Say You’ll Be Mine (Stargazing Series #4)

Chapter 1

Chapter

One

Edith

M y feet pound the hard ground as the bass of the music vibrates in my ears. My lungs roar with heat, fighting against the fresh morning of late April as I batter my body once more, trying to find that light at the end of the tunnel that seems to be lost.

Casting a glance to my left, I appreciate the beauty of how the low fog covers the fields, wrapping itself around the trees like cobwebs as cattle graze.

I’ve sprinted these winding roads of Appletreewick and the surrounding areas for years, but this past twelve months, the motivation to get out has been a lot damn harder than I ever thought possible.

I don’t enjoy this track anymore, yet I continue to hammer it daily. I need to clear my mind, but most of all it’s the punishment my battered heart deserves.

The last time I felt any kind of enjoyment from the morning runs, I had a reason. Only now, I’m on my own, lonely and colder than I’ve felt in years. The beating in my chest may be a sign that I’m alive, but it sure as hell hasn’t felt like that in a while because she took a part of me the day she left.

And then he took even more the very next day.

I blink back the tears that burn my eyes and push harder, picking up speed as I head down the hill, passing the classic red telephone box opposite the New Inn pub.

One foot in front of the other, the fire in my legs starts to creep up my body, sweat trickling down my back as I try to shake that day out of my mind—the one that haunts me every fucking day like you wouldn’t believe.

Sophia, my stepsister, had been the supermodel of our little village. Constantly in high heels and lip-gloss, she’d flaunted her beauty at every opportunity. Our three-year age gap had never been noticeable at the start of Dad and Lorna’s (her mother) relationship, and even though she wasn’t my biological sister, I’d never treated her in that way.

We’d been inseparable, but after our parents married, our worlds had slowly drifted further apart the older we got, and the strain began to show.

I had been a child obsessed with having fun; Sophia had been more materialistic. Too many times, I’d ached to have that little girl back who I’d used to laugh with when we’d been kids.

Despite my lust for fun and friendship, I’d had my head screwed on. I’d understood you needed to work for things in life, gain credibility. She had been the daughter who exceeded all her grades in school and university. She’d been the daughter who followed in her mother’s footsteps, studying law before she was even out of primary school. Everything Lorna had wanted in a daughter, she’d got in Sophia, and Sophia had been the golden child in my stepmother’s eyes. I’d just been the girl who’d come with the marriage.

Lorna is wicked, always has been, and I had become tired of the daily struggles and constant battles she’d brought back then. Those battles had soon transferred to me and Sophia for reasons I’ve never been able to explain, and although I’d known in my heart I should have learned to suck it up and walk away, I hadn’t been able to.

And that morning, I’d reached breaking point when she’d yelled at me down the phone that I was nothing but a selfish bitch.

Maybe if I had just chosen.

Maybe she would have heard the car.

I stop suddenly, the pain in my chest now unbearable, and like a recurring dream, the noise of the accident pierces through my music.

Ripping out my earbuds, I lean over, gripping onto the dry-stone wall to catch my breath, needing the wedge in my upper body to evaporate, to stop crushing me.

I’ve pushed myself too hard—I always push myself too hard—but nothing I do kills the anguish in my heart and the guilt over her death.

My dad doesn’t talk about his feelings. Lorna can barely look at me unless she’s after something that will benefit her, and now Sophia’s gone, I fear she loathes me more than ever.

“Edith!”

I turn my head at the sound of a child’s voice coming from down the road, and my heart instantly warms at the little boy who’s frantically waving at me.

I grin and wave back at Teddy who sits on one of the picnic benches outside of the Craven Inn before I slowly jog over to him.

His beam widens the closer I get. No matter how shitty your day is, there is something about this boy that makes up for it.

“Hey, bud,” I say, still trying to control my breathing. “Wow. Chocolate spread sandwich for breakfast?” I question with excitement, but his adult-like response makes me laugh.

“Yeah. Don’t judge. Dad’s had a bad morning.”

“Oh really? Where is he?”

“He can’t find his car keys. We are going to be late for school, again. ”

I smile, taking a seat opposite him. His mop of blond hair is dishevelled and he looks more like a surfer kid than a boy from the country. “Hmm. He’s still not got used to this school run thing has he?”

“I don’t think he’s got used to being a parent.”

I laugh as he takes another bite of his breakfast. Daniel does a phenomenal job at being a single dad and running a business.

“I was late for school three times last week.”

“Were you in trouble?”

He shrugs. “A little. But dad just gave Miss Kurt his best smile.”

I raise a brow, grinning. “He did, huh? ”

“Yeah. He’s always giving her his best smile and says things that I don’t find funny. She laughs back anyway.”

“Is that right?” The innocence of this kid is adorable, but I can also imagine Daniel Fitzpatrick, his dad, flashing his best smile at Teddy’s teacher. He’s always been a ladies’ man, and owning the local pub, the guy is in his element at times. With that, the man himself heads out of the door looking flustered. His dark hair is a wet mess, and I have to hide my grin when I notice he’s buttoned his shirt up wrong.

“Morning, Edith. Please don’t judge my parenting skills by Teddy’s choice of breakfast.”

I hold my hands up. “No judgement here. You okay?”

“Yeah. I think.” He presses his hand against his coat pocket, I presume to check for keys as he looks around us. “Ted, mate. Where is your PE kit?”

“I told you. I left it at school.”

“And what about your lunch?”

“School lunches, Dad.” Teddy looks at me and rolls his eyes. He’s five years old, but sometimes has the attitude of a teenager.

“Right. Okay. I think we are ready. I don’t think I’ve forgotten anything. ”

“Erm. You may want to rebutton your shirt.” I point.

He frowns and looks down at himself. “Shit. Don’t ever have kids, Edith. They make you age before your time.”

“I’m telling. You said a bad word.”

“You say more bad words than I do. Go get in the car.”

Teddy grins, his mouth now covered in chocolate spread as he jumps down from the bench as Daniel runs back inside the pub to grab something I assume he has forgotten.

“Bye, Edith. Can we play dinosaurs again soon?”

“Of course, we can. Have a great day at school.”

“I will. We are going on a trip.”

My eyes widen in enthusiasm and he jumps up and down. “A trip? Where to?”

“Only the bridge but we are going to do pooh sticks.”

“Amazing. I haven’t done pooh sticks in years. Have a fun day.”

“I love school.” He jumps with excitement before he runs off to the car just as Daniel grips my shoulder. “Sorry. I’ve got to go. You okay?”

“Fine,” I lie.

“Great. Catch you later? ”

“Sure.”

Waving them off, I stay on the bench, not wanting to continue my morning run just yet. I wish I’d had Teddy’s enthusiasm for school. I hated it. My memories of being a kid and growing up in Appletreewick aren’t the best. Weekends and school holidays were what made up for it. I’d been around the people who cared for me rather than being pushed up against the wall, called names or having my lunch stolen in the school playground.

As teenagers, the small group of us that’d hung out together outside of lessons had been me, the Fitzpatrick brothers—Daniel and Joel—Aaron, Jade, Daisy and sometimes Sophia. They were all a year or more older than me—the biggest age gap of five years between Joel Fitzpatrick and me—and at times, I’d hated being the baby of the group.

We’d lived in each other’s pockets and spent our time playing conkers, hanging out in the barns on Old Man Logan’s farm, jumping in the river or chasing each other in the fields of long grass. We’d lived for those summers like they were our last, and as time had gone on, those summers had been the last for some.

Aaron had been the first to leave us. At just nineteen, he’d taken his own life with an overdose and his death had shaped us all, bringing us closer together. Jade had been the next to go. Living her dream, she’d headed off to London, walking the catwalk with a top modelling agency. Then there was Sophia...

Other than going on holiday, the four of us that now remain have never wanted to seek life outside of the Yorkshire Dales, and I don’t think I ever will.

My phone vibrates in the side pocket of my running leggings. Taking it out, I smile.

Fitz: What time is lunch and what are you bringing me today?

I go somewhere completely different as an idea runs through my head.

Me: I haven’t done pooh sticks in years.

Fitz: Erm. Okay… Thanks for that. I can now go about my day better.

Me: You’re welcome. But I’m serious.

Fitz: What’s with the reminiscing?

Me: Teddy told me he is doing pooh sticks on his school trip and it got me thinking about the good old days. I want to do them, too. We should do them the next time we are drunk.

Fitz: And risk you pushing me in the river? Fuck that.

Me: I would do no such thing.

I totally would, given the chance.

Fitz: Lies.

Fitz: You would fake a heart attack or something and when I go to help you, you’ll push me in.

Me: Pooh sticks require a bridge and water below. Pushing you over would be attempted murder.

Fitz: That doesn’t mean you won’t try. And you’re too pretty for prison, so as your friend I wouldn’t advise any stupid shit.

I laugh, thankful he’s replaced the wedge in my chest with an ease that I cherish more than anything.

Me: So, beer and pooh sticks this weekend? X x

Fitz: God help me. Fine!

Fitz: I do worry about your crazy mind at times.

The day I fell in love with him, I’d been fifteen. Hanging out with him around the village created an unusual feeling in my stomach that I hadn’t been able to comprehend. Until the day I could.

All the girls at school had either had their first kiss or lost their virginity. I’d been the only one who’d never had a boyfriend, and for that, I’d been teased constantly, even more than I already had been.

Because of my love for books, I’d been classed as a nerd.

Because I’d liked wearing boys shorts more than skirts, they’d called me Edward.

Because I’d inherited my father’s thick, untamed eyebrows, I’d been dubbed the class caterpillar.

I swear when anything had come out of my mouth, sirens had flashed above my head and everyone had come running just to laugh at me.

One afternoon, whilst on my way home, I’m cornered by three boys from two classes above. My stomach drops and my skin becomes clammy. They tease and torment, push and shove, and I try to escape the onslaught of their name-calling and abuse. I fight hard, knowing it is no good, but when I’m pushed to the ground, I give up trying altogether. Covering my face, I wait for the impact of their boots and fists, but nothing comes—nothing but the sound of pained voices that are not mine.

When I look up, Fitz is scaring them off, pushing them, hitting them and yelling at them to leave his girl alone.

My heart races with his words and protectiveness, but when he helps me up and wraps his arm around my shoulder, I break. I tell him everything, and what I love about this moment more than anything is that he listens. No one has ever listened in our family. No one has the time.

He had told me that one day, someone would come into my life and shield me like no other.

That someone for me is him.

I’ve always felt his protection without seeing him, and when I’m with him, I feel lighter than I’ve had ever known.

The feeling had grown into something that took my breath away every time I saw him back then, and weeks later he’d had me falling even further when he pinned me against the wall at the village disco and kissed me.

Out of every girl he could have chosen, the older boy had kissed me .

His kiss had covered my body in a mass of tingles and my heart raced to the point I could barely breathe. But it is his words that have stayed with me forever.

“Now, you’re just like the other girls. But that doesn’t mean you have to change, Edie. Always be you because you are better than them. Promise me you’ll never change.”

At first, I hadn’t known what my feelings meant. I’d been young, naive, and just a stupid girl in many others’ eyes. But the young man with the dark hair, chocolate eyes and a body that is every girl’s dream had seeped his way into my heart. But that undisclosed love had continued to get pushed down with each change in life.

But Fitz fell in love with someone else.

From that moment, I’d lost the battle before the war had even started, and the words I’d longed to say to him were unable to be spoken.

So, I’ve spent years loving him from afar.

Now, with the loss of Sophia, our friendship is one I need more than anything and don’t wish to jeopardise.

Despite this constant ache I carry.

Me: You wouldn’t want me any other way.