Chapter 13
Gunter didn’t know what to do. He felt too many things, all of them snarled in an angry mess in his chest, and it didn’t give him any clarity. Just frustration. He left the library, unable to process his emotions, but he didn’t have a destination.
Or he thought he didn’t until he ended up at Alric’s door.
He faced the closed door and slowly realized his unconscious mind had made a good decision, bringing him here. His king was wiser in terms of romance. And he had a very happy marriage with Cameron, a clear indication he would know how to advise Gunter.
Good feet. Smart feet for bringing him here.
Gunter lifted his hand and knocked.
“Enter!”
Gunter stepped inside the study, looking about until he spied his quarry. Alric sat at the desk, looking a little tired, but there was a smile on his face as he looked up.
“Well, hello. Wait, tell me I’m not missing a meeting with you.”
One of those days, eh? “No, I’m just here to…talk.”
Alric’s brow lifted in question. “I see. Come in, then. Want a scotch?”
God, yes. Gunter’s need for alcohol was strong. This conversation would go down much better wet. He beelined for the discreet bar lurking in one corner of Alric’s office, pouring a glass for himself before thinking to offer, “Do you want one?”
“Whiskey, straight.”
Obligingly, he poured Alric a glass as well. By the time he turned around, Alric had shifted to a different chair—the plush leather one he favored when he wasn’t at his desk. Gunter handed off the drink before taking his own seat nearby.
Alric sipped, eyeing him sideways. “What’s prompted this?”
“Nikki,” Gunter said with a sigh, staring into his amber liquid morosely.
“Ah.”
It was Gunter’s turn to eye someone sideways. “Why do you say it in that tone?”
“Nikki has not left your side since coming here,” Alric pointed out calmly after another sip of his drink. “There’s a great many conclusions I can draw from that.”
Gunter threw back the drink in one long pull and seriously debated pouring another.
“You don’t even know the half of it. It’s not just that they spend the day in the library with me.
They sleep with me, too. No, not like that, put your eyebrows back in place.
Nikki sneaks into my bed every night, sleeps there, and slips out again before daybreak. ”
Alric let out a low whistle. “Do they, now.”
“I don’t understand this,” Gunter burst out.
“From day one, Nikki’s reacted like this to me.
But I’ve not done anything for them. I thought, at first, that it was just because they were nervous.
They felt safer with me than around the mages.
I didn’t see the harm in letting them stay nearby until their fears eased.
But it can’t just be that. Not if Nikki’s slipping into my bed, right? ”
“I wouldn’t think so, no.”
Seeing that Alric was on the same page encouraged Gunter.
“And it’s not just that. Nikki does things that don’t make any sense to me.
They latch onto things I’ve used, silly things like pencils and gloves and sweaters, and refuse to give them back.
And they’re insistent on eating every meal with me. ”
“Gunter, you realize what this sounds like all laid out, right?” Alric gave him a look like a parent waiting for a child to understand the obvious.
“It sounds like they have a crush on me. And I might have believed that, except they met the ice dragon tracker today, and Dimitri charmed them without even trying.”
“Gunter, you’ll pardon me for saying so, but you look green with envy. And angry.”
“I nearly bit the man’s head off,” Gunter grumbled. Screw this, he needed another drink. He promptly got up to pour himself another scotch.
“Jealousy is unbecoming, but in your case, it’s also very obvious. I think you know very well you want Nikki.”
“It might not matter what I want. Nikki’s kissed me twice.
” Gunter blew out a breath, feeling better for having those words out.
“And it’s been a teasing gesture both times.
I don’t think they really want me, Alric.
I think I’m safe for them. I think I’m…Nikki’s never had a chance to be with anyone before me. They’re enjoying the attention.”
Alric made a noise of disagreement in the back of his throat. “I think you’re selling yourself short. Is that what this is? You don’t think Nikki really wants you?”
“I think they believe they do in this moment. But once they get their footing and grow into the incredible person I know they can be, their feelings about me might very well change.”
“You do a disservice to you both by even thinking that. Gunter, seriously. Is that all this is? Is that what your hesitation is based on?”
“About half.” Gunter set the decanter down with a clink.
It was easier to stare at the drink in his hand than Alric just then.
“I don’t know how to keep them. How to win them.
How to safeguard them if they even agree to be mine.
I don’t—Alric, I don’t know how to handle this.
What to do. How did you handle falling for Cameron? ”
“Not well,” Alric admitted ruefully. He paused, settling back into the chair with a sigh of leather and air.
“I was petrified half the time, sure I was going to screw it all up. With all my faults, I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly deserve him.
He was too bright, too…everything. And, fortunately, smarter than me and well able to figure out my issues and how to navigate around them.
In the end, I felt safe enough with him that I let myself fall, sure he would catch me. ”
Gunter turned, this time bringing the decanter with him, as he had a feeling he’d need it shortly. He setting it on the coffee table before taking a healthy swig from the glass.
So even Alric had been afraid. He’d known his king had been nervous about being physically intimate with Cameron because of his scars, and that there’d been some moments when Alric was truly at a loss.
But he and Cameron had come together so quickly, with such surety, that Gunter had glossed over those moments.
Now that he was in the same shoes, he found he had more sympathy for past-Alric and what the man had gone through.
“Having him kidnapped by the Jaeggi must have been terrifying,” he realized, the knowledge sweeping over him in an entirely different light now that he knew what it was like to care for someone so deeply.
“Bone-deep terror,” Alric confirmed darkly. The memory was there in the tightness of his eyes, and he drank deeply from the whiskey, draining the glass completely. “God, don’t remind me. I still have nightmares.”
Feeling bad, Gunter popped back up to refill Alric’s glass. Alric didn’t protest as he accepted the glass again and downed half of it promptly.
“Fortunately, Cameron’s savvy enough to have gotten himself free, even before we came to the rescue.” Gunter gave him a reassuring nod. “He’ll be fine, even if the Jaeggi do somehow manage to get their hands on him again.”
Alric stared at him drolly. “May I remind you Nikki also managed to break free of them. How would you respond if they were once again captured by our enemy?”
A spike of fear stabbed Gunter right in the heart. He winced, realizing Alric’s point. “Damn. No. I absolutely do not want Nikki in their hands ever again.”
“Precisely.”
Gunter drank more of his scotch, feeling the pleasant buzz filter through him, relaxing some of the tension riding him throughout the day.
The room was starting to do this lazy spin, too, which was interesting.
He’d be alarmed about it, but he was far too relaxed right now to worry about it overly much.
“Nikki’s too precious, Alric. They’re just too precious.
I don’t want anything to happen to them. How can I protect them?”
“Ah, Gunter, you really do feel strongly for Nikki, don’t you?” Alric smiled, face a little flushed. “That’s wonderful. I was afraid no one would go into your dungeon.”
“It’s not a dungeon, it’s a library. And you didn’t answer my question.
How do I make sure this never happens again?
I don’t want Nikki hurt.” The truth of that ricocheted through him, and he repeated it more forcefully.
“I don’t want Nikki hurt. Nikki’s already been hurt enough.
That’s why they keep coming to me, right?
Because as a dragon, I’ll protect them. Even at night, when they’re afraid, they come to me, and I should stop that.
I know I should, but I can’t say anything to them. It’s just a mess.”
Alric quoted with perfect intonation, “‘No strength I find in my own feebleness, to change or life or love or use or fate.’”
Gunter squinted at him. “Who’s that? Poe?”
“Simoni,” Alric corrected. “I found some good poems by Michelangelo Simoni recently.”
“You’ll have to lend me the book.” Gunter loved a good collection of poetry. Especially poetry that made him think and feel his own emotions more keenly. That was the best type.
“I will. But answer the question. What do you think of Nikki? How do your feelings for them compare to any other person you’ve tried dating?”
Gunter pondered. Pondered and drank, and the perfect refrain from a poem came to mind. “‘Oh! I had long in freedom roved, / Though many seemed my soul to snare; / ’Twas passion when I thought I loved, / ’Twas fancy when I thought them fair.’”
“Thomas Moore,” Alric said approvingly. “So, no one compares to Nikki?”
“Even suggesting that anyone compares to Nikki is an insult to Nikki.”
“Then court them! Gunter, truly, you’re moping in my office to no good result.”
“But I don’t know how,” Gunter complained. “What if we’re both wrong? What if Nikki sees me not as a love interest but as a safe harbor? What if we’re mistaking the strength and calmness we see in the day as a sign of growth, when really, it’s only a front?”
Alric poured him another scotch, tsking as he did so. “You have to at least try.”
“But I’ve never courted anyone before. I’ll screw this up.”
“You can’t screw it up. Nikki already likes you.”