Chapter 7
It would be easier to sleep with Theo now before she gets even more attached.
Every day that passes, every story they share, every time she opens up to him and he doesn’t respond the way she expects, with disgust or pity or any of the other emotions she’s used to seeing, Nora grows more fond of this man she’s been paired with on this awful journey.
Resistance is a losing battle. That’s why she hadn’t been lying when she told him she was protecting herself, just hadn’t fully explained why or how.
She left out a few important details about protecting her heart from him.
If she fucks him now, like she thought of doing on that plane when it was only surface-level attraction, it could still be simple.
She could still walk away. But that option grows less and less viable with every hour that passes, and soon the inevitable rejection or failure of whatever this might be between them will shatter the broken pieces still roughly stitched together in her chest.
She’s not strong enough to care for anyone else, only to lose them.
Not that she cares about him. Not at all.
He’s irritating, and there’s still the nagging fact that he’s a cheater that fucks with her ability to truly let him in.
If she’s being honest with herself, though, she might be having second thoughts about that tabloid story, if only for how devastated he looked when she admitted that she didn’t believe him.
Nora wrinkles her nose at her own thoughts and how easily she’s swayed. They all deny it. Her second husband did too. He lied straight to her face with full confidence and tears brimming in his brown eyes, claiming he never strayed, all while she had the evidence straight from his phone.
Not that any of this matters. It doesn’t.
She isn’t Theo’s judge and jury. It’s not her business who he did or did not sleep with, and taking offense isn’t going to serve her much out here in the frigid snow.
Logically, she knows this. Emotionally, it still bothers her that he is such a strange contradiction.
Her mind has a hard time pairing his caring and gentle demeanor with someone who would do such an awful thing.
That’s why ripping his clothes off on this sofa in front of a cozy fire sounds like an amazing idea.
She’d ride him until they’re both breathless and sink her teeth into that full lower lip until she draws blood.
Treat it like a fling. A one-night stand.
Something fast and hard she wants out of her system.
Then they can both move on. She won’t have to worry about him seeing her soul if she never shows it.
Won’t have to worry that she might be falling for him.
It won’t matter if all the rumors were true because he’d never have a chance to cheat on her anyway.
She could even see him at events or gatherings and not be bothered.
Maybe they’d even sleep together a couple more times whenever they’re in town to see Oliver and Gwen.
Casual. Easy. No more emotions involved except what she’s already failed to keep hidden.
That would be the safest route to take and why she nearly threw herself at him, but even considering it now leaves a funny taste in the back of her mouth like she’d be soiling something beautiful….something that could be beautiful, as if she has a clue what that might look like.
His soft eyes make her heart flicker every time he looks her way, and how easily he turns bashful when she teases him makes her want to kiss him with all the gentleness she can gather up from the depths of her cold heart.
She may have earned something meaningless, but after hearing about his previous encounter with someone who sold the story of their time together to the tabloids, she won’t be one more person to use him.
Nora sighs, watching him dig through his portion of canned corn before they pick this house clean for more supplies. He catches her staring, wiping his mouth self-consciously and holding in a slight upturn of his lips before taking that last bite.
None of this is what she expected, especially not how raw and vulnerable she’s been with him after years of shutting herself off, like lancing open an old wound with a fresh knife. Telling him things about her life that she’s kept bottled up for years.
“We should start searching the rest of this place,” she says abruptly, as if he can read exactly what she’s thinking. She gets a nod of agreement before they both leave the warmth of the sofa for the chilly inner portions of the cabin.
The snow’s finally cleared, but at this point, she’s starting to think leaving could be a mistake, even though she’s gone along with this plan to pack up and hit the nonexistent road.
“Maybe we can just live here,” she blurts out, while Theo’s rifling through a bedroom closet for better winter gear.
“I think the owners might have something to say about us playing house.”
She scoffs. “Not forever. Just until they come back, maybe it’s safer to stay.”
“We’ll run out of food soon, and there’s not much to hunt this time of year. Pickens are slim.” He pauses, turning to face her with a handful of thick gloves. “It’s something to think about. Snow’s deeper. The weather’s colder. We’ve got a long hike ahead of us and it won’t be easy.”
“So you think we should stay?”
“I think we need to consider both options and be realistic about this. People have died hiking in these conditions. Frostbite. Hypothermia. We barely escaped losing some fingers already.”
“When you put it like that, I’m leaning toward parking myself in front of that fire for the foreseeable future.”
“Me too, but we still have the food problem.”
She frowns. “Didn’t see anything while we were out there except those wolves. But there’s gotta be something, right?”
“Rabbits. Elk. We might get lucky.”
“You’re not making this easy.”
“That’s because it isn’t easy, but whatever we decide, it has to be the same deal as before. We make the choice together.”
Is she on board for traipsing through miles of snow when they have a perfectly good cabin right here with plenty of firewood? The answer to that is hell no, but he’s not wrong about the food. If they wait too long and get stuck here without anything to eat, then they’ll be extra fucked.
“You think we can make it out there? Really?” she asks, softly.
“I do.”
“Then let’s go.”
Just saying it out loud sends a shiver up her spine. Hard situations have hard choices. They’ve made it this far, they can’t quit now.
The owners of the cabin stored away some prime arctic clothing deep in the closets.
Her new boots are a bit too big, but they’re warmer than before, and the wool socks are even better.
They trade in their parkas from the plane for heavier versions lined with fur and stuffed to the brim with insulation.
The heated gloves are an upgrade, too. Whoever lives here isn’t playing around when it comes to their winter gear.
They scribble a note promising to pay for what they’ve taken and return what they can, and asking for help to be sent in the direction they’re going, just in case someone returns before they reach Barrow.
They’re bundled up and puffed out, waddling through the first few feet of snow when Theo points to a shed they haven’t seen before, tucked between the trees.
“How the fuck did we miss that?” he grunts.
“We weren’t exactly paying attention as we ran for the door that first time and haven’t gone out since.”
Theo wipes at frozen, crisp glass before peering in the window. “I think there’s something in there. Something good.”
He forces the door open with a shoulder slam that pops the flimsy lock. Then they’re faced with a cloth-covered mass in the center of a rundown shop. A cloud of dust encircles them, fluttering out from the fabric Theo whips off to reveal a shiny new snowmobile.
Nora nearly squeals in delight. She’s not one to be over the top about things, but this whole mess they’ve gotten into has brought about more than one extreme reaction, and this is another to add to the list. She throws her arms around his neck in a quick hug prompted by unfiltered joy at seeing something that’ll cut down their trip time so drastically.
He chuckles, awkwardly patting her on the back a few times before she pulls away sheepishly. Hadn’t meant to do that, she was just excited, but now all she can think about is how good it felt to be that close to him and how warm his cheek was when she pushed her own against it.
The keys are right on the seat. When he flicks on the engine, the full tank meter is the second-best thing she’s seen all day.
They don’t have to walk sixty miles. They can ride there.
“How far do you think this will get us?” she asks.
“The whole trip. These things are efficient. Barely use up more gas than a bike does.”
They push it out together into the freshly packed snow and when he climbs on the back, tilting his head for her to join him, he doesn’t have to ask twice.
She has a good reason to hug him now to keep from falling off the end of the machine. It’s only practical to wrap her arms around him from behind and hang on tight. “Is this okay?”
“Mhmm. Hold on. It’s got a kick to it.”
“You’ve ridden these before, right? You know what you’re doing?”
“Might have spent a few winters in Aspen trying to escape my family on the back of one of these.”
She whistles. “Fancy.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
The jerk as they set off forces her grip reflexively tighter.
With the wind in her face and a smile on her lips, she tucks her nose in between his shoulder blades to warm it.
Maybe she imagined it, but she could swear one of his hands reached up to cover hers in a comforting tap before settling on the handle bar again.
* * *
“That wasn’t on the map,” Theo says.
“Did we go the wrong way?”
“No. We’ve passed all the landmarks they wrote in.”