Chapter 9 #2
Truly, it never worked out well when North allowed his mother to make decisions for him.
But in this case, she had been right that his absence left a hole in the company.
North was the only one in the office who really understood computers.
Everyone else knew how to operate the specific programs they used to fill orders, but if something went wrong, he was the one who fixed it.
Who straightened things back out and got it all moving smoothly again.
In that sense, what might be happening in that office while he was in Europe was extremely terrifying. It was sure to be a disorganized mess.
His family drove him insane sometimes. Most of the time. But they did try and love him, even though they didn’t agree with any part of him. The guilt sat heavily with him, the war between love and duty exploding in his head.
Ravi put an arm around his shoulders and hugged him for a moment. “North, we really want you here. So, don’t think you don’t have that option. Okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, thanks. I’m going to think about it.” And he was. His options weren’t as narrow as he’d thought they were. And that made all the difference.
He peeked at Warin and found the man smiling at him. Why hadn’t Warin said those words? An ugly, heavy weight sank into the pit of his stomach.
Part of the reason why he was so tempted to stay was because he rather hoped he and Warin might be able to have a relationship together. Although that probably wasn’t the right reason to agree to stay here. But still, it was a factor. But maybe Warin didn’t think the same?
After their make-out session that night on the train, Warin hadn’t done more than chaste kisses and hold his hand.
He really didn’t know how to read the man.
Was he interested or not? Had he thought North was just sort of visiting the castle?
Now there was a chance of North staying and maybe he didn’t want North to think he’d been looking for more than just a little fun?
Or was this another part of Warin not wanting to overwhelm him? It was true, a lot had happened to North in the past three days. And his head was spinning a bit.
Or had he misread everything? Warin, Gunter, and just about everyone he’d met made it clear the dragons were desperate for mages.
Had Warin done all those nice thing—even the kissing—as a bid to woo North into coming to the castle?
And now that North was here, were they just going to be friends?
Ick…or worse, polite acquaintances as Warin went off to gather more mages?
In the short time they’d known each other, Warin had never said he liked North and wanted to date him, wanted to get to know him better. Yes, there had been sweet words on the train, but that was just silly pillow talk.
Warin had never said he wanted North to be his mate and sweep him away on their own happily ever after—not that North was expecting that. Dreamed about it, sure, but didn’t expect it.
Still, he’d like to know where he stood with Warin. Just hearing an explanation of what was in Warin’s mind and heart would ease his worries.
He finished breakfast with them, asking more questions about what all being a mage of this clan entailed.
He needed more information before he jumped either way.
Then he walked to his room, thinking hard.
If it wasn’t so cold out, he’d walk more of the grounds, get a better feel for the castle in general.
Well, maybe not. The place was easy to get lost in.
As he reached his rooms, he decided to call his grandpa and get a second opinion. It might help if he talked to someone who knew most of the players involved in this melodrama.
His grandpa answered on the second ring. “Hey, North. Your ma is up in arms about you coming home immediately. What’s going on?”
“No, it’s just her out of patience. Not that she has much to begin with. I agreed to go home when I talked to her last night.”
There was a ruminative pause. “Did you…”
“Well, at the time, I didn’t think I had any other option.
I love it here, I really do, but I was under the impression you couldn’t make a living as a mage.
Turns out I was wrong. Ravi and Warin straightened me out over breakfast, said their mages work full jobs doing magic and making potions and things.
They apparently have a whole line of products they make and sell. ”
“Which means, what? You want to join them?”
“Wouldn’t it be amazing? To work magic the rest of my life and live in a castle?”
“It sure as hell sounds fine to me. But what do you intend to tell your family? Are you sure you’re staying?”
North plopped into a chair in front of the fire and stared glumly at the banked embers. “I don’t know. I haven’t made a decision either way. What do you think I should do?”
“Live your life.”
He pulled the phone away from his ear, stared at it in surprise, then replaced it. “Really? Just say to hell with it, and abandon the family, my job, all of that?”
“Listen, North. It’s not abandoning your family.
Your ma and pa have drilled it into you boys’ heads that leaving the family and making your own way in life is abandoning them.
But you realize, don’t you, that’s what children are supposed to do?
They’re supposed to leave their parents.
They’re supposed to find jobs they like and work them.
They’re supposed to fall in love and form their own families. ”
That was…true. Why hadn’t North ever realized that? Had he been guilted into this warped sense of duty for so long that he’d stopped questioning it?
“Your parents are dead set on keeping their kids close because really, you’re their whole identity.
Being your parents. They don’t know what to do with themselves when they finally have an empty nest. And your ma, especially, is of the opinion that if she rides you hard enough, she can straighten you out, force you to marry a nice girl, and then you’ll stop being the way you are.
I’ve talked with her I don’t even know how many times, and she’s turned a deaf ear to anything she didn’t want to hear. ”
North winced and scrunched further into the chair. “Yeah, she’s already got a date lined up for me, I think. She made noises about a nice girl from church.”
“I do not want you to do something against your will just because your ma is forcing it down your throat. Can you imagine marrying some girl, having sex with her, and fathering children?”
“I can’t even get past the mental image of kissing a girl, honestly.” Especially after experiencing how Warin kissed. It didn’t even compare. “I’ve nothing against having kids, though. I’d like to have kids.”
“And if that’s what you want, I want them for you. What I’m trying to say is, your parents don’t know how to love you as you are. And you’re not abandoning them by choosing to live away from them. That’s what children are supposed to do. Grow up and leave the nest.”
Relief rushed through him. It felt like his grandpa had lifted a huge millstone hanging about his neck, and his next breath in felt freer. “So, every time Ma says that, treat it like a guilt trip?”
“That’s precisely what it is. North, I ask you. If you didn’t have to worry about family, or that job you hate doing, what would you choose?”