Say He’s Ready

Teaghan

Sitting in the crowded diner waiting for my latest fling, Roderick, I wondered if time just wasn’t his strong suit or if yet again he was skipping out on being upfront and honest with me.

Three months of seeing each other and he hadn’t been on time once.

And now within the last month, something obviously changed.

I needed some indication of where this was headed.

The calls were sporadic, the visits were no longer happening, and it was like looking for a needle in a haystack getting some of his time and attention.

I didn’t know why women did this. Why did we need to hear them say anything when their actions made it clear?

However, I never could just leave well enough alone.

Roderick wasn’t top pick of the litter either, and that added insult to injury.

He had a lengthy criminal record, at least two kids and a habit.

I hadn’t figured out what his habit was, but I knew it was something that could turn me off.

Somehow, I always went for this type of man.

I still couldn’t say why it was this way, but it was.

I could account it to them being different than my father, but I couldn’t say for sure.

Right now he was employed, and I was happy about that.

When we met, he was on a year-long hiatus from steady work.

I was also elated that he was finding his way, but damn I never imagined it would leave me tossed to the side.

My needs were going unmet and the excuses just weren’t cutting it anymore.

“Tea, my bad baby,” he said, sliding onto the stool next to me, smelling like Irish Spring and sweat. Sipping my coffee, I never turned to make eye contact as I checked the time on my phone. Thirty minutes late, and all I got was a low-budget apology. “Hey, you there?”

My morning was busy, but I figured a meeting at seven in the morning would be something he could make happen considering his recent excuse was that he was working late nights. Imagine my surprise that he couldn’t be here on time for that either.

“Been here waiting for thirty minutes, this better be good,” I winked finally turning to look in his dark eyes.

Roderick was something to see. Tall, handsome, overly adorable smile, thick waves swirled his head, ya’ know the normal shit women in their late twenties went for.

A promising man that came with promises of changing my life.

So far, the only thing he had changed was how I viewed my time.

“I got caught up with work last night. Woke up late and shit. You know how it go.” He flashed a smile. Normally, that smile would have me creaming and ready to strip down to my unmentionables.

However, that wasn’t the case today. Roderick was ghosting me, and all I wanted was for him to open his damn mouth and say it.

I could do without all the excuses or explanations about why he was late today, last week or being missing for the month.

I wanted to get down to what was going to happen after we left here.

And personally, I didn’t know how being late went.

I was a stickler for promptness, and this he knew.

“I’m glad the job I hooked you up with is keeping you busy,” I responded sarcastically.

Explain how that worked. I pulled strings and got the state to look past his blemished record.

He gets the job, and my appreciation is not hearing from him for a month of Sundays.

It didn’t make sense sometimes how much mud was kicked back in my face after favors

“I really appreciate you hooking me up with a job. But on some real shit, I got a lot on my plate,” he acknowledged.

This was the first time I heard him mention that he was appreciative.

His actions damn sure weren’t showing that.

I could only blame myself for going out on a limb.

I was doing the exact same thing I hated.

I hated it when someone did something for me and expected something in return.

Shaking my head, I was getting lost in my own hang-ups. Although my intentions were never to expect something in return, it was about principle. Some didn’t understand principle or a simple thank you.

“It’s nice to hear a thank you, Rod. For a second, I thought you were raised without manners.”

“Nah, working for the city is hard work, and I know I been neglecting you. That’s why I agreed to meet with you. I think we should cool it out for now. As I said, I got a lot on my plate right now, and I don’t want to drag you into it.”

“Cool it out for now, huh?” I asked on the brink of hitting him upside the head with the brown syrup that sat in front of me.

I knew the letdown was coming. It always did.

You help a person out of a bind, and they leave like it was nothing.

I was a damn pediatrician, yet I continued to attract such low-budget men.

Men with no jobs, no places of their own, and my favorite, the men with enough baggage to weigh down an aircraft.

Or I would meet a beautiful man, with a list of degrees, a lover of eccentric things like myself.

You know the ones that look good on paper but had other issues that came with them.

It was all a mess, and getting on my last nerve.

“Yeah, I know you pulled some strings for me. You wrote the resume, you got me a suit and shit. I appreciate you, Teaghan, but I’m just not ready like I think you are. You know it’s hard being with a woman like you.”

I didn’t understand how hard it was because I had never in my life been with someone like me.

No one I ever dated was me or knew how to love like I did.

I was different. I was kind, very careful about how I spoke and treated others.

Every fiber in my body was designed to be a light for those around me.

So no, I didn’t understand. And my hand was inches away from grabbing the syrup again as he ran down what I did like I wasn’t aware.

“Why couldn’t you just say that before you wasted my time and played a bunch of games?” I asked seriously, curious as to why men felt the need to play around with precious time I couldn’t get back. But most importantly, take advantage of me and my kindness.

“Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do, Teaghan. It’s just that I’m finally on my feet and making moves for myself.

I’ve never been able to treat a woman to a nice dinner or even have one look at me like they look at me now.

I know it’s wrong, but hey, it is what it is. I’m my own man now, and I got options.”

Blinking rapidly, I did my best to swallow my pride and digest the bullshit that just hit my ears like manure. Oh, it was practiced. It was the last thing, not something he wouldn’t do.

Fucking Noted. He knew from the minute he got the job that what we had would be history.

Or did he approach me at the pub for that reason?

This was the reason I preferred to stay behind the scenes regarding my father being the governor.

I felt like a target. Men looked at me and wondered what I could help them with. It was disgusting, but a hard truth.

“Thank you for your honesty, although I basically had to pry it out of you,” I responded.

My feelings weren’t hurt with this one, but I knew it was coming.

I felt it in my bones. He was no different from anyone else.

And the fact that I thought he would be didn’t sit well in my spirit.

My sole purpose of meeting him was to hear him say what I already knew.

Now that that was over it was time to get my ass to work and push through like always.

* * *

“Harper seems to have a touch of pink eye. With forty-eight hours of medicated drops, he will be just fine, Mrs. Carlson.”

This was my first and last patient of the day. I was tired and ready to head home and lick my wounds. I managed to push through with Roderick’s speech on my brain, but I couldn’t fake the funk much longer.

“I was thinking the same thing, but he wouldn’t dare let me touch him like he allowed you. You just have the magic touch. Thank you,” she responded as I touched her shoulder. Hearing I had the touch always made me feel giddy. I never got tired of hearing it.

“I think he just knows who he can play and who he can’t,” I laughed, leading her and Harper to the front.

Handing her the prescription, I requested a follow-up appointment to make sure it cleared up.

Locking up the building, I approached Missy.

When I came in this morning, we chatted briefly about what transpired, but work put a pause on that.

I could see it in her face that she had something to say. I was all ears, she always had good advice. “I know you don’t want to talk about it but are you ok?” she asked.

“Missy, I would rather not talk about it. I’m fine,” I lied straight through my teeth.

I was the complete opposite of fine. It wasn’t about Roderick.

It was the narrative surrounding Roderick.

You upgrade a man, and then he leaves you as if you’ve done nothing.

I was searching my brain for any answers to how I deserved it.

It was disgusting for a woman such as myself to subject myself to low standards that carried such high damage.

“Babe, you either gotta be built Ford tough to deal with men or need to Dodge ‘em like a Ram,” she shrugged. The problem was learning how to dodge or when you needed to be built tough. My meter for judging intentions was broken or damn non-existent. I wasn’t ready to give up, but I was fed up with not getting what I wanted when others around me seemed to get it easy.

“You and these analogies.”

“I told you I could hook you up with one of Lewis’ friends, they have jobs, and you know you’re like a little sister to Lew. He wouldn’t hook you up with anyone who won’t take you seriously.”

“I’m tired of being set up. I’m tired of dating.

I’m tired of seeing everyone boss up off of me.

For now, I just want to do my work and focus on the upcoming project,” I fussed.

Missy came and hugged me from behind as my phone started to ring.

I tapped her arm and let her know I was good.

Eventually, I would figure out where this all came from and how I got to this spot in my life.

“You’ve reached Teaghan LeJune. How can I help you?”

“Ms. LeJune, this is Elisha. We have an assignment at Coupeville Prep. The meeting is tomorrow at twelve. Are you available?”

Checking my calendar, I scanned the document to see if this would put me in a tight situation.

I despised rushing. My assignments with the state took precedence over my personal practice, and that gripped me, but I did what I had to.

It was either this or hear my father’s mouth.

Somehow, he thought creating this position would get me closer to agreeing to work for him directly.

The joke was on him because I had no desire to be a part of the lying trail.

“I can make it; Can you send the case details over?”

“Sure thing, thank you.”

Ending the call, I looked at Missy, and she rolled her eyes.

Being a pediatrician was my job title but being the state pediatrician was an obligation.

It required more of my time than I would like to admit.

I loved serving my community, but on my own terms. Half of my time was spent reading over case files for children that seemed lost in the shuffle.

The visits at the schools normally went the same damn way.

Parents up in arms and kids caught in the crosshairs of a life they didn’t ask to be a part of.

Most are entering puberty, some are contemplating suicide, and a few are acting out from a nasty divorce.

None of it could be fixed in one sitting.

That’s when my real-life goals came into play.

I was able to recommend them to see me personally and help them on my terms. Not according to how the school saw fit.

Truthfully, the school wanted obedience, not a fix for what they were going through.

“I’m leaving for the day, my love. Dinner later?” It was downright sad that Missy was the only person in my life worth having. After work, I guess it would be slippers, my wine and a good sappy movie that would somehow restore my hope in finding someone that would share a piece of love with me.

“I got plans with Lewis little baby, I’ll call you afterwards.”

“Always a date with Lewis. You’ve neglected me also,” I joked as I grabbed my things and headed home to relax and check over today’s labs.

If I couldn’t be present tomorrow I at least wanted to have things for the nurses available and completed.

My life didn’t make sense but my love of medicine and helping was a constant in my life that I wouldn’t neglect. I loved it and it loved me back.