Chapter 7 #3
They aim for the first flat surface in sight, after weaving through a maze of rooms to a bed at the very back, snug against a wall.
Getting Theo out of the coat is going to be rough, but she can’t treat his arm without seeing it first. She has to be sure it’s dislocated or risk doing even more damage.
The fear in his eyes is palpable. He knows what’s coming.
“We’ll go slow,” she says softly, shucking her own heavy coat. “We need to get yours off, then I can help you.”
“I already know it’s dislocated,” he gasps, shrugging out of the sleeve on his good arm first. “Felt it before.”
She doesn’t ask how or when, just like he didn’t ask her how she gained her knowledge on the subject. Not yet, anyway. “Take a big, deep breath.”
He sucks one down into his lungs as she peels off the coat sleeve from his pained arm in one careful go. He makes no sound but pales two shades lighter, easy to nudge backward until he’s lying down, eyes glazing over and dilated like saucers.
His good hand flies up to grip the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezing shut tight. “You know how to fix it? Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. I’ve done it on myself.”
His quick nod is taken as permission. After giving him a once-over and not seeing any bones poking out or torn flesh, she grabs his wrist and his upper arm and firmly pops the whole thing back into place with little warning.
The anticipation only makes it worse. She doesn’t stop for a second because if she does, it’ll be harder to try again.
The only way out of this pain is through it.
So she keeps going until she feels it slide into the socket again where it belongs.
Theo’s fairly stoic in general, but this tests him far worse than anything they’ve faced yet. By the time she’s finished, he’s shaking harder than they ever did outside in the cold, with hot tears springing forward and down his nose to soak into the pillow.
“It’s over. It’s done. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. We have to put it in a sling for now to keep it still.”
The scarf is a good option for that, easy to fashion into a makeshift sling.
“You’re gonna be okay.” Her hand finds his face, thumb stroking gently over a semi-dried tear.
She’s being touchy, needy, too much, but he’s alive, and her emotions are far too frazzled to police her behavior at the moment.
“Are you good here so I can check this place out and look for help or food?”
“Yeah. Go. I really hope you hit the jackpot and find some pain pills.”
His attention seems more on his head than his arm now, and she watches the tips of his fingers tremble as he pushes the base of his palm to his forehead.
“Migraine?” she asks carefully.
“Yeah. Always at the worst fucking time. It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”
She doesn’t want to go. She wants to stay here with him and not let him out of her sight, but quickly forces herself down the hall, away from the sleeping quarters and into what looks like a science lab filled with metal tables, empty freezers, and computers that won’t turn on.
The next room is more of the same, and the one after that reveals a bathroom that won’t work without power, just like the heat isn’t on without it either, leaving them vulnerable to the freezing temperatures.
The utility closet holds promise. There has to be a furnace in there, or a heat pump, something, but she can’t force it open and gives up after a few efforts to aim for a red door at the very end.
“Communications room.”
The label makes her nerves jump. The lock on the door is frustrating enough to have her pounding her fists against it until she slumps in a miserable heap.
There’s a radio in there, there has to be.
Whoever does research here would need a way to call for help, but it’s not doing them any good on the other side of a lock.
She can wallow later. For now, at least they’re inside, and she tries to be thankful for that. Heads back to Theo and fills him in on what she found, watching the same emotions she felt flicker across his face one by one.
They are so close, yet so far away.
“Come sit with me,” he says, suddenly. “Please?”
It’s a small bed. There’s only enough room for her on the edge or sideways with her back against the wall.
She chooses the wall. Feels a little awkward about it at first with her legs bent over his outstretched knees, but this way she can face him easily and she’s not relaxed enough here to be anywhere she can’t see the door.
“Are you okay?” he asks, worried about her when he should be worried about himself.
She deflates, shoulders sagging, and the memory of him under that bear flashes quick and unwanted behind her closed lids. “I thought you were gone for a second there. I was so scared.”
“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
“Stop,” she scolds. “It’s not funny.”
“I know.”
Of course he knows. He’s the one with his arm in a sling.
His face softens, even pained as he must be. “I’m sorry that you know what this feels like.”
“I’m sorry you do, too, even before today. Can I ask how?”
“One of those wilderness trips with Oliver. We fell into a river, and I hit my shoulder on a rock.”
“Did he put it back for you?”
Theo huffs before a groan escapes him and slams his hand against his temple, fighting the growing pain of a headache. “You aren’t getting the right idea about those trips. It was a competition between us. Whoever got out first and back to the helicopter would be rewarded.”
She squints, disbelieving. Then she slides her palm into his before he can hurt himself trying to cancel out one pain with another.
She doesn’t comment on it or make a fuss.
It’s no secret what’s happening, so she simply tries to let him leech some comfort off her, however he can, while trying to prevent further injury.
“We don’t have to talk if you need it quiet. ”
He squeezes her hand hard enough to betray how bad the pain is. “It’s not the sound, it’s the stress. It’ll go away when I calm down. Usually. Mostly…”
“So he…left you? Out there alone with a dislocated shoulder?”
“Oh yeah. Absolutely. And our father rewarded him for his perseverance before sending a team to fetch me from the riverbank, where I was throwing up blood and contaminated water. It was the only time I had to be retrieved. I never let that happen again. This was when the migraines started. The doctors said I must have slammed my head into something and knocked things around. Haven’t been right since. ”
“Yeah, I definitely wasn’t getting the full picture when it comes to those trips. I’m starting to understand a little more why you’re a disgruntled member of the family now.” Nora pauses, her voice softer. “What about your mother? Was she on board for this nonsense, too?”
“She passed when I was much younger.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
He lets out a defeated sigh, nodding slightly toward her. “Which one hurt your shoulder?”
“The first one.”
“Did husband number two make the same mistakes the first one did?”
“No. We only hurt each other emotionally, not physically.”
“Tell me about that one?”
She winces. “Now? That’s not exactly soothing conversation.”
He shrugs without thinking and goes even paler at the ache in his shoulder.. “No better time than the present, right? I wanna know you. I want to know everything you’ll tell me.”
The way her face breaks the moment those words leave his mouth surprises her and maybe even him, but a second near-death experience seems to have done something to make him bolder and he doesn’t take it back.
Doesn’t give her an out or make a joke. That’s fine by her because much as he wants to know, she wants to share.
Isn’t that some bullshit that’ll only get her in even more trouble, she thinks.
“Finn and I met at grief counseling.” She snorts at her own words. “Sounds ridiculous when I say it. You’re not supposed to pick up dates there. He lost his wife, and I lost my daughter. We used to go to the coffee station at the same time, and one thing led to another…”
“Must have been some amazing coffee.”
She cuts him an amused glare.
“Anyway, we got along so well right off the bat. He was kind to me and that’s really all it took. I didn’t want to be alone. It was easy enough, and I could convince myself that I was happy, but…”
He doesn’t prompt for more, only waits until she gets there, and she may as well rip the band-aid off now.
“It was difficult to open up to him for some reason. He took that personally, kept saying I didn’t trust him, which wasn’t true, but we fought a lot about how closed off I was.
About how I never let him in. I think maybe I didn’t share much because when I did, when he found out about my addiction, I could see the judgment in his eyes, as if I chose that when nothing could be further from the truth.
He never said anything like that, of course.
Never outright called me a waste of space who couldn’t turn away from a hit, but I felt it.
So I kept a lot in. And then he cheated on me, claiming he had no choice because I was cold and emotionally unavailable. ”
“Oh fuck,” Theo fixes her with as much sympathy as he can muster in a face filled with agony. “What an asshole. I um, I’m starting to understand your reaction to my tabloid scandal.”
“You’re not him. It’s not the same, even if my brain wants to tangle it up. Plus, I never saw the same amount of disgust in your eyes when you found out I went to rehab, so there’s that.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“A lot of things were my fault. But not that, you’re right.” Their conversation is interrupted by his sharp inhale and his struggle to release her hand so he can push his skull back together. “Hey, hey, easy. Breathe slower, in and out, with me.”
He tries to mimic her breathing pattern, but she can tell it’s a struggle. She feels useless here at his side with no way to help other than to be with him, which is more than inadequate.
“I think I’m damn lucky I met you,” he grinds out, clutching her hand in a hard grip.
Nothing about this is lucky, except the fact that they’re somehow still alive, but the sincerity in his eyes convinces her for a moment that he means it. That he doesn’t see her like she sees herself, as someone who can turn anything good to ash with a single touch.
Just this morning, she was thinking how important it was to distance herself. Now they’re in a bed together, holding hands while she spills some of her closest secrets.
“I think I’m lucky I met you, too,” she whispers. “Are you cold?”
“Little bit.”
Subconsciously, she’s going somewhere with this, tucking the blankets up further around him, leaning in a little bit before she catches herself.
“Are you cold, too?”
She nods.
“Come on, then.”
“I won’t hurt you more?”
“No. It’s better when you’re close.”
They’ve already done this once. She takes the offer because she needs to be close to him when it feels like everything is falling apart again.
She’s so relieved he’s still alive. All she wants is to feel him breathing.
So, she tucks herself into his side and lets his inhales lift her head the barest inch where it rests on his chest.
It’s only to stay warmer. That’s all it means, but even as she tells herself that, she knows it’s only a half-truth.
“If this is all some ploy to get me in bed with you, you could have done less,” she teases gently.
“Busted. The bear was in on it, too.”
“I knew it. How long do the migraines last?”
“Few minutes. Few hours.”
She hopes, for his sake, that it passes quickly.
Until then, she enjoys being close to him while knowing she shouldn’t. She’s absolutely not falling for him, though. Not at all. They only need to stay warm. So what if she kinda likes soaking up his body heat a little more than she should?
He irritates her.
He’s obnoxious.
Entitled…except that one’s not really accurate.
Still, he’s everything she wants nothing to do with, yet the fear of losing him has only intensified.