23. Will
TWENTY-THREE
WILL
“So grovel.”
His words don’t fully process before I’m falling to my knees.
There’s no part of me that believes I’m worthy of his attention, much less his forgiveness for all the ways I’ve hurt him.
But as I watch the color of his eyes darken to a stormier ocean blue, I realize there isn’t a cell in my body that’s strong enough to resist the unfiltered need in his eyes.
This isn’t about me. I didn’t miss the flicker of uncertainty when I told him I wanted him, but didn’t want to take advantage.
Maybe what’s more important now is to show him how serious I am, to show him I can give him what he needs without backing away.
Without hiding or running away from how deeply I need him, too.
“I’ll do anything to earn your forgiveness,” I rasp.
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
Ari looks down at me for a few long moments, then takes several steps backwards, his eyes never leaving mine. He sits back down on the edge of the bed.
“Tell me you want me.” His voice is quiet, but strong. Confident in a way that lights me up inside.
“I want you, Ari. I’ve always wanted you.”
His eyes flutter shut. “Since when?”
“For as long as I can remember. I think I did even before I realized what it was.”
“When did you realize?”
“When I kissed you that first time. It really was meant to be innocent. All I ever wanted was to make you happy, to give you everything our shitty lives made feel impossible. But that day, I knew.”
“Knew what?”
“That you were mine,” I say simply, but it’s a lot more complicated than that.
It’s a lot more intense than that, too. The moment my lips touched his, it was like all the pieces fit into place, like all the confused cells floating around in my body snapped to attention and imprinted on him.
“Every time you kissed or touched someone else, I felt it. It was a searing pain through my chest, burning wherever I saw or thought they might be touching you. If I was there, if I told them what to do and how to do it, it eased some of the ache, because I could pretend.”
“Pretend what?” He asks, even though he knows what I mean. He wants to hear it though. He needs to hear the truth behind the words.
“I would pretend it was me touching you, because I wanted to be the one to give you everything. Comfort, confidence, protection, happiness… Pleasure. I wanted to make you feel good.”
“So why didn’t you? It’s not like I didn’t make my feelings on the matter obvious.”
“You overestimate my ability to think clearly when it comes to you,” I say with a humorless chuckle. “I don’t think I really knew for sure until you tried to touch me that first time, which I obviously handled really well.”
Ari smirks. “Well, you’re making up for it now.
All this honesty is…” He blows out a breath.
“Okay, it’s a lot. And I’m not saying that it doesn’t hurt a little, but it also feels necessary.
It feels right. It’s not like either of us was ever perfect.
I knew there was something there, but for a very long time I tried to goad you into action by purposefully doing things to piss you off and upset you. ”
“What about the time I chased your hookup away and then got us both off under the pretense of making you feel better?”
“Yeah, okay, that was really fucked up,” he concedes. “But it’s not like you didn’t try to say something and I was too far gone.”
“I didn’t try that hard.”
“Neither did I. It was hot.”
Hot is an understatement. It was a moment that will be permanently etched in my brain for the rest of my life. I’ve actively tried not to think about it because I feel like shit for taking advantage of the situation, because no matter how Ari wants to excuse it, that’s what I did.
“You on your knees telling me you wanted to make me feel good is pretty fucking hot, too.”
My eyes snap back up to his. There’s a spark of heat and mischief in the darkened blue orbs staring back at me.
Ari cocks his head. “Say it again.”
“I wanted… I want to make you feel good,” I repeat.
Ari’s plump bottom lip disappears between his teeth, and I clench mine in response. I want to bite that lip, to suck and soothe it…
“So do it then,” he breathes. “Make me feel good, Will.”
I press my hands into the plush carpet and watch Ari’s perfect mouth open in surprise. I’m supposed to be groveling, right? What better way to grovel than to crawl to him on my hands and knees and beg him to let me make him come.
“Jesus,” he mutters under his breath when I come to a stop between his knees. “You’re forgiven,” he says quickly.
“Well, that was too easy,” I say with a chuckle. But Ari cuts me off by reaching out and fisting a hand in the front of my shirt, pulling me up to him.
“Kiss me,” he demands.
This kiss isn’t as sweet as the last one, but it’s no less passionate. This one is deep and desperate, teeth and tongues and heavy breaths. I feel like I could be swallowed whole here and now and never come up for air. Who needs to breathe when I have him?
My hands grip Ari’s thighs, holding him against my body as I ravage his mouth. In the position we’re in, his bulge is pressing into my stomach, my aching erection rubbing between his thighs. I want more. Need more. Need to give him more.
Releasing my grip on his thighs, I run my fingers up the soft green fabric of his pants and fumble with his button and zipper.
Ari pulls away just enough to tell me we don’t have to do anything, but what he doesn’t understand is that not only do I need to do this, I desperately want to.
I’ve imagined touching him, really touching him, so many times that the velvety skin of his cock in my hand doesn’t strike me as foreign.
Honestly it feels a lot like my own cock, except it’s smaller and leaks more.
“You’re so wet,” I purr against his mouth, no longer kissing so much as sharing breaths as Ari pants and moans. “Fuck, Ari. I want to… I want to make you feel so good.”
“So good,” Ari agrees, breaths coming fast and heavy.
He whimpers when I release his cock to grip his pants and underwear.
He lifts his hips so I can pull the material down his ass and thighs, and his cock bumps my chin.
As if replying to a plea for attention, I dip down and take it into my mouth, sloppily bobbing and sucking to get a better angle.
Ari cries out, bending forward like he was punched in the gut, and steadies himself with his hands on my shoulders.
In my haste to get Ari’s cock in my mouth, I forgot I was mid-task, so his pants are only down to below his knees.
I continue giving what is probably the world’s most awkward, uncoordinated, amateur blowjob in existence as I finish pulling his pants and underwear to his ankles and releasing one leg from the material.
Then I go in for the kill—well, I hope I do, at least. I’m too obsessed with the feeling of him in my mouth to consider releasing him long enough to readjust. Instead, I hook an arm around the back of one leg and hold on while I take him as deep as I can, slurping and sucking and bobbing on him while he leans back on his elbow, one hand tangled in my hair.
“Will!” Ari cries out. “I’m gonna— Oh , shit, Will ?—”
The sound of my name in his mouth as he orgasms, the feel of his thighs and fingers contracting, the salty sweet taste of him filling my mouth, and the smell of his skin all combine to provide the backdrop of the single most erotic moment of my life.
Stars burst behind my eyelids, and the only thing that would be more beautiful is the face he makes when he comes.
I reach down to pinch the head of my dick through my pants, but all I manage to do is give myself exactly the amount of stimulation I needed to fill my underwear with my own orgasm.
I moan around Ari’s cock and lean down to lay my head on his thigh, breathing through my release as he softens in my mouth.
Ari falls back on the bed, and we stay like that, both of us catching our breath.
“Am I allowed to forgive you yet?” he asks.
“MmMmm,” I say with my mouth full, shaking my head no.
“Are you going to let go of that and come up here or is cock-warming a new service you provide?”
I don’t know about cock-warming, I just know that I’m comfortable here, and I like him in my mouth. I give a tentative suck, and Ari shrieks and bats at my head.
“Too much! Too much!” He squeals like he’s being tickled rather than sucked on like a pacifier, and he pulls my hair.
I reluctantly pop off him and adjust to get onto the bed next to him. Ari’s blue eyes are bright and curious, watching me as I sit on the edge of the bed and lie back the way he is, with my legs bent over the edge. I meet his gaze head on and give him a tentative smile.
“I’m not freaking out,” I tell him. I can read the thoughts in the creases of his forehead.
“Are you sure?”
“Do you want to go again so I can show you?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
Ari laughs and rolls to the side to kiss me. “Not yet, but I can return the favor in the meantime,” he says, hand trailing down my stomach.
“You don’t need to,” I say, face flushing as I reach to stop his hands.
His face falls, and I immediately regret stopping him. I don’t want him to think I don’t want him, I’m just embarrassed. To encourage him to keep going, I link our fingers together and push them back down the path they were on.
“Will, you don’t have to?—"
He stops just as the tips of his fingers push below my waistband. Eyes wide, he pulls his hand back and holds it up to his face, like he needs to see for himself. “Did you?”
I swallow, trying and failing to not show my embarrassment too much. “Like I said, you really don’t need to.” I chuckle nervously.
“Well, that’s—” I think he’s going to make a joke, but he doesn’t. “Thank you.”
“What?” I blink up at him, confused.
He grins shyly. “You could have run away or stopped me from finding that, but what you just did is give me proof that you were as into that as I was.”
“Maybe more so,” I laugh. “I know I probably wasn’t very?—”
“It was the best I’ve ever had, Will. You’re the best I’ve ever had.”
“Say it again,” I whisper.