Chapter 8 #2
I could hear Parker banging around in the kitchen as I sat and waited for him to finish what he was doing.
We had spent the afternoon doing a crossword puzzle together and now I was on his laptop looking up movie times.
And of course, I just happened to click around, and boom, up came his OkCupid account.
It wasn’t that I didn’t know he was online dating.
Of course I knew. We’d talked about dating casually and how we’d joined online dating sites and we’d laughed about all the odd people we’d seen online.
That hadn’t made me feel bad because that wasn’t real and there had been no faces to put to mind.
And no actual dates were talked about. Yes, I’d helped him write a profile, but that had made me feel closer to him because we had laughed and joked around about what he was looking for and his interests.
But now that I had his profile up on the screen and I could see that he was actively on the site and messaging and talking to people, it was another story.
Heat rose through my face as my stomach grumbled in emptiness.
I could feel my head starting to spin as I swallowed, my heart feeling empty, the pain wallowing through me almost too much to bear as I read some of the messages on the screen.
I knew I was invading his privacy and I knew I deserved the pain I was experiencing for being so nosy, but I just couldn’t stop myself.
“You nearly ready, Lara?” Parker’s voice was warm as he stood in the doorway looking at me. “I told Ryker and Mila we’d be there at seven and I still have to pick some other friends up.”
“Yeah, gimme a minute.” I gave him a weak smile and looked back at the computer screen.
I scrolled through the page to see what the women looked like, unable to stop myself, even though I knew I shouldn’t.
I then clicked to see the girls he’d liked.
My stomach dropped as I stared at all their beautiful faces.
They all looked the same: long, dark, straight hair, big blue eyes, fine beautiful features.
All were skinny and all had that “I’m cool, look at me” look on their faces.
I could feel embarrassment sweeping through me as it hit me, maybe for the first time, that I was just not Parker’s type.
Not at all. Nothing about me fit what he was looking for in a woman.
I wasn’t sure how I’d missed that fact. I knew I shouldn’t read the messages, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“What movies are showing?”
“What?” I blinked up at him.
“Aren’t you looking up movie times?” He walked toward me and my heart stopped as I clicked on a new tab and typed in movie times quickly into Google.
“Yeah, yeah, sorry, I put in the wrong zip code.” I said lamely. “Let me check the right one now.”
“Okay.” He nodded. “Let me go and call Ryker and tell them we’re running late.”
“Sure, and sorry about the delay. My head has been all over the place lately.”
“Hey, no worries, Lara.” He gave me a huge smile and my heart melted, even though I was in a really low place. “We’ll get there.”
“Yeah, we will.”
“And you know I’m here to talk if you ever need someone, right?”
“Yeah, I know.” I nodded. “Thanks.” I watched as he headed out of the room and I tried not to cry.
This whole situation was a lot harder than I’d thought it was going to be.
I was getting to know Parker on a deeper level and I was falling for him harder and harder.
Only, he wasn’t falling for me. Yes, he was growing closer to me.
Yes, I knew he saw me in a different light now, but I also knew that wasn’t a romantic light.
I just wanted him to pull me closer to him.
I wanted him to kiss me, to touch me, to want me, yet he seemed to have no interest in growing closer to me in that way—and that killed me.
And I knew that if it didn’t kill me, it would just leave me empty and alone.
I wanted to slap myself. I needed to get some self-respect.
I needed to grow some self-esteem. I needed to love myself enough to accept that he just didn’t want me that way, and I needed to move on with my life.
Or at least stop whining to myself. I was getting fed up with my own tears and heartache. I just needed to get over it already.
“How did we end up choosing a horror movie?” I whispered to Mila as we walked into the movie theater ahead of the guys. “You know I hate horror movies. I’m going to scream and embarrass myself.”
“You won’t.” She gave me a sly grin and my eyes narrowed.
“You chose the movie, didn’t you?” I growled under my breath. “Mila, how could you do this to me? You know I wanted to see a rom-com or something.”
“The guys don’t wanna watch a rom-com. Plus, if we do a horror, whenever you feel scared you can grab ahold of Parker and he can protect you.”
“Mila,” I groaned. “That’s not about to happen.”
“You never know.” She shrugged and smiled. “You need to up the stakes.”
“I don’t want to up the stakes.” I sighed. “This is too much already.”
“What are you two whispering about?” Parker came up from behind me and nearly made me jump.
“Nothing,” I said quickly and then paused. What if he’d heard some of what I had said? “Well, I was just complaining that Mila chose a horror movie and she knows I hate them.”
“I’m here to protect you if you feel scared.” He grinned at me and my heart fluttered. “Just sit next to me.”
“Aww, thanks, Parker,” I said, my heart racing. Maybe he really was coming around?
“No worries, that’s what friends are for.” He grinned at me and overtook Mila and me and walked into our theater. “Let’s try and get some seats toward the top. I hate being too close to the screen.”
“Sure,” I mumbled as I gave Mila a small glare, my stomach sinking at his use of the word friends.
“It’ll be fine,” she mumbled, smiling, and then reached behind to grab Ryker’s hand. “Honey, will you protect me as well, if I get scared?”
“I’ll protect you any day of the week. Any second of the day.” Ryker pulled her to him and kissed her cheek. “I’ll protect you from the grave.”
“Aww, my love.” Mila beamed and I tried not to groan in envy.
Why did they have to be so sickeningly sweet all the time?
I could still remember when they used to trade barbs back and forth.
I could still remember when Mila was in my position, loving a man she thought didn’t even want to give her the time of day.
Only life had looked favorably upon her.
Life had given her the love of the man she wanted. I wasn’t so lucky.
I wanted to slap myself for my thoughts.
I knew I was feeling sorry for myself. I knew I was part of—if not all of—the reason I was feeling miserable, and that envy was a horrible trait.
I knew it, but I just couldn’t stop myself from dwelling on my despair and heartache.
I needed to make a change. I needed to get over it.
I’d been reading online articles about unrequited love, and for all intents and purposes, it seemed like I just needed to cut Parker out of my life and move on, though I felt loath to do that.
Instead, I was holding on to some inner hope, some flame of fire inside me that wouldn’t die out.
I was wasting my life away and slowly eroding my soul from the inside.
If he was my soulmate and I was his soul, then I knew we were both destined for a fiery fate.
“Come on, Lara,” Parker called me from a couple of steps up, and I hurried up my pace to catch up with him. “You were spacing out again?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“Are you really that scared of horror movies?” His eyes searched my face. “If you want, we can watch something else. If you’re really that scared.”
“No, I’m fine, but thank you.”
“No worries.” He smiled and grabbed my hand and squeezed. “I’m sure the witches won’t come and get you. Or the bogeyman.”
“Yay for that.” I rolled my eyes at him and giggled. “Hopefully they don’t come and attack me in my bed tonight.”
“I can protect you there as well.” He raised an eyebrow at me and then winked.
“Oh, really?” I gazed at him and winked back. “How do you propose to do that?”
“Well, I think my presence alone would scare them off, but I’d put my arms around you and hold you close and then I’d . . .” His voice trailed off as Mila and Ryker sat down next to us. “Wow, you two slow coaches decided to join us.”
“Why, of course.” Mila gave her brother a look. “Did you miss us?”
“Do I miss heartburn?” Parker retorted, and I giggled. He looked up at me and smiled. “Aren’t you glad you have me now, and not just Mila?”
“Oh, so glad.”
“Why would she be glad to have you?” Mila gave him a look.
“I can do things for her that you can’t,” he said softly and my heart fluttered, but this time not in a romantic way.
“What things can you do for her that I can’t?” Mila asked with a scoff.
“You mean, aside from impregnating her?” Parker said with a laugh and my face grew hot.
“Parker!” Mila looked shocked. “You’re disgusting.”
“I’m disgusting? You asked the question.” His face went all innocent. “And unless I’ve been lied to all my life about your gender, I don’t think you can knock Lara up.”
“I just can’t with you, Parker Brookstone.
” Mila rolled her eyes and looked at me.
I knew the look was saying, I have no idea why you like this Neanderthal, and I grinned back at her.
I had no idea why I was so in love with Parker.
Maybe I secretly loved his very immature side.
I wasn’t sure what it was, but I knew he always made me laugh.
“You just can’t with me, Mila Brookstone, soon-to-be Walker,” Parker said and moved his head back and forth. “You just can’t do what with me, sister?” He snapped his fingers in a sorority girl movement and we all started laughing.