Teaghan
I felt empowered as I sat next to drunken Pat in the holding cell.
It was grimy and dirty but right now I sat and didn’t feel anything.
I relished in the silence and the confinement.
Nothing but quietness and my thoughts on what I had done were all that was required of me.
My brain waves were still, and the chaos of the situation was tranquil.
For the first time in my life, I had a mug shot.
My parents were going to be livid but again I didn’t care.
They were the least of my worries right now.
“LeJune, you get a phone call. Do you have someone you would like to call?” the officer asked from the other side of the bars. I stared at the wall. I had people I could call but I didn’t want to leave just yet. Never in a million years did I think jail would put me back on my axel.
Once I did leave I was ending whatever me and Bobby had.
I wasn’t that woman and he needed someone that could look pretty, kiss babies and be supportive.
I could be all those things, but I didn’t want to for Bobby.
Our situation was a fluke and a ploy. I knew it from the beginning but as always I did whatever I could to forget who came before.
I owed it to myself to be alone. Shit if I couldn’t stand to be with myself that meant no one else could either.
“Not yet,” I said. The guard left and I was back to sorting out where I went wrong.
My spirit and soul were shattered way before I started dating.
From that first crack in my foundation, I began to search for men that would give me a purpose.
For years I threw myself into work because it gave me purpose, but it didn’t it gave me an escape.
I couldn’t escape it anymore. I needed to seek peace within right now.
Because on every corner, there was a piece me slain from letting others fulfill a part of me only I could fulfill.
I twiddled with my thumbs because the tears were on the verge of falling.
I wasn’t sad. I was elated that for the time being I found my thoughts were clear.
Not clouded with pleasing this person or this thought I created.
For once, I realized that I had done exactly what I swore off.
All these years and every relation‐ ship was met with me thinking if I could unload the baggage of someone else they would help me unload mine.
Secretly I wanted just that, I reasoned that I had to do it first to be deserving to receive it.
Drunken Pat was starting to stir and wake up.
I thanked God I never turned to anything addictive to numb the pain.
Her hair was matted to her head, her nails matched the filth in the cell but as she came to she started to smile.
I could promise there was nothing funny about being here.
The longer I sat the more I feared needing antibiotics.
But I still felt the peace be still vibe.
“Stay how you are,” she said, coughing.
“Excuse me?” I asked, looking around, knowing it was just us here.
“You’ve been under construction, and you should keep at it.
Keep hitting boulders and knocking down walls.
I know you have a hard time believing a drunk but listen to me Teaghan.
Construction takes a lot of time and effort.
It’s gruesome and tiring but listen, you stay the course.
Renovation isn’t always planned, and you won't always get a notice, but once you’ve built yourself up how you see fit, you will get the glory and then you give the glory to the Most High.
Bask in the uncomfortable yet peaceful state you are in right now.
It’s time for newness. Godspeed,” she spoke as the guard called my name and opened the steel doors.
I was being released but not ready to leave.
I had questions for my new friend angel.
I didn’t understand how she knew my name.
Pat had been sleeping the entire time I sat in the cell.
I couldn’t even be sure her name was Pat, but her military jacket had Pat on it.
“Who was that?” I asked as the officers started processing me out.
Apparently, I wasn’t being charged and had no need to appear in court.
I received a warning for not following directions and challenging the judge.
I shrugged and rolled my eyes. This was a waste, but it was clearly meant to happen.
I was thankful for the four hours spent.
“That’s Judy Ramey, she’s here all the time. Kinda like a prophet, well I know she used to be. Now she’s Monday through Thursday here.”
Grabbing my things, I signed the paper, slid it back, and left the precinct. On the front steps, I powered on my cell phone and started to order an Uber. Before I could power it on, my phone was snatched from my hand. Looking for the culprit, I came face to face with Houston.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey, did you get me out? If so, you didn’t have to.” I replied and looked off. I couldn’t make eye contact with him. I still had that feeling only he could provide. I always felt needed around him and right now I didn’t want to be needed. I just wanted to be.
“Well yes and no. Your little boyfriend gave me an envelope with money, he said something about go get your girl or something.” Houston was a bold face damn lie.
Ain’t no way Bobby was missing an opportunity to show his face and show that he was the best man for me.
He would be here soon with his car service and something over the top that he thinks will make me feel better.
“I know Bobby didn’t say that, so let’s try that again.”
“I was coming to get you, but the judge decided against giving you a record. But I am here to give you a ride home if you don’t mind.
And before you come back with something super strong just hear me out for a second.
I owe you an apology. I overreacted, and for that I’m sorry.
It’s been rough not having your nurturing nature around.
I pray that one day you will forgive me for all that I said and how I treated you.
I know you would never hurt or bring harm to Malone. ”
“Thank you for that and I appreciate you owning that you overreacted but let me ask you something. If I wasn’t a nurturer would I have a place in your life?
” His apology didn’t fall on deaf ears, it was needed, but it didn’t change the revelation I had in that cell.
I came off too strong, cast myself into people and their situations looking for something I could only give myself.
I helped everyone and did nothing for myself.
“I don’t do what if’s Tea. You have been an amazing part of my life, and if we never go past who you’ve been, I’m fine with that. I’m open now, and that’s all thanks to you,” he responded. I had my answer, and I was comfortable with my decision to continue my construction with no help.
“I’m really glad I could help. Honestly, I wish you luck, and maybe our paths will cross again someday.”
“Is this about Bobby? I really thought that was just some publicity stunt. Teaghan, you don’t need a man, and especially not one like Bobby.
I don’t care if I sound like a hater right now, but it’s true.
You are good with or without someone. You have this spirit covering and following you. Don’t dim that,” he preached.
I snorted because he did sound like a hater but couldn’t have been righter. This wasn’t about Bobby; this was about me not giving time to others that I needed myself.
“No, Houston, this isn’t about Bobby, you lost the chance to ask me questions like that.
I cared for you and was ready to say I love you because I did…
do. And I just knew you did also. You showed your ass at the hospital, and I thank you for getting me to a moment of clarity.
I thought you said you were ready, and guess what, you weren’t close.
At the first sign of distress, I became your enemy.
Thank you for seeing great things in me, but for now, this is where we end. ”
“Is he bothering you?” Bobby asked, appearing from the shadows. He touched my arm, and I pulled away lightly. My mood was funky, and I just wasn’t in the mood for playing and the games right now.
“Bobby, please stop pretending that you really care for me. What we had was cool, but I know, and you know, this is all about where we come from and where you are trying to go. I wish you luck, but I can’t be by your side as you chart and go for the presidency.
You will make a woman very happy one day, it just won’t be me.
I have my own dreams that I’m not willing to give up, so you can see yours through.
This was all planned, and you know it. It may have changed into something for you, but for me, I just can’t be a piece on the chessboard.
Not for you, not for your campaign, and not for my father. ”
“Teaghan, you are making a mistake. Your father is not going to be pleased.”
“I don’t give a shit, and you shouldn’t be ok with being a pawn in someone’s game.
I need a man with a backbone. That’s not you.
No hard feelings,” I explained. Any man I settled down with couldn’t be a minion of my father.
I had to think about the future and marrying Bobby would be like marrying my father.
That was a hard pass for me. “You two have a good night.”
As they began to walk away, I started walking to the nearby park.
I ordered my Uber as I sat on the bench and started thinking about how I would construct my future the way I saw fit.
I had so many plans, and it was time to start making a way and creating a path for myself.
This life was mine, and after wishing someone would concede, I knew I had to be the one to kickstart it.