Chapter 10
CHAPTER
TEN
ISLA
The car ride home felt longer than it should have been, or maybe it was just him sitting beside me. The minutes seemed to trickle by as I tried to keep my composure. I was doing my very best not to fall apart. Not because I didn’t think Kraven could handle it, but because I wouldn’t.
With the years of trauma I’d swept under the rug, this would drive me over the edge. I had to remain in control. The baby inside me depended on it.
Does that mean I’m keeping it?
I didn’t ask for a paternity test this time, which wasn’t lost on me, but neither did Kraven.
It surprised me. He seemed to be full of surprises lately.
He was anything but predictable, and now I was on this roller-coaster ride with him.
We were all on one together, except Kraven appeared to be enjoying every second of it, and I had no idea how Julius felt.
Since Julius was inaccessible behind bars, it wasn’t like we could ask him for a swab of his cheek to compare his DNA with the baby’s. For now, we’d have to wait, again.
Who knew how long this time.
When Kraven gently reached for my hand in the back seat of the Uber, I kept my stare focused out the window, watching the blur of trees and sunlight streak across the glass as we drove by.
The second I felt his hand holding mine, I swallowed hard, but I didn’t stop him. His skin felt nice against mine.
“You okay?” His voice broke into my thoughts.
I licked my lips, slow and steady. “Yeah,” I lied.
Thank goodness, we pulled into the driveway. The tires crunched softly against gravel as my gaze fell upon the house that loomed ahead. Suddenly, it was too big and too small all at the same time, but I shut down the emotion before it could fully form. I already had enough on my plate.
He exhaled softly, like he’d been holding it in for far too long, breathing out, “Kitty…”
“What?”
“We’re home.”
Home?
Within seconds, I blinked, and we were walking inside the house and shutting the door behind us.
The walls instantly swallowed us whole. Every sound felt louder—the click of the door, the soft thud of our footsteps as we stepped farther into the place, and even the faint hum of the air-conditioning blasting through the air.
Kraven moved ahead of me, setting the keys down on the counter. I stayed near the entryway for a bit, unsure what to do.
My body.
My thoughts.
It all felt displaced, exactly the way the baby inside me did.
“You should sit,” Kraven suggested, looking back at me.
Feeling the thin strap I was holding on to snap like a flimsy piece of string, I declared, “I’m not fragile.”
“I didn’t say you were.” His tone wasn’t patronizing, which almost made it worse.
I sighed, moving past him anyway, heading into the living room. My legs carried me to the couch on instinct, and I sank down into it. A few seconds later, I heard him in the kitchen.
When he handed me a glass of water without a word, I grabbed it. Our fingers briefly brushed, too fast to mean anything, but way too emotionally charged to ignore. As if proving my point, an electric current sparked between us, and I yanked my hand back first.
He scoffed out a chuckle, remembering the first time that happened to us, I was sure. After I thanked him for the water, he nodded, then sat on the edge of the coffee table across from me, leaning forward with his forearms resting on his thighs.
He was close, but again, he wasn’t touching me.
Out of nowhere, he ordered, “Talk to me.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “About what? About the part where my life just completely derailed, or the part where I don’t even know what I’m supposed to feel right now?”
“Both.”
I shook my head, taking a sip of water to have something to do.
“I know this is hard for you,” he reasoned.
“I don’t think you do. I think you’re loving every second of this ride, and you don’t understand why I want off.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“I don’t know what I mean.”
“It’s the hormones.”
“Stop it!” I snapped. “Stop knowing more than I do.”
“And is something wrong with that? Is something wrong with being prepared?”
“Kraven, you’re never prepared for anything, but this, this you’re prepared for?”
He didn’t falter, confessing, “I’ve wanted to be part of a family my whole life, Isla.”
I sucked in a breath. “Kraven…”
“I’m just trying to get through to you.”
“This isn’t about getting through to me. It’s about acknowledging how fucked up all of this is.”
He shrugged. “Maybe it isn’t fucked up to me.”
“Yeah?” I mocked. “And what’s going to happen once Julius is free, huh?”
He opened his mouth, then quickly shut it.
I waited a moment before quietly admitting, “I thought I had more time.”
“With Julius?”
I nodded.
“And now?”
I looked down at the glass in my hands, watching the water ripple from the tremor in my grip.
“Now it doesn’t feel like it’s just about me anymore.”
Silence settled again.
“It’s not.”
His voice was filled with certainty as he vowed, “You’re not alone in this.”
My heart twisted painfully. “I know,” I said, but it came out weaker than I wanted it to. “But I have both of you to think about, and now this baby. It’s much harder on me than it is on you. Can you understand that?”
“You think I’m going to leave,” he stated, catching me a bit off guard.
“Well… it is part of your Knightly DNA.”
He jerked back, offended.
“You wanted me to talk, right?”
He eyed me for a second, almost like he was trying to see where to go with this and how much to push me on it. Kraven was a lot more perceptive than I gave him credit for.
“I can’t worry about being honest with you and hurting your feelings. Can you understand that too?”
He nodded.
“Cat got your tongue?” I joked, trying to lighten the tension.
“More like Kitty does.”
I scoffed out a soft chuckle.
He reached for my hand. “I get it, alright? Truly, I do.”
“Do you?”
He crouched in front of me, close enough that I had to tilt my head to meet his eyes. “Stop thinking for a second.”
Now he was too close, and my breath caught.
“Just feel it,” he rasped, giving me goose bumps.
I shook my head, being candid again. “I don’t want to.”
“Yeah… I know.”
He lifted his hand. It was slow and deliberate, almost like he was giving me a chance to stop him.
I didn’t.
I should have…
His fingers hovered for half a second before lightly resting them on my stomach, and everything in me went still.
With nothing but determination in his tone, he confirmed, “This is real.”
My hand tightened around the glass while my breathing became uneven.
“You feel that?”
“No,” I lied.
His gaze flicked up to meet mine. “You will.”
The way he said it wasn’t hopeful. It was certain. My heart pounded harder, and his hand still didn’t move.
“Kraven…”
He didn’t answer. He just watched me.
Waiting.
I became hyperaware of everything. The way he was kneeling between my legs. The way his hand rested against me like it belonged. The way his eyes searched mine like he was looking for permission.
Or is that forgiveness?
“I’m here.” He read my mind.
It was simple, but it wasn’t.
Not really.
He wasn’t just talking about the baby, and we both knew it. My chest rose and fell too fast.
“We aren’t—” I started, but the words failed me.
He leaned in slightly, enough to change everything.
“We don’t have to be what we were before.”
I spoke with sincerity, “You hated me.”
His jaw tightened. “I never hated you.”
I let out a disbelieving breath. “That’s not what it felt like.”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “I know.”
His expression softened in a raw and unfiltered way.
“And you hated me,” he pointed out.
I didn’t deny it because I did hate him. Part of me still hated him.
“Kraven…” I warned.
When he shifted his gaze to my mouth, my entire body reacted the moment I caught him licking his lips. My thoughts scrambled, catching up to what my body was already reacting to.
Him.
“This is just about the baby,” I insisted.
“And us.”
He leaned closer.
Too close.
“You’re not alone anymore,” he reminded. “That’s also true.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and pulled back, breaking the invisible magnet pulling us together.
“This isn’t right.” My words came out stronger that time.
Leaning back into the couch, I put some much-needed space between us that suddenly felt necessary.
“We can’t do this.”
His eyes searched mine. “Do what?”
He almost made me laugh. “You know what.”
“Say it.”
My jaw clenched. “Cross the line again.”
His stare darkened. “But it’s what we do best.”
I opened my mouth, but closed it fast. I didn’t have an answer, and he knew it.
“That’s what I thought,” he taunted.
My frustration flared, but I didn’t give in to temptation. “It doesn’t mean we just give in to it. I mean, look what happened last time.”
All in one breath, he announced, “We made a family.”
“Kraven…”
“I’m not saying we give in. I’m just saying you stop pretending it’s not there.”
“It shouldn’t be there.”
“But it is. It’s always been there, Kitty. You know it as much as I do. Julius knows it too.”
The truth of what he was saying hit harder than I wanted it to. At least one part was.
“I think you’re wrong about your brother. He trusted us. If he didn’t, he would have never left us alone together.”
“Yeah, to go sell drugs.”
“Yeah… for us.”
He held my expression. “You’re right.” His agreement surprised me.
Is this a trick?
“This”—he gestured vaguely between us—“whatever this is… we don’t have to figure it out today.”
I blinked, thrown off by the sudden shift in our conversation.
“But don’t lie to yourself about us, Kitty.”
My core locked up. “I’m not.”
“You are.”
I fisted my hands at my sides. “Kraven, there is no us…”
The words tasted like battery acid as soon as I lied.