyes, and it was still real when we got in the car and went away from the town square as the people were still reeling from what had just happened.
I started to have my doubts during the day when both Warren and Wyatt were away dealing with the aftermath of what they’d done, but when he came back home and sat at the table with his brother to eat with me, I realized I wasn’t waking up from this dream. And that was more than okay with me.
“I can’t believe we did it,” Warren said.
Wyatt shook his head in equal disbelief.
“I know,” he said and put his hand on the table, on top of mine, and my throat tightened.
I glanced at Wyatt. He looked right back at me and only me. Then I turned to Warren who seemed to be trying—and failing—to hide a smirk.
“So I guess you finally talked?” I said, looking at both of them.
“We did,” Wyatt said.
“Ish,” Warren added.
I frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Warren chuckled and waved his hand. “Never mind. It’s all good. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go wash this crazy day off.” He pushed his chair back and walked into his bedroom, then a few moments later ducked into the bathroom, leaving me alone with his brother.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, stacking my hand on top of his and squeezed.
His nostrils flared as he took a big breath and smiled. “I’m honestly still trying to wrap my head around it. It’s hard to believe we’re rid of him.”
“What about his accomplices?”
It was indeed hard to believe the gigantic problem hanging over all our heads was done and out of the way for good, seemingly overnight.
“Slade and the others are taking care of that. The feds will be here in the morning and get them all behind bars for a long time. The smaller fish will either flee or hide, but we’ll get them in the end. Without Wilson’s backing, they won’t survive underwater for long.”
I nodded, trying to make sense of everything, but considering how hard it had been to even comprehend the whole operation Wilson had set up on the island, I didn’t know if I’d be able to grasp the extent of his crimes.
“Are you okay?” he asked, leaning a little closer and searching my eyes.
I blinked. I smiled. How could I not when I was staring at the beautiful blue of his ocean?
“You know you didn’t have to do that, right?” I said.
He cocked his head. “Do what?”
I bit my lip for a moment, then said, “The kiss. I…I didn’t need you to come out to everyone.”
He pulled his hand back and sat a little straighter. “You…you didn’t want me to? Did I…did I screw up? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“No, no, sweetheart. Don’t apologize. I’m not mad.” I put my hand on his face and pierced him with my gaze so he knew I wasn’t lying. “I just want to make sure you were ready to do that and you didn’t force yourself to do it because of me.”
He leaned into my touch and closed his eyes, savoring the connection between us, and then he opened his eyes.
“Of course I did it for you. Because I love you,” he said.
“I love you too,” I answered and sat up long enough to kiss his lips before I sat back down. “But I hope you didn’t do it because you thought that’s what I wanted you to do. That’s what I’m saying.”
Wyatt brought his hand up to his face and lined it up perfectly over mine, the glimmer in his eyes as unwavering as the discreet curve of his lips.
“I did it because Warren helped me realize you are more important than this fear over what people will say. I…I lived my whole life afraid of what others thought of me, and look where that got me. At the first opportunity they turned on me, they believed a lie, they were ready to cast me out. But you…us, this is real, and genuine, and I don’t want to lose you over what a bunch of strangers might say.
I don’t want to lose you because of this stupid fear that’s held me back all my life. ”
My heart skipped a beat, and a warm shiver ran down my spine. His words were like a song, a melody I couldn’t get enough of.
“You’re not going to lose me, Wyatt. You were never going to lose me. I swear.”
He didn’t answer. He simply cocked his head to the side, leaning into my touch, and stayed quiet for a long time. But I didn’t mind. Not when he looked so comfortable, so at peace.
“I still worry,” he said, after a lifetime. “I worry that I can’t give you what you want.”
I grimaced. “Like what? What do you have to worry about?”
He shrugged. “Kids. I’m too old for them. I can’t give you a family. I don’t even know if you want one, but I know it’s important for most people.”
“I’m fine without kids,” I said.
“What if you change your mind?”
“If I wanted kids, I’d have had some already. I was always on the fence, but I’m quite happy as I am. I’m happy having you all to myself.”
He smiled. “There’s also time.”
“What about time?”
“I can’t give you more time. I’m so much older than you. I’m definitely going to die first. I don’t want you to get hurt again—”
There was a sting in my eyes, and I blinked it away before it turned to tears. My stomach twisted, and when I opened my mouth to respond, it was dry.
He was right. I might not like it, but he was. And yet I couldn’t imagine letting him go simply because of the kind of hurt I might feel in the future. Not when I had just started to heal.
“You don’t know that,” I said. “No one can guarantee how much time we get on this earth.”
“But I’ve got considerably less time than you.”
I stroked his cheek with my thumb and took a deep breath, a little more confident, a little more certain when I spoke again.
“And yet I couldn’t imagine wasting any of it not being with you.”
He closed his eyes again and licked his lips. “Promise me you won’t give up on love again. If I die and leave you alone.”
I shushed him. I didn’t want to talk about death. I’d been living it for four years. I wanted to live. I wanted to love. I was ready to be human and be vulnerable with another person. I didn’t want to think of something as inevitable and as unpredictable as death.
“How could I when I found love twice?” I said, but what I didn’t say, because I didn’t want to burden him with it, was that I didn’t need to find love again. I’d found enough love to last me a lifetime. To be content and fulfilled until the very bitter end.
But I didn’t say it. I’d rather focus on our life together. Not our eventual demise. If losing Evan had taught me anything, that was to appreciate what I had while I had it. To live for the now, not a potential future.
“And you promise something too,” I said.
“What? Anything for you.”
I took a deep breath and licked my lip before I said, “That you won’t shy away from love and happiness again. No matter what happens to us.”
He put a finger to my lips and shushed me. “Nothing will happen to us—”
“I know, but I’m just say—”
“Nothing will happen to us, and I promise I’ll spend every day making you happy.”
“I want you to be happy, silly.”
“I will be if you are.”
I blinked and stilled my beating heart before it ripped out of my chest.
How could he be so perfect?
“Okay then. Deal.” I offered him my pinkie and waited until he locked his with mine. Then I kissed him.
“God, I love you. I hope you don’t regret me,” he said, leaning a little closer.
“Never!” I all but shouted. I wanted to get it in his head that I wasn’t settling. That I loved him as much as he did me. That I wanted this just as much.
“What on earth are you going to do with this old man?”
I rolled my eyes and kissed him again. “For starters, I’ll make love to him. A lot!” I pierced him with my gaze. He smirked. “Then, we’ll rebuild his house.”
“I’d like that,” he said. “But a little correction. Not my house. Our house.”
“Our house,” I said. “And then maybe travel? See the world?”
“I’d like that,” he replied. “You can take me to Greece. To your home.”
I chuckled.
“What? What’s so funny?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. Just…you’re my home, silly. This place. I know it seems crazy to feel like this considering how long we’ve known each other and how long I’ve been here, but…this feels right. It feels destined. Like I’m right where I need to be.”
“That is funny.” He smiled. “That’s how I feel too.”
This time, he leaned in for a kiss, but I didn’t quite let him go. I held on to him. I kissed him back. Each lash of our tongues brought us closer to each other until we were in each other’s arms, standing, in the middle of the dining room, being content with each other, with life.
Then the bathroom door opened and we pulled away. Not out of shame. Not out of fear, like Wyatt would have done only yesterday, but out of respect for our roommate.
“Oh hey. Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt whatever this was,” Warren said, waving a hand in front of him aimed at us.
“Nothing you haven’t done before,” I said.
Warren gasped and put his hand to his chest.
“Hey! I’ve never done this. He’s my brother,” he exclaimed.
Wyatt rolled his eyes.
“To other people,” I said, barely able to hold back a laugh.
“Uhm, I haven’t. I’m straight,” he exclaimed.
“Didn’t say you weren’t. That’s why I said people. Projecting much?” I raised an eyebrow, and he snorted as if I was the one being facetious.
“I ain’t projecting nothing,” he said, and his sentence structure gave me a headache.
“Do you mind?” I groaned, looking from him to his brother and the thing we had been in the middle of.
“Fine. Fine. I was going out anyway.” Warren put his hands up and started walking to his bedroom but stopped when I spoke.
“Ah yes. Your secret thing you won’t tell anyone about,” I said.
“We all got to have our secrets, baby. It’s half the fun.” He grinned from ear to ear, proud of his secrecy and the one-up he had on me, but I couldn’t be mad.
I had fallen in love with his brother and hadn’t told him. He could do whatever he wanted.