Chapter Ten
LATER THAT evening, Aaron tried to parallel park his car in Melissa’s cul-de-sac with his left hand. His right hand, the one he needed, had been confiscated by Daniel, who squeezed it like a stress ball while he bounced his knee and gnawed his nails, his nervous energy making the whole car feel like a hamster on a wheel.
“This is bad.” Daniel’s lip bled from where he’d bitten it. “This is a bad idea.”
“Do you want to turn around?” Aaron shifted his car into Park. “Say the word, and we can leave.”
“Should we trade shirts?” Daniel unbuckled his seat belt, then buckled it back in. “What I’m wearing is stupid, and he won’t like it. Do you like it? Do you have any gum? My neck hurts, can you tell? I feel like I’m not blinking enough.” He blinked a lot. “Like a lizard. Why are we sober?”
“Inhale.” Aaron demonstrated. “Exhale.”
“I don’t want to argue with him.” Daniel petted Aaron’s hand, his emotional support hand. “Not on his birthday.”
“So let me ask you something. Why are we here?”
“ Why are we here?” Daniel prodded at his curls in the visor mirror, then slammed it shut. “I don’t know. Astute observation. Let’s leave.”
“I think you do know. What’d you tell me on the way here?”
Daniel’s eyes glassed over as he gazed out the window as if deep in thought. “I want a connection with him. I want to celebrate his birthday.”
“Okay. What else?”
“My relationship with him has been terrible, but it won’t ever get better if I don’t try.” Daniel scrunched his face and shrugged. “Is that silly? Am I wasting my time?”
Aaron wasn’t the right person to ask about relationships of any kind, but especially not relationships with one’s father. From everything Daniel had told him about his dad, it seemed like a stretch to try to mend their connection over one evening, but it wasn’t his job to dissuade him from trying. It was his job to be the pillar on which he leaned. He offered a gentle smile. “It’s admirable that you’re here trying. And even if it doesn’t go as you’d hoped, it wasn’t a waste of time.”
“God, you’re so spiritual-leader-during-cacao-ceremony. Okay, so if shit hits the fan, what’s your one job?”
Aaron’s instructions had been explicit. “To keep you from ‘exploding like an atomic weapon.’”
“And?”
“And to keep you from ‘saying something churlish, then storming out in a fit of rage.’”
Daniel rolled his palm. “Even if…?”
“Even if he ‘totally fucking deserves churlishness and rage-storming.’”
“Perfect. And you’re up for this task?”
“I’ll be right there if you need me. Right by your side.” He kissed Daniel’s hand. “Lean on me.”
They walked hand in hand through a series of white townhomes with black shutters until they found Melissa’s house number. For how dead it looked from the road, it brimmed with people on the inside—mostly cheery, middle-aged folks who stood around tables of dips and finger foods, exchanging cut-and-paste party comments: It’s starting to warm up out there. Seen any good movies lately? Try the macaroni salad. It is to die for.
The more time passed, the more Daniel’s nerves seemed to lessen until he literally leaned on Aaron with his head on his shoulder while they sipped rum punch, chatted with two different women, both named Debra, and stole giggly glances whenever they could. They were good at this. At being a couple.
A woman with strawberry blond hair and an hourglass waist caught eyes with them from across the kitchen and bounced up like a fizzy soda. She clutched Daniel’s hands and squealed in a thick Texan accent, “I’m Melissa, and you must be Daniel! Oh look, how cute. You look just like your daddy.”
Daniel’s face twitched. “Hmm, do I? ”
“I’m so glad I got ahold of you,” she continued. “I had to sneak through Robbie’s phone for your number. He’s going to flip when he sees you. And you brought a date, I see?”
“I did.” Daniel interlaced their fingers and gazed up proudly. “This is Aaron.”
“Welcome, Aaron.” She enthusiastically shook his hand. “You are hotter than a jalape?o’s armpit.”
“Thank you?”
“He’s here,” someone whisper-shouted, then shushed the crowd.
Melissa shot them an elated smile as she scurried to the door, perking her hair and breasts along the way.
“I’m nervous,” Daniel whispered. “Should we escape out the back door?”
Aaron squeezed his hand. Everyone was so kind; there was no way the evening wouldn’t be a thorough success. “I’m right here for you. Whatever you need.”
“ Surprise !”
Daniel’s dad jumped as he stepped into the house. He was better-looking than Aaron would’ve expected for some reason, probably because Daniel described him as uninteresting , troll-like , and Satanesque . They did favor one another. It was in the eyes, maybe. Although where Daniel was petite, his dad was bulky like he lifted weight in excess.
At least he looked warm as he worked his way through the crowd, patting people on the back, shaking their hands, flashing a pair of matching dimples when he smiled. Then he laid eyes on them, and something shifted terribly.
“Oh no,” Daniel whispered as his dad rushed through his hellos on his way to get to them, his smile growing more contrived by the second. “We should leave.”
Shit, should they? Even though he didn’t believe it, he said, “Maybe he’s just surprised.”
“Okay.” Daniel gulped as his dad quickly approached. “Hey, Dad. Happy birthd—”
Robert hauled Daniel through the kitchen by his arm and outside to the patio.
Aaron stood frozen as Robert sealed the glass door shut and twisted around to start what seemed to be a staring contest between the two of them. If they were talking, they did it without moving their mouths much .
He shook out his limbs. Welp, he couldn’t very well prevent Daniel from exploding like an atomic weapon through a glass door. Here went nothing. Fortifying himself with a breath, he slowly slid the door open.
“Care to explain what’s going on?” Robert asked, his arms staked across his chest as he glared at Daniel. “Do you want something?”
“I don’t understand how to answer that.” Daniel squinted at him. “I don’t want anything. I’m here because it’s your birthday.”
“Dan. You haven’t—”
“It’s Daniel.”
“Fine, Daniel. You rarely answer my calls. You sure as hell don’t ever want to see me when I ask, and now you show up here unannounced? You expect me not to be a little startled by that?”
“Unannounced? Do I need to explain how a surprise party works? For it to work, it has to be a surprise , but you’re right. I’m not sure what I’m doing here either. Come on, Aaron.” Daniel charged for the door. “We’re leaving.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Aaron blocked him. “If you want to leave, we can leave, but let’s make sure you’re thinking clearly. Remember why you’re here. Remember what you said.”
Daniel scowled.
“You want to have a connection with him? You don’t want to storm off in a fit of rage? Those are your words.”
Slowly and reluctantly, Daniel softened his glower. He twisted back around and offered Robert a tepid smile. “You’re right. I could make a better effort at keeping in touch with you.”
There, that was good. Mature.
“But you make it really fucking challenging when all you do is—”
“Nope.” Aaron cleared his throat, nudging him. “Try again.”
“Okay.” Daniel unclenched his teeth. “Dad, I could make a greater effort to keep in touch with you. For that, I’m sorry.”
Robert studied Daniel for a moment as if trying to decide if he believed him. Then he tilted his chin at Aaron, and it felt like a Thanks . “Well, I guess. I guess, here we are. You boys want a drink?”
Okay, this seemed promising. “That’d be nice, right, Daniel? We’d love a drink.”
“Fine, just….” Robert held up a hand as he started for the house. “Please wait here. ”
Aaron and Daniel exchanged glances. He didn’t want them inside? It was starting to feel like he didn’t want them inside. A few moments later, he returned with a bottle of bourbon and three glasses, which he filled and handed out. “Cheers. To… surprises.”
Robert emptied his, tossing it back in a rush, so Aaron did the same.
Daniel placed his glass on the corner of the grill without touching it. “So, Melissa seems nice.”
Robert wiped his mouth. “What’s the matter? You don’t like it?”
“Oh, that? Um. I’m not a big whiskey person.”
“It’s not whiskey, son,” Robert said with a frown as he poured refills. “It’s aged bourbon, but I think Melissa has some wine coolers in there if you’d prefer that?”
Ouch.
“Well, that has to be more tolerable than this.” Daniel shrugged. “May I go inside and get it, or is that also a massive inconvenience?”
“No.” Robert glanced around as people began to meander onto the patio. He mumbled under his breath, “You’re not drinking a fucking wine cooler here.”
“Who cares what it is so long as someone keeps pouring it, right?” Aaron said, extending his hand. “I’m Aaron. Nice to meet you, Mr. Greene.”
“Hi,” Robert said without making eye contact and tipped back his drink, wincing a little on the finish. That one had been pretty full. “How do you two know each other?”
“Dad, obviously, we’re dating.” Daniel snuck in an eye roll but played it off as just gazing around the backyard. “Not that you would care.”
Robert whipped around to Aaron, confusion clouding his expression. His head shook a little as he scanned him up and down. “Wait, you’re…? But you don’t look… huh. I wouldn’t assume, just by first impression, that you were like him .”
A reddish tint, either hurt or anger, spread across Daniel’s face.
Jesus, man. “If only we could all be more like Daniel,” Aaron said because Fuck you, Mister Greene would’ve been crass, “we’d be better people.”
“Sure. What do you do for a living, Aaron?”
“He’s an attorney,” Daniel said, a little snappier. “Do you care about meeting him now? ”
Aaron tried not to wince, shifting his attention to his drink.
“No kidding?” Robert said, suddenly engaged. “A professional. Well hallelujah. What do you think of the dancing? You can’t tell me you approve of a career in dancing.”
Daniel opened his mouth to speak, then clamped it shut, his gaze traveling to his shoes. He took a tiny sip of the bourbon, his jaw tight as he swallowed. Deflecting jabs at him was starting to feel like navigating a minefield, but as messed up as it was, maybe having Attorney Aaron’s input would help this asshole gain a new perspective.
“Oh, I wholeheartedly approve of his career. I think his long-term goals will be highly lucrative. Plus, he’s got a thirst for it, he’s dedicated, and he’s not afraid to take risks. I know that’s more than I can say. Than most people can say. I’m proud of him.”
Robert seemed nonplussed, but Daniel perked up a bit, his little half-smile adorable.
“There’s the birthday boy!” a voice boomed from the house, and Robert flinched. A graying man with a protruding gut stepped out holding a beer. “Hey, Greene. Earth to Greene.”
Robert scrunched his face for a moment and quickly said under his breath, “My coworker. Be cool.” When he spun around, he’d plastered on a wide smile. “Jerry!”
“Hey, I met your new girlfriend. Not the brightest, is she? But smokin’ hot.”
“Not that smokin’ either.” Robert winked. “Until I bought the tits.”
Geez, when did they get teleported to a scuzzy locker room? Robert and Jerry laughed and pulled each other into a pat-on-the-back man hug.
“She calls you Robbie,” Jerry said, rubbernecking a woman in a green dress walking by.
Robert tilted his chin toward the same woman. “ She can call me whatever she wants.”
They both chuckled again, and the picture was suddenly clearer. Daniel’s dancing must’ve not aligned with Robert’s image. Rather, his membership to the boys’ club.
“This guy.” Jerry swung an arm around Robert. “What are you young folk doing hangin’ out with this son of a bitch? Don’t you know he’s old and boring now?”
“I definitely wasn’t expecting them,” Robert said, finishing off another bourbon. “Jerry, this is my son Dan, er, Dan-yuul. And this is his, uh, friend. ”
Aaron had to shift his weight around to keep his irritation quelled.
“Son?” Jerry blinked, stunned. “I didn’t know you had a son.”
Robert scratched his head. “I’m sure I’ve mentioned it, no?”
“I would’ve remembered you had a son,” Jerry said, extending his hand. “Put ’er there, Dan.”
Daniel looked fragile taking the man’s hand.
“You a cheap—I mean, chief financial officer too? Like your old man?”
“No, he isn’t, but let’s not—” Robert rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes as a dark chuckle rumbled in his chest. “Oh, screw it. You want to tell the man what you do, Dan? Maybe he’ll buy a damn lesson from you.”
Jerry asked, “A lesson?”
“Sure, go right ahead, son.” Robert’s voice dripped in scorn as he said, “Nothing to be embarrassed about.”
Daniel gazed up at his dad for a moment. Then something shifted horribly.
His posture started to crumple like a time-lapse video into a hunched back and drooped skull. The words shook when he said, “Dance. I teach dance.”
Jerry’s wiry eyebrows shot up obnoxiously. He’d get cut from a movie for overacting. “Well, can’t say I was expecting that.” He wagged his hips around a little. “What kind of dance?”
“Mostly modern,” Daniel sighed. “But I’m trained in all kinds—”
“’Cause the only dance worth a toot is exotic and sorry, boy, but you don’t have the jugs for that.”
Jerry and Robert burst into laughter, and Aaron adjusted his shoulders. His skin felt tighter. Tighter and warm. Maybe tighter and hot. He tugged on his collar and cleared his throat. “Daniel is extremely talented.”
“Oh, just teasing,” said Jerry, flapping a hand. “I’m sure you’d have to be to do it for work.” His expression flipped into mock seriousness. “But what do you really do? You know, to make money?”
When more laughter erupted, Daniel tried to gulp the bourbon like everyone else but spurted in coughs.
“Relax.” Robert patted him on the back. “You don’t have to drink it. No one’s judging. No need to get all theatrical. ”
Daniel rubbed his chest and tried to stand taller, but he just looked like an abashed child who’d broken the rules. Where was his kick? His anchoring sass?
“We gotta go easy on our little ballerina—ballerin o ?” Robert asked. “What’s the male version of that word?”
Aaron might have been making a strange humming noise, not unlike a pressure cooker, as he stared at the side of Daniel’s head. Kid, look at me. Look at me. He’d scoop him up and take him home, where he’d kiss and soothe and whisper until it was all better. If that was what he wanted? Fucking look at me.
Daniel didn’t dare look in his direction, or anyone’s, like he was muzzled in shame. His lip bled even more from where he’d bitten.
“Well, we gotta go easy on him,” Robert said. “He’s a sensitive little guy. He’s always been that way. I couldn’t take him to the movies; he’d be a mess. It didn’t matter what it was. He’d cry when the bad guy got shot.”
They chuckled again while Daniel nodded in agreement. Agreement! Like he owed them an affirmation. Like he owed them anything.
A strange, thick feeling in Aaron’s throat struck him with a need to cough while he squeezed his cocktail glass hard enough to crush it. With the way his blood burned his skin, if he didn’t say something, he’d hit something. He cracked his neck and flared his nostrils. He had promised he wouldn’t let Daniel ruin the evening, but it seemed Daniel wasn’t the one about to ruin anything. He was.
“ Enough !”
The laughter ceased.
“Enough, enough ! You know what?” Aaron pinned Robert with his murderous glare and snagged Daniel’s hand. “He came here to celebrate your birthday, not to be bullied by a couple of classless men. We’re leaving.”
“Wait, what?” Robert grabbed Daniel’s arm. “Hey, stop.”
Aaron jerked Daniel toward the door. “Let’s go.”
“Hold on a goddamn second.” Robert tug-of-warred with Daniel’s arm. “Dan, tell this guy to chill out! We’re just joking. What the hell is your problem?”
“What’s my problem?” Aaron spun around, and they all flinched. His blood swished in his ears loud enough to make them itch. “Your son would love to have a relationship with you, but you can’t see him. Open your eyes and see him. He’s brilliant, he’s charming, he’s the funniest person I’ve ever met. He’s filled with passion and soul, and his heart—God, I can’t even describe it. It’s so pure and he’s so kind. How did you raise someone so kind?”
He tried to shake his fists out, but they stayed tightly bound. “For his sake, I hope he never answers another phone call of yours, but he probably will. Because your son is a bigger man than you, Mr. Greene. And my problem is with anyone who makes him feel less than precious the way he is.”
“Wait. Who are you?” Jerry asked, confused.
Aaron glanced at Daniel, who had turned into a wide-eyed statue. While he was already here beheading His Majesty, he might as well burn down the goddamn kingdom. “I’m his boyfriend.”
The statue’s eyes bulged even more.
Jerry floundered, “B-boyfr—?”
Aaron whacked the beer from Jerry’s hand then kicked it. “Boyfriend! Which is why I won’t tolerate another joke at his expense. Oh, and before I forget.” He pulled a small blue box from his coat and tossed it to Robert. “He got these for you.”
Robert fumbled to catch it like a juggling clown.
“Cuff links engraved with today’s date.” He tucked Daniel beneath his arm. “Happy birthday, asshole. Kind of hope you choke on them.”
Robert looked like he might already be choking.
With Daniel in tow, Aaron stormed back through the party like it was about to explode behind him. But even a slow-motion walk as the house burst into flames couldn’t make him look chill. What the hell just happened? He stopped to swig someone’s cocktail from a console table, to which a voice yelled, “But that’s mine.”
I am a caveman. He slammed it down and charged forward, yanking Daniel’s body past an electric-sliding Melissa, between the two Debras, then finally outside.
Because only a caveman would lose their entire MIND. He jerked Daniel down the street. They ran like they were being chased.
I didn’t just say any of that to Daniel’s dad. He fumbled with his keys. Because that would be out of line, domineering, and unforgivable.
They hurried inside the car and slammed the doors.
So, none of that happened.
They stared at one another .
None of that happened.
Daniel asked, “Did that just happen?”
“Fuck!” Aaron scrubbed his face. “I am so sorry. I’m an idiot. I have issues, and if you want me to apologize, I will go back—”
“Did that just…?” Daniel’s eyes were wide as he laughed, slamming his hands on the dashboard over and over. Then he shadowboxed the air. “Tell me all of that just happened. You knocked that guy’s beer out of his hand. You made us look like badasses back there. Aaron.” Daniel covered his mouth with his hand, his face positively aglow. “You told my dad to choke on those cuff links.”
“Did I say that?” He searched the walls of the car for answers to his behavior. He could not get more oafish if he tried. “I did. I said that. That doesn’t even make any sense. Why would he have them in his mouth?”
Daniel cackled.
“God, I’m the worst.” He buried his face in his hands. “My instructions were to defuse you , and what do I do instead? I detonate.”
“No, no, no. Sweet, sweet man. Come here.” Daniel shushed him, cradling his face in his palms, lifting it to see him. “Don’t apologize. Please don’t apologize. I couldn’t have asked for more. You stood up for me. You said those remarkable things about me. You did what I couldn’t. You’re the bigger man, Aaron. It’s you.”
With that, the whole evening got a little softer. With that, they both eased back into their skin. Their roles. Daniel with his buzzing effect, a dragonfly on a pond, unaware of the ripples it made. And Aaron as his pillar. The stillness behind him.
“That’s why I went out on a mission one night to find myself a hero,” Daniel said. “And what falls into my lap? The most amazing, sexy, heroic guy ever.” He delicately kissed the tip of Aaron’s nose. “But he was taken, so I settled for you instead.”
Aaron exhaled a laugh and melted into the sound of the silence as it stretched between them. As he gazed into big molten-copper eyes.
Daniel licked his lips and grinned. “Boyfriend.”
His smile faltered. He’d said that too, hadn’t he? The word “boyfriend” thrust into hyperfocus the fact that he was definitely making things more complicated for himself. Of course, this wasn’t his victory to celebrate. This wasn’t his life to feel so happy about. This was Attorney Aaron’s life. Attorney Aaron got to save Daniel from fiftieth birthday parties and got to pretend like he had any control with his clients. Attorney Aaron got to kiss him so deeply while he future-dreamed about badminton, barbecues, and ocean waves rolling over themselves while one of them leaned in and said, You. You are it for me.
“Do you want to come back to my place?” Daniel asked.
Tell him. Tell him, tell him, tell him.
“Come back to my place and stay the night with me.” Daniel smudged slow kisses all along his chin and jaw. “Stay the night. Stay as long as you can. You never have to leave if you don’t want.”
Tell him. Say it.
“You made everything better. Again. You make everything better.”
Aaron’s mind knew better, but his heart screamed and scratched until it bled, begging for his attention, begging for a taste of what it’d feel like to let himself have it. For once, to experience what it was like to be cherished, and to cherish someone else in return.
“I can’t wait to show you,” Daniel whispered. “Show you how much I appreciate you.”
His mind knew better, but his heart pleaded for more time. He just needed more time. What if he had one more night with him? What was the harm in one more night? “I’d love to—”
“Oh, before I forget,” Daniel said, his face brightening. “I got the contract.”
Aaron froze.
“Remind me to give it to you when we get to my place.” Daniel shimmied his shoulders. “It’s very official-looking.”
But that was the thing about time. Eventually, it ran out.
Aaron’s muscles had stiffened, and his swallow hobbled down his throat. “Great. You have your parking tickets too?”
“Yeah, I put them in the folder.”
“I’ll get it taken care of.” Aaron pushed himself to smile. “And I’m so sorry, I actually can’t stay tonight. Super duper early morning.”
“Oh.” Daniel’s smile withered a bit. “Well, dang it.”
Aaron crushed their lips together and drank in his orange creamsicle taste. “Some other time, okay? Let’s get you home.”