Chapter 17
Meghna stood up, the words from her carefully prepared speech running through her mind. She’d committed it to memory and fully intended to use her theater experience to deliver it. It was perfect. The right blend of humor and sincerity. But none of it seemed right anymore. She caught a glimpse of the “happy couple,” and some of the tightness in her chest eased at the encouraging look on Julie’s face. Meghna scrapped the speech and just started talking.
“Seth and Julie are an incredible couple,” she said. “And being around them, witnessing their relationship, has taught me so much. I used to think that love was about the butterflies. That swooping feeling you get in your stomach. The way your heart floats the first time you see ‘the one.’ But we all know that those feelings can fade. Sometimes people aren’t who you thought they were. Sometimes first impressions are wrong.
“These days, I’m more interested in the quiet kind of love. The kind that takes time. And effort. And patience. The kind that sneaks up on you. Slowly. It builds and builds until you suddenly realize that this is the person you want to turn to when things get bad. This is the person you want to call when you get good news. They’re the one you want to share every high and low with. Even when they frustrate you. Or confuse you. Even when they’re nothing like the person you thought you were supposed to end up with. They probably challenge you in ways you never wanted. Or change the way you look at certain things. They might even be the only person in your life who calls you on your shit.” She paused as a few couples chuckled, exchanging knowing glances with each other. “And maybe you get angry about it at first. Or defensive. But they so often end up being right in the end. Because they know you. The real you. Better than anyone else.”
She lifted her drink, turning to face the bride and groom. “So, let’s raise a glass to Seth and Julie. Seth, I think we all know you’ve found that person in Julie. And Julie, I hope you never stop calling Seth on his shit.”
The room laughed, and the sound of clinking glasses filled the air. Julie raised her champagne flute toward Meghna, giving her a wide smile and a conspiratorial wink before knocking her glass meaningfully against Seth’s. He let out a laugh, but there was a glint of fear in his eyes as he looked at his new wife. It was clear that he’d gotten the message.
She sat back down, and as Julie’s maid of honor started her speech, Meghna allowed her thoughts to wander. Though her toast was finished, she had a much more nerve-wracking talk ahead of her. She peeked at Karthik. He was politely listening to the maid of honor, and Meghna took advantage of his distraction, running her eyes over him appreciatively.
He looked … dapper. There wasn’t any other word for it. With his crisp lines, clipped words, and composed expressions, he appeared almost out of time. Like he’d stepped out of a black-and-white movie. A classy, solemn leading man.
Meghna’s hands itched with the urge to run her fingers through that perfect hair. She just wanted to shake him up. Disorient him until she saw a hint of the relaxed Karthik that hid under the surface. Sure, he seemed chic and poised, but he was a pressure cooker, and she wanted to see him let off a little steam. Maybe help him let off a little steam.
A mischievous thought struck her, and she slid her foot out of her shoe, running her toes up the side of his shin.
Karthik jumped, looking over at her with surprise. Meghna hid a smile, smoothing her expression, trying to look as innocent as possible. Play with me, she tried to telepathically communicate. She gave him a quick wink to drive the point home.
His brow furrowed in confusion, and a sting of disappointment singed Meghna as he turned away from her and continued listening to the end of the toast. Everyone clinked their glasses for the last time, and Meghna lifted hers toward Karthik.
He raised his glass in return, tapping it against hers, but for some reason he wouldn’t meet her gaze. His eyes bounced around, looking anywhere but at her. The disappointment in her stomach grew, but she tried to shrug it off.
“You know you’re supposed to make eye contact when cheersing,” she told him teasingly.
“Hmm,” he replied.
“‘Cheersing’ is not a word,” Eric cut in from across the table.
“Well, it should be,” Meghna said. “What would you call it?”
“Oh, I don’t know. How about toasting?”
Meghna rolled her eyes. Eric replied by sticking his tongue out at her.
“All right, children. That’s enough. But for the record, she’s right,” Mark said to Karthik. “You’re supposed to make eye contact.”
“Otherwise it’s seven years of bad luck,” Meghna said.
“No, it’s seven years of bad sex,” Mark said.
“So that explains it,” Eric muttered loudly.
Meghna laughed, but stopped quickly when Karthik didn’t join in. He sat very still with no sign of amusement on his face.
She waited for the conversation to shift to another topic, then dropped her voice.
“Hey, is something wrong?”
Surprise and a touch of guilt crossed his face. “No. Nothing’s wrong,” he said quickly.
Meghna frowned. “Is this about last night? Because really, it’s okay. And I—”
“Do you want to dance?” he asked.
Meghna looked at the dance floor. “Right now?” Seth and Julie were still in the middle of their first dance.
“No. Later. Whenever.”
“Umm. Sure. But are you sure you’re okay? Because you seem—”
“I’m fine,” he said curtly.
The hair on the back of Meghna’s neck stood up straight. Something was definitely wrong.
“I think we should talk about whatever’s bothering you,” she said quietly. “Did you get some news about your parents?”
“No. It’s nothing like that.”
“Then what is it?”
Applause broke out as Seth and Julie’s first dance ended, and Meghna instinctively clapped her hands together. A voice invited everyone onto the dance floor, and Karthik stood up, extending his hand to her.
“You coming?”
She got up, lifting her head so she could look him straight in the eye. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”
“Nothing’s going on.”
“I don’t believe that.”
He didn’t say anything in response. He just stood there. Stubbornly. His hand was still in front of his body, palm up.
“Fine,” she said. She put her hand in his. “We’ll dance, but we need to talk later.”
He led her past the tables to the edge of the dance floor, then held her the same way he had in Miami: his arms around her body, both hands pressed against her lower back, his face right above hers.
But this time his skill on the dance floor wasn’t a surprise to Meghna. She wound her arms around his neck and relaxed. Even though something was off between them, being held by Karthik felt natural. Familiar. Safe.
The tempo of the music picked up, and Karthik’s hand moved to capture hers from the back of his neck. He held it for half a second, then turned her so fast that Meghna couldn’t help but give a surprised laugh. The room spun, then Karthik caught her, holding her for a moment before sending her into another twirl.
When Meghna was firmly in his arms again, she breathed a sigh of relief. Not because she hadn’t enjoyed the sudden twists and turns, but because Karthik was finally wearing a genuine smile on his face. The shuttered expression he’d been sporting all night had fallen away.
Meghna’s heart squeezed. This was her Karthik. She didn’t know where he had been earlier or what had been bothering him, but right now, he was fully present. Fully here.
The song ended, and Karthik dipped her, holding her in that pose for a moment longer than normal. His face hovered over hers, his eyes intense and focused. She glanced at his lips, but he didn’t move a millimeter closer. It seemed there was something she needed to clear up first. It was only the very beginning of the conversation they needed to have, but she wanted to get this part out of the way now.
“I changed my mind,” she whispered.
He tightened his hold, pulling her back upright. The next song started, slow and steady. She wrapped her arms around his neck as they started to sway.
“About what?” he asked, his hands returning to her lower back.
“I’m saying I want you to kiss me.”
His hands flexed, digging into the jacket of her tux. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. He leaned toward her, and she tilted her face up.
But at the last second, he pulled away, his eyes averted, looking at a spot behind her shoulder.
“Is this because Seth’s looking over?”
Meghna shook her head. She didn’t need to turn around. This wasn’t a performance anymore. Not to her. And, hopefully, not to him.
Relief flooded Karthik’s eyes, and Meghna smiled, rising on her toes to meet him.
“Kiss me?” she asked softly.
He muttered something, and it sounded a lot like “Finally,” but Meghna wasn’t sure. Still, as his lips came to hers, it felt like the right sentiment. Finally. She’d replayed their kisses dozens of times, thinking she’d never get to experience them again, but now here they were. She tightened her arms around his neck and parted her mouth, but it wasn’t enough. More, she thought as she tilted her head to the side, deepening their kiss. More. But even though she was partially lost in the feel of him, she was still aware that they were in public. There were too many people around.
She pulled back. His eyes were bright with emotion, and his gaze didn’t waver from her face. The calm, debonair, black-and-white-film actor was gone. He’d been replaced by this fully alive, fully in color, passionate man. And he was all hers.
“Let’s go,” she told him, slightly out of breath.
“Where?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
She turned and walked out of the tent. His presence, large and full of promise, followed right on her heels.
“Are we leaving?” he asked, a hopeful note in his voice.
“No. I can’t. I have to stay until the end, but we can …” She led them away from the glowing light of the tent and into the dark, cool night. Once they’d crossed a safe distance, she turned to face Karthik.
“I just wanted us to have some privacy,” she told him.
He took a step toward her, then stopped. “So … so we could talk?”
“No.”
He closed the remaining space between them, putting his arms around her and pulling her flush against him. “Thank God.”
His mouth was back on hers, and this time, there was no need to hold back.
Karthik knew this might be the last chance he’d ever have to kiss her. And he was determined to make the most of it. He cupped Meghna’s cheek in his hand, tilted her face, and parted her lips with his own. He almost groaned at the taste of her tongue. He thought he heard a moan in response, but he couldn’t fully hear past the blood rushing in his ears.
She tasted like the intense heat of summer and the sparkling sweetness of champagne. How was he supposed to let go of this feeling? Let go of her? He pulled back, but her arms tightened around his neck, preventing his retreat.
“Don’t stop,” she whispered.
“I’m not.” He scanned their surroundings and gently moved her backward, pressing her up against a tree.
She relaxed as she realized what he was doing and leaned her head back, stretching to one side, exposing her neck.
He took the invitation, pressing a kiss to her jaw, then lower, continuing down the curve of her neck. He stopped only when he reached the stiff collar of her shirt.
“I really wish you were wearing a dress right now,” he whispered against her skin.
She arched against him. “I thought you liked the tux.”
“I do.” His hands moved down her back, sliding lower and lower. “But imagine all the things we could do if you weren’t wearing pants.” He squeezed. “I’d lift your dress up. Slowly.” He kept one hand where it was and let the other one slide up the side of her thigh, mimicking the way he’d lift the edge of her dress.
“I could touch you. Touch your bare skin,” he said into her ear.
She shivered in response. “And then?”
He pressed a kiss behind her ear, and she let out a rush of breath.
“What would you want to happen then?” he asked.
“I’d want you to touch me.”
“I am touching you.” He moved his hand lazily up and down her thigh.
“Not there.”
He laughed against her neck. “Hmm. Where, then?”
She moved his hand from her thigh to the exact place she wanted it, over the fabric of her pants. “Here.”
He cupped her, and she let out a sound that he knew he’d be hearing later in his dreams. “Right here?” he asked, pressing against her with the heel of his palm.
“Yes,” she breathed. He moved in small circles, faster and faster, and she moved in response, showing him what she needed. He knew the exact moment pleasure found her. She tensed against him, and her breath came quickly, and though he could barely see her face in the darkness, he memorized as much of it as he could. He never wanted to forget this expression. Never wanted to forget this look on her face.
Her entire body went slack, and he pulled her firmly against him. She released a shaky breath, leaning her forehead against his shoulder. He moved his hand gently up and down her back.
“I wasn’t expecting that,” she said.
He smiled into the darkness. “Me either.”
She lifted her head and pressed a quick kiss on his chin.
His chest filled with warmth.
That warmth faded when a slightly nervous expression crossed her face. She opened her mouth to say something, and Karthik grew tense.
He didn’t want to hear what she had to say. He didn’t want to hear that they’d gone too far. That she couldn’t be doing this at her ex-boyfriend’s wedding. That she was still dealing with her feelings for Seth. He didn’t want to be reminded that after tonight, this would all be over. He knew that. But he wasn’t ready to hear it. Not yet.
“We should go back,” he said.
Her forehead wrinkled. “Is that what you want?”
“No, but that was the deal, right? Being your date tonight?”
She stepped away, and he dropped his arms.
“That’s what you’d call this? Being my date?”
He moved toward her. “No. Of course not.”
“Then what was it?”
He couldn’t tell her the truth. He couldn’t tell her that he loved her. Not when there was nothing he could promise her. Nothing he could give her. Not when it meant that he’d end up hurting her again.
“We’re attracted to each other. We’ve known that,” he said instead.
“Yes, but I thought maybe …” She stopped, her chest rising and falling. “Karthik, I—”
“Have you decided how you’re going to tell your parents?” he asked quickly.
She blinked. “Tell them what?”
He stuck his hands in his pockets. “You know, that the engagement is over?”
She stared at him, disbelief and confusion on her face. “You still want to … I thought …”
A lump rose in his throat.
Then she shook her head and looked away. “I’m sorry. I was just confused. When we talked earlier, I thought you said something about extending the engagement. But I remember now. You said we didn’t need to do that.” She glanced back at him. “Right?”
He was tempted. So tempted. But extending the end date would only put off the inevitable.
“Right,” he said.
She nodded. “Then no, I haven’t decided how to tell my parents. I guess I’ll tell them in person. When I get home.”
“I’ll do the same.”
“Great,” she said in a voice he had never heard from her. Flat and even and gray.
He swallowed. “Actually, could we wait until Wednesday? So I can do it after my interview?”
She frowned.
“I just thought we should coordinate,” he continued. “You know, tell our parents at the same time? That way they don’t call each other and find out before one of us has the chance to speak with them. And I’d like to wait until the interview is over, so—”
“Fine,” she said. “We’ll tell them Wednesday night.”
He nodded nonchalantly. As if none of this bothered him. As if his heart wasn’t cracking in his chest.
“How do you think your mom will take it?” she asked.
He sighed. “I don’t know. I mean, she’s going through a lot right now. But I think it’ll be fine.”
“You don’t think she’s going to make you start going to arranged meetings again?”
“No.”
Meghna arched an eyebrow. “Why?”
He answered truthfully. “Because I’ll be heartbroken.”
She scoffed, and the sound pierced through him. “You think she’ll buy it?”
“You’d be surprised. I can be a good actor.”
Hurt flashed in her eyes, but quickly disappeared. “Yes. I know.” She walked back in the direction of the tent, and he followed her.
“What about your parents?” he asked.
“Well, my mom’s been emailing me with all kinds of wedding ideas. She’s going to need to be let down easy. But at least I won’t have to lie to them anymore.”
“That’s true.”
She continued toward the tent, but stopped abruptly before entering.
“Think you can act like my fiancé for the rest of the evening? We still need to keep this performance going for a little bit longer.”
“I can do that,” he replied, his voice slightly hoarse.
“Great.” She spun and went back into the reception, but Karthik stayed right where he was.
He dropped his head into his hands and took a few shuddering breaths. He’d made the right decision. He knew that. But it still hurt like hell. He took another deep breath before dropping his hands. He allowed his practiced, controlled expression to fall back into place, then followed Meghna inside.
As Meghna walked over to the bar, she realized she had been wrong. Incredibly wrong. There was no her Karthik. He had turned out to be the person she had thought he was from the beginning. Cold. Unfeeling. Self-centered. He’d gotten what he needed out of this arrangement, and now he was done.
She looked around the room. The crowd had thinned since she’d last been in here. People must have started heading home. But even though the reception was winding down, the dance floor had only gotten rowdier. And she wasn’t surprised to see that Eric was front and center, leading a conga line around the room.
She asked the bartender for a shot of anything and took out her phone while she waited. She sent a quick text to Ankita.
The response was immediate.
Meghna put her phone away and downed the mystery shot in front of her. It tasted like gasoline. She didn’t care. She asked for another.
Then she went to join the conga line, forcing a smile onto her face.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Karthik. He wasn’t dancing. He was standing near the entrance, watching her. It probably looked odd for him to be by himself. To keep up the charade, Meghna probably needed to go over and join him. But right now, she didn’t care.
She’d talked a big game earlier about whether he could still pretend for the rest of the night, but she honestly didn’t have it in her. She couldn’t pretend anymore. She was done.
She was too disappointed. Angry. Upset. At him, but also at herself. Shouldn’t she have learned from her experience with Seth? Instead, she’d repeated the exact same mistake. She’d ignored all the things that bothered her, made excuses for his behavior, and created an imaginary version of him in her head. But that version of Karthik hadn’t been real.
None of it had been real.
Her stomach sloshed, and she wasn’t sure if it was the breakup, the alcohol, or the dancing that had caused it, but she decided cake could only help the situation. Thankfully, while they were outside, they’d missed out on the cake-cutting, the bouquet-tossing, and the garter-throwing, so pre-cut slices were already set out on a table for anyone to take. She picked up a plate, plopped down at the first table she saw, and took a bite. Something lemony and floral burst in her mouth. She wished it was chocolate.
Someone made an announcement that it was time for the bride and groom to go, and she followed everyone outside. Sparklers were passed out. The air was filled with cheers and goodbyes. And then it was done. They had left. The wedding was over.
It was all over.
Karthik appeared at her elbow, and he joined her in saying goodbye to everyone.
“You ready to go?” he asked. And she nodded.
They walked the short distance back to their hotel in silence. Meghna didn’t have the energy to discuss anything else tonight. But as they entered the lobby, she felt the weight of Karthik’s gaze on her hand. She removed the ring, handing it to him wordlessly.
He took it, somewhat startled.
“I wasn’t going to ask for it back,” he said.
“Well, I can’t keep it.”
“But shouldn’t you hold on to it? Keep it until after we tell our families? What if you see your parents before Wednesday? Won’t they ask questions about it?”
Ugh.Why was he making this so difficult? She didn’t want to wear this ring. Didn’t want to have to keep track of it. She didn’t want the reminder that this diamond was the only thing that had not been fake between them.
“It’ll be safer with you.”
He put the ring in his pocket. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is.”
A few seconds passed in awkward silence. Meghna wanted to say good night. She wanted to head straight to her room, vent to Ankita for a while, and fall asleep. But for some reason she couldn’t make herself do it.
“What time is your flight tomorrow?” she asked instead.
“Early. I’ll really only get a few hours of sleep. Yours is in the afternoon?”
“Yeah,” she said, not even surprised that Karthik had remembered her flight information. He always seemed to remember everything she told him.
“I guess this is goodbye, then.”
“I guess so.”
He watched her carefully, almost like he was waiting for an invitation or an opening for a hug, but she made no move to offer one.
“I’ll see you …” He stopped and let out a short, rough sound. “I don’t know when I’ll see you next.”
“I don’t think you will.”
“Right.” He cleared his throat. “That, uh, makes sense. Would you maybe want to stay up a bit? We could practice how we’ll tell our parents? Figure out the best way to do it?”
She shook her head, stifling a yawn. “No. It’s too late now.”
“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” He scratched the back of his neck. “But maybe when we get back? Maybe I could call you and we could …”
“Sure. Maybe.” Really, she just wanted to go to bed. Put this whole night behind her.
Karthik seemed to get the hint. He gave her a small, sad smile and told her good night. Then she left, heading back to her hotel room. Alone.
Her feet throbbed after spending most of the night dancing, leading to a combination of relief and pain when she finally took her heels off. She quickly changed into pajamas, switched off the lights, and climbed into bed. But just as she was about to drift off, her phone beeped.
Shoot.She’d almost forgotten. Meghna pressed Ankita’s number and winced when she saw the time on the screen. One-thirty A.M. Ankita had likely stayed up just for this conversation.
“I’m sorry it’s so late,” she said.
“It’s fine. Tell me what happened.”
And Meghna did. Ankita listened to everything, talked with Meghna about how she was feeling, then added some news of her own.
“When you get back home, you’re coming over,” Ankita said. “We’ll get ice cream and bring the pillow fort back out.”
“That sounds good.”
“We’ll both need it. Because I’m pretty sure my engagement is over too.”
Shock skittered through Meghna’s nerves. The last time they’d talked, Ankita had made up her mind to tell Rishi the truth, but hadn’t decided when. Meghna had promised to be there before and after for moral support. She felt horrible that she couldn’t be there now.
“You told him?”
“Yeah. I did. I told him everything. It all just kind of … came out. All at once. He wants some time to think, but I think we both know it’s over.”
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel about any of this. On top of everything, Samir called again.” She let out a long sigh. “He wants to come to Dallas. So we can see each other. Talk things out. But … I rushed into a relationship with Rishi for all the wrong reasons. I can’t rush into one again. Especially since it’s been so many years since I really knew Samir. Who knows how much we’ve both changed. I told him I needed space. I’m sure we’ll talk eventually, but I don’t think I’m ready for that right now.”
“I’m proud of you,” Meghna said. Ankita had told the truth even though it was hard. Had set boundaries that she needed. Had refused to rush into anything. Meghna hadn’t always made those choices in the past, but she was determined to make them in the future.
“And I know I wasn’t willing to hear about things before,” Meghna continued. “But I’m here. Anytime. And I promise to not be grossed out about the fact that it’s Samir.” At least she’d try not to be grossed out.
Ankita laughed. “You’re allowed to feel however you want about any of this, you know.”
“I know. But I want you to be happy. I’ll at least try to listen before passing judgment.”
“Me too.”
“Well, if you promise, then … Karthik and I almost had sex in the park.”
“You what?”
Meghna nearly laughed at the shock in Ankita’s voice, but filled her in on all the juicy details she had left out before.
Things were still a mess. For both of them. But together they’d find a way through it.
After they hung up, Meghna closed her eyes and finally fell asleep.
Sometime later, she woke up with a start. Meghna wasn’t sure what time it was or how long she’d been asleep, but it had felt like minutes. She fumbled for her phone and saw the time on the screen. 5:03 A.M.
A shuffling, scratching sound came from the hallway, and she immediately shot up straight. Was someone outside? She stayed still, straining her ears to listen, but couldn’t hear anything else. Two seconds later, a message appeared on her phone.
Meghna waited a moment. Maybe there would be another text. A message saying that he wanted to talk. That he was right outside her door. That he’d made a mistake. That he couldn’t go back home leaving things this way. But nothing else came.
Meghna switched on the bedside lamp and tiptoed to the door, peering out the peephole, but she didn’t see anyone there. She wasn’t sure if she’d imagined it or if Karthik really had been out there, but it didn’t matter anyway. He was gone. And soon she’d be leaving as well. She quickly went to the bathroom, climbed back into bed, and forced herself to get a few more hours of sleep.