Chapter 43
Idon’t sleep.
I try. I toss and turn. I roll onto my back, then my side. I flip the pillow over a dozen times, trying to find the cool side. But it’s not the bed that’s the problem. It’s my brain. Racing in circles, replaying every second of what I saw and imagining everything I didn’t.
I tell myself I’m mad at her because she’s once again playing with the hearts of my two best friends.
But really? I think I’m mad because I wasn’t a part of it.
It makes me feel sick. Like I have something fluttering in my stomach.
I can’t stand Olivia. Every time she’s around I get tense and agitated.
I'm chalking this up to not getting laid in awhile.
The sun bleeds through the curtains sometime after six. I haven’t even closed my eyes. My arms and legs are killing me. It feels like all I did all night was run.
I might as well get up, there’s no way sleep will find me now.
The kitchen smells like fresh coffee and toast. I don’t want either.
Morella’s at the counter in a sweatshirt and shorts, flipping through her phone.
Liv’s next to her, leaning on the counter like nothing happened.
Archer’s on the other side of the island, buttering toast, while Silas stands near the fridge, cracking open a bottle of orange juice.
Everyone is acting so casual. I’m wondering if I imagined it all.
“Morning,” Liv says.
I grunt.
She reaches past me for a mug, her hand brushing my arm, and it jolts something raw in me. I step back fast.
“She always that touchy?” I mutter, not really loud but not quiet either.
Silas raises a brow.
I grab a glass, ignoring how Liv’s eyes watch me.
Morella gives me a tight glare. “Seriously?”
“What?”
“What’’s wrong with you? You look tired as fuck.”
“Yeah well, I didn’t sleep as good as I would’ve liked.” I fill my glass with water and leave the kitchen.
The comments keep slipping out. I don’t even mean to say most of them.
When Liv laughs too loud during a movie:
“Guess you’re still thinking about last night.”
When she sits next to Archer on the couch:
“Careful. Don’t want to wear him out.”
When Silas tosses popcorn into her mouth from across the room:
“Didn’t know we were doing party tricks now.”
No one calls me out directly, but I can feel it in the air. The way Liv pulls away a little faster each time. The way Archer watches me longer than necessary. The way Silas keeps smirking like he’s waiting for the explosion.
It comes when I find her alone in the sunroom. She’s curled on the bench under the window, barefoot, book in her lap. Her hair catches in the sunlight. She looks like peace and beauty wrapped together, and it pisses me off.
“Got a minute?”
She looks up, startled. “Uh… yeah?”
I step inside and shut the door. The latch clicks loudly. My heart’s beating in my throat.
“You’ve gotta stop.”
She blinks. “Stop what?”
I take a step closer. “The teasing.”
Her brows pull together. “I’m not teasing you.”
“You don’t get to kiss Archer and make out with Silas and then act like nothing happened.”
Her mouth drops open. “Are you serious?”
“You think I’m blind?”
“I didn’t do anything to you, Rafe.”
“You let them put their hands all over you.”
“So?” Her voice sharpens. “They wanted to. I wanted them to. How is anything we do with each other any of your business?”
I look at her and realize I don’t have a good answer.
“I don’t like what’s happening here,” I say instead. “You flirt, you touch, you look at me like I’m part of it. Then you crawl into someone else’s lap.”
Her jaw tightens. “I’ve never touched you like that.”
“No,” I snap. “But you’ve looked at me like that.”
She stands, and for the first time, I see fire in her eyes. “I can do whatever I want, with whoever I want and I don’t need your approval for any of it.”
She stomps out of the room leaving the book in her place. She slams the door behind her and I’m left feeling worse than before.
Liv leaves before dinner. I don’t stop her. Why should I? I’d rather have her leave and enjoy some peace. Whether that be in the house or in my head.
I find the guys out back later. The air’s cooler, and they’re both sitting on the steps outside the garage, shoes off, in basketball shorts, shirts discarded to the side. Archer’s tossing a basketball in the air. Silas is sipping water, breathing heavily.
I cross my arms. “We need to talk.”
Archer doesn’t look up. “You wanna start or should we?”
I ignore him. “What the hell was last night?”
Silas snorts. “You tell us. What about last night?”
“I saw you guys with Liv. You’re both acting like it’s normal—like Liv bouncing between you isn’t a live bomb that’s going to explode.”
Silas leans back against the steps, kicking one leg out in front of him. “Did you like what you saw?” He asks, looking all smug.
“That’s not the conversation I want to have.” I grit through my teeth.
Archer shrugs. “Well we had the conversation already. You weren’t there.”
I stop and think on what Archer says for a moment. They did talk about this. About the three of them…sharing. Is that what this is called? Sharing? Is it a relationship or just a game? Probably just a game to Liv.
“I wasn’t included so how would I know that?” I snap. Normally we do everything together. It grates on my nerves that they had this talk without me, even if I’m not apart of their little circle jerk.
“You may not have been there but you sure were brought up.” Silas says with a smirk.
“What do you mean I was brought up? Why did you guys talk about me if I wasn’t there?” I question, getting heated. Of course they would bring me up to her.
Silas gives me a look. “We weren’t the ones to bring you up.”
I jerk back slightly. Confusion plays on my face as much as it plays in my mind. She brought me up? Confusion turns to annoyance real fast. Of course she brought me up. Probably complaining that I was spying or some shit.
I scoff. “She’s playing you both.”
“No,” Archer says, standing. “She’s choosing both. Big difference.”
Silas stands too, arms loose at his sides. “If you’d get over your crap, you could join too. No one’s stopping you. Not even Liv.”
“I don’t like her like that.”
They both laugh. Silas doubles over and wheezes, he’s squatting and places one hand on the ground to keep himself from falling over.
“Okay, sure,” Silas says between breaths. “We see the way you look at her.”
My face burns. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Dude come on. We’re your best friends. You think we wouldn’t notice?” Archer says as he walks by and claps a hand on my shoulder.
Silas stands straight again and follows Archer. “We’re gonna go get burgers if you’re interested man.”
They both head back inside and leave me questioning everything.